Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

pejay · 18-06-2012 7:22pm

yeah i am chuffed with my self although now i am setting myself up for tomorro now with going to the doc

triona1 · 18-06-2012 11:30pm

Very well done on going back in fair play.
Yep they are all the thing's that happen me when a full blown one is coming on.And i would prefer to drop dead than the wetting myself lol.Honestly the stone worked for me.
But one thing i got into my head was i will not let it take away anymore of my life it had took enough already,I confronted head on it used to make me so angry that id have the anger feeling instead so the panic would go.
My teen years where spent babysitting while my friends went out and had a ball,I could not stand in the bank queue to open my 1st bank account for my 1st job.
What i also got in the habit off was taking a valium just to go to do a quick shop.so id take my 5mg and do the hour shop and be raging over it.
I hid under duvets with curtains closed and door closed,House locked up.
That bright light hovering over the head was bad and the shakes.
Jesus thinking of it now i don't no how i copped only through anger and my little stone.I just said to my self one day its my body my mind my life,No f**k off and leave me alone.
I think it could have been my age was still not full of the adult world/life worries and i just nipped it in my early twenties.
I still get them now and very bad,But i can understand them and go through it somehow i just let it flow.
I think as you no the more tense you get the more warm and shaky you will be just became logical.Its like a switch.
Now i also suffer with detachment.Well gp says suffer i don't mind detachment at all,but when i reattach my panic attacks come back so bad that i go back to detachment.So that sorts the panic.

triona1 · 18-06-2012 11:39pm

See that post pejay about you going to the dr tomorrow.
I used to do that also worry what to worry about next.Also meant to add that my mam gets those lights in her eye's.(not medical advice)but her's is from blood pressure.
I was asked by gp to listen to music in those day's on a walk man he hand me a tape of the sea and stuff,Lord i could not put something in my ears cause i was afraid of noise i needed peace and quiet and my duvet.Not noise.
I have 4 kids myself.
I do still have the monkey on my back i can feel the panic attack sitting there saying here i come,But i kind of just say yeah come on.And it goes.

And i no it's not funny but you can't die from a panic attack and sure if you did you wouldn't know any different.The worse that will happen is you could pass out and i have never ever passed out from one.

Now my anxiety is a whole different ball game that's just crazy stuff,I can't sleep until i look out the window at about 3am and make sure all neighbor's lights are out then i can relax,I'm also terrified of my phone ringing anytime.

triona1 · 18-06-2012 11:51pm

neemish · 19-06-2012 5:32pm

feeling low today :-(

jammstarr · 19-06-2012 7:11pm

I'm starting to get really anxious again. Things are just piling up and I'm not handling it all well at all.

popsicklegirl · 19-06-2012 10:22pm

I wish there was a place that you could go to and people would understand that you just don't want to go on anymore and they would give you a pill or a drink so that you could go to bed and just not wake up anymore. No need to jump off a bridge or walk in front of a train or whatever. I'm finding it really hard to face the days - life sucks at the moment and isn't likely to get any better. I'm sick and tired of being alone and the loneliness is simply killing me.
I don't have anything left inside.

RubyXI · 19-06-2012 10:34pm

Just watching the depression programme on tv3. Could identify with the 20 year old girl on it. Definitely struck a chord when she said she's lost her teenage years to depression and didn't want to loose her 20's. That's how I felt with every decade, or every year or whatever. I've lost so much that I can never get back. And I can't fix it.

jammstarr · 19-06-2012 11:08pm

phi3 wrote: »

Just watching the depression programme on tv3. Could identify with the 20 year old girl on it. Definitely struck a chord when she said she's lost her teenage years to depression and didn't want to loose her 20's. That's how I felt with every decade, or every year or whatever. I've lost so much that I can never get back. And I can't fix it.

I feel the same and I'd say more feel like that too.

starviewadams · 20-06-2012 12:40pm

Had my 3 monthly psych appointment in the community clinic this morning,she was talking about discharging me back to my GP,which scares the crap out of me because the main reason my GP referred me to the clinic in the first place was because he admitted to me that he's no good with mental health stuff.

Princess Peach · 20-06-2012 1:39pm

starviewadams wrote: »

Had my 3 monthly psych appointment in the community clinic this morning,she was talking about discharging me back to my GP,which scares the crap out of me because the main reason my GP referred me to the clinic in the first place was because he admitted to me that he's no good with mental health stuff.

Maybe ask your psychiatrist for a recommendation of a better GP they may have experience with?

My moods have been so odd lately. I wouldn't say I'm feeling down so much as just teary all the time! Plus constant, extreme mood swings. Not sure what's causing them at all, maybe it's time to go to the doctor and review medication, been on the same one almost 3 years? Could be my contraceptive pill either.

Think I'm just hoping I can switch pills somewhere and sort it out easy!

Odysseus · 20-06-2012 6:35pm

starviewadams wrote: »

Had my 3 monthly psych appointment in the community clinic this morning,she was talking about discharging me back to my GP,which scares the crap out of me because the main reason my GP referred me to the clinic in the first place was because he admitted to me that he's no good with mental health stuff.

Apart from your meds, what are you getting out of attending the clinic that is helping you?

pejay · 20-06-2012 7:22pm

Feeling ok today just a bit whacked from the increase of lyrica, phsy doc is now taking me off the serequel and increasing the lyrica in small doses.

Still bit wonky on the legs although i did achieve to get to my meeting this morning which i dreaded as i said in earlier posts, i asked the woman would she leave the door open and she did after i explained what i was going through.

I also managed to stand and cook a dinner for my family something i had not done in a while as my husband was doing it might seem like small things but a big deal to me.

The only thing that annoyed me is that i flew off the handle with my husband as i get anxious when i am on my own incase i have a panick attack, he said he would be gone 45 mins and he was 2hours so i flew off the handle with him and he has been so understanding.

rustopher · 20-06-2012 9:44pm

hi, firstly i believe the panic attack forum deserves its own but has been merged in with lets all be anxious, depressed together. Panic attacks are different to depression although one can bring on the other.

be careful ceejay of meds and addition but i presume ur doc spoke of that. Try to face small challenges every day....

i am like the kettle calling the pot black in some ways..

pejay · 20-06-2012 9:51pm

rustopher wrote: »

hi, firstly i believe the panic attack forum deserves its own but has been merged in with lets all be anxious, depressed together. Panic attacks are different to depression although one can bring on the other.

be careful ceejay of meds and addition but i presume ur doc spoke of that. Try to face small challenges every day....

i am like the kettle calling the pot black in some ways..

do you suffer anxiety/panick attacks and take meds??? Thanks

pejay · 20-06-2012 9:52pm

pejay wrote: »

do you suffer anxiety/panick attacks and take meds??? Thanks

i have no choice for medication as i am bipolar also

starviewadams · 21-06-2012 12:17am

Odysseus wrote: »

Apart from your meds, what are you getting out of attending the clinic that is helping you?

I just find it easier to talk to the doctors in the clinic then I do to my own GP who's getting on in years and is fairly old fashioned.Would much prefer to keep on attending the clinic every few months and getting useful,empathic advice from the various doctors I see there,rather then going to my GP and basicaly getting talked down to and receiving my prescription.

nesf · 21-06-2012 3:20am

My wife just pointed out that I haven't left the house in two weeks. I hadn't noticed.

Odysseus · 21-06-2012 8:16am

starviewadams wrote: »

I just find it easier to talk to the doctors in the clinic then I do to my own GP who's getting on in years and is fairly old fashioned.Would much prefer to keep on attending the clinic every few months and getting useful,empathic advice from the various doctors I see there,rather then going to my GP and basicaly getting talked down to and receiving my prescription.

Fair enough, very understandable next time your at the clinic explain that, they should have access to some type of psychotherapy/coounselling service there. Do you think that could help?

nesf · 21-06-2012 10:25am

One moment I'm very happy, the next I'm very sad. Wtf is this?

pejay · 21-06-2012 12:59pm

Well its beat me again!!!

Tried and attempted the shopping centre Penny's in particular and i panicked before i even got there only had to see the car park and that was it,no matter how much valium i took, again i had to get home to get under the duvet and sleep.

I have just slept 1 1/2 hours woke up and feel like crap i think it may be a combination of the 2 meds i am on as i am coming down from serequel and up on the lyrica both cause dizziness and sleepiness but for some reason they have hit me hard today, yesterday i was ok and was on the same dose i dont want to throw in towel yet on the lyrica as i have been on nearly everything, doc even said the other day we are going to have to find something preety soon to settle you on.

Anyway all this sucks last time i went through a bout of this much panick was 14 years ago

nesf · 21-06-2012 2:09pm

I've a week to improve on new meds or I'm going back into hospital.

nesf · 21-06-2012 3:57pm

nesf wrote: »

One moment I'm very happy, the next I'm very sad. Wtf is this?

Apparently it's a mixed state, which would explain the manias and depressions wedged together in the same day along with the almost ever present agitation.

starviewadams · 21-06-2012 5:18pm

Odysseus wrote: »

Fair enough, very understandable next time your at the clinic explain that, they should have access to some type of psychotherapy/coounselling service there. Do you think that could help?

Thanks,I'll try saying it to them in September at my next appointment and see what they say,I think they just want to get rid of me at this stage though.The doctor said the other day that I've made great progress since I started going to them,maybe it looks like that in my file,but it doesn't really feel that way to me!

I was seeing a clinical psychologist in the clinic up until last year but she went back home to Australia and the clinic haven't replaced her unfortunately.I've tried various donation only CBT places that the clinic recommended,but I never really clicked with any of the therapists.

Just feel like I'm in limbo at the moment.

Odysseus · 21-06-2012 5:53pm

starviewadams wrote: »

Thanks,I'll try saying it to them in September at my next appointment and see what they say,I think they just want to get rid of me at this stage though.The doctor said the other day that I've made great progress since I started going to them,maybe it looks like that in my file,but it doesn't really feel that way to me!

I was seeing a clinical psychologist in the clinic up until last year but she went back home to Australia and the clinic haven't replaced her unfortunately.I've tried various donation only CBT places that the clinic recommended,but I never really clicked with any of the therapists.

Just feel like I'm in limbo at the moment.

Maybe CBT isn't for you, I'm trained up in it, but never use it. Yet my team mate in the next office has good results with. I see CBT metioned a lot here, it helps some people but there are plently of other psychological therapies that people find helpful.

If you feel you not ready, don't e afaird to let them know, and spend some time talking about why it doesn't feel that for you, if you haven't already done so. Anyway best of luck with it.

Snoopy1 · 21-06-2012 8:06pm

I'm so annoyed
My parents are over and my mum started questioning me on my counsilling. Why do I need to go, what do we talk about, can I not do without it.
Then when I said its confidential and I didn't want to talk about it, she got all sulky an wouldn't talk to me.
I just feel so confused at moment

Odysseus · 21-06-2012 8:24pm

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I'm so annoyed
My parents are over and my mum started questioning me on my counsilling. Why do I need to go, what do we talk about, can I not do without it.
Then when I said its confidential and I didn't want to talk about it, she got all sulky an wouldn't talk to me.
I just feel so confused at moment

Your therapy is your space, no one has the right to invade that.

neemish · 21-06-2012 8:36pm

nesf wrote: »

I've a week to improve on new meds or I'm going back into hospital.

Fair play for both giving yourself a chance and setting a limit to how far you'll let things go. When I'm in a bad state, I turn into the most indecisive person and find it hard to make any decisions.

you deserve better than to feel like this

Snoopy1 · 21-06-2012 8:38pm

I know she doesn't see any need for me to go.
It's just we were having a great time on holiday and she's gone off in a sulk now

neemish · 21-06-2012 8:40pm

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I'm so annoyed
My parents are over and my mum started questioning me on my counsilling. Why do I need to go, what do we talk about, can I not do without it.
Then when I said its confidential and I didn't want to talk about it, she got all sulky an wouldn't talk to me.
I just feel so confused at moment

For me, any time my mother tried to interfere in my therapy, it usually meant that she was afraid I was talking about her! At one stage she even tried to suggest what counsellor I should go to. I used to talk to her more about it. Now, I don't hide the fact that I go, but I don't debate it or go into what I'm working on. I have used this as a starting point in therapy for discussing my relationship with Mom. Not saying it's exacty the same for you but it might help.:)

Snoopy1 · 21-06-2012 8:43pm

I just said it was confidential and I didn't really want to talk about it
She was on at me daily to give up anti depressants and I eventually gave in

Odysseus · 21-06-2012 8:47pm

Snoopy1 wrote: »

I just said it was confidential and I didn't really want to talk about it
She was on at me daily to give up anti depressants and I eventually gave in

It often happens that family members will try undermine a person'ss treatment. I don't know if that applies to you, but maybe it is something to talk to your therapist about. Also if you are on meds, you don't have to let anyone know.

Snoopy1 · 21-06-2012 8:53pm

Well I won't be telling her again
If ever I needed to talk to my counsillor it's now.

Odysseus · 21-06-2012 9:01pm

Snoopy1 wrote: »

Well I won't be telling her again
If ever I needed to talk to my counsillor it's now.

Maybe that may change, but your therapy needs to be your space to speak freely. Also it up to you if you want to inform people about it. Best of luck with it.

neemish · 21-06-2012 9:59pm

Keep going through huge bursts of sadness. Kinda relieved that it's not the inertia of being depressed but it's slightly uncomfortable.

nesf · 22-06-2012 10:22am

neemish wrote: »

Fair play for both giving yourself a chance and setting a limit to how far you'll let things go. When I'm in a bad state, I turn into the most indecisive person and find it hard to make any decisions.

you deserve better than to feel like this

I was being indecisive, so I left it to my wife and psychiatrist to work it out. :P

neemish · 22-06-2012 11:05am

Hmmm... just realised I haven't taken meds all week. No wonder I feel miserable:(

nesf · 22-06-2012 11:14am

neemish wrote: »

Hmmm... just realised I haven't taken meds all week. No wonder I feel miserable:(

Bold!

neemish · 22-06-2012 11:19am

I don't know how I do it. If i get out of the routine at all I'm in trouble. Have spent the last 48 hours wondering why I'm teary, feeling nauseous, dizzy etc. Sure I'm probably in withdrawal.

Anyway, gave it an auld kickstart this morning and hopefully by monday I'll be back in business.

nesf · 22-06-2012 1:16pm

neemish wrote: »

I don't know how I do it. If i get out of the routine at all I'm in trouble. Have spent the last 48 hours wondering why I'm teary, feeling nauseous, dizzy etc. Sure I'm probably in withdrawal.

Anyway, gave it an auld kickstart this morning and hopefully by monday I'll be back in business.

I'm lucky in that if I forget my Trileptal the previous night I'll spend the next day completely out of it and woozy. It makes it pretty clear that I've forgotten them (or had my drink spiked at home :P).

starviewadams · 22-06-2012 2:50pm

Couldn't afford to get my script for venlafaxine filled until today,so I was taking citalopram (to stave off withdrawals) that I had left over from when I was switched to venlafaxine,feel much more alert then I have in ages and slept better all week too.

Emotioncu · 23-06-2012 3:43pm

Depression is such a lonely illness, don't think i can live like this anymore, everyday so lonely and the feeling of emptiness and sadness - why go on ???

:(

pejay · 23-06-2012 3:49pm

Emotioncu wrote: »

Depression is such a lonely illness, don't think i can live like this anymore, everyday so lonely and the feeling of emptiness and sadness - why go on ??? :(

it is a lonely illness and i have those feelings to but you have to go on this is an illness but you will beat it, it will take time and i know its very frustrating the anxiety part of the illness cripples me, and i go to bed thinking i am sick and tired of fighting this rubbish, my medication is not working and i have been on so many i feel like a guinea pig for the doctors and no one understands what i feel like on a daily basis i cannot even do the basics that a woman does like go shopping, cook a dinner, clean my house, i feel like a failure to my kids and my husband as before i had my relapse i was able to do all these things all i can say is hold on in there and speak to your doctor on how you are feeling.

Are you currently on medication???

Emotioncu · 23-06-2012 3:58pm

Yes I am on medication but it doesn't seem to work and doctors don't seem to do anything - feeling alot worst in myself lately - no motivation, really lonely

cloud493 · 23-06-2012 4:43pm

Emotioncu wrote: »

Depression is such a lonely illness, don't think i can live like this anymore, everyday so lonely and the feeling of emptiness and sadness - why go on ??? :(

Cos its worth it isn't it.

Emotioncu · 23-06-2012 5:32pm

Doesn't feel worth it at the moment

cloud493 · 23-06-2012 6:44pm

Emotioncu wrote: »

Doesn't feel worth it at the moment

As I've said on this thread before, the night is darkest just before the dawn.

pejay · 23-06-2012 8:03pm

Emotioncu wrote: »

Yes I am on medication but it doesn't seem to work and doctors don't seem to do anything - feeling alot worst in myself lately - no motivation, really lonely

Maybe its worth going to see your doctor again and telling him the way you feel and that you feel the medication is not working there are lots of different medication out there its just a matter of finding the right one for you some work differently on others.

I have had to try 9 different tablets so far in the last four months and i am still quiet not there as i have up and down days and some days my anxiety is so high i cannot tolerate it.

Seren_ · 24-06-2012 5:54pm

Found my diary from when I was 16. It's not nice looking back at the horrible things I'd written about myself

Gillo · 24-06-2012 6:16pm

cloud493 wrote: »

Cos its worth it isn't it.

Just like L'Oreal;)

Doing ok this week, I've been up and down be generally ok.
I'm starting a six week training program for a chairty fight night with work so am looking really forward to that, it's three sessions a week which is a biggish commitment but something new to try and get into. Maybe it's a bit ironic but it's to raise money for Headstrong.

Lets all be anxious/depressed together.

Comments