Would you go for a girl/guy who's already in a relationship?

af_thefragile · 08-02-2012 6:23pm #1

Would you court/hit on/make advances/try to get on with a girl (or guy) whom you know already is in a relationship?

Sindri · 08-02-2012 6:24pm

If they were interested yes.

And if I could get their drink alone for a few seconds

MrStuffins · 08-02-2012 6:24pm

I'm flattered and all but you're not my type!

stupidusername · 08-02-2012 6:26pm

If all I wanted was sex then maybe, otherwise no, never.

syklops · 08-02-2012 6:27pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3k3mGf6gAuM

You cant help you fall in love with / fancy.

Da Shins Kelly · 08-02-2012 6:29pm

I've put the moves on people I knew were in relationships before when drunk. I ain't proud of it, but there you are.

Redlion · 08-02-2012 6:29pm

No I could never do it because the boyfriend/girlfriend would be absolutely gutted. Imagine you were in his/her shoes, not a nice feeling.

stephen_k · 08-02-2012 6:30pm

Yep, when I met my other half she was in a long term relationship with someone else, she told me straight away, I was honest and said I'm really attracted to you not interested in friendship, I was the "bit on the side" for about 2 months, and then laid down an ulitmatum him or me... She chose me!!

Temptamperu · 08-02-2012 6:30pm

Nah thats bad form. Treat everyone like you want to be treated is my only rule in life.

Peetrik · 08-02-2012 6:31pm

You would have to be an idiot. Apart from it being an as$hole thing to do, you would never never be able to trust the person. The entire thing would be a waste of your time

WolfForager · 08-02-2012 6:32pm

Was just thinking this earlier. Decided that i couldn't, no matter how much of an asshole he is...

stupidusername · 08-02-2012 6:33pm

stupidusername wrote: »

If all I wanted was sex then maybe, otherwise no, never.

actually the reality probably is that I wouldn't if it came to it.

Littlehorny · 08-02-2012 6:33pm

Depends on how tough her bloke is

Chuck Stone · 08-02-2012 6:34pm

I'm not the flirtin' type so she'd have to come at me kinda and then it would be her decision so yeah - I would.

GLaDOS · 08-02-2012 6:35pm

Never would, happened to me before and I know what it feel like.

Misty Chaos · 08-02-2012 6:39pm

I generally avoid that kind of thing, it would have to be something pretty spectacular for me to do otherwise ( like instant, intense chemistry when we first meet. )

Aside from that, I wouldn't do that type of thing. Its poor form and I would just end up hurting the other guy ( and maybe end up getting hurt myself by said guy! )

crfcaio · 08-02-2012 6:40pm

I'm in a situation like this right now, I just don't hit on her because she's a great friend and it would be worse not having her around at all.

Snowie · 08-02-2012 6:48pm

no... If you like some one you want them to be happy..
You could potentialy distort something very special to some one for your own kick
and knowing what that i involved my self in that kinda situation...

Well I would be all that proud or satisfied with my self id be pretty, ashamed...
so a big

Moral NO I wouldn't

08-02-2012 6:49pm

no of course not

Chuck Stone · 08-02-2012 6:49pm

crfcaio wrote: »

I'm in a situation like this right now, I just don't hit on her because she's a great friend and it would be worse not having her around at all.

(US accent) Just bang her already.

theg81der · 08-02-2012 6:50pm

No I would not but saying that I don`t believe you can "steal" someone they must be unhappy if they are looking around. I think if your a decent person who respects the person your with and your unhappy you should at least have the guts to break up with them.

Is it just me or do alot of girls when unhappy wait till they find someone who`ll have them (like a realtionship) and then leave their partner? My hubbys ex did this she was with her now hubby behind my hubbys back for a month or so and I know a few other girls who did same. I kinda get that they don`t want to end up alone with no-one but its very disrespectful and cowardly to me. Funnily they`re the ones who say "o I`d never do that" blah blah

leviathon · 08-02-2012 6:53pm

Temptamperu wrote: »

Nah thats bad form. Treat everyone like you want to be treated is my only rule in life.

Dunno, strangers don't usually like it when you dress them up in a nazi uniform and beat them softly around the todger with a pound of kerrygold butter stuffed into a sock.

Or so I've heard.

Katgurl · 08-02-2012 6:56pm

I always thought I'd say no till a couple of years ago I found myself in that very situation - I felt like I couldn't stop myself trying to drag this fella out of his LTR to me. I didn't try any of the 'if he was happy with her, he wouldn't be interested in me' BS, I knew I was being a Knut but I continued anyway, I wanted him so badly.

After me wasting almost a year of this tug-of-war he left her and wanted to start up with me.

And what did I realise? I'd never be able to trust this man. He'd flirted and behaved totally inappropriately for weeks before he told me he was involved. I'd be on constant eggshells that he'd do same to me.

So I told him no and we all ended up alone, me a double Knut now because I'd successfully screwed the lot of us with my greedy selfish cr@p. I'm sure his ex-missus would like to scratch my eyes out.

Never ever again.

theg81der · 08-02-2012 6:58pm

Katgurl wrote: »

I always thought I'd say no till a couple of years ago I found myself in that very situation - I felt like I couldn't stop myself trying to drag this fella out of his LTR to me. I didn't try any of the 'if he was happy with her, he wouldn't be interested in me' BS, I knew I was being a Knut but I continued anyway, I wanted him so badly.

After me wasting almost a year of this tug-of-war he left her and wanted to start up with me.

And what did I realise? I'd never be able to trust this man. He'd flirted and behaved totally inappropriately for weeks before he told me he was involved. I'd be on constant eggshells that he'd do same to me.

So I told him no and we all ended up alone, me a double Knut now because I'd successfully screwed the lot of us with my greedy selfish cr@p. I'm sure his ex-missus would like to scratch my eyes out.

Never ever again.

Sounds like you did her a favour!

stovelid · 08-02-2012 6:58pm

Katgurl wrote: »

I always thought I'd say no till a couple of years ago I found myself in that very situation - I felt like I couldn't stop myself trying to drag this fella out of his LTR to me. I didn't try any of the 'if he was happy with her, he wouldn't be interested in me' BS, I knew I was being a Knut but I continued anyway, I wanted him so badly.

After me wasting almost a year of this tug-of-war he left her and wanted to start up with me.

And what did I realise? I'd never be able to trust this man. He'd flirted and behaved totally inappropriately for weeks before he told me he was involved. I'd be on constant eggshells that he'd do same to me.

So I told him no and we all ended up alone, me a double Knut now because I'd successfully screwed the lot of us with my greedy selfish cr@p. I'm sure his ex-missus would like to scratch my eyes out.

Never ever again.

A head wrecking game player like you is far far worse than a cheater.

martomcg · 08-02-2012 7:01pm

stovelid wrote: »

A head wrecking game player like you is far far worse than a cheater.

+1

Katgurl · 08-02-2012 7:01pm

theg81der wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

I always thought I'd say no till a couple of years ago I found myself in that very situation - I felt like I couldn't stop myself trying to drag this fella out of his LTR to me. I didn't try any of the 'if he was happy with her, he wouldn't be interested in me' BS, I knew I was being a Knut but I continued anyway, I wanted him so badly.

After me wasting almost a year of this tug-of-war he left her and wanted to start up with me.

And what did I realise? I'd never be able to trust this man. He'd flirted and behaved totally inappropriately for weeks before he told me he was involved. I'd be on constant eggshells that he'd do same to me.

So I told him no and we all ended up alone, me a double Knut now because I'd successfully screwed the lot of us with my greedy selfish cr@p. I'm sure his ex-missus would like to scratch my eyes out.

Never ever again.

Sounds like you did her a favour!

Hmmm I doubt she would see it like that. Thankfully I made a point of never finding out who she was (made guilt easier to bare) but if she appeared in front of me in a bar and threw a drink in my face I really couldn't blame her.

Novella · 08-02-2012 7:03pm

I always would've said no to this, but I suppose like a lot of other things in life, you don't really know what you'd do or what you're capable of until you're faced with the situation.

I have slept with a guy who I knew was in a relationship, repeatedly. I can't justify doing that, I wanted him, I wanted him so badly that I'd just tell myself, "Well he was yours first" or "He's the one in a relationship, that's his issue". It was stupid in hindsight but unfortunately I didn't see it at the time.

That said, if I met a guy and found out he had a girlfriend, I definitely wouldn't pursue more than a friendship.

Scanlas The 2nd · 08-02-2012 7:04pm

crfcaio wrote: »

I'm in a situation like this right now, I just don't hit on her because she's a great friend and it would be worse not having her around at all.

What does this "friend" of yours do that's so great to be around? I've got some great friends but I wouldn't be that bothered if they decided they didn't want to be my friend.

Katgurl · 08-02-2012 7:05pm

martomcg wrote: »

stovelid wrote: »

A head wrecking game player like you is far far worse than a cheater.

+1

I wasn't playing games but I WAS demonstrating extreme levels of idiocy.

My name is URL · 08-02-2012 7:06pm

I've been in this situation a couple of times. Only once have I been the one to instigate it though. In my defense; I was young and had an awful dose of the horn.

Jen Pigs Fly · 08-02-2012 7:23pm

Nope not at all, I'd hate for my OH to do that to me so why would I do it?

token101 · 08-02-2012 7:25pm

Any girl/guy who cheats on you because they've found someone better, you're better off because it wouldn't have lasted. You clearly weren't what they wanted. No point in saving a dead relationship. Off you go. Any girl/guy who cheats for sex, you're better off without because they're f***ing definitely not what you want! I definitely wouldn't want some skank I'd no respect for sharing anything with me, and I'd imagine it'd be the same for women. Either way you're better off. People who take people who cheat back are by and large delusional fools. If they cheated once, they'll do it again. Class and form and all that.

Potatoeman · 08-02-2012 7:43pm

A friend of mine works with a guy that was cheated on by a girl (that he cheated on too) he went mad and went through a stage of looking for girls with boyfriends to sleep with. I was surprised how successful he was. It just seemed dumb to me. He sept with a girl when her boyfriend was asleep and drunk on the couch downstairs.
I work with a guy that slept with a girl that told him the next morning she had a boyfriend and it turned out he worked in the same company and he played football with him. Her attitude was he doesn't deserve me. So I guess both sexes have assholes.

Chuck Stone · 08-02-2012 7:51pm

Potatoeman wrote: »

So I guess both sexes have assholes.

But only one has vagina + boobs.

gcgirl · 08-02-2012 7:59pm

No though hopefully i never get put in that position

Lia_lia · 08-02-2012 8:00pm

I hate to admit I've done it a few times.

token101 · 08-02-2012 8:03pm

Potatoeman wrote: »

A friend of mine works with a guy that was cheated on by a girl (that he cheated on too) he went mad and went through a stage of looking for girls with boyfriends to sleep with. I was surprised how successful he was. It just seemed dumb to me. He sept with a girl when her boyfriend was asleep and drunk on the couch downstairs.
I work with a guy that slept with a girl that told him the next morning she had a boyfriend and it turned out he worked in the same company and he played football with him. Her attitude was he doesn't deserve me. So I guess both sexes have assholes.

Classy, classy bird.

I'd hate to have John Terry as a workmate.

Potatoeman · 08-02-2012 8:13pm

token101 wrote: »

Classy, classy bird.

I'd hate to have John Terry as a workmate.

He's just got a new nickname. It would work better if he knew before he slept with her.

cynder · 08-02-2012 8:19pm

When I was going out with Mr x I knew the guy at work fancied me, we would banter but I told him that I was with someone and wouldn't cheat. This went on for well over a month and asked me to dump mr x, I wouldn't because I liked Mr x, until he did the dirt.So when he heard Mr x and I were over he made his move, I brushed him off but after a week decided to go on a date with him.

He told me he had to have me from the day he saw me walking by in my grey and white combats hanging off my hips and wearing a pink top cut off just below my boobs.. My slender size 8 midriff was too much if a turn on so hunted me down.

That was over 14 years ago and we're still going strong. He very much enjoyed the chase.

sometimes banter goes nowhere but sometimes it means a little bit more....ee defiantly had chemistry, but I wasn't going to cheat....

Pretty_Pistol · 08-02-2012 8:30pm

stovelid wrote: »

A head wrecking game player like you is far far worse than a cheater.

They're both as bad as eachother. I highly doubt the guy was innocently lead astray.

I wouldn't do it. Know plenty of people who have. It's just selfish.

MrStuffins · 08-02-2012 8:39pm

grindelwald wrote: »

When I was going out with Mr x I knew the guy at work fancied me, we would banter but I told him that I was with someone and wouldn't cheat. This went on for well over a month and asked me to dump mr x, I wouldn't because I liked Mr x, until he did the dirt.So when he heard Mr x and I were over he made his move, I brushed him off but after a week decided to go on a date with him.

He told me he had to have me from the day he saw me walking by in my grey and white combats hanging off my hips and wearing a pink top cut off just below my boobs.. My slender size 8 midriff was too much if a turn on so hunted me down.

That was over 14 years ago and we're still going strong. He very much enjoyed the chase.

sometimes banter goes nowhere but sometimes it means a little bit more....ee defiantly had chemistry, but I wasn't going to cheat....

Was this guy Jackie Collins or something?

cynder · 08-02-2012 8:43pm

Who is Jackie Collins

DundalkDuffman · 08-02-2012 8:59pm

Time for the classic, you can't cheat an honest man.

Potatoeman · 08-02-2012 9:11pm

grindelwald wrote: »

Who is Jackie Collins

It's the voiceover that you hear describing your life.

Potatoeman · 08-02-2012 9:13pm

grindelwald wrote: »

combats hanging off my hips and wearing a pink top cut off just below my boobs.. My slender size 8 midriff

Post pics or GTFO

stovelid · 08-02-2012 10:02pm

Katgurl wrote: »

I wasn't playing games but I WAS demonstrating extreme levels of idiocy.

If only idiocy was an acceptable plea of defense for messing around.

phoenix833 · 08-02-2012 10:22pm

I met a girl recently and I've never wanted somebody so badly, we went on a few dates, went brilliant but she got back with her ex unfortunately.

Now the selfish part of me thinks "well, go for it if she broke up with him before she might do it again".

But then my moral side kicks up and says "It happened to you before...don't do it, bide your time and if they break up again then go for it"

I dunno which side of the brain to listen to:D

Katgurl · 08-02-2012 10:39pm

stovelid wrote: »

Katgurl wrote: »

I wasn't playing games but I WAS demonstrating extreme levels of idiocy.

If only idiocy was an acceptable plea of defense for messing around.

I didn't realise I was in court.

It didn't have a happy ending anyway hence my - never again remark in previous post.

starlit · 08-02-2012 10:44pm

No not unless I was really into them, I'd make a move yes if I didn't know the guy had a girlfriend but if I knew then no I would not make a move on him. I rather not get in the way of their relationship and happiness I rather sacrifice mine than get hurt.

I'd get over them though. Even if I was attracted to a guy who had a girlfriend or he was to me and he had a girlfriend I wouldn't go there and wouldn't want to thread on his girlfriends toes. If it mutual attraction, I wouldn't go with him unless he ended it with his girlfriend. Not into one nighters and rebounds.

Even with chemistry or if we clicked I wouldn't go there if knowing they had a girlfriend. It wouldn't be right. I rather find someone who is unattached. Though not denying I wouldn't find a guy who is in a relationship not attractive or vice versa. It happens but in all honesty I would back off fairly quickly. I tend to be more attracted to single men and they the same to me so the guy has to be single before I get involved. So no wouldn't get involved with someone who is already in a serious committed relationship.

Dudess · 08-02-2012 11:09pm

MrStuffins wrote: »

grindelwald wrote: »

When I was going out with Mr x I knew the guy at work fancied me, we would banter but I told him that I was with someone and wouldn't cheat. This went on for well over a month and asked me to dump mr x, I wouldn't because I liked Mr x, until he did the dirt.So when he heard Mr x and I were over he made his move, I brushed him off but after a week decided to go on a date with him.

He told me he had to have me from the day he saw me walking by in my grey and white combats hanging off my hips and wearing a pink top cut off just below my boobs.. My slender size 8 midriff was too much if a turn on so hunted me down.

That was over 14 years ago and we're still going strong. He very much enjoyed the chase.

sometimes banter goes nowhere but sometimes it means a little bit more....ee defiantly had chemistry, but I wasn't going to cheat....

Was this guy Jackie Collins or something?

Lol

I definitely wouldn't proactively pursue a guy already spoken-for, but if a spoken-for guy whom I really really liked made overtures at me, I'd find it hard not to entertain. As someone said, you can't help whom you like/fall in love with and it's no doubt a lot easier said than done to fight it. I'd accept responsibility though and acknowledge I've a role too - I don't agree with all that "They're in the relationship, not me" stuff. There's a pair of them in it. But as I said, I would never initiate it.
A dangerous road to go down though, with the potential for a lot of heartbreak...

Would you go for a girl/guy who's already in a relationship?

Comments