Thank you cards-are they expected?

bee06 · 11-08-2014 4:05pm

Sala wrote: »

I think they are a good idea as I'm always worried our card got lost (or robbed!)

Yeah, I worry the same. Until a got married it never occurred to me to give the card before or after the wedding but a few people did that for us and it's a lot safer.

I'll definitely being doing thank you cards. It's a small thing to organise really but it's since gesture when people have been so generous with their time and presents.

Berty · 11-08-2014 4:12pm

The cost involved in sending Thank you Cards is not much compared to the amount of money/gifts collectively the couple receive and/or the cummulative cost of the entire wedding.

We've worked out it will cost us about 67c per person + stamp to send a personal thank you card.

Uriel. · 11-08-2014 4:28pm

I think it would be very rude not to send one.
I can't a recall a single wedding I've been at where I haven't received one.

When we got engaged earlier in the year our parents threw an engagement party for us - and about 30 people or so came along, all with engagement gifts, which we really didn't expect or want - by the end of the week we had sent thank you cards to everyone.

Scarinae · 11-08-2014 9:39pm

I went to a wedding a few years ago where I got the thank you card about six months later, and they had included prints of some of their official photos that had me in them (a group photo of all the guests, one from the table, me with some friends etc). I thought it was a really lovely touch!

lukesmom · 11-08-2014 10:08pm

Oops I didn't send thank you cards. Thanked everybody personally though. My cousin sent thank you cards and got phone calls thanking her for the thank you cards. Where does it end???

emuhead · 11-08-2014 10:33pm

Have always received thank you cards after weddings. As bridesmaid for my sister I did an excel spreadsheet of messages in cards as my sister got a lot of cards on the day, some with cash in them and some accompanying actual presents. As most had just first names on them my sister wanted to make sure that she was thanking the right person for her crystal etc. It was done the day after the wedding and my sister wrote the cards the two days after. We posted them from Ireland while she was on honeymoon

I think I may have gone too far with the spreadsheet though :pac:

Teyla Emmagan · 11-08-2014 10:46pm

emuhead wrote: »

Have always received thank you cards after weddings. As bridesmaid for my sister I did an excel spreadsheet of messages in cards as my sister got a lot of cards on the day, some with cash in them and some accompanying actual presents. As most had just first names on them my sister wanted to make sure that she was thanking the right person for her crystal etc. It was done the day after the wedding and my sister wrote the cards the two days after. We posted them from Ireland while she was on honeymoon

I think I may have gone too far with the spreadsheet though :pac:

No, that is amazing! You can remember forever who gave you what. I love organised people, kudos

CaraMay · 11-08-2014 10:57pm

lukesmom wrote: »

Oops I didn't send thank you cards. Thanked everybody personally though. My cousin sent thank you cards and got phone calls thanking her for the thank you cards. Where does it end???

It ends when the guests receive a thank you card.

cactusgal · 12-08-2014 12:44am

CaraMay wrote: »

It ends when the guests receive a thank you card.

This. It just baffles me when people willingly follow all of the traditions of holding a wedding (sending invitations, clothing, ceremony, meal, etc), but then just choose not to include the tradition of sending a proper thank you to their guests.

ronn · 12-08-2014 12:56am

We had cameras on the tables and put the photos of the people into there cards,
Think it's miserable of people not to give a thank you card,

Gatica · 12-08-2014 3:57pm

Have got cards from all weddings in the last few years. When I was in college though, I don't think I got thank you cards from all weddings, or maybe I just didn't pay attention at the time...
We sent cards about 5 months after the wedding and thanked all who came and all who gave/sent gifts. We tried to personalise message as much as possible so they'd know we were grateful for their particular gift, whatever it was. Don't think I'd notice too much about receiving thank you cards, unless someone brings up the wedding and I recall that I hadn't got thank you's from so-and-so... The longest had been 6 months I think. As long as they acknowledge it though I'm happy.
Have received new baby/christening gift thank you's from only one friend, she's good like that. Haven't got them from anyone else, but I think their hands are full enough. It's different with a wedding, because partly it's tradition and good manners and also because generally amount of stress should diminish after wedding/honeymoon is done with.
Was most impressed recently when got email from a couple to thank us for our gift, which was a registry item sent directly to them couple of months before the wedding. They said they'd be sending the official wedding cards later, but just wanted to thank us for our generous gift. Fair play!

lukesmom · 12-08-2014 6:38pm

CaraMay wrote: »

It ends when the guests receive a thank you card.

Well in this case it didn't.

cactusgal · 12-08-2014 9:18pm

lukesmom wrote: »

Well in this case it didn't.

But is that a justification for not sending thank you cards?

Sorry, I'm having a hard time understanding your posts.

CaraMay · 12-08-2014 11:15pm

lukesmom wrote: »

Well in this case it didn't.

It should have and is no excuse for not sending a thank you card IMHO.

Addle · 13-08-2014 8:11am

I've thanked people for thank you cards. When they are accompanied by photos or include a personal message, of course I'm going to acknowledge them.

lukesmom · 13-08-2014 10:06am

CaraMay wrote: »

It should have and is no excuse for not sending a thank you card IMHO.

And you are quite entitled to your opinion. Looking at it now and so many people saying they should be sent I realise I really should have sent them

I honestly didn't think of it and I know that's not a good excuse but it is the truth. I've gotten 2 thank you cards from the many weddings I have attended.

CaraMay · 13-08-2014 10:57am

lukesmom wrote: »

And you are quite entitled to your opinion. Looking at it now and so many people saying they should be sent I realise I really should have sent them I honestly didn't think of it and I know that's not a good excuse but it is the truth. I've gotten 2 thank you cards from the many weddings I have attended.

I agree it's each to their own

I think I just have a big issue with it due to the 'friend' who is loaded yet never says thanks for anything.

Monife · 22-08-2014 9:54am

Very ignorant not to send thank you cards when people are so generous at weddings. For our wedding, we sent thank you cards with a little message on how much we liked their gift or what we did with it (personal message) and a photo of the gift giver enclosed.

Actually, now that I think of it, for the very few weddings I have been to, I have not received a thank you card.

22-08-2014 10:02am

ABajaninCork wrote: »

The weddings I've been to, I have to say I've always got Thank You cards. TBH - I was surprised to read that some people don't get them. But when it comes to birthdays, christenings and the like, people seem to forget their manners...

That's why I no longer send birthday gifts to my nephews and nieces. Not one of them had the manners to thank me. Two of them when younger used to call me to thank me and one niece used to write Thank You notes. Now that the mothers aren't looking over their shoulders, they seem to think they needn't bother!!

Good lord, I was brought up writing thank you cards to all relatives for all birthday and xmas gifts every year!

Beyond rude if you don't get one from a wedding

Arbiter of Good Taste · 22-08-2014 11:35am

bluewolf wrote: »

Good lord, I was brought up writing thank you cards to all relatives for all birthday and xmas gifts every year!

Beyond rude if you don't get one from a wedding

Sounds like my upbringing. Mum would read everything before it went out as well!

Maybe I'm odd, but I love writing thank you cards.

Gatica · 22-08-2014 11:37am

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Maybe I'm odd, but I love writing thank you cards.

While I like writing thank you cards, I must admit I did find > 70 cards to be a little taxing. We wrote them in batches, i.e. all family ones had to be sent in one go, and same groups of friends would have to be done together too...

Arbiter of Good Taste · 22-08-2014 11:40am

Gatica wrote: »

While I like writing thank you cards, I must admit I did find > 70 cards to be a little taxing. We wrote them in batches, i.e. all family ones had to be sent in one go, and same groups of friends would have to be done together too...

I agree. But I'm an organisational nerd - spreadsheets excite me. So the logistics of the thank you cards kept me happy for a few weeks!

Gatica · 22-08-2014 11:41am

LOL! That's our whole wedding too, from guests, to venues to cost...

am loving the trend in nerdification...

LadyBetty · 22-08-2014 11:47am

It is good manners to send out Thank You cards after a wedding, guests make an effort to be there on the day, possibly stay in the hotel for the night & give a gift, that effort & expense is not to be taken lightly.

We sent our TY cards out about 2.5 months after the wedding. Agree with the above poster that they were a bit of a pain to write as there were so many & I wanted to personalise them by mentioning the particular gift or whatever, but lots of people commented afterwards how much they liked our TY cards.

I've been to about 20 weddings over the past few years & it's probably 50/50 if the newlyweds sent a TY card - must say that it leaves a slightly bad taste when it occurs to me that they haven't bothered to do so.

Have some class & send a TY card people!

freedominacup · 22-08-2014 11:59am

LadyBetty wrote: »

Have some class & send a TY card people!

Have a bit of sense people and don't waste your time and money on this crap esp when a minimum of 50% of the intended recipients will never see them,will never notice if the cards are not sent and will only wonder what the implications for themselves are if they do see a ty card from you.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 22-08-2014 12:09pm

freedominacup wrote: »

Have a bit of sense people and don't waste your time and money on this crap esp when a minimum of 50% of the intended recipients will never see them,will never notice if the cards are not sent and will only wonder what the implications for themselves are if they do see a ty card from you.

Or a better idea is if guests didn't waste time and money on a gift, or even bothering to show up. Sure there's plenty of people going to the wedding, the bride and groom wouldnt even notice.

Export · 22-08-2014 12:11pm

Being invited to a wedding is a Thank You! I don't require a medal to attend!

Export · 22-08-2014 12:14pm

Actually, I received one Thank You card from a wedding. I literally went to the church, and left. I received a lovely Thank You Card thanking me for my 'kind words on the day'. I didn't speak to either of them on the day! Lol. Now THAT, is impolite!

freedominacup · 22-08-2014 12:16pm

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

Or a better idea is if guests didn't waste time and money on a gift, or even bothering to show up. Sure there's plenty of people going to the wedding, the bride and groom wouldnt even notice.

This is usually very true. Most couples end up inviting several people they'd really rather not. A good guide to how disappointed they'll be if you don't turn up would be how disappointed you'll be if they don't send you a ty card.

lukesmom · 22-08-2014 2:24pm

freedominacup wrote: »

Have a bit of sense people and don't waste your time and money on this crap esp when a minimum of 50% of the intended recipients will never see them,will never notice if the cards are not sent and will only wonder what the implications for themselves are if they do see a ty card from you.

Agreed

Gatica · 22-08-2014 2:35pm

I think the difference is that if you get a card and you don't care you can always bin it, however for those that care about getting a card, they're more likely to remember and be offended at not getting one...

KungPao · 22-08-2014 2:41pm

This thread reminds me why I despise weddings and all the bull**** that goes with it.

I couldn't give a monkeys if I didn't get a card.

freedominacup · 22-08-2014 2:43pm

Gatica wrote: »

I think the difference is that if you get a card and you don't care you can always bin it, however for those that care about getting a card, they're more likely to remember and be offended at not getting one...

If they have that little on their mind and the amount of free time required to be offended by this they need to get a hobby and stop looking for reasons to make other peoples lives difficult.

eyescreamcone · 22-08-2014 2:49pm

We sent a thank you card to a couple who had forgotten to give us a present. My mistake. But they were very embarrassed and sent on a generous present.
More than compensated for writing all those bloody cards 

Tarzana · 22-08-2014 5:02pm

freedominacup wrote: »

and will only wonder what the implications for themselves are if they do see a ty card from you.

What on earth does this mean?

freedominacup · 22-08-2014 7:20pm

Tarzana wrote: »

What on earth does this mean?

It means that if I was back at that time in my life and I started getting ty cards after every wedding I went to the only thought going through my head about them would be "does this mean I'm going to have to waste a couple of nights writing and sending these after our wedding?"not to mention the cost.

Tarzana · 22-08-2014 7:49pm

freedominacup wrote: »

It means that if I was back at that time in my life and I started getting ty cards after every wedding I went to the only thought going through my head about them would be "does this mean I'm going to have to waste a couple of nights writing and sending these after our wedding?"not to mention the cost.

Cost? For their generosity and all the money they spent attending (because unless it's very local and even if you don't buy a new dress, get hair etc., they still cost a lot to attend), it would be a fraction of that. Such gratitude.

Sligo1 · 22-08-2014 9:03pm

I know this is REALLY off-topic wedding wise but I'll ask it anyway...

So in the past 2 years I've had one wedding and 2 babies. Didnt send cards out after baby number 1 for presents received as was organising wedding (bad manners

)... but made sure to personally ring or text everyone to say ty. Sent ty cards out about 7 months after wedding (I know A long time but they got sent). Didnt send ty cards for baby 1 christianing. But again, rang or text everyone to say TY. Baby number 2 arrived a few months ago and have sent card and photo to everyone who sent pressies. Christianing will be in another month...
Do I really need to send out more TY
Cards?? Or is a personal text or phonecall enough? It would be 3-4 TY cards per person in the last year and half!?

Export · 22-08-2014 9:16pm

eyescreamcone wrote: »

We sent a thank you card to a couple who had forgotten to give us a present. My mistake. But they were very embarrassed and sent on a generous present.
More than compensated for writing all those bloody cards 

This is why I shudder at the sight of wedding invitations!

JayRoc · 22-08-2014 9:16pm

Sligo1 wrote: »

I know this is REALLY off-topic wedding wise but I'll ask it anyway...

So in the past 2 years I've had one wedding and 2 babies. Didnt send cards out after baby number 1 for presents received as was organising wedding (bad manners )... but made sure to personally ring or text everyone to say ty. Sent ty cards out about 7 months after wedding (I know A long time but they got sent). Didnt send ty cards for baby 1 christianing. But again, rang or text everyone to say TY. Baby number 2 arrived a few months ago and have sent card and photo to everyone who sent pressies. Christianing will be in another month...
Do I really need to send out more TY
Cards?? Or is a personal text or phonecall enough? It would be 3-4 TY cards per person in the last year and half!?

All people care about is that you acknowledged their messages/gifts/whatever. Card, text, carrier pigeon or phonecall doesn't matter (personally I think a phonecall is the best way to thank someone in an ideal world)

Export · 22-08-2014 9:21pm

I would either send no 'thank you' cards or at least do your blooming homework!

Arbiter of Good Taste · 22-08-2014 11:15pm

freedominacup wrote: »

It means that if I was back at that time in my life and I started getting ty cards after every wedding I went to the only thought going through my head about them would be "does this mean I'm going to have to waste a couple of nights writing and sending these after our wedding?"not to mention the cost.

Wow. What a mean sentiment

Sligo1 · 23-08-2014 7:11am

JayRoc wrote: »

All people care about is that you acknowledged their messages/gifts/whatever. Card, text, carrier pigeon or phonecall doesn't matter (personally I think a phonecall is the best way to thank someone in an ideal world)

That's great thanks. I actually prefer to ring the person and say thank you... But I know cards seem to be the done thing which is why we've sent them out on a couple of previous occasions last year. But it gets a bit much when you have to write and send 3 or 4 in a year and a half!! Lol. Will just phone people for christianing number 2

. Thanks.

michellie · 23-08-2014 10:37pm

Out of all the weddings we have been to, we only got a thank you card from one of those!

It's not something that would bother me, but I do think that I will send out thank yous

D3PO · 25-08-2014 10:28am

Not sending a thank you card is pig ignorant.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 25-08-2014 4:15pm

What really shocks me is the amount of people saying things along the lines of...it takes up so time writing so many cards or complaining about the cost of the card and stamp, etc, etc

I hope your friends and family were more gracious when they were buying the present/writing the cheque/transferring the funds.......

LadyBetty · 25-08-2014 6:48pm

That's the thing - it's so petty & scabby of a couple who have spent multiple thousands of €s (probably) on their wedding, possibly on frivolous stuff like dance lessons & teeth whitening, but steadfastly refuse to "waste money" on TY cards - you're talking about €60 for 80 cards or something like that.

Basic. good. manners.

lukesmom · 25-08-2014 8:55pm

I reckon your thanking them enough by inviting them to spend one of your most important day ever. By choosing them to share the celebration with. I personally thanked everybody on the day/night. Just because I didn't send thank you cards that doesn't mean I'm bad mannered. I had already thanked them all.

Gatica · 25-08-2014 10:27pm

Arbiter of Good Taste wrote: »

What really shocks me is the amount of people saying things along the lines of...it takes up so time writing so many cards or complaining about the cost of the card and stamp, etc, etc

I hope your friends and family were more gracious when they were buying the present/writing the cheque/transferring the funds.......

I don't get what's so shocking saying it takes time to write the thank you cards, it does take time to write many cards just as I'm sure it took thought on guest's part to pick a gift. It's still better to write them I think, but I'm not going to pretend it was a breeze.

Arbiter of Good Taste · 25-08-2014 10:38pm

Gatica wrote: »

I don't get what's so shocking saying it takes time to write the thank you cards, it does take time to write many cards just as I'm sure it took thought on guest's part to pick a gift. It's still better to write them I think, but I'm not going to pretend it was a breeze.

I'm not saying it doesn't take a lot of time. What I'm getting at are the people who justify not bothering on the basis that it's too much time and effort.

Thank you cards-are they expected?

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