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husband going home for six weeks

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    #32
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    bruno79 wrote: »
    He got a stamp 4 when wr married meaning he leagally is entitled to stay now and work

    I'd be worried if I were you
    he appears to have little means, got a visa to stay here once you married still can't get a mobile in his own name, has borrowed off you to go home, and his family think you are just a girlfriend??
    Do you not see anything wrong here:


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    #33
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    bruno79 wrote: »
    Yes we were legaly married he told me im to fat to be accepted by his family that his culture frown upon overweight women im only averagely overweight i think he wanted to go home withoyt any issues abd becauae we not long together his fanily will go crazy

    So being brutal he married you for the visa
    Get out


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    #34
    Ursus Horribilis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,168 ✭✭✭Ursus Horribilis


    I don't know how to say this to you without being hurtful but it makes sense that he'd go for someone like you. A bit vulnerable, low self esteem perhaps? It didn't surprise me when you mentioned your weight. Have you had many boyfriends in recent years?

    I've got a horrible feeling he chose you as his meal ticket and has told you a pack of lies to keep you hidden from his family. Worse still, you're choosing to believe them because you don't want to face up to what is obvious to the rest of us.


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    #35
    maggiepip
    Registered Users Posts: 1,099 ✭✭✭maggiepip


    Saying that you're too fat to be accepted by his family is straightforward emotional abuse and manipulation. Im sorry op but you have big problems with this man.


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    #36
    bruno79
    Registered Users Posts: 22 ✭bruno79


    Vut his sster in law asked me to come next year with him they like to meet me but he told 2 friends hr married tge rest of the time if someobe rings ive to be quiet as he not ment to be living with a woman before marraige at the start he told all facebook he engaged then took it off his profile all of a sudden shurley he cant fake love can he we spent every day chating on phone n at home we never left each others sides in a year this r first time apart


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    #37
    Stheno
    Moderators, Business & Finance Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 51,687 Mod ✭✭✭✭Stheno


    bruno79 wrote: »
    Vut his sster in law asked me to come next year with him they like to meet me but he told 2 friends hr married tge rest of the time if someobe rings ive to be quiet as he not ment to be living with a woman before marraige at the start he told all facebook he engaged then took it off his profile all of a sudden shurley he cant fake love can he we spent every day chating on phone n at home we never left each others sides in a year this r first time apart

    Op it's not normal to live a life where you have to pretend you are not around if someone rings your husband

    Are you Irish? Do you have any family you can talk to?


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    #38
    Tilly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,987 ✭✭✭Tilly


    I take back my first comment. Knowing a lot more facts now it would seem that you have reason to be worried. Can you tell me what he actually brings to the relationship for you?


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    #39
    kylith
    Registered Users Posts: 17,736 ✭✭✭✭kylith


    OP, realistically you can't know until he comes back if he is going to come back.

    Now, maybe he married you because he loves you but, to put it bluntly, marrying you was how he got a visa to stay in the country. Did he push for such a quick marriage?

    In all honesty warning bells are ringing here: you paid for his ticket, you gave him spending money, his phone contract is in your name. God only knows what he's put in your name since you got married. This 'cultural problem with being overweight' sounds like total BS to me; where is he from? Has he been in contact with you since he went away?

    And yes, some people can fake love very easily.


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    #40
    Emme
    Registered Users Posts: 4,055 ✭✭✭Emme


    bruno79 wrote: »
    Yes we were legaly married he told me im to fat to be accepted by his family that his culture frown upon overweight women im only averagely overweight i think he wanted to go home withoyt any issues abd becauae we not long together his fanily will go crazy

    That seems strange. I dated an Indian guy (Hindu) for a few months and while we were together I went from a size 10 to a 12 because he kept feeding me up. He said that curvier women were liked in India - look at Bollywood actresses.

    OP your husband said he was divorced but if you haven't met his family how do you know the marriage is still over? In some religions it is accepted to have more than one wife.

    It is not legal to have more than one wife in Ireland.

    It is strange for him to go home for such a long time and not bring you with him. Particularly if he used all his wages to pay for his ticket home. Has he contributed financially to your household at all or are you bankrolling him?

    I would advise you to meet with trusted friends or family and discuss your concerns with them. Swallow your pride and them say what they want. You need to have support behind you when your husband comes back so you can face whatever it is you are afraid of. Do you have any assets in your name such as a house or apartment? If so it might be a good idea to seek legal advice.


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    #41
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    There is no culture that frowns on overweight or slightly overweight people to the extent that they are ostracised from family. He is lying.

    And certainly not a Muslim and Indian one. In fact, in many Middle East and Eastern countries, carrying around a bit of weight traditionally indicated you eat well and therefore had prosperity and wealth - which were good things to have.

    It takes a special kind of asshole to twist the fact he doesn't want to introduce his wife to his family in such a way that he blames her for being too overweight to meet them. :mad:

    You paid for his flights, his spending money, his phone. You have, by marrying him, given him something extremely valuable - the right to work and live in Ireland. This is not sounding good OP.


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    #42
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,406 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    OP, where are your family in all of this? I would almost put money on you not having a good relationship with them/being estranged.

    You sound extremely vulnerable and naïve, with low self-esteem. The perfect personality trifecta for a cynical visa-hunter. I'm guessing that he was the one driving the relationship to the next level from the start; he suggested moving in together, he was the one who proposed early, he was the one pushing for the marriage.

    How did you meet? What did/do your friends think of him? Have you met any of his friends?

    What about his first marriage? Was she Indian? Did it take place in India? How long are they divorced? How long had he been in Ireland before he met you? I'm not firing all these questions at you out of nosiness, I just want you to think about how well you actually know this man.

    This entire situation stinks to high heaven for me and if I were you, I'd be doing as much digging as possible to find out whether or not his first marriage ever actually legally ended.


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    #43
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    OP, I see from some of your other threads that you're a Mum- surely then you wouldn't be able to go to India for 7 weeks this time of year? Where are you getting your money to pay for his ticket and give him spending money?


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    #44
    giggle84
    Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭giggle84


    Emme wrote: »
    It is strange for him to go home for such a long time and not bring you with him. Particularly if he used all his wages to pay for his ticket home.

    And if he has a new job? How is he getting that much time off?

    None of this sounds good.


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    #45
    strandroad
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,676 ✭✭✭strandroad


    I'm sorry to be blunt OP but from the facts you describe he's a bully, a liar and a leech.

    He did not marry you out of love and he does not think about you as his true wife, his family will not know that you exist at all if he can help it. You're not a person, but a passport, credit card and a roof over his head to him.

    He's using and abusing your generosity and naivety and gives nothing but empty words and lies back.

    Do you have anyone to turn to for support?


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    #46
    giggle84
    Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭giggle84


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    OP, I see from some of your other threads that you're a Mum- surely then you wouldn't be able to go to India for 7 weeks this time of year? Where are you getting your money to pay for his ticket and give him spending money?

    I had a look at other threads too.. OP did you get married in Northern Ireland?


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    #47
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,406 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    giggle84 wrote: »
    I had a look at other threads too.. OP did you get married in Northern Ireland?

    I don't know what difference you think that makes, her marriage is no less legally valid if she did.


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    #48
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,655 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Dial Hard wrote: »
    I don't know what difference you think that makes, her marriage is no less legally valid if she did.

    Presumably they're asking because you don't need to give as much notice to get married in NI as you do in the Republic. It's 3 months in the Republic, but you can leave it as late as 28 days in advance in NI, afaik. It may indicate a rushed marriage.


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    #49
    giggle84
    Registered Users Posts: 168 ✭✭giggle84


    Faith wrote: »
    Presumably they're asking because you don't need to give as much notice to get married in NI as you do in the Republic. It's 3 months in the Republic, but you can leave it as late as 28 days in advance in NI, afaik. It may indicate a rushed marriage.

    Exactly. I'm wondering whose idea it was to get married up North and what the logic behind it was.

    Plus to become an Irish citizen he would have to be married to and living with the OP for 3 years. If he then wanted to divorce her he would have to wait 4 years if they married here, up north it's only 2 years.


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    #50
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,406 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    Faith wrote: »
    Presumably they're asking because you don't need to give as much notice to get married in NI as you do in the Republic. It's 3 months in the Republic, but you can leave it as late as 28 days in advance in NI, afaik. It may indicate a rushed marriage.

    It's two months' notice for non-resident couples. But I think we're all pretty much agreed that it was rushed either way.


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    #51
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    And now he doesn't just have a right to work in the Republic. He has the right to work in the UK... A much bigger area and a huge urbanised population at that. So what's to say he hasn't taken his wages, the money the OP gave him for flights, and gone to London/Manchester etc to set up shop.

    Op please mind yourself. I think you need someone to talk to offline, be it a solicitor or a trusted family member. There's no shame in what's happened here. You have a good heart. X


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    #52
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    If your husband forgets about you after 6 weeks there is a serious problem there already! I did a long distance relationship for roughly 5 months and we we weren't even married. If you are both committed it shouldn't be a problem


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    #53
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,406 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    observer123 wrote:
    If your husband forgets about you after 6 weeks there is a serious problem there already! I did a long distance relationship for roughly 5 months and we we weren't even married. If you are both committed it shouldn't be a problem


    Did you even read past the original post?


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    #54
    Wright
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,120 ✭✭✭Wright


    Ironic username there observer.


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    #55
    daveville30
    Registered Users Posts: 220 ✭✭daveville30


    bruno79 wrote: »
    His family dont know were married as they are very strict and we got married after 8 months. Of meeting

    he's probably going home to divorce his other wife.


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