is the big day worth it?

The big day is certainly worth it, the big question is whether it's worth the amount of money you spend.

I attended my brother's wedding recently and still feel a buzz about it. The weekend cost me alone more than my monthly mortgage payment but it was a rare special occasion in a life of the daily mundane.

If it's what you've always dreamed of then it probably will be worth it in the end. But do remember the big white wedding is not compulsory. If you want something more low key then you can do that while still having a memorable day. And you can still wear the white dress

A wedding need only be as big as (the two of) you want it to be.

My very lovely other half keeps saying our day will be "different". I have to tell him no, its not actually that different at all. But it suits us i think and thats what matters. And i trust the venue to give people a lovely day, hopefully.

Have to say we felt ours was worth it, there aren't many things I would change about it if I were to do it again. We are glad we went with the numbers its really wonderful to have as many of your family and friends with you as possible. We had a big crowd til 5am so pretty sure they were enjoying it too. We were the first wedding in my family and one of the first of most of our close friends at home, so i think we benefited a little from people in our circle being less 'jaded' by weddings, we spent a good bit but a lot of this went to minimising costs for our guests. (subsidising rooms etc..) a lot of people gave time and talent rather than physical gifts/cash which we really really appreciated. The stuff is nice but its all about the crowd and atmosphere that make wedding and generally if you are enjoying it so will your guests. I have been a bridesmaid for a bride that had an awful wedding day and have known at least two other girls that stressed so much they didn't enjoy it at all. Knowing these stories made me determined to enjoy it, bar the place going up in flames nothing was going to bother me on the day. And to be fair my brother did an amazing buffer job. I only had one moment upsetting moment and I just decided no, not today. Your wedding is really what you make it. I'm quiet private and shy but I love my family and friends and they will be the people that support my married life so having them there was important to me. Its not for everyone, you'll know whats right for you and that's what you should go with

Just be aware, even with being fairly reservrd in your choices, you'll spend 20k in no time!

Do what suits you best. I would be a bit like you - I don't like fuss or attention and I certainly wouldn't like 200 people staring at me as I walked down an aisle. My husband has never liked traditional Irish weddings so it was an easy enough choice for us to elope. We went overseas and got married on a beautiful beach, with resort staff as witnesses. We stayed on for our honeymoon in the same place.

When we came home we brought our immediate families out for a slap up meal with great wine, after dinner we went to a function room in a nice pub where we were joined by all our friends for a session to celebrate. The dinner and pub (including free wine for anyone who wanted it) cost less than 1.5k. It was exactly what we wanted - low-key, relaxed and a great way to celebrate and bring people together.

Does that mean you other half is on boards too and they will see what you said

Gatica wrote: »

Would people not just be honest with each-other and say they went along with it but didn't think it's worth all that money and hassle? (i.e. if that's what the worry is about)

I guess its one of those things in hindsight you look back on and wonder would it have mattered if you hadn't spent the money but at the time you just have to do it. Its like anything, your debs, your kids birthday parties, going to a wedding as a guest....you look back and realise you probably would have had as good a time on a budget but at the time its really important to have everything perfect.

To Elland Back wrote: »

Nope, she is not on Boards but she would share my opinion that the cost of weddings, generally, has become ridiculous. There is is no way she would want anything extravagant, when the financial burden will be borne for years to come

Married 29 year now, had a lovely wedding, reception, photographs, honeymoon etc., but none of the sillyness that you see these days

The cost of weddings has not become ridiculous. My parents still have the brochure for the hotel for their wedding and adjusting for inflation the prices are broadly similar to what we paid-but I'd guarantee the food and wine was immeasureably better at ours than at their wedding. They had a professional photographer who was a chancer-at least these days people can check for online reviews. They had a honeymoon, new dress etc. They couldn't afford a terribly extravagent affair but it wasn't on a shoestring.
We could have had a much more fancy wedding, we could have gone for a higher end venue, I could have had a designer dress and we could have invited a lot more people, but we decided on what was worth it to us and what we wanted to spend.
I don't understand this line that's trotted out so often that the cost of weddings is silly and overpriced. When we broke down the costs of each individual supplier, none was extortionate and we got a great rate on our photos (we spent more on two family photoshoots with our children than on our wedding photos). It costs €200 to get married in Ireland. Who cares what anyone spends over and above that, if they can afford it and they want it why is that riduculous? I think buying a new car every couple of years, or going on backpacking holidays, or buying fancy sports gear you'll hardly use is al ridiculous for me but that doesn't make it so for everyone else who chose to spend their money that way.
And I know just as many men as women who want the big day with all the trimmings in our circles of friends and relatives, often because the guys only get together at weddings with emigration these days.

I would have happily eloped. We didn't because my husband wanted a party. I hated spending money on it, he would have spent multiples given the chance. His outfit was custom made, I bought a cheap dress off ebay. That's just us but any couples I know the male has enjoyed the big do as much as she did.

missjuly wrote: »

Anyone who had the whole big day was it worth it would you do it again? Or anyone planning their wedding how do you feel about your up coming big day

To be honest from the OP's original question, I thought they wanted comments from:

1. people who've already had a "big" wedding
2. anyone planning at the moment

I'm assuming with regards to 1, that someone who had a small wedding can't really comment on whether a big wedding was worth it, as it's not what they had. It's also IMO not about whether it's obscene, ridiculous or otherwise, unless it's a comment on their own big wedding, otherwise it's not really answering the OP. Whether the men or women wanted it, isn't really relevant. FWIW, I wanted a smaller intimate wedding than my OH, however, I'm glad now we did the bigger wedding.

PS: I should probably add that a smaller wedding of my choosing wouldn't probably have meant it would've been cheaper.

We're planing our wedding at the moment, at first we wanted it to be quite small, minimal fuss but once we got into it and looked at what we wanted and what our families wanted it started to turn into a more typical midsized wedding. We haven't been extravagant but we haven't done it on a shoestring either. Occasionally I look at the budget and breakout in a cold a sweat thinking about what it would else it could pay for.

The thing is though, we are only going to do it once. We won't get another opportunity to bring both our families and all our friends together to celebrate our love and the start of our lives together. I won't get the chance to make a speech to everyone on my wedding day again, this is the only time she will be walked down the aisle and it is the only chance we will have to say to everyone all at once, that this is the first day of the rest of our lives.

So there is a chance that in 30 years we will look back and think it was all a bit of a waste and we could have done without it but I'm quite happy to risk that. I would hate to have the regret or feeling that we had missed out on something that we can never do again. We do want that special day for all sorts of reasons not least because this is the only chance to have it.

Inspector Coptoor wrote: »

As a male who wanted the big country wedding, we had 230 plus for dinner and spent a nice bit of money, between 25-30k.

It was absolutely worth every penny and i'd do it again in a heart beat.

We didn't go into any debt for it, we saved hard and enjoyed our few days and the honeymoon afterwards

dead right, do what you can afford and not end up in debt after it. That figure will be different for everyone

Another dj only wedding here and it worked out great. Just make sure it's a decent dj!
As regards the booking, would you be bothered if those friends/ other people outside your immediate family couldn't make it? If yes, push it back a month or two. Autumn this year would still be fairly quick. Depends how hard it is to get venues though I suppose. Are a lot booked up that you've looked at?