Requesting guest specific gift.

bjork · 10-01-2015 5:34pm

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Email mail her that as her €35 portrait

Lisha · 10-01-2015 5:38pm

Seriously op Im Shocked that thebrides mother repeated such insane rubbish!
Had I ever taken the receiving of gifts for granted my mother would have given me a (well deserved) thick ear.

In all seriousness what do you get out of a friendship with the bride and groom?

I'd be rsvp-ing thanks but no thanks at this stage.

ShaShaBear · 10-01-2015 5:39pm

And here was me holding off on the wedding planning because I wanted to be sure I could afford to invite everyone I wanted there.
What I really should have done is invited them all and told them to get me expensive and ridiculous gifts which I could re-use next Christmas or sell on Adverts to cover the cost of the wedding services that my guests didn't do free of charge... Genius! :pac:

tinkerbell · 10-01-2015 5:43pm

Un-fckin-believable! Honestly I could not remain friends with those rotten, self-absorbed people after this. I wouldn't even bother sending the portrait of the stand mixer as I think that is even too much for them now, they don't deserve ANY portrait! I would just RSVP with a no and just cut them off. Them valuing your work at €35 is a complete fckin insult.

XxMCRxBabyxX · 10-01-2015 5:44pm

Out of curiosity OP did they have any kind of "means test" going for their guests or is everyone expected to shell out over €200 just for gifts?

Ken. · 10-01-2015 5:48pm

Ok, Not everyone knows the price of art. That's understandable. But what are they valuing cake guy's cake and cupcakes at if they want a bike for their 7 year old. Everyone surely knows wedding cakes are dear and cupcakes go for €3-4 each anywhere I've seen them for sale.

Lau2976 · 10-01-2015 5:49pm

It was a massive insult. I don't go around claiming I'm Di Vinci but I work hard at what I do and I'm willing to admit that I'm obviously good enough at it if people still pay me to do it. As pointed out that won't cover the canvas.

I was slightly baffled and annoyed at the situation but now I'm fuming. The guy making the cake has declined their invite and has decided that he will make then a single tiered cake and their cupcakes as a gesture if goodwill since he is a closer friend then I. They won't recieve anything from me and I definitely won't be spending two days in their presence.

Lau2976 · 10-01-2015 5:51pm

XxMCRxBabyxX wrote: »

Out of curiosity OP did they have any kind of "means test" going for their guests or is everyone expected to shell out over €200 just for gifts?

They valued everyone at around €250 I think. And neither close families are getting them a gift as that's "unclassy"

10-01-2015 5:51pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

It was a massive insult. I don't go around claiming I'm Di Vinci but I work hard at what I do and I'm willing to admit that I'm obviously good enough at it if people still pay me to do it. As pointed out that won't cover the canvas.

I was slightly baffled and annoyed at the situation but now I'm fuming. The guy making the cake has declined their invite and has decided that he will make then a single tiered cake and their cupcakes as a gesture if goodwill since he is a closer friend then I. They won't recieve anything from me and I definitely won't be spending two days in their presence.

Good for you. You've made the right decision. I'd imagine he needs only make 1/2 to 1/3 amount of cupcakes!!!

XxMCRxBabyxX · 10-01-2015 5:53pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

They valued everyone at around €250 I think. And neither close families are getting them a gift as that's "unclassy"

How ironic

Sligo1 · 10-01-2015 5:59pm

I'd send them a link to this thread for their wedding "gift".

Murray007 · 10-01-2015 6:06pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

It's a stand mixer. I barely even know what that is let alone what type to buy :O

I'm an artist and have arranged to do a portrait for them for their wedding already so I pretty much can't afford to attend now since, the prices that I've seen, il be spending €500 on a mixer if I do.

You should paint a small picture of a really expensive stand mixer, you never know it could catch on like Warhol's bean can paintings

michellie · 10-01-2015 7:11pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

They won't recieve anything from me and I definitely won't be spending two days in their presence.

You've made a good choice OP. I feel for you, that's not a nice situation to be in, you seem like a good person no one deserves to be treated badly like that.

Wabbit Ears · 10-01-2015 7:51pm

I gather you and the cake guy never actually said, sorry, The painting/cake is actually your wedding present, would you prefer the cake/painting or the listed gift?

Cos, you know, actually just saying stuff usually fixes misunderstandings!

tinkerbell · 10-01-2015 7:53pm

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I gather you and the cake guy never actually said, sorry, The painting/cake is actually your wedding present, would you prefer the cake/painting or the listed gift?

Cos, you know, actually just saying stuff usually fixes misunderstandings!

No because clearly that couple are self absorbed twits and aren't worth wasting any further time on!

And there is no misunderstanding here - I'm sure the bride and groom know exactly what they are doing.

tinkerbell · 10-01-2015 7:55pm

As an aside, I'm sad that the cake guy is still making their cake and cupcakes

He should tell them to feck off also. They don't value his time or respect him either as a friend.

aunt aggie · 10-01-2015 8:24pm

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I gather you and the cake guy never actually said, sorry, The painting/cake is actually your wedding present, would you prefer the cake/painting or the listed gift?

Cos, you know, actually just saying stuff usually fixes misunderstandings!

As the mother of the bride was apologising while explaining the value of the painting was only 35 euro, I doubt there's any misunderstanding to fix. Sounds like her family anyway are aware asking for favours on top of expensive gifts is going to annoy a lot of people.

I can't believe the audacity. I'm quite young and have only attended a handful of weddings. Was shocked last week to hear that one person I know put 150 euro in a wedding card. He said he thought the groom only invited him and few others to make money. So why'd you give it to him??!!?!

jlm29 · 10-01-2015 9:52pm

Op, I think you really need to give those two a reason why you're not going! No point glossing over it- they need the truth!

ABajaninCork · 10-01-2015 10:03pm

I haven't had such a good laugh since Bridesmaidgate!

miezekatze · 10-01-2015 10:14pm

I feel bad for you op, it's not nice to be treated like this by someone who's supposed to be your friend. Kind of hoping more guests will decline because of this though so the couple will learn how unbelievably rude and greedy they are.

Gael23 · 10-01-2015 10:26pm

I would be regarding this person as a former friend and declining the invite

Gerry T · 10-01-2015 10:53pm

Got to the point where you said your a painter and doing a portrait !! stop there. I don't mean to be rude but i'm guessing your not loaded, if a painter offered me a portrait for a wedding gift i would be so chuffed. That's such a personal and thoughtful gift, a real one off and for them to ask for a poxy mixer.
Tell them to shove the mixer up their hole, they don't deserve you there.

charlietheminxx · 11-01-2015 12:15am

Sorry Lau

isn't it funny how you see the other side of people when they are planning a wedding? The bride sounds like the worst possible definition of a bridezilla. At least her and the groom have eachother, because from the sounds of things they won't have anyone else when the wedding comes around.

The Niece · 11-01-2015 12:36am

I've been following this with great interest - didn't expect to hear such a bomb so soon after bridesmaidgate. You're making the right decision OP and it will be interesting to see how much they receive to kit out their house with hipster goods after the wedding. (I have a lot more to say but this would just turn into a rant)

Tarzana2 · 11-01-2015 12:52am

Lisha wrote: »

I'd be rsvp-ing thanks but no thanks at this stage.

tinkerbell wrote: »

Un-fckin-believable! Honestly I could not remain friends with those rotten, self-absorbed people after this. I wouldn't even bother sending the portrait of the stand mixer as I think that is even too much for them now, they don't deserve ANY portrait! I would just RSVP with a no and just cut them off. Them valuing your work at €35 is a complete fckin insult.

Bit awks if the OP's mother and bride's mother are friends though. :-/

I know that shouldn't matter, but it kinda does!

Stheno · 11-01-2015 12:54am

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Bit awks if the OP's mother and bride's mother are friends though. :-/

I know that shouldn't matter, but it kinda does!

OP, PLEASE don't capitulate!

+1 though from the sound of the friends mother, she went out of her way to ring OP and explain so clearly there is some embarrassment there on the part of the wider family

Tarzana2 · 11-01-2015 12:55am

Lau2976 wrote: »

The guy making the cake has declined their invite and has decided that he will make then a single tiered cake and their cupcakes as a gesture if goodwill since he is a closer friend then I.

This is going to backfire on the couple big time if even a close friend has declined their invitation. How short-sighted and greedy can some people be?

Would love an update on the whole fiasco after it happens, if that isn't too much to ask.

Zaph · 11-01-2015 1:09am

Lau2976 wrote: »

She said she was trying to reign them both in but that both regard the gift as payment for the invite.

What's that now? Guests are expected to pay for any invitations we receive to weddings? This must be a new thing, because when we got married a couple of years ago we received a lot of very generous gifts from people, far too generous in some cases. But it sounds like we should have been charging instead and made an absolute killing. Is it too late to send out bills to all our guests?

You did the right thing deciding they're getting nothing OP, it's just a pity the baker guy feels obliged to give them anything. Everyone they expected to do stuff for them should refuse, which would leave them with a heap of bills for all the things they assumed they were getting free.

Tarzana2 · 11-01-2015 1:10am

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I gather you and the cake guy never actually said, sorry, The painting/cake is actually your wedding present, would you prefer the cake/painting or the listed gift?

But listing a gift at all was presumptuous and greedy (expected spend: €200), even if the OP wasn't doing a portrait.

Tarzana2 · 11-01-2015 1:11am

tinkerbell wrote: »

As an aside, I'm sad that the cake guy is still making their cake and cupcakes

Single tier though, a total dig at them.

Ken. · 11-01-2015 1:30am

I loved Nirvana. That being said if Kurt Cobain came back from the dead and reformed Nirvana and played a concert I wouldn't pay €250 for a ticket. No way in hell would I pay €250 for a ticket to a wedding of people that are acquaintances.

Oops69 · 11-01-2015 2:07am

This wedding gift thing has got out of hand , a small token gift , couple of nice bottles of wine etc.and your good friendship for life is whet these peoples should be looking for , yes they'll make a loss in the wedding but an investment in their friends , a call they made need to make one day to a friend when desperate ,received with genuine desire to help when least expected and away from all the glitz and glamour .
Young marrying types of ireland, cop on. Less of that LA crap / valley girl bull .
And if you can't have a big dramatic all strings and bells wedding ,have a cheap and cheerful type , everyone forgets the surperfluos crap if they have a good time.

Meangadh · 11-01-2015 2:18am

sparksfly wrote: »

Anybody who even dreams of mentioning wedding gifts on an invitation is crass beyond belief.

Hear hear.

I am absolutely astounded whenever I hear of anyone getting an invitation that mentions anything about a gift. When a couple decides to have a wedding, that is not an excuse to collect presents or cash. It's a day to celebrate with your friends and family. I know a few people here are saying that it's handy to know what to buy, but honestly, no couple should dictate that. They should accept anything they get with gratitude.

Obviously people, for the most part, will bring gifts, but if you end up with 20 toasters then what of it- that's not why you had the wedding. And if it is, then I feel sorry for you.

People need to cop themselves on and realise they are ultimately just throwing a party and should be grateful for any gift at all they get.

I'm glad to read about your decision OP. These people need a major reality check. Idiots.

Greenmachine · 11-01-2015 2:38am

Muff Richardson wrote: »

sorted, here ye are...

Stand Mixer

might be a bit hard to wrap but no more than they deserve.

If I could thank this post twice, I would in a heartbeat.

Stheno · 11-01-2015 2:51am

I've been married before and had a wedding list, iirc it started at €6 and ended at €200 and had over 400 items for 60 guests

most of my now ex's family objected to being asked to buy something and bought stuff far in excess of the e200

Plenty of people privately said they appreciated the effort for them to give a meaninful gift at low cost

If I ever marry again, it will be a trip to Vegas for us to enjoy and time for us, all I remember of that wedding is making sure we kept up with the joneses

I could start a thread on it

Oryx · 11-01-2015 7:52am

I been trying to imagine the type of people who would sit down together and write a wishlist of fancy expensive goods and then assign them to their friends while rubbing their hands together with glee. And then not even do it right, I mean surely the baker guy should have got the stand mixer?

I tried to think if I know anyone like that. Thankfully not!

tombrown · 11-01-2015 1:32pm

Can wait til my daughter is old enough to get married - sounds like I can re kit my whole kitchen like this

happysunnydays · 11-01-2015 3:02pm

I only ended up here cause I wanted to check 'post of the day', stay classy!

SMJSF · 11-01-2015 3:39pm

if they can get the mixer in a shop like arnotts; make the point in giving them a voucher for around E100 or whatever your comfortable with.. but not matching the price.
they will then know the value of money!
I'm completely shocked. They are basically making people buy them things they clearly can't afford themselves.
To me, if they can't afford it, they shouldn't get it.

cuilteanna · 11-01-2015 3:46pm

Oryx wrote: »

I been trying to imagine the type of people who would sit down together and write a wishlist of fancy expensive goods and then assign them to their friends while rubbing their hands together with glee. And then not even do it right, I mean surely the baker guy should have got the stand mixer?

Perhaps the assigned value of the cake / cupcakes plus the stand mixer didn't work with their income criteria, so he was assigned the bike instead? I still can't get over valuing the OP's portrait at such an insultingly low amount.

893bet · 11-01-2015 4:47pm

****ing self absorbed parasites.

Cut these people from your life ruthlessly.

Here Comes The Trio · 11-01-2015 8:50pm

Stheno wrote: »

....all I remember of that wedding is making sure we kept up with the joneses

I could start a thread on it

After this thread blows over, you definitely should

greenfrogs · 11-01-2015 9:05pm

Oops69 wrote: »

This wedding gift thing has got out of hand , a small token gift , couple of nice bottles of wine etc.and your good friendship for life is whet these peoples should be looking for , yes they'll make a loss in the wedding but an investment in their friends , a call they made need to make one day to a friend when desperate ,received with genuine desire to help when least expected and away from all the glitz and glamour .
Young marrying types of ireland, cop on. Less of that LA crap / valley girl bull .
And if you can't have a big dramatic all strings and bells wedding ,have a cheap and cheerful type , everyone forgets the surperfluos crap if they have a good time.

I thoroughly agree. There is a certain amount of money that people do expect as a wedding present. I know people who got married and roughly got 75 to 100 euro per guest. For a wedding you are already putting people to expense. For example they may have to take a day off work, clothes, maybe they have to stay overnight if the hotel is far away, drinks, childcare costs, petrol. It should not be expected that you have to give a certain amount of money as well. I have 2 siblings who got married and I know that the total amount of gifts exceeded the amount that the wedding cost. Really it was the guests that paid for the wedding. I know that wasn't their intention but that is how it turned out. I doubt many couples could afford weddings that cost 20,000 grand if the guests weren't giving generous gifts. Maybe I am totally off the mark. I think that a token gift is what should become the norm.

OP if I was you then I would be having words with the bride and would not be attending the wedding. I can't believe that anyone would be that crass. You should spend the amount of money that it would of cost you to paint the portrait on yourself.

paulmclaughlin · 11-01-2015 9:59pm

greenfrogs wrote: »

I have 2 siblings who got married

Isn't that illegal? :pac:

greenfrogs · 11-01-2015 10:05pm

paulmclaughlin wrote: »

Isn't that illegal? :pac:

Haha maybe I should clarify that my siblings did not marry each other. :P

tombrown · 12-01-2015 12:03pm

At the risk of being controversial here, I kind of feel a teensy bit sorry for the couple. Clearly delusional & ill advised, but they risk ruining their big day & will likely regret this for a long time to come. Its not like a birthday or Christmas event that they screw up & have a chance to get it right next year.

Wish someone would sit down & talk some sense to them ... I am sure it is not too late to put this right.

rainbowtrout · 12-01-2015 12:11pm

tombrown wrote: »

At the risk of being controversial here, I kind of feel a teensy bit sorry for the couple. Clearly delusional & ill advised, but they risk ruining their big day & will likely regret this for a long time to come. Its not like a birthday or Christmas event that they screw up & have a chance to get it right next year.

Wish someone would sit down & talk some sense to them ... I am sure it is not too late to put this right.

I don't feel sorry for them at all. Anyone with half a brain cell knows how weddings work in Ireland. I'm sure if they are at the stage of their lives where they are getting married then they've been to weddings themselves and know how it works.

They have assigned gifts to people ( which is ignorant in itself) based on what their assessment of a persons financial position is. That's an awful way to look at family and friends: cash cows that should be taken for as much as possible. The fact that they put such a low value on the OPs artwork speaks volumes. They are looking for presents for their son as wedding gifts? Who does that?

I think the common trend with these kind of threads is that 99% of the time the bride and groom know exactly what they are doing and value cash and gifts above any relationships they have with family and friends.

pwurple · 12-01-2015 12:14pm

tombrown wrote: »

At the risk of being controversial here, I kind of feel a teensy bit sorry for the couple. Clearly delusional & ill advised, but they risk ruining their big day & will likely regret this for a long time to come. Its not like a birthday or Christmas event that they screw up & have a chance to get it right next year.

Wish someone would sit down & talk some sense to them ... I am sure it is not too late to put this right.

I think you're right. They've gotten completely carried away with it, and no-one has had the cop-on to tell them to ease up.

Vojera · 12-01-2015 12:15pm

tombrown wrote: »

Wish someone would sit down & talk some sense to them ... I am sure it is not too late to put this right.

God yeah, I'd hate to think I was making such a huge faux pas and no one thought to point it out to me. However, seeing as the bride's mother has rang the OP to apologise, I sort of get the impression that their families have tried talking to them to no avail. Maybe no one has tried being blunt with them rather than pussyfooting around the issue.

I can't get over how little they value the OP's time. One of my best friends is an artist and he designed our invitations. Even though he wanted that to be his present to us, we still paid for his room the night of the wedding as a thank you, and as a gift he gave us the framed original drawing. I cannot imagine, after all his time and effort, asking him to get us something else on top of that, especially not something so expensive.

stargazer 68 · 12-01-2015 12:19pm

tombrown wrote: »

Clearly delusional & ill advised, but they risk ruining their big day & will likely regret this for a long time to come. Its not like a birthday or Christmas event that they screw up & have a chance to get it right next year.

.

The thing is I dont think they will ruin their day because I imagine a lot of people will stump up the gift requested as they are too embarassed not to or don't have a problem with it. Unless its pointed out in plain and simple terms they may not even realise how foolish they are.

Requesting guest specific gift.

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