Requesting guest specific gift.

Gatica · 12-01-2015 12:22pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I was sketching last night and ended up drawing the stand mixer after getting a call from the mother of the bride.

Her and my mother are close and my moter had mentioned that I was baffled at their request. She called me to apologize. She said she was trying to reign them both in but that both regard the gift as payment for the invite.

She said they had decided to value my portrait at €35. I was totally taken back and furious! She valued the mixer at €200 and said that they thought that €235 was a reasonable gift!

Wow, the mother nearly made it worse (if that's even possible) with the explanation for the gift "request" on the invite...
The fact that they're even deciding/thinking about what a "reasonable" gift is, shows how deluded these people are. At the very least, if they're gonna be so crass, they should've at least done their research into what is usually considered a reasonable gift, and it's nowhere near 235pp... Also, it's such a slap in the face to estimate that an original painting is 35 Euro! You'd barely get a paper print in a plastic frame at Woodie's for that.

OP is right to be declining the invite. Delighted to hear that...

I wonder what they'll be doing for any future christening invites...? Estimate payment per person at maybe random figure of 157 Euro, so someone knitting a baby christening gown can expect it to be valued at 23 Euro, with the rest to be paid through a gift to the value of the difference - to be specified in an invitation, maybe a Nintendo DS for the older child?

Neyite · 12-01-2015 12:32pm

tombrown wrote: »

At the risk of being controversial here, I kind of feel a teensy bit sorry for the couple. Clearly delusional & ill advised, but they risk ruining their big day & will likely regret this for a long time to come. Its not like a birthday or Christmas event that they screw up & have a chance to get it right next year.

Wish someone would sit down & talk some sense to them ... I am sure it is not too late to put this right.

I've limited sympathy tbh. Clearly they came up with the idea themselves as its not the done thing at all. And the only reason they came up with the idea is to further their plans to have a) a budget wedding by asking guests to make or pay for elements of their wedding, and b) to profit from the wedding. That is a very mercenary and calculating way of thinking about gifts and guests, and shows that their wedding is just a vehicle for their greed. Even the mother is on board with it - She is ringing guests to justify their calculations, when what she should be doing is reading them the riot act!

Lau2976 · 13-01-2015 8:56pm

I finally got to sit down with my mam to hear what the m.o.b had said about it.

She said that the whole family has tried to talk them out of it but that they're having none of it. She said they honestly believe that if you can't "be bothered" to get the gift specified or call to arrange a switch then you don't deserve to be there. And that they valued everyone at 250 no matter what they thought your financial situation was.

They valued the portrait at 35 because that's what they said the materials were worth.

The cake guy was valued at 100 and they want him to spend 150 on a bike, and its not the only gift for him being asked for either.

ABajaninCork · 13-01-2015 8:58pm

I wouldn't bother wasting any more time or energy on these greedy, self-absorbed, self-entitled creatures.

Politely decline the invitation, and spend the money on a nice break away.

**** 'em...

LizT · 13-01-2015 8:59pm

RSVP that you can't be bothered

ballsymchugh · 13-01-2015 8:59pm

give them a framed photo of gerald keane and lisa murphy from the sindo. maybe the penny will drop with them sometime afterwards.

Stheno · 13-01-2015 8:59pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I finally got to sit down with my mam to hear what the m.o.b had said about it.

She said that the whole family has tried to talk them out of it but that they're having none of it. She said they honestly believe that if you can't "be bothered" to get the gift specified or call to arrange a switch then you don't deserve to be there. And that they valued everyone at 250 no matter what they thought your financial situation was.

They valued the portrait at 35 because that's what they said the materials were worth.

The cake guy was valued at 100 and they want him to spend 150 on a bike, and its not the only gift for him being asked for either.

Do you have to deliver the gift prior to the wedding so they can confirm its the right one or uninvited you if you don't cooperate?

Gerry T · 13-01-2015 9:03pm

Just say the portrait is worth €1,500 and if you do one could they send you a cheque for the €1,250 and you would be happy to attend

Teyla Emmagan · 13-01-2015 9:08pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I finally got to sit down with my mam to hear what the m.o.b had said about it.

She said that the whole family has tried to talk them out of it but that they're having none of it. She said they honestly believe that if you can't "be bothered" to get the gift specified or call to arrange a switch then you don't deserve to be there. And that they valued everyone at 250 no matter what they thought your financial situation was.

They valued the portrait at 35 because that's what they said the materials were worth.

The cake guy was valued at 100 and they want him to spend 150 on a bike, and its not the only gift for him being asked for either.

That's just shocking. And so mercenary? I am actually appalled.

At least you have had the sense to decline. I feel really sorry for the cake guy though because he is still going through with all his effort, which is obviously rated as next to nothing. The sheer time and creativity that goes into making a wedding cake/cupcakes (or a portrait) and all discounted as if it's peanuts. What a horrible couple. Most people would be over the moon to have friends who are happy to contribute to their wedding, and they discount all of it.

And the unspeakable cheek of thinking that anyone that comes to their wedding should automatically stump up 250 euro?!?

It's actually hard to wish them well.

Zaph · 13-01-2015 9:10pm

ballsymchugh wrote: »

give them a framed photo of gerald keane and lisa murphy from the sindo. maybe the penny will drop with them sometime afterwards.

Having met Gerald a number of times in the past, I can assure you that he would never be as rude and crass as this pair. He's actually a gentleman and he'd be horrified to know he was being compared to the bride and groom. Although I suspect that Hitler or Pol Pot would stand a chance of being more favourably looked upon than them right now.

ABajaninCork · 13-01-2015 9:13pm

E100 for a cake! Good luck with that one. Even a cake from M & S costs more than that...If I were Mr Cake Man, I'd be giving them a bill for the ingredients which would cost that alone. :mad:

ballsymchugh · 13-01-2015 9:20pm

Zaph wrote: »

Having met Gerald a number of times in the past, I can assure you that he would never be as rude and crass as this pair. He's actually a gentleman and he'd be horrified to know he was being compared to the bride and groom. Although I suspect that Hitler or Pol Pot would stand a chance of being more favourably looked upon than them right now.

you're probably right.

bill cullen and herself indoors it is then.

aunt aggie · 13-01-2015 9:22pm

ABajaninCork wrote: »

E100 for a cake! Good luck with that one. Even a cake from M & S costs more than that...If I were Mr Cake Man, I'd be giving them a bill for the ingredients which would cost that alone. :mad:

A single tier cake and god knows how many cupcakes.

I used to love a speciality cupcake shop in Galway when I lived closer. One look at their facebook page let you know just how much work is involved in baking a few hundred cupcakes. The woman used to be in the bakery at 6am and putting posts on fb to see if any customers had requests. Lovely lady, she always had offers on but I'd never begrudge her selling prices. Its a business after all. This couple are just trying to fleece people.

OP, do you know anyone who has had this couple as guests at their wedding? I was wondering if they were willing to stump up 500E for gifts between them. Am I right that its 250E per guest rather than per couple?

Lisha · 13-01-2015 9:23pm

ballsymchugh wrote: »

give them a framed photo of gerald keane and lisa murphy from the sindo. maybe the penny will drop with them sometime afterwards.

Imho Gerald and Lisa do not deserve that insult.

HiGlo · 13-01-2015 9:28pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I finally got to sit down with my mam to hear what the m.o.b had said about it.

She said that the whole family has tried to talk them out of it but that they're having none of it. She said they honestly believe that if you can't "be bothered" to get the gift specified or call to arrange a switch then you don't deserve to be there. And that they valued everyone at 250 no matter what they thought your financial situation was.

They valued the portrait at 35 because that's what they said the materials were worth.

The cake guy was valued at 100 and they want him to spend 150 on a bike, and its not the only gift for him being asked for either.

Disgusting people.

HeidiHeidi · 13-01-2015 9:32pm

OP, I'm nearly afraid to ask - but I take it that along with declining the invitation to their wedding, you've also declined to do the portrait? (I'm assuming the stand mixer is long gone from the equation.)

You just strike me as the nice type who would wind up doing the portrait anyway, and I really hope that you can find a way out of that. They simply don't deserve it.

I thought I'd heard it all on the weddingzilla front, but this one bates Banagher.

Tarzana2 · 13-01-2015 9:48pm

Dovies wrote: »

The thing is I dont think they will ruin their day because I imagine a lot of people will stump up the gift requested as they are too embarassed not to or don't have a problem with it.

Hmmm, I dunno, a close friend is declining the invitation (cake dude) and now the OP aswell.

heldel00 · 13-01-2015 9:57pm

Buy them a cheapo hand mixer from argos and say nothing! Sure what are they gonna do after wedding anyway.
Go to wedding with your hand mixer in tow, drink as much as ya can, eat as much as ya can, fill your handbag with whatever you can't, snog the best man, insult either mother of bride/groom and dance the pants (literally) off yourself!

13-01-2015 10:21pm

aunt aggie wrote: »

A single tier cake and god knows how many cupcakes.

I used to love a speciality cupcake shop in Galway when I lived closer. One look at their facebook page let you know just how much work is involved in baking a few hundred cupcakes. The woman used to be in the bakery at 6am and putting posts on fb to see if any customers had requests. Lovely lady, she always had offers on but I'd never begrudge her selling prices. Its a business after all. This couple are just trying to fleece people.

OP, do you know anyone who has had this couple as guests at their wedding? I was wondering if they were willing to stump up 500E for gifts between them. Am I right that its 250E per guest rather than per couple?

I think a dozen cupcakes will suffice!

OP, PLEASE let us know how the Wedding turns out!

Gerry T · 13-01-2015 10:25pm

I think an impressionist portrait, depicting the inner beauty of the lovely couple would be fitting.

13-01-2015 10:42pm

Gerry T wrote: »

I think an impressionist portrait, depicting the inner beauty of the lovely couple would be fitting.

How the Hell would you depict the inner beauty of that pair? With € £ or $ signs?

Tarzana2 · 13-01-2015 10:54pm

Zaph wrote: »

Having met Gerald a number of times in the past, I can assure you that he would never be as rude and crass as this pair. He's actually a gentleman and he'd be horrified to know he was being compared to the bride and groom.

This is so cringeworthy.

13-01-2015 10:55pm

sticking up for an acquaintance??

aunt aggie · 13-01-2015 11:34pm

Deleted User wrote: »

I think a dozen cupcakes will suffice!

OP, PLEASE let us know how the Wedding turns out!

Ohh yes!!!! I went off track, just pointing out that in a business you would be making a few hundred... and the time and effort that goes into that is huge!!

AND a few dozen cupcakes are not to be scoffed at when its done professionally. They would be worth 100E before cake dude got onto the single tier wedding cake.

Tarzana2 · 13-01-2015 11:57pm

bluewolf wrote: »

sticking up for an acquaintance??

Yeah. How well do any of us know our acquaintances? Plus, it just came across as biased namedropping. Bleurgh. Not that the original comment on Kean made much sense.

Zaph · 14-01-2015 12:13am

Tarzana2 wrote: »

Yeah. How well do any of us know our acquaintances? Plus, it just came across as biased namedropping. Bleurgh. Not that the original comment on Kean made much sense.

If I wanted to namedrop don't you think that I'd have chosen someone who was actually famous? But anyway, this is all off topic so I'll leave it at that.

Tarzana2 · 14-01-2015 12:28am

Zaph wrote: »

If I wanted to namedrop don't you think that I'd have chosen someone who was actually famous?

By Irish standards he is well-known, as I'm sure you well know. Either way, cringe.

Oryx · 14-01-2015 12:47am

If even 40 people (couples, whatever) stump up the gift, thats ten grand. Not a bad haul for a days work.

ballsymchugh · 14-01-2015 1:08am

it was this image that i had in my head when i mentioned him.
although zaph says he's above that, i'm sure you get the idea.

what kind of protrait have the couple in mind? does it involve a siberian tiger and will it take pride of place over the mantlepiece?

could always just draw them as matchstick people and stick photos of their heads on top. charge them top dollar for the matchsticks.

Gatica · 14-01-2015 10:19am

Can I ask how you know these people, OP?

I'm absolutely gob-smacked... whatever about secretly wishing for gifts or hinting at cash, this takes the biscuit. I don't know anyone that gives a 250 gift pp, maybe only very close family if they can afford it. Presumptuous beyond belief. Maybe if you're cutting ties with them, you could point them to this thread, maybe that'll knock them back to reality if the family has failed.

RainyDay · 14-01-2015 11:17am

ballsymchugh wrote: »

you're probably right.

bill cullen and herself indoors it is then.

Jackie would be very surprised to be mentioned in this context. Well, Jackie would LOOK very surprised at being mentioned in this context. Well, Jackie pretty-much looks surprised all the time.

Toots · 14-01-2015 11:18am

Keep It Civil
It's nice to be nice, in fact, we insist on it. Getting married and wedding planning can be a very stressful time. Let's keep tempers in check and keep the tone supportive and friendly. Do not Troll, Flame or attack other posters. Everyone has differing opinions on what they like and don't like (especially when it comes to gifts) and that's great, but posting in a confrontational, argumentative way is not on, and will earn a warning/infraction, or even a ban.

I'm sure that everyone posting on the thread has read the forum charter, but in case they haven't I suggest they do it now (link is in my sig). Tarzana2, please take note of the section above.

Tarzana2 · 14-01-2015 6:06pm

Oryx wrote: »

If even 40 people (couples, whatever) stump up the gift, thats ten grand. Not a bad haul for a days work.

It'd be interesting to know what happens with this wedding! Not sure if the OP would be willing to give much details though, too identifiable maybe. Then again, it can probably already be identified.

dixiefly · 14-01-2015 6:16pm

Lau2976 wrote: »

I decided to give the benefit if the doubt and thought maybe they had forgotten about the portrait but just received a text from the groom asking if I can confirm the date for the sitting as they need to arrange a sitter. And a nice little side note asking if I needed to swap what gift I was getting them as they have other people asking to get them different things

I think I might buy the mixer, paint it and then keep it for myself!

They have also asked the guy who's making the cake to add on 90 cupcakes. And then sent him the measurements for the bike!

Can you not just text back saying that the portrait is the present?

edit, just saw your most recent post. If it was me I would just decline and not do the painting at all if that's all they value it at. Then send on a good wishes card before the bog day.

Neyite · 14-01-2015 6:22pm

Dear Bride and Groom,

I'd be honoured to attend your wedding.

My fee for personal appearances is €1,000 for a day and night, with 'friends discount' of 50%, the final amount of €500, payable in full will be expected prior to the day on which my presence is required.

Regards,

Lau2976

wdmfapq4zs83hv · 14-01-2015 8:21pm

Id really love to know how the invitation was worded? How do you even begin to word something so rude??

Toots · 14-01-2015 8:44pm

"Dear Person,

We have decided that we would like some new stuff for our house. We want a stand mixer, one of those really expensive ones. It has to cost over €200.

We also want to commission a portrait of us. Well, we say 'commission', what we really mean is we want you to spend many hours and use many supplies to paint a portrait of us, but we're not paying you.

You may not realise, but we are qualified art appraisers. We have placed a value of €35 on your work. Actually, we need the gifts you give us to amount to a cash value of €250, so you'll need to put another few bob to the stand mixer. Or buy us some over-priced accessories to go with it.

Do these things, and you will be rewarded with an invitation to an event we are hosting. You should feel very honoured; we are fairly sure others would kill for this opportunity. The event is being billed as a wedding, however it is actually a massive grift.

Ring us to confirm that you have bought an acceptable stand mixer. We will be coming to your house to sit for the portrait. We expect to be fed while we are there.

Yours in sickening greed,

The most deluded swines in the world.

PS: We are getting married.
PPS: It's on this date.
PPPS: This is not an invitation, it's an invoice, payable by supplying the goods listed above.
PPPS: When the above items are ready for delivery, contact us, and we will issue your invitation.
PPPPS: If for some reason you are unable to acquire a stand mixer, please contact us to arrange an alternative gift. There are many to choose from ie: a bike for our child, a playstation 4, a functioning kidney, your first born child, or a voucher for a course of laser treatments to remove the brass embedded in our necks.

Oryx · 14-01-2015 8:47pm

Bravo, Toots. Bravo

eviltwin · 14-01-2015 8:51pm

Congratulations OP, I think you win the award for the "most outrageous bride and groom". I've never read anything as :eek: as this one. Beats even meal gate.

I think everyone has said all that needs to be said. These people don't deserve your painting and all the time and work that has gone into it. They don't deserve their bloody cake mixer or whatever it is. I think I would just bin the invite tbh and not go.

ABajaninCork · 14-01-2015 9:22pm

LOOOL @ Toots!!!

QuiteInterestin · 14-01-2015 10:37pm

I don't suppose you could show us the invite (with the identifying details blanked out) - can't get my head around how such an invite would even be worded. But your absolutely right not to go, on top of their rudeness in requesting a gift, to put such little value on what most people have the cop on to realise is a really unique and valuable gift is even worse. They're probably justifying the gift request by telling themselves how nice and easy they've made it for all their guests telling them exactly what to get for them.

ABajaninCork · 14-01-2015 10:49pm

QuiteInterestin wrote: »

I don't suppose you could show us the invite (with the identifying details blanked out) - can't get my head around how such an invite would even be worded. But your absolutely right not to go, on top of their rudeness in requesting a gift, to put such little value on what most people have the cop on to realise is a really unique and valuable gift is even worse. They're probably justifying the gift request by telling themselves how nice and easy they've made it for all their guests telling tell exactly what to get for them.

Spot on. I suspect this was exactly the thinking. Along with 'If you don't have 250 quid, regardless of the circumstances, then you can't come'

I wish I were a fly on the wall, when they dreamed this hot mess up!

tinkerbell · 15-01-2015 12:03am

Un-fckin-believable. I'm just speechless.

OP, under no circumstances are you to paint a portrait of those two arrogant dip****s or get them any present. Do not even send a card. And I wouldn't even politely decline. I'd simply tell them to go fck themselves.

Please talk to cake guy and tell him what they said, he deserves to know and he shouldn't be making them a cake or cupcakes. Even giving them a crumb would be more than they deserve. Jees, I'm just so bloody angry reading this, that couple are rotten to the core, absolute rotten horrible people. I hope nobody goes to their stupid wedding. Stupid selfish gits.

seventeen sheep · 15-01-2015 12:09am

eviltwin wrote: »

I think I would just bin the invite tbh and not go.

While I agree with you in principle ... We NEED to know what happens on the day!

Gatica · 15-01-2015 8:53am

Toots wrote: »

or a voucher for a course of laser treatments to remove the brass embedded in our necks.

ROFL!!!

I honestly still don't know how to weight-up gift-gate ppl vs dinner-gate ppl.... still as bad as each-other. come to my wedding where I spring the dinner-bill on you (? - can't remember the outcome) or you won't get an invite to my wedding if you don't buy me this expensive gift (and in some cases give me of your time and effort too). Is it pot or kettle? I dunno, they're both black...

Oryx · 15-01-2015 11:46am

I really hope this prospective bride and groom read this thread. I think it would be good for them!

Milly33 · 15-01-2015 4:54pm

just catching up on this. haha I cant believe they went to the effort of valuing the gifts that people had already offered to give to them..Oh the cheek, the cheek.. Even that well I have for one never given €250 in cash or present as a wedding gift. I would me max €150 and that's it things were good..

I would so give them nothing at all and still attend and say ohh ye must have lost the pressie..

Oryx · 15-01-2015 5:07pm

Go to the wedding. Say the present is on order, and you're waiting on delivery. Say also, that you will have them for that portrait sitting after the honeymoon. All lies, naturally. The delivery that will never come... the sitting that will somehow, never suit....

FurBabyMomma · 15-01-2015 5:56pm

Oryx wrote: »

I really hope this prospective bride and groom read this thread. I think it would be good for them!

I'd like to think that too buy if there own families couldn't make them see sense then what chance do a bunch of strangers on the Internet have?

I'd love if everyone bought exactly what was their invitation, then sent the gifts... And didn't show up themselves. Let the selfish pair spend their wedding day with the items that were so important to them, rather than the friends and family that should be.

Milly33 · 15-01-2015 6:08pm

very good idea

Requesting guest specific gift.

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