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Dating?

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    #32
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Jakkass wrote: »
    That's simply relativity on your part though isn't it?
    Well no not really, unless you think that Christianity allows someone to know another person in the same way they know them when they are married. Which I would imagine we both agree it doesn't, though you no doubt don't see this as an issue where as I would.
    Jakkass wrote: »
    I'm also pretty sure that not all people in the secular world base their decisions as you do, or even people like you do.
    Which is why I said "people like myself." I didn't mean to imply that everyone in the secular world is like me. Such a thought would surely give me nightmares :)
    Jakkass wrote: »
    You can get to know someone without moving in with them in my view anyway.
    Well again it depends on what you mean. You can get to know them within the limits of th situations you find yourself in. For example if while dating someone I take a person out to dinner for a few dates, I get to know them within that situation, I get to know them up to a point. If I then meet them in a different situation, maybe out with their friends, I get to know them in that situation. To get to know someone really well you need to spend time with them in most of their daily situations, and it is impossible to do that without spending time with them where they spend most of their time, and where they are the most natural, ie in their home.

    But anway, we are going slightly off topic. I am under no illusion that I would convince any of you to move in with your unmarried girlfriend/boyfriends. That wasn't really my point.

    The point is that starting to date someone with the idea of "courtship" ultimately puts an unnatural pressure on the early days of the dating, which can ultimately snuff out the relationship before it develops. This doesn't really have anything to do with moving in together, it applies as much to a Christian as to an atheist, and I would say the same to both.


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    #33
    PDN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,686 ✭✭✭✭PDN


    The OP was not addressing the subject of cohabitation, but since others have raised it I should mention the fact that couples who live together before marriage are actually statistically more likely to get divorced.


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    #34
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    PDN wrote: »
    The OP was not addressing the subject of cohabitation, but since others have raised it I should mention the fact that couples who live together before marriage are actually statistically more likely to get divorced.

    And it should also probably be mentioned that the group that carried out that study, the American Centre for Disease Control, stated in the report did not draw the conclusion that living together before marriage was the cause of the relationship ending, rather there conclusion was that people who lived together before marriage were more likely to be the type of people who view divorce as acceptable, which was why more people who live together got divorce that those who didn't (40% rather than 31%)

    That hasn't stopped some people from drawing the conclusion that living together before marriage will damage the marriage, for themselves of course.


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    #35
    Tim Robbins
    Registered Users Posts: 8,963 ✭✭✭Tim Robbins


    PDN wrote: »
    The OP was not addressing the subject of cohabitation, but since others have raised it I should mention the fact that couples who live together before marriage are actually statistically more likely to get divorced.
    Those stats are usually skewed because they usually don't count couples that live together, don't get married and subsequently split up. Had they not lived together and just got married and split up, they would increase marriage break up stats for those that did not live together prior to their marriage.

    unfortunately there is a lot of CS Lewis logic on such surveys.


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    #36
    robindch
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 24,399 Mod ✭✭✭✭robindch


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Those stats are usually skewed because they usually don't count [...]
    Ah, is that the faintest whiff of James Dobson and 'Focus on the Family'?

    "Bringing you 74% more unreliable statistics than 112% of all creationists combined!"


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    #37
    PDN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,686 ✭✭✭✭PDN


    Wicknight wrote: »
    And it should also probably be mentioned that the group that carried out that study, the American Centre for Disease Control, stated in the report did not draw the conclusion that living together before marriage was the cause of the relationship ending, rather there conclusion was that people who lived together before marriage were more likely to be the type of people who view divorce as acceptable, which was why more people who live together got divorce that those who didn't (40% rather than 31%)

    That hasn't stopped some people from drawing the conclusion that living together before marriage will damage the marriage, for themselves of course.

    Actually I wasn't thinking about the American Center for Disease Control at all. There have been a number of surveys that have yielded similar results - I was thinking of one I read recently that was conducted in Germany.

    Of course different people will put different spin on the results - but the fact remains that a couple who cohabits before marriage is, on average, more likely to divorce.


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    #38
    PDN
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,686 ✭✭✭✭PDN


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Those stats are usually skewed because they usually don't count couples that live together, don't get married and subsequently split up. Had they not lived together and just got married and split up, they would increase marriage break up stats for those that did not live together prior to their marriage.

    unfortunately there is a lot of CS Lewis logic on such surveys.

    What absolute nonsense! You have no way of knowing whether they would have split up or not if they had got married.


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    #39
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    PDN wrote: »
    Of course different people will put different spin on the results - but the fact remains that a couple who cohabits before marriage is, on average, more likely to divorce.
    That is certainly true.


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    #40
    Zombrex
    Closed Accounts Posts: 25,848 ✭✭✭✭Zombrex


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    Those stats are usually skewed because they usually don't count couples that live together, don't get married and subsequently split up. Had they not lived together and just got married and split up, they would increase marriage break up stats for those that did not live together prior to their marriage.

    unfortunately there is a lot of CS Lewis logic on such surveys.

    In fairness they are only skewed if you try to draw the conclusion that living together before marriage leads to a greater risk of divorce, which PDN (apparently) isn't. The reality is that there is little evidence that living together before marriage causes marriages to fail.


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    #41
    Fanny Cradock
    Registered Users Posts: 10,245 ✭✭✭✭Fanny Cradock


    Tim Robbins wrote: »
    unfortunately there is a lot of CS Lewis logic on such surveys.

    Lately you seem to be accusing PDN of 'Lewisisms'. Don't you realise that it isn't the insult you intend it to be?


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