Do you want to be married?

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 5:54pm #1

I think a lot of guys would say that almost all women want to get married at some stage. However more and more people are living together as long term partners without even considering it. What are the ladies thoughts? Is it something you would like to happen? Is it for romance, faith, because its the done thing, tax reasons, or something else? Semi-separate question, would you propose?

Peared · 27-09-2008 6:04pm

Meh.

Babies - yes definitely.

Relationship - yep.

Marriage - not bothered.

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 6:06pm

You put babies ahead of relationship? Interesting.

liah · 27-09-2008 6:07pm

I don't ever, ever want kids.

I'm indifferent to marriage. I don't think I could be bothered, personally, I'm not one of those girls who always dreamed about her wedding day or any of that bull****.

Just don't see a reason, personally.

445279.ie · 27-09-2008 6:09pm

liah wrote: »

I don't ever, ever want kids.

I'm indifferent to marriage. I don't think I could be bothered, personally, I'm not one of those girls who always dreamed about her wedding day or any of that bull****.

Just don't see a reason, personally.

+1 on all areas

F.A. · 27-09-2008 6:10pm

I am not pushed about the 'romantic' side of it. What is romantic about it? Proposal and wedding I sort of get (even though I hate the prospect of a wedding myself), but marriage itself? I don't get it. I actually sort of dread the idea of being married as it feels as if you don't need to make an effort any more in terms of romance...

If I ever get married it will because of legal advantages. You know, save tax money, facilitate this, that, and the other.

Peared · 27-09-2008 6:10pm

That wasn't intentional.

I could feel fulfilled without a relationship but not without babies so maybe there's something there.

SunnyP · 27-09-2008 6:12pm

I think I would like to be married someday but its not high on the list of priorities, some of my friends are obsessed by marriage and cant understand why it doesnt really bother me if I get married or not

They are constantly asking my bf when will he propose but being honest we are happy as we are.

And in answer to the OP question yeah if I wanted to get married I would propose to my partner, I dont see a problem with women proposing

Cadyboo · 27-09-2008 6:14pm

Want the relationship, living together and babies, and maybe someday to get married. It is not a priority, if you are happy the way things are, why change it!
And no, I dont think I would propose.

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 6:17pm

F.A. wrote: »

I am not pushed about the 'romantic' side of it. What is romantic about it? Proposal and wedding I sort of get (even though I hate the prospect of a wedding myself), but marriage itself? I don't get it. I actually sort of dread the idea of being married as it feels as if you don't need to make an effort any more in terms of romance...

If I ever get married it will because of legal advantages. You know, save tax money, facilitate this, that, and the other.

You don't think two people dedicating themselves to making each other happy is romantic? the joining of two lives? I must be girlier than most of ye ladies.

Peared · 27-09-2008 6:23pm

Slightly off topic but Id love to know the percentage of girls aged late teens/early twenties who say they will never marry or never want children who end up getting married or having children.

Pretty high methinks.

F.A. · 27-09-2008 6:31pm

brianthebard wrote: »

You don't think two people dedicating themselves to making each other happy is romantic? the joining of two lives? I must be girlier than most of ye ladies.

Awww, cheer up! I just don't think that marriage is all about two people dedicating themselves to making each other happy.

I tend to think it's much more mundane...

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 6:40pm

Peared wrote: »

Slightly off topic but Id love to know the percentage of girls aged late teens/early twenties who say they will never marry or never want children who end up getting married or having children.

Pretty high methinks.

Should've made that one of the options, maybe people can add that to their posts when replying?

F.A. wrote: »

Awww, cheer up! I just don't think that marriage is all about two people dedicating themselves to making each other happy. I tend to think it's much more mundane...

Lolz I'm not sad. I realise there are very mundane aspects to marriage, I just think if you do it for the right reasons its a very powerful thing.

rainbow kirby · 27-09-2008 7:04pm

Peared wrote: »

Slightly off topic but Id love to know the percentage of girls aged late teens/early twenties who say they will never marry or never want children who end up getting married or having children.

Pretty high methinks.

Early-mid 20s here, don't particularly want to marry and definitely don't want kids - and it's *extremely* unlikely that I'll every marry or have kids.

half pint · 27-09-2008 7:24pm

I will never get married!!!

In this day and age it means nothing... It's only a peice of paper

Getting married is ment to be about spending the rest of you're life with this one person who you will love forever. But that's not the way it works anymore!!

Now its oh i might love this guy ok lets get married
Oh no wait I changed my mind lets get divorced so I can marry him instead

I beleive in spending the rest of you're life with the person you love but i dont see the need for marrage any more

Pythia · 27-09-2008 7:33pm

I do want to get married but I'm not particularly interested in the wedding part.

Definitely want kids.

Only 23 though so lots of time...

Piste · 27-09-2008 7:41pm

If I had kids I'd want to get married so the father of the kids would have his fatherly rights, plus inheritence, tax and all that.

If there were no socio-economic benifits to marriage I don't think I'd bother.

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 7:58pm

Piste wrote: »

If I had kids I'd want to get married so the father of the kids would have his fatherly rights, plus inheritence, tax and all that.

If there were no socio-economic benifits to marriage I don't think I'd bother.

That's very fair of you but unfortunately marriage is not sufficient to guarantee fathers rights.

Piste · 27-09-2008 7:59pm

Do they not get the same rights as mothers once the couple's married?I always assumed that was the reason my dad married my mum!

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 8:16pm

No, mothers has all the rights unless proven hugely beyond doubt that she's unfit. And even then its an uphill struggle for fathers to be recognised by the courts, etc.

Black Swan · 27-09-2008 8:48pm

Someday, but not today. I'm having too much fun!

Piste · 27-09-2008 9:16pm

Do you think you'll stop having fun once you're married?

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 9:19pm

Lolz that would be the worst type of marriage!

Phlann · 27-09-2008 9:20pm

Piste wrote: »

Do you think you'll stop having fun once you're married?

Yes.

Anyway, interesting poll results. Doubt if they'd be reflected in a random poll of women in the street though.

Maple · 27-09-2008 9:31pm

Its not something i'm actively seeking but if i met the right guy i'd like to think that we'd both be brave enough to think balls, sod the statistics and get married. its a scary thought, all that commitment but i hope one day to be brave enough for it.

Crumble Froo · 27-09-2008 9:34pm

meh, i think if ill ever be married twill be within the next 6 years, but unlikely. it's so much money and fuss and effort and stuff, and everyone who knows us knows we're mad about each other anyways. i've moved halfway across the globe to be with him, it's not like a gesture after that is gonna show that we're dedicated to each other.

jellie · 27-09-2008 9:45pm

when i was younger (like 13 maybe) getting married seemed like a big romantic fantastic thing. then when i was 15 my parents separated. after that i swore id never get married & probably wouldnt have kids. but in my late teens once i got over the whole parents divorce thing i started thinking a little more rationally about it.

i would like to get married - if i found the right person. but im more interested in having the right person in my life than the actual marriage bit.

Kinetic^ · 27-09-2008 9:54pm

<

not currently looking but if ever the current ship fails, no marriage and no kids is what I'm all about. Put your answers on a postcard to Kinetic^, PO Box Jackpot!, Co. Dublin.

Weidii · 27-09-2008 9:57pm

Marriage is starting to seem like Valentines day. It's as though the companies are making you feel that it's normal to get married and to have a massive wedding, just so they'll stay in pocket.

So meh to marriage (but yay to loving, long lasting relationships)

Splendour · 27-09-2008 10:06pm

brianthebard wrote: »

No, mothers has all the rights unless proven hugely beyond doubt that she's unfit. And even then its an uphill struggle for fathers to be recognised by the courts, etc.

Untrue statement. This I know from personal experience-unfortunately...

Splendour · 27-09-2008 10:09pm

half pint wrote: »

I Getting married is ment to be about spending the rest of you're life with this one person who you will love forever. But that's not the way it works anymore!!

Why doesn't it work this way anymore though? What has (sadly) changed?!!

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 10:12pm

Splendour wrote: »

Untrue statement. This I know from personal experience-unfortunately...

You are entitled to your opinion, but a mothers rights are enshrined in the Irish constitution and the fathers are not. Its more complicated than that but from there the law emanates. If you wish to discuss this further you should start a new thread.

Pj! · 27-09-2008 10:23pm

Yeah I hope to get married. I suppose that means I hope to meet a person who I'd be happy to share my life with and vice-versa.

I reckon I'll be very very pissed off if I become old and havent met the right person.

Are you out there? Hello?!? Pm me, we should meet.

Maple · 27-09-2008 10:33pm

Forky wrote: »

Yeah I hope to get married. I suppose that means I hope to meet a person who I'd be happy to share my life with and vice-versa.

I reckon I'll be very very pissed off if I become old and havent met the right person.

Are you out there? Hello?!? Pm me, we should meet.

PM sent.

27-09-2008 11:29pm

There's the tax and legal stuff right? Like if partner was in hospital, that kind of thing? If I was in a LTR with someone for a long time anyway then maybe yeah for stuff like that
it's not exactly a life goal and certainly never "dreamed of my wedding day"

don't want kids either

Splendour · 27-09-2008 11:30pm

brianthebard wrote: »

You are entitled to your opinion, but a mothers rights are enshrined in the Irish constitution and the fathers are not. Its more complicated than that but from there the law emanates. If you wish to discuss this further you should start a new thread.

It's not an opinion,it's a fact in my case-mother's rights are not enshrined in the Irish Constitution. In my case the father's rights are enshrined. And no, I don't wish to start a new thread on this, I was initially responding to your post on this.

brianthebard · 27-09-2008 11:31pm

bluewolf wrote: »

There's the tax and legal stuff right? Like if partner was in hospital, that kind of thing? If I was in a LTR with someone for a long time anyway then maybe yeah for stuff like that
it's not exactly a life goal and certainly never "dreamed of my wedding day"

don't want kids either

Yeah the legal stuff is as important as anything. Are people interpreting the question as being "do you want to have a wedding?" as opposed to "do you want to be married?" ie spend rest of your life committed to someone?

Serafijn · 27-09-2008 11:37pm

I'm happily married for a year now. We were together for a long time beforehand so it's not really any different, it just felt right for us to take things to the next level. We didn't have a big expensive ceremony or anything, it was just family and close friends so it was really personal

I guess the main practical difference is that I took his name, which tbh I kinda like. I also like him being my husband instead of boyfriend/fiancé

Also I'll feel much more comfortable when we decide to start a family, tho that might be the old-fashioned part of me coming out!

In summary; if it's right for you then go for it. You don't need to spend a fortune or make a big deal. It won't suit everyone to get married and in terms of your relationship, if you've lived together already it won't make much difference on practical level.

b3t4 · 27-09-2008 11:43pm

I've never been too fussed about marriage but now that I've met my right man I do want it. For all the legal and tax reasons. Romance doesn't really come into it for me as we'd have that without the marriage certificate.

A.

Curlypinkie · 28-09-2008 3:34am

Well let's put it this way. If my potential OH asked me to marry him I wouldn't go "f off". I would at least think about it. I don't believe in marriage and I certainly don't believe the horrible hype it has amongst some women in this country (oooh I got a ring -well i've got shoes, so what?)
But I wouldn't write it off as a definite no...

28-09-2008 4:34am

I want children ...one day, I'm just not readynow and I'm too young!
I do want to get married and while I have met the right man and we have both said we'll get married in the future.
It will only happen when we have have enough money to get a house (big enough to raise a family) and to have a wedding.
I'm 23 so there is well enough time to have fun and we both save so we're just having fun and relaxing at the moment. We moved in together a few weeks ago and to be honest I can only ever see a small difference in us if we were married as living together brings about a lot of change anyway and we have adjusted to it greatly

The Sweeper · 28-09-2008 5:18am

Anyone who pooh-poohs marriage and follows that up with "who could be bothered with all the hype and fuss and expense" - a marriage isn't for one day. You can slip away to a registry office and go out for a meal afterwards and you're still as married as someone who went through a big church hoo-ha.

And a marriage isn't about that one big day. It's about the years that follow, the good times and the truly godawful terrible times that you never think you'll get through. It's a commitment based at a foundation level on the idea that life is ultimately easier if you're not doing it on your own, so you pick someone you love to do it all with and commit to staying with that person.

That, and the wedding day itself is an interesting indication of how you cope as a couple. It's a party that the two of you are throwing to show how committed you are to each other. I found it very interesting looking at my own wedding day, and those of my friends. Who allowed their parents have too much say? Who flipped on their religion to get married in someone else's church? Who went for a church wedding when they haven't been to mass in 15 years? Who overspent? Who underspent? Who killed themselves financially to make sure nobody was left out and would be offended? Who offended dozens of people and couldn't care less? Who was gracious? Who wasn't? Who managed to have a good day, and who was fighting with their partner so badly by the "I do"s that they were the first words they'd spoken to each other in ages? Whose stag or hen parties created a serious wobble in their relationships? Who fell out with their friends? Who put their families before their partner?

Oh it puts everything under a great big microscope - whatever about the number of marriages that fall apart, I wonder how many relationships fall at the Mr & Mrs hurdle...

lolly22 · 28-09-2008 9:07am

Yep id get married, since iv had my baby girl people have been asking us when were going to get married which I didnt think people still thought like that these days, but id never rush into it, I want a long engagment just to make sure:P and id never take out a loan for a wedding. Im only 23, I would'nt be ready for getting married any time soon :rolleyes::D

CathyMoran · 28-09-2008 11:26am

Serafijn wrote: »

I'm happily married for a year now. We were together for a long time beforehand so it's not really any different, it just felt right for us to take things to the next level. We didn't have a big expensive ceremony or anything, it was just family and close friends so it was really personal

I guess the main practical difference is that I took his name, which tbh I kinda like. I also like him being my husband instead of boyfriend/fiancé Also I'll feel much more comfortable when we decide to start a family, tho that might be the old-fashioned part of me coming out!

In summary; if it's right for you then go for it. You don't need to spend a fortune or make a big deal. It won't suit everyone to get married and in terms of your relationship, if you've lived together already it won't make much difference on practical level.

I agree with everything except the bit about if you lived together a long time it will not make a difference - for me, it feels different, I know that he is my family now. I also had a small ceremony, took his name and the focus has been on being married not getting married.

BK2 · 28-09-2008 11:54am

before I got married, I wasn't too fussed about the whole wedding thing and the hype etc and because of this a lot of my friends used to say to me when I was in my early twenties and teenage years - "I don't think you will ever get married ". I suppose because if you don't have romantic ideas about weddings etc is appears like you don't want a marriage but they are very different things. I did want to be married though and for me there is a difference between boyfriend and girlfriend living together and being married and although I never wanted a big wedding I did want a marriage as opposed to a long relationship, it is important to some people and not so much for others and it wasn't for tax, legal, rights reasons either that I wanted to be married, I can't really explain my reasons, I prefer being married though than when we lived together as a couple, it feels different to me.

GirlInterrupted · 28-09-2008 2:49pm

Yes, I would like to be married at some point.

First of all let me say that I'm completely uninterested in wearing a fluffy white dress and accepting gifts that I'll probably never use.

If I do get married I'll probably have a very small and private ceremony, definitely civil, and perhaps a party at a later date for all our friends.

I'm not interested in marraige until I'm ready for children of my own, and I do think it makes a relationship more solid, more stable and more condusive to child rearing.

I also want to be in love, and loved enough for it to matter that we want to publicly declare our commitment to a joint future and the creation of a family.

I want to feel that the future father of my children is more than a boyfriend or partner, but my next of kin, the person closest to me in the world, and the only one that will matter to me in that special way for the rest of my life.

I don't really care if any of that is unfashionable, or idealistic, or even unlikely, its not something I've 'dreamed' about, but I do feel thats its they way I would like my life to play out, if I'm ever lucky enough to meet someone I feel that strongly about.

cson · 28-09-2008 3:08pm

A lot of people don't understand the difference between wedding and marriage.

Ginny · 28-09-2008 6:16pm

TBH the ****e I went through in the past should put me off the idea, but I do hope I'll meet someone and we both love each other enough to have the balls to stand up in front of our family and friends and declare how much we love each other and how committed we are to each other.
Although I would prefer a smaller more intimate affair to make it much more personal, I do think the whole "Wedding Affair" stuff has gotten way way out of had.
Right now I'm the only single person in my group of friends and honestly the changes some people go through when weddings are involved are terrifying.

Then again there are loads of couples who are both happy enough to not get married and thats perfect for them. It's down to each couple what works for them, I don't think marriage is essential for every couple, but I do hope it figures somewhere in my future.

fonpokno · 28-09-2008 8:21pm

I'd like to get married someday. God knows if it'll ever actually happen but I suppose I'd be kinda old fashioned... Although it'd be great to have the legal rights and all enshrined, I'd probably still be getting married for the commitment really. I'm a hopeless romantic deep down.

mollybird · 28-09-2008 9:54pm

yes and even more so now that i have found my dream man. just he is a bit slow on the whole idea i think or he is just saying it to put me off. but ill wait as he is soo worth it.

Clare Bear · 28-09-2008 11:29pm

I can't wait to get married....the thought of walking down the aisle to the man I love....ah dreamy

And it's not about the big flash wedding and the dress and all that malarkey, I don't want a big wedding. It can just be me and him for all I care but I look forward to it, I think it's a beautiful thing.

Do you want to be married?

Do you want to be married at some stage 141 votes

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