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My own Ross Geller problem

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  • 23-05-2008 4:03pm
    #1
    christeb
    Registered Users Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭


    OK, so I bring in sandwiches to work - 3 whole sandwiches wrapped up in tin foil - that's 6 slices if that's how you count...

    The event in question has happened twice, what to do???

    I've come to the fridge, to find the package has been opened and someone has taken a sandwich out and repacked. Its really starting to freak me out!

    The office is not big, maybve 20 people in total, but my Co. only accounts for a small amount of that, so I can start goign around and smelling people's breath, examining desks for crumbs etc.

    I was thinking of lacing the top sandwich with some sort of laxative, the culprit should then be easily identifiable later in the day:eek:.

    Any other ideas?


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Comments

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    #2
    whiskeyman
    Registered Users Posts: 12,564 ✭✭✭✭whiskeyman


    Poo sandwiches ftw!


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    #3
    Rb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    Forget laxatives. Just stick a load of sewing needles/thumb tacks in the sandwhich.

    You'll identify her much quicker and more effectively.

    Then stab them on their way to the car that evening.


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    #4
    Collie D
    Registered Users Posts: 11,308 ✭✭✭✭Collie D


    Poison sandwiches...this warrants murder. Either that or put a post-it note on your sambos.


    Wouldn't go putting laxatives on anything, you could end up with a assault charge on your hands.


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    #5
    Cool_CM
    Registered Users Posts: 4,937 ✭✭✭Cool_CM


    Lunchbox and padlock
    Or else a razor blade in the top sandwich, a bit harsh though


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    #6
    christeb
    Registered Users Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭christeb


    All excellent advice

    My question is though - what kind of sick deranged animal eats someone elses sandwiches??


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    #7
    AlmightyCushion
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators Posts: 35,054 Mod ✭✭✭✭AlmightyCushion


    Murder one of your co-workers each day. The one day your sandwhiches aren't gone then the person you murdered that day is the culprit. Extreme? Maybe but desperate times call for desperate measures.


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    #8
    Rb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    christeb wrote: »
    All excellent advice

    My question is though - what kind of sick deranged animal eats someone elses sandwiches??
    They're obviously poor and can't afford their own lunch.

    Kidnap their children, that'll show them.


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    #9
    Sangre
    Registered Users Posts: 12,153 ✭✭✭✭Sangre


    Rb wrote: »
    They're obviously poor and can't afford their own lunch.

    Kidnap their children, that'll show them.
    Better yet kidnap their children, kill them and then make sandwhiches out of them.


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    #10
    star-pants
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,429 ✭✭✭✭star-pants


    I'd be fairly ticked off if someone ate my lunch....

    hmmm good suggestions.... you could also put tobasco sauce or paprika or something uber spicey on the sandwich, oooh maybe a little bit on the bread outside too... so that if they get it on their fingers n rub their eyes it'll sting!!


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    #11
    funk-you
    Registered Users Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭funk-you


    christeb wrote: »
    OK, so I bring in sandwiches to work - 3 whole sandwiches wrapped up in tin foil - that's 6 slices if that's how you count...

    The event in question has happened twice, what to do???

    I've come to the fridge, to find the package has been opened and someone has taken a sandwich out and repacked. Its really starting to freak me out!

    The office is not big, maybve 20 people in total, but my Co. only accounts for a small amount of that, so I can start goign around and smelling people's breath, examining desks for crumbs etc.

    I was thinking of lacing the top sandwich with some sort of laxative, the culprit should then be easily identifiable later in the day:eek:.

    Any other ideas?

    Under the slice of bread leave a note saying "this is not yours you cheap f/ck" When he bites into it the note will come out and he'll read it.

    -Funk


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    #12
    Caoimhín
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭Caoimhín


    AlmightyCushion wrote: »
    Murder one of your co-workers each day. The one day your sandwhiches aren't gone then the person you murdered that day is the culprit. Extreme? Maybe but desperate times call for desperate measures.

    And rape, dont forget the auld raping.


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    #13
    Nerin
    Registered Users Posts: 10,523 ✭✭✭✭Nerin


    quality thread!!!
    :D
    king lycaon idea for the win. feed em human flesssh


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    #14
    Radharc na Sleibhte
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Radharc na Sleibhte


    http://www.chilefarm.co.uk/sauces6.html

    A small spreading of any of the sauces featured and your culprit will be making himself know whether he/she likes it or not.


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    #15
    funk-you
    Registered Users Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭funk-you


    Or you could just rub one out onto the sambo i suppose.

    -Funk


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    #16
    Radharc na Sleibhte
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Radharc na Sleibhte


    What kind of dirty skobie eats a (more or less) strangers sandwich?
    Sandwiches, either have to be made by me, or in front of me, otherwise no. I dunno why.


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    #17
    Sir Digby Chicken Caesar
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23,556 ✭✭✭✭Sir Digby Chicken Caesar


    start spreading it around the office that you love slug sandwhiches and the weather is just great for them this time of year.


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    #18
    Bogger77
    Registered Users Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭Bogger77


    Chilli seeds, ftw!!


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    #19
    gogglebok
    Closed Accounts Posts: 696 ✭✭✭gogglebok


    The note inside the sandwich is a brilliant tip. Please do it and let us know how you get on.

    You could also hook them up to a loud alarm of some sort, but that sounds a tad impractical unless you're working for a secutiry equipment firm.


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    #20
    Radharc na Sleibhte
    Registered Users Posts: 2,534 ✭✭✭Radharc na Sleibhte


    Stick a few bum pubes in.
    (NB: Just remember which one said pubes are in)


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    #21
    r3nu4l
    Registered Users Posts: 17,399 ✭✭✭✭r3nu4l


    OP, it's better that they eat your sandwich than fill it with man relish before re-wrapping it for you to eat :D:D

    /Dang, we need an evil smilie!


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    #22
    arbeitsscheuer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,391 ✭✭✭arbeitsscheuer


    booby-trap the sandwiches with a small explosive device. Next day, whoever's missing a hand is your culprit.


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    #23
    Rb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    Sangre wrote: »
    Better yet kidnap their children, kill them and then make sandwhiches out of them.
    Nice


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    #24
    bronte
    Registered Users Posts: 11,331 ✭✭✭✭bronte


    Picolax Ftw.
    I'm also liking the note idea..you could even say 'I'm glad you enjoyed my sandwich yesterday, what kind would you prefer tomorrow?'
    Shame them into fecking off.


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    #25
    christeb
    Registered Users Posts: 2,435 ✭✭✭christeb


    Hilarious replies, my workmates (the SCUM) think I'm crazy giggling away

    OK seeing as though I'm a bit of a pacifist I'll start with the strongly worded note inside the sandwich.

    Thing is though, I don't want to wreck a sandwich every day (the 2 incidents have been spread out a couple of weeks), so I'll need some sort of protective covering for the note, to save them from the Caesar salad dressing that lurks within.

    As you can tell the sandwiches are very important to me


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    #26
    Rb
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,277 ✭✭✭✭Rb


    r3nu4l wrote: »
    /Dang, we need an evil smilie!

    If you enter the charity raffle, you could win the ability to choose a new smiley for boards.


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    #27
    'Ol Jack Chance
    Closed Accounts Posts: 337 ✭✭'Ol Jack Chance


    a nice nitrogylcerine paste spread (carefully!) over the meat filling would go down a treat. as soon as our samburgaler chum bites down on that sandwich...kabloowie...no more chewing food


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    #28
    Caoimhín
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,789 ✭✭✭Caoimhín


    christeb wrote: »
    Hilarious replies, my workmates (the SCUM) think I'm crazy giggling away

    OK seeing as though I'm a bit of a pacifist I'll start with the strongly worded note inside the sandwich.

    As you can tell the sandwiches are very important to me

    I really think you try raping their children first, much more subtle.


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    #29
    The guy
    Registered Users Posts: 1,373 ✭✭✭The guy


    Place a slow acting poison in it that turns their face red, sell them the antidote for 1 million dollars.

    http://jcwinnie.biz/wordpress/imageSnag/Dr_Evil.jpg


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    #30
    JazzyJ
    Registered Users Posts: 683 ✭✭✭JazzyJ


    funk-you wrote: »
    Or you could just rub one out onto the sambo i suppose.

    -Funk
    funk-you wrote: »
    Under the slice of bread leave a note saying "this is not yours you cheap f/ck" When he bites into it the note will come out and he'll read it.

    -Funk

    You've right idea here, but just combine the two, 1st day the dodgy sandwich, 2nd day a note telling them what delicious filling they had the previous day.


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    #31
    arbeitsscheuer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,391 ✭✭✭arbeitsscheuer


    caoibhin wrote: »
    I really think you try raping their children first, much more subtle.
    Possibly too subtle. Remember: These are filthy ignorant sandwich-stealing monsters we're talking about here, not real people. Raping them might get the message across, but I'd still counsel physical violence - they might like being raped, and then you're back at square one. It's a dilemma.


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