Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

smash · 15-01-2015 11:30am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I see IT as being like a utility. Water, electricity, IT. It should work almost all of the time, and if something goes wrong then I expect someone to arrive promptly and fix it. I don't need to know why it stopped working; I just want it back asap. And I expect the person who does fix the issue to be professional about their work. That includes being prompt, well dressed and with a pleasant phone manner.

Because the ESB will send you out a man in a suit to fix your switch, immediately!!!

bahahaha

corner of hells · 15-01-2015 11:33am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I have excellent basic IT skills. I'm not on the telephone to It asking them how to book a meeting room, or how to write a macro in Excel. But I don't really want to or need to know what version of Oracle our systems are running on. Or how they get backed up.

I see IT as being like a utility. Water, electricity, IT. It should work almost all of the time, and if something goes wrong then I expect someone to arrive promptly and fix it. I don't need to know why it stopped working; I just want it back asap. And I expect the person who does fix the issue to be professional about their work. That includes being prompt, well dressed and with a pleasant phone manner.

Can I have fries and strawberry milkshake please ?

Aongus Von Bismarck · 15-01-2015 11:35am

smash wrote: »

Because the ESB will send you out a man in a suit to fix your switch, immediately!!! bahahaha

They won't send a man in a suit. They won't send a man with an ugly beard, Metallica t-shirt, converse runners and faded combats either though.

Ush1 · 15-01-2015 11:35am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I have excellent basic IT skills. I'm not on the telephone to It asking them how to book a meeting room, or how to write a macro in Excel. But I don't really want to or need to know what version of Oracle our systems are running on. Or how they get backed up.

I see IT as being like a utility. Water, electricity, IT. It should work almost all of the time, and if something goes wrong then I expect someone to arrive promptly and fix it. I don't need to know why it stopped working; I just want it back asap. And I expect the person who does fix the issue to be professional about their work. That includes being prompt, well dressed and with a pleasant phone manner.

If you own a business, all facets of the business are a utility. Sales, marketing, IT, etc....The IT people are just smarter than you is all, makes some people insecure. Don't worry about it.

Vision of Disorder · 15-01-2015 11:36am

Half a lifetime ago a young VoD was merrily working away in his first job (a Eurospar as it happens). A female customer approaches. Back then I would have said she was old but she was probably about the age I am now which is not old. Not very anyway.

Customer (brusque): Do you have any bisexual nappies?

Young VoD: Excuse me?

Customer (impatient, convinced she's dealing with an idiot rather than a confused teen): Nappies for boys and girls.

Young VoD: Give me a minute.

Our intrepid hero disappears down another aisle, laughs heartily for probably 30 seconds before returning,

Young VoD: Here are our UNISEX nappies, I hope these will do the job.

Mark Tapley · 15-01-2015 11:43am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They won't send a man in a suit. They won't send a man with an ugly beard, Metallica t-shirt, converse runners and faded combats either though.

I would think whoever they send would gladly help you to connect your gonads to a power source.

anncoates · 15-01-2015 11:45am

So, what's the collective noun for a group of outraged IT workers? :pac:

smash · 15-01-2015 11:46am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They won't send a man in a suit. They won't send a man with an ugly beard, Metallica t-shirt, converse runners and faded combats either though.

Here's some life advice: someone's casual appearance doesn't dictate their intelligence or ability to do their job. It's quite the opposite. You can wear a power suit all you want, but it doesn't mean you're above anyone. I've worked with sales people that wear suits every day and I dress casual. I get paid a lot more than them, and I deal with people higher up in business than they do. I rarely meet MD's or CEOs these days that don't dress casual. Go to silicone valley and you'll get laughed at and not taken seriously if you pitch to someone while wearing a full suit.

Aongus Von Bismarck · 15-01-2015 11:47am

Ush1 wrote: »

If you own a business, all facets of the business are a utility. Sales, marketing, IT, etc....The IT people are just smarter than you is all, makes some people insecure. Don't worry about it.

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro. Typing things into Google so you can see how someone else fixed a problem doesn't require an extraordinary IQ.

smash · 15-01-2015 11:52am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro. Typing things into Google so you can see how someone else fixed a problem doesn't require an extraordinary IQ.

You're confusing IT as a sector, with basic tech support as a job.

Drexel · 15-01-2015 11:52am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They won't send a man in a suit. They won't send a man with an ugly beard, Metallica t-shirt, converse runners and faded combats either though.

You've been watching the IT crowd too much

It BeeMee · 15-01-2015 11:52am

anncoates wrote: »

So, what's the collective noun for a group of outraged IT workers? :pac:

With all the steam coming out of their ears, it would have to be "A Cloud"

4zn76tysfajdxp · 15-01-2015 11:53am

anncoates wrote: »

So, what's the collective noun for a group of outraged IT workers? :pac:

A gaggle of geeks?

mariaalice · 15-01-2015 11:55am

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro. Typing things into Google so you can see how someone else fixed a problem doesn't require an extraordinary IQ.

It will take a long time for someone form India to come to your office to fix your connection for you

BBDBB · 15-01-2015 11:56am

Ive tried switching this thread off and then back on again but its still steering away from the original point

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 11:59am

anncoates wrote: »

So, what's the collective noun for a group of outraged IT workers? :pac:

A Crash.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 12:00pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro...

I knew it. You're one of the Haircut-and-Starched-Collar chungfellits flogging ridiculous insurance gizmos to unsuspecting customers at AIB! G'wan AvB bah!! :pac::pac::pac:

Ush1 · 15-01-2015 12:08pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro. Typing things into Google so you can see how someone else fixed a problem doesn't require an extraordinary IQ.

Neither does phoning someone up or meeting with them, basically cold calling, and trying to whore some stuff or service.

All jobs sound very simple when you explain them like that. Does you realise what an umbrella term IT is? Do you think you could look up a programming language and learn that very quickly through Google?

Bottom level sales, HR and marketing from what I see are usually on less than starting IT roles.

UCDVet · 15-01-2015 12:11pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

They can't be that smart. They make about a fifth of the salary that those in front office roles do. And don't get a bonus. And are well aware that their jobs are being outsourced to a company in India called Wipro. Typing things into Google so you can see how someone else fixed a problem doesn't require an extraordinary IQ.

You're comparing apples to oranges.

As a group 'IT' workers out-earn just about every group that isn't in the medical profession. If you take all 'business workers' or all 'sales workers' or all 'finance workers', IT comes out on top.

What you're doing though, is comparing upper-level management (who by definition is a small subset of all workers) to the entire pool of IT workers - which would include entry level.

Beyond that, your numbers don't add up. If you look at median salaries for *CEOS* and compare it to median salary of IT workers - it's not 5x apart - and CEOs are higher paid that 'front office roles'.

Aongus Von Bismarck · 15-01-2015 12:17pm

Ush1 wrote: »

Neither does phoning someone up or meeting with them, basically cold calling, and trying to whore some stuff or service.

All jobs sound very simple when you explain them like that. Does you realise what an umbrella term IT is? Do you think you could look up a programming language and learn that very quickly through Google?

Bottom level sales, HR and marketing from what I see are usually on less than starting IT roles.

I learned vba to be able to automate things in Excel. That was logical and straightforward. I'm about to take a course in the R programming language so as to be able to query and analyse large quantities of financial data.

It really isn't that difficult. It certainly isn't as complicated or analytical as the work I do. And the salary structures reflect that. Some IT workers have a really heightened sense of self-importance about themselves and what they do.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 12:18pm

UCDVet wrote: »

...Beyond that, your numbers don't add up...

Making sure the numbers "add up" is yet another example of the sort of inconsequential under-the-bonnet implementation detail that people in High-End Wealth Management don't need to waste their bowel-evacuatingly expensive time with, there are legions of low-grade drones in the sub-basement with various accounting qualifications and suits with shiny-arsed trousers who look after that sort of thing.

That, or whoever wrote the AvB daemon didn't understand the machine's floating-point format. I should call up maybe and explain, if I can bust the lock on this here basement... :pac:

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 12:22pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I learned vba to be able to automate things in Excel. That was logical and straightforward. I'm about to take a course in the R programming language so as to be able to query and analyse large quantities of financial data...

You'll find that both of those are high-end tools for power-user types that are, in turn, written in actual programming languages.

Electric Sheep · 15-01-2015 12:23pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I learned vba to be able to automate things in Excel. That was logical and straightforward. I'm about to take a course on a programming language so as to be able to query and analyse large quantities of financial data.

It really isn't that difficult. It certainly isn't as complicated or analytical as the work I do. And the salary structures reflect that. Some IT workers have a really heightened sense of self-importance about themselves and what they do.

Wow, you will be able to write queries! Microsoft here you come!:pac:

Ush1 · 15-01-2015 12:26pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

I learned vba to be able to automate things in Excel. That was logical and straightforward. I'm about to take a course in the R programming language so as to be able to query and analyse large quantities of financial data.

It really isn't that difficult. It certainly isn't as complicated or analytical as the work I do. And the salary structures reflect that. Some IT workers have a really heightened sense of self-importance about themselves and what they do.

VBA, lol

Anyways, Bill Gates is an IT guy, let that sink in.

UCDVet · 15-01-2015 12:27pm

OSI wrote: »

Worked in a well known large music, video and games shop on Grafton St on a christmas contract when I was in college. A couple of days after christmas a couple came in and dumped a PS3 box that had been torn in several places on the counter and said they wanted to exchange it for an Xbox 360.

Me: "OK, but unfortunately we can only exchange unused items in unopened packaging"

Them: "Wasn't opened"

Take box off counter and open it up.

Me: "Are you sure, the box has been ripped and most of the packaging inside is missing."

Them: "Well it's broken anyway"

Me: "Well if it's broken we can test and swap it for another PS3."

Them: "No, we want the XBox instead"

Me: "If the item is broken we can test it and give you another one. But we can't exchange an opened and used item for something else"

Them: "It wasn't opened!"

Me: "How do you know it's broken then?"

Cue them storming off. They'd obviously bought their darling ****head the wrong console who proceeded to demolish the box and try the PS3 anyway before demanding an XBox instead.

In that situation, I'd just say it's broken. Get a new PS3, take it home. The next day, take the new, unopened PS3 back and say I want an XBox and that it hasn't been opened.

I still get the Xbox

Problem solved.

Aongus Von Bismarck · 15-01-2015 12:27pm

jimgoose wrote: »

You'll find that both of those are high-end tools for power-user types that are, in turn, written in actual programming languages.

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 12:28pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

We are. I built the R-environment in the Comp. Sci. lab in UCC in 2002.

bucketybuck · 15-01-2015 12:29pm

This thread was a lot more interesting when it was about stupid requests at work rather than a parade of people responding to an obvious wind up.

UCDVet · 15-01-2015 12:31pm

bucketybuck wrote: »

This thread was a lot more interesting when it was about stupid requests at work rather than a parade of people responding to an obvious wind up.

I disagree.

If you take away the obvious wind-ups, meaningless arguments, and reposts....do you know what you'd have on Boards.ie?

Nothing but the occasional response to current events.

Wind ups are the life blood of this site.

The Backwards Man · 15-01-2015 12:32pm

I'm enjoying this.

jay1988 · 15-01-2015 12:33pm

Worked installing sky a few years ago and had one woman ask me " is there any way you could get the TV working without putting up that awful looking dish" She wasn't happy with the answer that you need a satellite for satellite TV.

UCDVet · 15-01-2015 12:34pm

OSI wrote: »

No, because when you return a broken item it's noted on the old receipt and a new one issued showing it was exchanged.

You mean that little piece of paper that I can (and do) trivially reprint at home? I also print myself fake eye prescriptions - none of that 'annual visit to the eye doctor' crap for me.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=receipt%20printer&sprefix=receipt+printer%2Caps

Joking aside - I obtained a receipt printer years ago and it was worth every last penny. Most places all have the same width receipt (and if they don't it's the 'other' size - 80cm and 54cm) and all it takes is a scanner to make a near perfect replica. As long as you can match the dpi used in the shop.

Dark Phoenix · 15-01-2015 12:48pm

Once had a very high up person in the company send his assistant to me to ask for 'a copy of that software in PDF form'. I politely explained that as it was software and an actual program I couldn't make it exist in another form. I asked were they looking for a PDF about the software but no apparently the software itself. Had to repeat this about three times as they didnt understand!

Also recently had someone go on a rant as one of their users was set up incorrectly. Had to explain that if they spell their employees name wrong on a user request form, funnily enough thats the name I use to set them up!

have also had someone in the UK tell me a phone number was wrong and they couldn't dial in. Explained (again) that its an irish number and therefore has the irish country prefix only to be asked why I used an Irish number instead of a UK one. Given that I was located in Ireland I wasn't sure how this was going to work!

I have a lovely colleague who has the irritating habit of asking questions that she could easily find the answer to if she looked up online. Last week this included 'what time is that flight at' - every time she asks this I tell her to look it up on the airline website as the times change frequently. She does, and then asks me what time she should leave at to get to the airport. Now given that we are in different counties I am not sure how I am supposed to know this! Then she asks me, every time, what time will she get to the foreign office at if she gets X flight. The office is 15 mins from the airport but she cant grasp that if you add 15 - 20 mins time to the flights arrival time you can work this out.

finally we have a work colleague who is famous for calling up a customer, in the middle of the office where everyone could hear her, and telling him very loudly that she needed to do ' a telephone survey on his cervix before scheduling the onsite'. Bless her she meant server. I nearly wet myself laughing.

smash · 15-01-2015 12:49pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

Obnoxious mid level management stereotype complete.

Your Superior · 15-01-2015 12:53pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

A 5 Series BMW, the company's way of saying you're a bit better than a Passat level employee (i.e. low level mediocrity) but only by a tiny amount. Well done...

JillyQ · 15-01-2015 12:53pm

Worked in an alarm monItoring centre, had a customer ring us wanting to know why his alarm didn't set with all if his doors open. You have to close them, no he was told he could go out and leave them open. We told him he had an entry/exit door like ever other system. Told me he wanted to set his alarm & leave hIs doors open. No talking to some people.

Electric Sheep · 15-01-2015 12:54pm

Dark Phoenix wrote: »

I have a lovely colleague who has the irritating habit of asking questions that she could easily find the answer to if she looked up online.

Taught my staff at my old job to reply to such queries with "Shall I Google that for you?" Shamed them out of stupid questions after a while...

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 12:55pm

Electric Sheep wrote: »

Taught my staff at my old job to reply to such queries with "Shall I Google that for you?" Shamed them out of stupid questions after a while...

"No no, no time!!" "What do you mean?" "Google is broken! I need to inform the President immediately, if not sooner!!"

UCDVet · 15-01-2015 12:57pm

OSI wrote: »

Yes yes. You walk into the store with your plain white scanned and reprinted receipt and expect them not to notice the complete lack of the store branding in full colour that's printed on the reverse side. Or that when they scan the transaction barcode on the receipt to bring it up on the till it doesn't match what's printed on the receipt. Brilliant!

The barcode would match perfectly. As would any logo. I can't say as though I've ever seen a receipt with colour branding on the reverse side. Can you give an example.

I'm not saying scan it and print it on a regular sheet of paper. I'm saying print an identical b&w receipt from an actual receipt printer, like the stores use. I'm lookign through old receipts I have here and I can't see any with colour.

Edit - I take that back An Post has colour ads on the back, none of the rest that I have laying around have any colour. I could reproduce them perfectly, with the valid barcode.

Aongus Von Bismarck · 15-01-2015 1:00pm

Your Superior wrote: »

A 5 Series BMW, the company's way of saying you're a bit better than a Passat level employee (i.e. low level mediocrity) but only by a tiny amount. Well done...

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

I bought the car myself. It's a lovely drive and worth every penny. Premium German engineering. And when I do get it serviced, it will be in a garage where professionalism, courtesy and knowledge are always shown.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 1:03pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion?...

If I had any grandmothers left I'd consider sending one of them to a glue factory for a nice, fresh 1986 1.6l CVH.

smash · 15-01-2015 1:07pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

usually a company will provide a car allowance or give the staff member a budget for a lease plan. The 520D (or even any 5 series) these days, are the Mondeo of the 21st century. Keep up with the Jones' and get your misses a golf!

Anyway, back to the work stuff. A friend who was an architect went on site one day and asked a junior carpenter to go to the hardware store and get a new bubble for the spirit level.

Your Superior · 15-01-2015 1:11pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

I bought the car myself. It's a lovely drive and worth every penny. Premium German engineering. And when I do get it serviced, it will be in a garage where professionalism, courtesy and knowledge are always shown.

It's my own company so I have whatever car I choose. I chose a Tesla. The directors in my company drive Jaguar XJs or a 7 series BMW/Audi A7 as a rule, management have a budget of £35k and can choose what they want, other staff get £28k to use.

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 1:13pm

Your Superior wrote: »

It's my own company so I have whatever car I choose. I chose a Tesla. The directors in my company drive Jaguar XJs or a 7 series BMW/Audi A7 as a rule, management have a budget of £35k and can choose what they want, other staff get £28k to use.

<Runs out into the car-park doing Helicopter Mickey and roaring "I'm the Bawss Maun, I awwwmm!!"> :pac::pac::pac:

Your Superior · 15-01-2015 1:14pm

On topic, about ten years ago I had an external partner ask me how on earth we managed to keep our online store open 24 hours, and didn't it cost us a fortune to have people sat at the desks all night.

anncoates · 15-01-2015 1:19pm

We all get company space shuttles in my job.

wilhelm roentgen · 15-01-2015 1:23pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

And well done to whoever wrote them. I'm sure they are very good at what they do. Same as the engineers who designed my new BMW 5 Series. But I don't need to know the intricate details of how they work.

As Aongus drove along in his new BMW 5 Series, loads of other motorists have signalled to him that they plan on having a wánk later.

Xios · 15-01-2015 1:24pm

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

What car does your company provide you, Your Superior? A 1986 Ford Orion? If a BMW 5 Series and a Passat are for low-level drones, then what car would they buy for those higher up the corporate ladder?

I bought the car myself. It's a lovely drive and worth every penny. Premium German engineering. And when I do get it serviced, it will be in a garage where professionalism, courtesy and knowledge are always shown.

Ah lol, the chest puffing on this here, bullied individual, is rather amusing.

somesoldiers · 15-01-2015 1:26pm

I have noticed the word "ping" creeping into work conversations in my office. "I'll ping him an email", "I will ping that over to you". I must confess I cringe and feel a little bit of vomit build up every time someone uses it.

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

jimgoose · 15-01-2015 1:28pm

somesoldiers wrote: »

I have noticed the word "ping" creeping into work conversations in my office. "I'll ping him an email", "I will ping that over to you". I must confess I cringe and feel a little bit of vomit build up every time someone uses it.

Can any IT types confirm whether "ping" should now replace send, ring, call, forward, etc and other verbs used in offices settings?

Absolutely not. "Ping" refers to an ICMP Echo-Request, and is used to verify that whatever/whoever is supposed to be at the other end is indeed at the other end and able to respond. It has its uses between people, but none of the above are them. Unless the purpose is to make sure the other person is present and alive.

Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

Comments