Most stupid requests you've ever had at work?

bear1

Anyone have to suffer the most idiotic questions at work almost everyday?

Yesterday I was asked by our financial controller how to refresh a page....
Today I was asked why I didn't use certain payment terms in a document.
I politely said that if I am not given those details how am I to know and that the system inserts the default date.
This goes back and forth until I'm asked how did I not know what dates she wants?
ARE YOU FCUKING MENTAL!?!?!?!

The Moldy Gowl

Skinny hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows l.


Decaf coffee in general

The_Valeyard

The Boss "work harder"

Piff, who does he think he is,
Next he Will be telling me to to get off boards or something.

peckerhead

"How long should this 1,000-word document be?"

porsche959

bear1 wrote: »

Anyone have to suffer the most idiotic questions at work almost everyday?

Yesterday I was asked by our financial controller how to refresh a page....
Today I was asked why I didn't use certain payment terms in a document.
I politely said that if I am not given those details how am I to know and that the system inserts the default date.
This goes back and forth until I'm asked how did I not know what dates she wants?
ARE YOU FCUKING MENTAL!?!?!?!

I hear you been having some problems with your TPS reports.

Saralee4

Asked not to talk to people on the instant communicator via the instant communicator!

Told not to wear casual clothing by manager who was wearing jeans which were considered casual clothing by the company.

Also 'lets have a meeting' about nothing. Millions of meetings that don't really resolve anything or are about anything that take so much time away from doing any actual work. Or arranging a meeting room for a meeting that takes 5 minutes and something they could have just said to you at the desk.

Zombienosh

porsche959 wrote: »

I hear you been having some problems with your TPS reports.

yeahhhhhhhh, im gonna need you to go ahead and come in on Saturday.

kjl

porsche959 wrote: »

I hear you been having some problems with your TPS reports.

yeah if you could just go ahead and make sure you put a cover on those TPS reports.

Photo-Sniper

A woman asked for her chicken breast to be cooked with no fats, no oil no nothing. She wouldn't allow it go in the oven either. Had to sous vide it without any color. Rotten

The_Valeyard

porsche959 wrote: »

I hear you been having some problems with your TPS reports.

LOVE that film.

The Backwards Man

As an employer, I get requests for fancy notions such as 'minimum wage' and 'holiday pay' all the time.

Riamfada

How to make the internet browser go back to google. (after the default page was changed).

The_Valeyard

The Backwards Man wrote: »

As an employer, I get requests for fancy notions such as 'minimum wage' and 'holiday pay' all the time.

Use the whip.

Timberrrrrrrr

Please sir, Can i have some more

I worked 6 years in business sales and was told to take a training session from a guy who worked in a bar his whole life. One of his tips. "your not to talk to the person next to you" The perks of being the bosses friend!

The Backwards Man

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Use the whip.

Can't anymore, have to a course now to use it properly, stupid rules and regulations

porsche959

Deleted User wrote: »

I worked 6 years in business sales and was told to take a training session from a guy who worked in a bar his whole life. One of his tips. "your not to talk to the person next to you" The perks of being the bosses friend!

Always Be Closing!

Frynge

Once had a receptionist come into the office and tell me he had two messages.

First message "a Kathleen Connors rang and said if anybody tries to book a function on the 6th of June, not to take it as they are trouble."

Second message " call these people back about booking in a funeral on the 6th of June"


I will never forget the day this happened as it was exactly two months beforehand. The member of staff just couldn't make any connection between the two messages or see any issue with booking a funeral two months in advance.

IrishAlice

I had a previous boss call me at my desk to come into her office and take a folder out of the press beside her.

Aongus Von Bismarck

One instantly springs to mind. One of our interns asked me for a meeting last May. Young lad from Ireland with a cheap suit and a sheet of paper from UCD that made him think he was the next Warren Buffet. Had the temerity to tell me our team should consider investing in the Russian rouble because 'of the crisis over there'.
3 or 4 minutes of sharp questioning from AvB ensued asking him to elucidate on his theory.

He's an intern no longer. Back in Dublin working in one of the clearing houses.

porsche959

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

He's an intern no longer. Back in Dublin working in one of the clearing houses.

Equities in Dallas?

jimgoose

Aongus Von Bismarck wrote: »

One instantly springs to mind. One of our interns asked me for a meeting last May. Young lad from Ireland with a cheap suit and a sheet of paper from UCD that made him think he was the next Warren Buffet. Had the temerity to tell me our team should consider investing in the Russian rouble because 'of the crisis over there'.
3 or 4 minutes of sharp questioning from AvB ensued asking him to elucidate on his theory.

He's an intern no longer. Back in Dublin working in one of the clearing houses.

So you fired his pimply ass and poured money into the Rouble, making it look like your idea? Excellent hurling, you'd have made a hell of a full-back!

NotCominBack

bear1 wrote: »

Anyone have to suffer the most idiotic questions at work almost everyday?

Yesterday I was asked by our financial controller how to refresh a page....
Today I was asked why I didn't use certain payment terms in a document.
I politely said that if I am not given those details how am I to know and that the system inserts the default date.
This goes back and forth until I'm asked how did I not know what dates she wants?
ARE YOU FCUKING MENTAL!?!?!?!

You do know that you can default the payment terms?

jimgoose

On two occasions I have been asked, "Pray, Mr. Goose, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?"

I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.

xalot

IrishAlice wrote: »

I had a previous boss call me at my desk to come into her office and take a folder out of the press beside her.

I had an old boss do this all the time, total power trip.

When I was a teenager I worked in a small household shop and constantly had people asking me if certain items would go in their bathroom / hallway / sitting room. I DONT KNOW, I'VE NEVER BEEN TO YOUR HOUSE YOU IDIOT. Actual response was along the lines of 'I'd say so, it goes with everything'.

jmayo

porsche959 wrote: »

I hear you been having some problems with your TPS reports.

Did you take .... ehhh .... my stapler ?

montyrebel

I work in a pound shop, the amount of times in a week you get asked "how much is this" makes you want to punch a fluffy animal in the face

sunnysoutheast

Many years ago at a software company we recruited a skilled fella to augment our delivery project team. Throughout the interview process we stressed, over and over, that the project was at a critical stage and would entail hard work, commitment, travel to multiple client sites here and abroad. Both I and HR asked whether that posed any issues and whether he had any holidays planned for the next while, "not at all" was the response.

Sooo, he starts on the Monday. First thing on the Wednesday, he asks us for 8 weeks leave so he can take his aging grandfather on the Hajj pilgrimage. Travelling overland from Slough as the old guy won't fly.

Speechless wasn't the word.

joe stodge

Not so much in work.
I'm working for one of the German retailers, the last 3.5 years.
Working nights, stocking out and such. Good wage, alright contracted hours.

I've been applying for jobs recently, to test the waters.

I applied for one for a large lenster based retailer, working nights through an agency. There were no further details on the job.

Got a call back within the hour of applying, did I want an interview?
Ah sure go on.
Set it up for today at 4pm, I asked for further details, the lad said he'd email them on to me.

Received the email, the same poxy job I'm working now.

Rang the lad back saying I didn't want the interview as I already work for them. He said, come in anyway.
Not a chance I said, less per hour and a one year contract.
I'm on a permanent contract here.
He asked was I sure?
Dope.

connollys

sent test instructions to a guy who claimed to have a degree in Computer Science and many years software test experience.

Called me over, asked me, how to find My Computer, followed by How do I edit a file.

Xios

connollys wrote: »

sent test instructions to a guy who claimed to have a degree in Computer Science and many years software test experience.

Called me over, asked me, how to find My Computer, followed by How do I edit a file.

So, in which manner, was the door'eth shown to this individual?

ankers99

Had my boss stand over me telling me i had 'one minute to get the job done'.
He even began a countdown
"99-98-97-96"
Well i spent that 'minute' in stiches with shoulders goin ninety. I rattled so much from uncontrollable laughter i think i developed parkinsons for like 5mins.

my3cents

Before a call out to site (IT) had a customer tell me I needed to bring an ISDN line with me because they might need one.

Grayson

I work in IT. We once had a report telling us that the coke machine was out of coke.

my3cents

Grayson wrote: »

I work in IT. We once had a report telling us that the coke machine was out of coke.

Good job is wasn't the coffee machine that was out of coffee.

Grayson

my3cents wrote: »

Good job is wasn't the coffee machine that was out of coffee.

The other problem was that the coke machine was located in Utah.

Photo-Sniper

connollys wrote: »

sent test instructions to a guy who claimed to have a degree in Computer Science and many years software test experience.

Called me over, asked me, how to find My Computer, followed by How do I edit a file.

Employees who think they know everything are very irritating to those of us who do.

diomed

"Find out the the cost of photocopying paper for the year and report back to me. It must be costing us a fortune."
The paper cost was a few hundred Euro a year, about one third of his weekly entertainment expenses.
"Thanks, well its nice to know."

LenaClaire

I used to do IT support - Director of the office informed me that I should ensure that I always send an email around to let people know when the email system is down. :rolleyes:

somefeen

bear1 wrote: »

Anyone have to suffer the most idiotic questions at work almost everyday?

Yesterday I was asked by our financial controller how to refresh a page....
Today I was asked why I didn't use certain payment terms in a document.
I politely said that if I am not given those details how am I to know and that the system inserts the default date.
This goes back and forth until I'm asked how did I not know what dates she wants?
ARE YOU FCUKING MENTAL!?!?!?!

Did you get the memo?

For Forks Sake

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlfyEFLhDe4

zagmund

Grayson wrote: »

I work in IT. We once had a report telling us that the coke machine was out of coke.

We had a high priority call once (with automatic alert emails generated to all sorts of high falutin folks in the company) to report there was no pizza in the meeting room in Paris.

Oh, how we laughed.

Turns out that this was what they called the round(ish) conference phone yoke in the middle of the table. What they meant was that the phone wasn't working.

z

jimgoose

zagmund wrote: »

We had a high priority call once (with automatic alert emails generated to all sorts of high falutin folks in the company) to report there was no pizza in the meeting room in Paris.

Oh, how we laughed.

Turns out that this was what they called the round(ish) conference phone yoke in the middle of the table. What they meant was that the phone wasn't working.

z

Wouldn't it have been rather more sensible and productive to report that the telephone wasn't working? Or were they afraid the North Koreans would find out? I hate half-educated fcukan fools trying to be clever like that.

Greenmachine

C:Cheese burger no cheese.
G: You want a hamburger
C: What did I say
G: Okay
C: That's a cheese burger no cheese.

Not as bad as the time I was asked for a coke no gas. It's possible but for **** sake, I was going to find a empty C02 cylinder and switch it for the one with gas in it.

paulbok

Last week, customer complained that a file(sales figures) I sent them last October, didn't have the complete information for 2014 on it.

DoYouEvenLift

Some of these, especially the IT ones, have me cracking up. I hope people start including follow-ups to the incidents like did they tell the 'idiots' in question about their mistakes and their reactions.

wilhelm roentgen

I used to have an operations manager who was an odious prick and complete control freak.
I was driving back to the office after doing a call out when my mobile phone rang, I pulled into a layby less than a minute after and phoned him back (he had already left a voicemail in the meantime)
‘Hi, you were looking for me’
‘Yeah, did you listen to the message I left you?’
‘Err, no, I thought I would just phone you straight back’
‘Well, I want you to hang up, listen to the message I’ve just left you and then phone me back’

TWAT

fleet_admiral

On Sunday night I got an order for a rare steak with no blood

somesoldiers

jimgoose wrote: »

On two occasions I have been asked, "Pray, Mr. Goose, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?"

I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question.

ha- I use that on my IM signature in work, go on Mr Babbage.

jordata

Worked in IT support in the mid-90's. Got asked by the PA to the MD why her new CD would not play. Seriously hard to keep a straight face when I found it inserted upside down but I did laugh out loud when she asked would it not play on both sides.

DamoKen

Place I had an IT contract in a couple of years back, was a combination of Office Space meets One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, every second permie you'd meet would introduce themselves as a "manager", seems the only qualification necessary was a proficiency in talking management ****e.

Anyway all the IT contractors were called into an emergency meeting one day by the latest "manager" who spent the majority of the meeting stressing the importance of comms, i.e. "we need to improve the comms", "comms is very inefficient" etc etc.

At this stage most of the contractors were East European as being a fairly small group word had spread amongst Dublin based contractors that this company was a pain in the hole to work for.

So as the meeting progresses I can see more and more of the East European and Spanish contingent looking more and more confused.

Meeting ends with a final rousing "lets work together and get comms working" leaving with an imperious wave of the hand. This is quickly followed with a multitude of questions as to where is the comms room and why do we need to look after it?

Had to explain that by improve comms the gob****e meant improve communication between IT Contractors and management.....at least that's what I think they meant