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Landover Baptist church- Thank You Rev. Jim

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  • 04-03-2011 4:58am
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 2,793 ✭✭✭


    Check out these religious nuts the Landover Baptist church. At first glance they seem to be an online community of religious trolls but it seems they are serious!

    Anyway, Check out what this nice girl Felicity got as a gift from Rev Jim Osborne:

    http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=45738

    also barely worth a glance is there take on why God hates Ireland:
    Ireland is a destination country for women, men, and children trafficked for the purposes of commercial sexual exploitation and forced labor. This is an absolute necessity since the Irish themselves are too drunk to be productive at anything

    http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=43433

    Okay, so maybe the last line is correct :p

    Apologise if this is a repost or if I offend any Landover Baptist members.


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Comments

  • Posts: 17,381 [Deleted User]


    10 Reasons why GOD HATES IRELAND!


    It really sucks to be Irish. To escape from this harsh reality the Irish are even bigger alcoholics than the Russians. It is a miracle that they are still capable of procreating. For most Irishmen the first time they will be sober will be when they arrive in Hell.

    Leviticus 10:9 "Do not drink wine nor strong drink, thou, nor thy sons with thee, when ye go into the tabernacle of the congregation, lest ye die: it shall be a statute for ever throughout your generations"


    1. Ireland once dominated the world's market for whiskey, producing 90% of the world's whiskey at the start of the 20th century. However, since they started to drink all the whiskey themselves, this market share fell to a mere 2% by the mid-20th century!
    2. There is an incredible amount of violence in Ireland. Mostly this is between different types of false Christians. I am sure God designed it this way to provide those in Heaven with great entertainment. 2 Chronicles 15:13 "That whosoever would not seek the LORD God of Israel should be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman."
    3. Ireland is a destination country for women, men, and children trafficked for the purposes of commercial sexual exploitation and forced labor. This is an absolute necessity since the Irish themselves are too drunk to be productive at anything. According to research by the National University of 4. Ireland Galway labor trafficking victims reportedly consist of men and women from Bangladesh, Pakistan, Egypt and the Philippines. Proverbs 12:24 "The hand of the diligent will rule, But the lazy man will be put to forced labor."
    4. Some people think an Irish accent sounds really cool. They are wrong. Zephaniah 3:9 "For then will I turn to the people a pure language, that they may all call upon the name of the LORD, to serve him with one consent."
    5. Irish drunks are not only a problem in Ireland. In San Diego for example, the Irish are so drunk and rowdy all the time that the Irish are being forced to live further and further away from the coast every year.
    6. Cars are twice as expensive in Ireland as in other parts of the world since everyone figures the Irish are so drunk that they don't know how much they're actually spending anyway. 1 Samuel 21:15 "Have I need of mad men, that ye have brought this fellow to play the mad man in my presence? shall this fellow come into my house?"
    7. Sir Ernest Henry Shackleton, an Anglo-Irish explorer, was one of the principal figures of Antarctic exploration. He stopped doing useful things once he discovered whiskey tasted even better when it was very cold.
    8. One very unique Irishman was Ernest Walton. He had a rare disease that made it impossible for him to drink alcohol. Unfortunately, instead of spending time on studying the KJV1611 Holy Bible, he wasted his life on winning the 1951 Nobel Prize in Physics. 2nd Timothy 4:1-2 "I charge thee therefore before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, who shall judge the quick and the dead at his appearing and his kingdom; Preach the word; be instant in season, out of season; reprove, rebuke, exhort with all long suffering and doctrine."
    9. Irish newspapers have no problems with reporting nonsense like that alcohol is completely harmless for babies.
    10. Ireland is not the only country in the world with gays in the government. It is however, the only country where it is against the law to have an opinion against this! Their "Act to Prohibit Incitement to Hatred on Account of Sexual Orientation" effectively outlaws Christians trying to follow the rules of the Holy Bible! Romans 1:26-27 "For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompence of their error which was meet."


    All people of Ireland need to repent and accept Jesus Christ as their savior! Until then, they will suffer and will burn in Hell along with other God-mocking countries like Australia, Denmark, England, Scotland, New Zealand, Germany, France, Italy, Hungary, Russia, China, Japan, Korea, Mexico, Canada, Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Spain, Portugal, Norway, Sweden, Ukraine, Romania, Croatia, Serbia, Ethiopia, Nigeria, Somalia, Sudan, South Africa, Iceland, Vietnam, Cambodia, Guatemala, Algeria, Egypt, Saudia Arabia, Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pakistan, Qatar, etc.

    A lovely bunch of lads..


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,920 ✭✭✭Einhard


    teeheehee that's funny


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 20,009 ✭✭✭✭Run_to_da_hills


    I thought that this group had something got to do with Series 3 etc. :mad:


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,793 ✭✭✭chillywilly


    series 3??


  • Posts: 17,381 [Deleted User]


    They're all trolls... Kinda funny stuff.

    Protect your family the Christian way. Get your daughter raped!
    Every father knows that daughters are completely useless. In theory they could be helpful in the household but that usually doesn't work out as planned. Daughters turn out to be whiners who are always complaining about how their head hurts after you hit them on the head with the Bible to discipline them for complaining too much. People often seem to forget that raising daughters is hard and unrewarding work.

    1st Corinthians 11:8-9 "For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man."

    Uninvited guests? Let them rape your daughter!
    As always the Holy Bible has very clear guidelines for how we can use our daughters. Let's take Judges 19:22-30 for example. Here someone has invited a friend and his whore into his house and suddenly several uninvited guests arrive who want to kill the friend. The friend is probably a Christian while the uninvited guests are evil Atheists or Democrats. Of course the men of the house does the right thing and invites the uninvited guests to rape his virgin daughter: "Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing." Unfortunately you don't see this kind of hospitality anymore nowadays. People have become rude and insensitive towards the wishes of their guests.

    If for some reason the uninvited guests are not interested in raping your virgin daughter, just show them your daughters naked body! Problem solved. Nahum 3:5-6 "Behold, I am against thee, saith the LORD of hosts; and I will discover thy skirts upon thy face, and I will shew the nations thy nakedness, and the kingdoms thy shame. "

    Your daughter no longer a virgin? Burn her!
    If your daughter behaves like a whore, the Bible is clear on what you have to do. An example of this would be your daughter allowing guests to rape her. You will have to burn your daughter after which she will go to Hell where she will burn for all eternity for being a whore! Genesis 38:24 "And it came to pass about three months after, that it was told Judah, saying, Tamar thy daughter in law hath played the harlot; and also, behold, she is with child by whoredom. And Judah said, Bring her forth, and let her be burnt."

    Money problems? Sell your wife and daughters!
    It is unfortunate most people nowadays ignore God's clear instructions on how to solve money problems. The economy would not have been in its present state if Obama wouldn't have forced Americans to use their houses to load insane amounts of money to pay his insanely high taxes. Taxes which are only used to fund terrorists. God's solution to money problems is very simple. Sell your daughter! Exodus 21:7 "... a man sell his daughter to be a maidservant ..." And to make the deal more interesting Matthew 18:25 makes clear that you can also sell your wife if you want. Only sell your wife if you have someone else to cook and clean for yourself though!


    I think I have a new favourite troll site.. Used to be flatearthbelievers.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,363 ✭✭✭Misty Chaos


    A lovely bunch of lads..

    So basically, they think God hates everyone else except them? :rolleyes:

    Lovely.

    But seriously, I'm tears of laughter after reading that.


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 18,300 ✭✭✭✭Seaneh


    its a fake site you spanners.


  • Registered Users Posts: 47 11:11


    Yep, it's fake. Wiki it.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 10,239 ✭✭✭✭KeithAFC


    We know the Earth is flat because the Bible tells us so. But for those of you skeptical, close-minded types that flat out refuse to accept the overwhelming Biblical evidence, I have designed some experiments you can do at home that will show you, before your very eyes, that the world is indeed flat, and not spherical as some crazy scientists proclaim. It's amazing how many people blindly believe in a spherical Earth, without ever having seen it for themselves! I intend to change that.


    1) Jump!
    Now, scientists claim that Earth is spherical and rotating at a speed of between 700-1000 miles per hour, depending on your latitude. This is a very high rate of speed. You can disprove this nonsense by simply jumping up as high as you can. Really, it's that simple. What happens when you jump? You come straight down to where you were. But, if the Earth were indeed spinning at such a fast speed, wouldn't you land hundreds of feet away?

    If you were to stand in the flat bed of a truck going 75 mph, and jump straight up, what would happen? You wouldn't fall straight down. You would fall out of the truck. That's because trucks move, the Earth doesn't. This experiment proves the Earth is fixed in space and doesn't move.


    2) Blow!
    Since if the Earth is supposedly a sphere, it naturally comes to assume what would happen to people below the equator, like in Australia? Since they are underneath the sphere, wouldn't they fall off? This is where scientists come up with mumbo-jumbo like "gravity" and "centrifugal force" to explain away their theories. So, the scientists want you to think that because the earth is so much more massive than people or things, that people will naturally "stick" to the bottom of the earth because of gravity.

    This can be disproved very simply. Get a balloon and inflate it as big as possible. It will be a spherical shape. Now, take a piece of paper and try to rip, tear, or cut the tiniest speck of paper possible. This paper represents a human being, much smaller in mass to the balloon, which represents the Earth. Now try and place the small piece of paper to the underside of the balloon. What happens? It falls off!

    That's right. Even though the balloon is so much bigger in mass, it cannot hold the tiny paper. So if the Earth was a sphere, no one could live below the equator because they would fall off.


    3) Get High!
    Ok, this one you really can't do at home, but you can do it out in the world. Stand on the ground and look around you. What's the farthest you can see? Maybe it's a building, tree, or mountain. Now, find some place very close to it where you can get a much higher vantage point. (This also works if you're on a jet and about to take off.) Notice how in the higher place you can see much farther? You can see more of the world the higher you get. This shows the world is flat because the higher you go, the easier it is to see over obstacles. At the same time, it shows the world cannot be spherical. Because if the world was curved, the far distance would forever remain out of view because of the Earth's curvature. It would eternally be over the horizon.

    If the Earth was a sphere, it would not matter how high you went, you would still see the same thing. Since this is not the case, the Earth is flat.


    These experiments are all confirmed by creation scientists as being 100% accurate. If you're skeptical of the flat Earth, why don't you do these experiments so you can see truth with your own eyes.

    Yours in Christ,

    Rev. Jim Osborne

    Hmm


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭MaxSteele


    This should give ya's some laugh AH

    http://www.landoverbaptist.net/showthread.php?t=43433

    :rolleyes:


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  • Registered Users Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    That's a satire site, you know?

    This, however, isn't.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 6,653 ✭✭✭Ghandee


    God hates us?

    I need a drink, (a stiff one) after learning this terrible news! :eek:


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,711 ✭✭✭keano_afc


    Old joke is old.


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,117 ✭✭✭✭MrJoeSoap


    "10 Reasons why Ireland hates God" would be more appropriate right now...


  • Registered Users Posts: 81,223 ✭✭✭✭biko


    New thread merged with last on the same topic.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 683 ✭✭✭General Relativity


    MrJoeSoap wrote: »
    "10 Reasons why Ireland hates God" would be more appropriate right now...

    Fairly hard to hate things that don't exist.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,364 ✭✭✭golden lane


    god doesn't actually hate ireland...........he is just peeved with the oneupmanship.......

    and can't understand why the irish crucufy themselves..


  • Registered Users Posts: 15,117 ✭✭✭✭MrJoeSoap


    Fairly hard to hate things that don't exist.

    You would think that, but it's quite easy actually!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭MaxSteele


    Duggy747 wrote: »
    That's a satire site, you know?

    This, however, isn't.

    Well if you read the comments below the 10 reasons, it seems kind of legit.

    There's even people arguing against the thread in favour of the irish , I dunno, a friend posted it on Facebook, It seemed real to me at the time.


  • Registered Users Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    MaxSteele wrote: »
    Well if you read the comments below the 10 reasons, it seems kind of legit.

    There's even people arguing against the thread in favour of the irish , I dunno, a friend posted it on Facebook, It seemed real to me at the time.

    Terms Of Service, scroll to the bottom where it says this in white writing:
    The Landover Baptist Church is a complete work of fiction. It is a satire/parody.

    It does fool alot of people, though.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭MaxSteele


    Duggy747 wrote: »
    Terms Of Service, scroll to the bottom where it says this in white writing:



    It does fool alot of people, though.

    That's a lot of effort for purely a piss take


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    Landover Baptist Church

    "....fooling gullible folk on the web since 1993."


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,108 ✭✭✭RachaelVO


    Sweet mother of all that's unholy...

    That forum is hilarious... I mean seriously hilarious! It's the funniest thing I have ever read! I loved that car sticker in someones signature, it says

    "Don't Re-Nig 2012" I mean FFS, attack the mans policies if you don't like them, but that's going just a smidge too far!


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,312 ✭✭✭Daftendirekt


    Duggy747 wrote: »
    It does fool alot of people, though.

    Probably the best example of Poe's Law in existence.

    Epic trolling.


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,421 ✭✭✭SafeSurfer


    I misread the thread title as Landrover Baptist Church and pictured these missionaries going round in defenders converting people.

    I was thinking - cool.

    Multo autem ad rem magis pertinet quallis tibi vide aris quam allis



  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,700 ✭✭✭tricky D


    Duggy747 wrote: »
    That's a satire site, you know?

    This, however, isn't.

    The morons are using an Italian flag which kinda sums up their worldview.


  • Registered Users Posts: 5,717 ✭✭✭donegal_man


    The Westboro Baptists have set up a branch in Landover? Should be interesting to see how they get on with Nightshade & Strabo


  • Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 5,172 ✭✭✭Ghost Buster


    Interesting that many folk cant differentiate between a pish take religion and real ones.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,940 ✭✭✭Corkfeen


    Interesting that many folk cant differentiate between a pish take religion and real ones.
    I'm more astonished by the fact some members have 64000 posts. That's alot of trolling...


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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,512 ✭✭✭Ellis Dee


    I reckon this is an offshoot of the Westboro Baptist Church, which is headed by possibly the biggest closet case in the history of sub-humankind, Fred Phelps.:)

    There's no need for us on this side of the Atlantic to take much notice of them or to feel anything but a kind of amusement, but they can be and are really nasty in the USA - picketing funerals of deceased AIDS victims with posters saying things like "Fags die - God laughs" and even picketing funerals of ANY dead servicemen and -women. Having to put up with sickos like them is the flipside of the freedom of speech that everyone in the USA enjoys.:rolleyes::rolleyes:

    http://www.rainbownewsnet.com/2011/03/nate-phelps-son-of-god-hates-fags.html


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