Where is the happy medium?

engrish? · 21-10-2008 2:43pm #1

Right so. Women are from Venus or whatever, we all know that our brains work differently. I'm curious to get the other side of the story...

In the start, flirty stages of a relationship, I go off a girl if she seems to easy. By that I mean too willing to participate, too easy to charm. The amount of contact is important in this. I remember starting to see a girl last year, I would send a text and get a reply within a minute or so, I would leave it a while, maybe 20 / 30 mins to respond. Before I could, I would get another text! Immediately, I knew it wasnt going to work. We saw eachother for a while then I ended it.

I like the chase, definitely, but on other occasions when it has been too much I have just left it. You do need some sort of sign that the person is interested....

My question is, where is the happy medium between too little and too much? Do you get pissed off by one or both?

roberta c · 21-10-2008 2:50pm

There is no formula for dealing with people and relationships in general, so stop looking! Everyone is different. People find different things attractve. If you dont find something attractive thats find, dont follow it up.. someone else probably will and you can move on to your next experience in love.

Great stuff glad we got that cleared up!

engrish? · 21-10-2008 2:56pm

roberta c wrote: »

There is no formula for dealing with people and relationships in general, so stop looking! Everyone is different. People find different things attractve. If you dont find something attractive thats find, dont follow it up.. someone else probably will and you can move on to your next experience in love.

Great stuff glad we got that cleared up!

Yeah I realise that!

I was asking about your own personal experience or taste!

shellyboo · 21-10-2008 3:00pm

My own personal taste... if I thought a guy was deliberately waiting 30 mins to text me back for no reason other than sheer game-playing, I'd write him off as pathetic and not worth my time. Why bother texting someone if you're going to look down on them for texting you back??

BKtje · 21-10-2008 4:01pm

I text back as soon as i can whether i want something more to happen or not. Either to say yes or to make my excuses/tell them i ain't interested.

I really hate the game. The thing is though if the other person expects you to "play it" then you can come accross all needy/desperate but to them i say, meh. I guess that's what you mean by happy medium but it kinda sounds like another game

RedXIV · 21-10-2008 4:05pm

engrish? wrote: »

Right so. Women are from Venus or whatever, we all know that our brains work differently. I'm curious to get the other side of the story...

In the start, flirty stages of a relationship, I go off a girl if she seems to easy. By that I mean too willing to participate, too easy to charm. The amount of contact is important in this. I remember starting to see a girl last year, I would send a text and get a reply within a minute or so, I would leave it a while, maybe 20 / 30 mins to respond. Before I could, I would get another text! Immediately, I knew it wasnt going to work. We saw eachother for a while then I ended it.

I like the chase, definitely, but on other occasions when it has been too much I have just left it. You do need some sort of sign that the person is interested....

My question is, where is the happy medium between too little and too much? Do you get pissed off by one or both?

I'd guess you weren't into the girl so to begin with. If a girl is into you, i don't understand why you wouldn't follow that up? I'm with B-K-DzR, I'd reply as soon as i got the text if i could, i generally do.

On a side note, i bet you'll lose these ideals as time goes on, everyone seems to

diamondp · 21-10-2008 4:10pm

This makes me laugh, everyone hates "The Game" but everyone is playing it. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH.:eek: I hate the F**king Game. Please just everyone stop doing it and than both men and women will know where they stand with a new partner.

BKtje · 21-10-2008 4:14pm

If only it was that simple

justsomebloke · 21-10-2008 4:37pm

engrish? wrote: »

In the start, flirty stages of a relationship, I go off a girl if she seems to easy. By that I mean too willing to participate, too easy to charm. The amount of contact is important in this. I remember starting to see a girl last year, I would send a text and get a reply within a minute or so, I would leave it a while, maybe 20 / 30 mins to respond. Before I could, I would get another text! Immediately, I knew it wasnt going to work. We saw eachother for a while then I ended it.

To be truthful most girls I know respond to txt messages immediately, be it from friends, family or partners, as they are more into txting then men so there was probably a bigger chance that your ego was reading more into then was actually there

engrish? · 21-10-2008 4:42pm

RedXIV wrote: »

I'd guess you weren't into the girl so to begin with. If a girl is into you, i don't understand why you wouldn't follow that up? I'm with B-K-DzR, I'd reply as soon as i got the text if i could, i generally do.

On a side note, i bet you'll lose these ideals as time goes on, everyone seems to

To be honest I hate it too, but if someone seems too overeager it reduces the appeal. With that in mind, I would delay my response to keep the other interested.

What I'm trying to establish is whether I am alone in this train of thought or do people think the same as i do?

RedXIV · 21-10-2008 4:56pm

engrish? wrote: »

To be honest I hate it too, but if someone seems too overeager it reduces the appeal. With that in mind, I would delay my response to keep the other interested.

What I'm trying to establish is whether I am alone in this train of thought or do people think the same as i do?

Alright, well let me give you an example, if i had tried your train of thought on my girlfriend, she wouldn't have wasted her time with me. As far as she's concerned, if you're playing games, you're not worth her effort. Because i fell for her and pursued her, no games, honest intentions, she is now stuck with me

I know games are a common element to alot of relationships, but they all seem to be something people grow out of. I know some girls claim they don't want a guy too eager as well, they prefer someone who plays it cool, problem with that is that at some stage people are going to get confused. your going to end up unsure of each other intentions and nothing will bloom from your efforts.

Play it straight, if they are interested, that doesn't mean its going to be boring. I can give you 100% testiment to this.

i71jskz5xu42pb · 21-10-2008 5:09pm

The woman who reads tarot cards in George's Street Arcade is always in good form, big simile on her face, always laughing. No setback get the woman down, always able to see the glass half full.

She's the happiest medium I know.

The_Minister · 21-10-2008 5:13pm

Sometimes I have my phone beside me.

Sometimes I put it down, come back later, and say "O my, a message in text form, I wonder what it says?"

I didn't realise that I was playing games.

shellyboo · 21-10-2008 5:19pm

The_Minister wrote: »

Sometimes I have my phone beside me.

Sometimes I put it down, come back later, and say "O my, a message in text form, I wonder what it says?"

I didn't realise that I was playing games.

It's not. However, "I would leave it a while, maybe 20 / 30 mins to respond" is definitely playing games.

LadyE · 21-10-2008 5:22pm

Id think the happy medium would be, if you can reply to the text message...none of this +6 hours nonsense...then do. If you notice that she hasnt wrote back to you for about 20 mins (not ness playing games, she could be busy!) dont forward on the same message 18 thousand times in case she didnt get it....that would be stalky/too keen behaviour and would put me off!

Games playing doesnt deserve my time....why do people do it!?? Grrrr!

Brian · 21-10-2008 5:26pm

A relationship is not a Maths problem. If you're counting who texts who first in the morning, how long it takes to reply, etc, you have failed. It takes a while to figure this out, of course.

And yes, curse all people who are punctual with their message replies!

Papillon87 · 21-10-2008 5:31pm

jsb wrote: »

To be truthful most girls I know respond to txt messages immediately, be it from friends, family or partners

True of me anyway. When I see a text, I'll answer it, unless I'm rushing between classes or am busy at work, in which case I'll respond as soon as I'm free to do so.

If guys view this as "desperate" and "needy" and "too keen".......it would explain a lot when it comes to men and myself! Jesus, it's a sad state of affairs if people are writing off romances etc. on the basis of someone being polite.

coco85 · 21-10-2008 5:40pm

A girl i knew in college really liked this guy in our class.. every time he'd txt her she'd spend hours coming up with a responce.. i think he got bored and lost interest.. so maybe its not always guys who 'take time' between messages!!... so stupid these games!!!

metamorphic · 21-10-2008 5:47pm

I'm in my late 20s and while I do enjoy the handiness of texts I think "back in the day" when you had to ring someone up after meeting them was a much better indication of interest IMO. Sure I'd text any aul yoke just to pass the time without any real intentions of a serious relationship, just the "you never know" factor. Sorry if that's a bit too brutal but I'm sure ladies do it too.

I find if you do it too much you may have good rapport via text but then when you talk to the person it falls flat on it's face. I find this true sometimes of chatting online also. So basically, I like to talk to people instead of texts based forms of communication. I have yet to try mime. :-p

Papillon87 · 21-10-2008 5:50pm

metamorphic wrote: »

I'm in my late 20s and while I do enjoy the handiness of texts I think "back in the day" when you had to ring someone up after meeting them was a much better indication of interest IMO. Sure I'd text any aul yoke just to pass the time without any real intentions of a serious relationship, just the "you never know" factor. Sorry if that's a bit too brutal but I'm sure ladies do it too.

I find if you do it too much you may have good rapport via text but then when you talk to the person it falls flat on it's face. I find this true sometimes of chatting online also. So basically, I like to talk to people instead of texts based forms of communication. I have yet to try mime. :-p

I think that's also a valid point. I wish I was of a different generation!

metamorphic · 21-10-2008 5:56pm

stop lying

edit: or else build the machine so we can swap

actually might make it my one and only rule, don't text, call. lets start a campaign!

Papillon87 · 21-10-2008 6:04pm

metamorphic wrote: »

stop lying

edit: or else build the machine so we can swap

actually might make it my one and only rule, don't text, call. lets start a campaign!

In a way I really do, there'd be none of this faffing about and over-anlaysing or worse still, the "dumping by text" phenomenon, that exists in the 00s.

That said, I'd miss the modern conveniences :pac:

When it comes to boys I've "dated" albeit for however short a period, there always seems to be calls initially, lots of texting and interest...then the interest tapers off or whatever

Tis most confusing

I think it's became so ingrained as the "norm" in dating behaviour nowadays (i.e. texting as the primary communicative method) that if I or anyone just dialled up someone I'd just met, I'd be greeted with a very surprised voice at the other end of the phone! Pity

Scarinae · 21-10-2008 7:06pm

Papillon87 wrote: »

I think it's became so ingrained as the "norm" in dating behaviour nowadays (i.e. texting as the primary communicative method) that if I or anyone just dialled up someone I'd just met, I'd be greeted with a very surprised voice at the other end of the phone! Pity

This is true, I would be very surprised to get a phone call. Especially from a guy, they're bad enough at texting as it is. Not that it would put me off.
I've no problem with people texting back straight away or whatever, and I will text whenever I feel like it, I don't guy by time rules. However, I think it is important that you are on the same wavelength as to what you expect. I remember one of my friends pretty much scared a guy off like that one time - she'd only recently broken up with her previous boyfriend and I think she came across as too eager cos she wanted a full on relationship, she couldn't just go with the flow and see what happened. I think the new guy could sense the desperation and backed off. That sounds really harsh, but I think this is what a lot of these sorts of problems stem from

Where is the happy medium?

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