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Basing your whole life around your Boy/Girlfriend

  • 04-02-2009 10:11pm
    #1
    Blisterman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,459 ✭✭✭


    Everyone knows people like this, who get into a serious relationship, and it takes over their life. They lose contact with their friends, spend nearly every spare minute with their partner, and won't go anywhere without the other.

    Personally I think it's ridiculous. Every time I've had a girlfriend, we'd see each other 3, maybe 4 times a week. Other than that, we spend our time with individual friends, individual hobbies etc. It means that when we would meet up, we'd appreciate each others company more, and we'd have something to talk about. If I had to spend all my time with just one person, we'd be sick of each other within a month.

    That being said, I've never been 'in love', so maybe I'm not the judge on this.

    What do you people think? Is there anything wrong with spending all your time with someone? Do you do it? Would you expect a potential boy/girlfriend to do it? Am I just a cold hearted bastard?


Comments

  • #2
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    We have a yo-yo friend like this. It gets very tiring!

    People need to have a life outside a relationship and not just make that one person their life.


  • #3
    ciano1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,142 ✭✭✭ciano1


    Eh..Maybe its your the problem,Not the girlfriend

    Suppose a gf is a good excuse:p


  • #4
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Basing life around OH = Epic Fail.

    Relationship over = structure gone.
    No structure = melt down.

    There is no support system if you blank friends / the world.

    Next question?


  • #5
    hunter164
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,081 ✭✭✭hunter164


    What about people that don't have any friends? And so base their lives around their OH?


  • #6
    Kiera
    Closed Accounts Posts: 13,130 ✭✭✭✭Kiera


    hunter164 wrote: »
    What about people that don't have any friends? And so base their lives around their OH?
    They're called weirdos.


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  • #7
    Turd Ferguson
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,193 ✭✭✭Turd Ferguson


    I dont have this problem as I am painfully lonely single.

    But I've known people like that and its pretty stupid alright.


  • #8
    Pyr0
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,967 ✭✭✭Pyr0


    It's really really annoying when this happens. Can never meet up with whoever it is without their other half stuck to them. Can be very awkward if it's just the three of ye and their joined at the hip and crawling all over each other nearly.


  • #9
    tribulus
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,635 ✭✭✭tribulus


    I've been with my girlfriend six years and although we get on great if I spent everyday with her I'd go mad!

    I think everyone needs their own time, whether it's sport, mates or whatever. I guess the amount of time depends on the person in question.


  • #10
    phenomenon
    Closed Accounts Posts: 446 ✭✭phenomenon


    One should have a seperate life that doesn't involve the OH.

    Otherwise you'll end up like those old couples that never talk and sit in silence around each other 24/7.


  • #11
    Sharpshooter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,859 ✭✭✭✭Sharpshooter


    I think you have it spot on,OP.
    No one should feel the need to spend all the time with BF or GF, it becomes very boring indeed after the initial excitement wears off.
    Better to see each other 3 or 4 times a week and enjoy your time together,than start to feel your life is not your own.:)


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  • #12
    TheZohanS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,582 ✭✭✭✭TheZohanS


    Blisterman wrote: »

    What do you people think?
    Bad Idea

    Is there anything wrong with spending all your time with someone?
    Yes, you'll end up on PI looking for advice.

    Do you do it?
    No

    Would you expect a potential boy/girlfriend to do it?
    No, you need space.

    Am I just a cold hearted bastard?
    You might be. But not from your post - you're normal
    .


  • #13
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Why would you want to spend time with anyone else? surely once you've found "the one" noone else matters. Friends are stoopid, they're only a way of keeping you busy til you get a boyfriend, then you can dump their asses**






















    **wonders where her husband could be at this hour?


  • #14
    00112984
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,600 ✭✭✭00112984


    I was always very conscious of this when I met my other half as all my close friends were single at the time. I made sure to go out with them as much as I always did, always rang and texted the same as before. When we were out, I'd talk about the usual stuff and would consciously not talk about OH/our relationship too much. Even on the lead-up to our wedding, I didn't start talking about details til someone asked for fear of boring them.

    In the past two years or so, my best friends have met fellas and settled down but all they fecking talk about is their relationships. Happy, blah, blah, romance, blah, boring tripe, blah, want to get engaged, blah.

    It's annoying the crap out of me.


  • #15
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 50,630 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    00112984 wrote: »
    In the past two years or so, my best friends have met fellas and settled down but all they fecking talk about is their relationships. Happy, blah, blah, romance, blah, boring tripe, blah, want to get engaged, blah.

    It's annoying the crap out of me.

    see, told ya, stoooopid.


  • #16
    PurpleBerry
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,006 ✭✭✭PurpleBerry


    Abigayle wrote: »
    Relationship over = structure gone.
    No structure = melt down.
    ?

    1. Relationship over = structure gone.
    2. No structure = melt down.
    3. ??????????
    4. PROFIT


  • #17
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Neesa wrote: »
    1. Relationship over = structure gone.
    2. No structure = melt down.
    3. ??????????
    4. PROFIT

    If ye like son.


  • #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    00112984 wrote: »
    I was always very conscious of this when I met my other half as all my close friends were single at the time. I made sure to go out with them as much as I always did, always rang and texted the same as before. When we were out, I'd talk about the usual stuff and would consciously not talk about OH/our relationship too much. Even on the lead-up to our wedding, I didn't start talking about details til someone asked for fear of boring them.

    In the past two years or so, my best friends have met fellas and settled down but all they fecking talk about is their relationships. Happy, blah, blah, romance, blah, boring tripe, blah, want to get engaged, blah.

    It's annoying the crap out of me.


    YYYarrgghhhhhhwwaaa!!!
    These are the type of people who will devote entire evenings, to heated discussion on tile grout cleaning methods in the near future. And then wonder why they are depressed.


  • #19
    SoWatchaWant
    Registered Users Posts: 1,213 ✭✭✭SoWatchaWant


    My once-best friend spends too much time with his girlfriend. She's in his class. None of us like her anyway, she's boring and sucks all the life out of get togethers.

    I miss having him out with us chasing women, he's gone a bit soft too:(


  • #20
    Diabhal Beag
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,238 ✭✭✭✭Diabhal Beag


    Jealousy is clearly a massive factor because there are too many ****ing ugly third-wheels who have no other friends.

    Go out on your own once in a while, you'll feel better


  • #21
    Sharpshooter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,859 ✭✭✭✭Sharpshooter


    SoWatchaWant wrote: »
    My once-best friend spends too much time with his girlfriend. She's in his class. None of us like her anyway, she's boring and sucks all the life out of get togethers.

    I miss having him out with us chasing women, he's gone a bit soft too:(

    Not surprisingly..


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  • #22
    KieranKennedy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 132 ✭✭KieranKennedy


    It is pathetic, really not a good situation to be subjected to.


  • #23
    [Jackass]
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,193 ✭✭✭[Jackass]


    Well I was with a girl that we would talk every single day. Be it a phone call at night when we got home, or to say goodnight, or at the weekend if we weren't meeting up for whatever reason, but would see her 3 or 4 times a week.

    That was great. :(


  • #24
    Whispered
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,772 ✭✭✭✭Whispered


    We have nights apart all the time. He works in Dublin and his band practises in Dublin so when he's there late, he'll just stay. If I visit my parents in kilkenny without him, I usually stay too. We also spend christmas apart. People do think it's a bit strange though and it has been commented on. I even got one saying "it's not a real relationship" because I'm pushing him to do his month in Canada soon so we can get to saving for our wedding with no regrets, apparently it means I don't love him enough to want him around. :eek:

    Relationships where you are together 24/7 turn toxic very quickly.

    Granted when we got together first we spent a lot of time together, but that was the honeymoon phase. We got a lot of comments on that too. Really, whatever you do you can't please everybody. If people would just mind their own business, everyone would be happier.


  • #25
    Miss Minnie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19 ✭Miss Minnie


    :pac: Think I'm on the fence on this one, you can have the best of both??

    I actually work with the OH, thats where I met him. I see him everyday and most nights ;)
    Yet we always have stuff to talk about, he is my absolute soulmate and I always miss him when hes not with me.
    That said, we both enjoy time to ourselves and make sure to take it (when else could I watch Dancing on Ice in peace?? :pac::pac:) and I will never give up my best friends, I need female perspectives, especially in my job, its all men!

    But all these work in harmony in my life...so I think if you find the right person then you can have both! Yay to great boyfriends! :):)


  • #26
    wolfpawnat
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,124 ✭✭✭wolfpawnat


    I am 39 weeks pregnant, live with my partner and spend alot of time with him. But tonight he is in his mates house watching the FA Cup and having a can or 2, tomoro he is going over there again to play poker for an hour or 2 and that will be him finished going out for another week. He goes to the gym alot and often I will walk with him, relax away from the gym and walk home with him again.

    You cant live in someones ear 24/7 you would go mad, I love having time to myself too, and if heaven forbid I go into labour when hes not here, because I dont annoy him with texts and phonecalls when he is with his friends I know any phonecall I make will be answered immediately.

    We spend most evenings together watching tv and most of our days together, but because we both know that everyone wants space we often are in the same house but relaxing in different rooms. He'll play the guitar in the sitting room and I'll relax on the bed with my laptop.

    Also even though our baby is due in a week, we splashed out yesterday on 2 tickets to the upcoming boxing match in March for my OH and his friend. As much as I like boxing I am not going because this friend works in fireign countries and only gets a small time at home so I respect that they will no doubt want to relax, just the 2 of them, having a session of a day and I am perfectly happy with that.

    No you should not live in your partners pocket, if he told me I could not meet my friends or if I told him he couldnt meet his, there would be war. We all need time to ourselves and sadly when some people go into relationships they can often forget their friends! Sadly there are a few people I know that will not go on a night out without their OH and will not meet up with me and the other girls because they refuse to leave their OH's side for the hour!:rolleyes:


  • #27
    Miss Minnie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19 ✭Miss Minnie


    helena.ryan wrote: »
    Relationships where you are together 24/7 turn toxic very quickly.


    Maybe not 24/7/365 but I spend a lot of time with himself (as I said, I work with him) but we've never come even close to toxic, four years going strong!


  • #28
    445279.ie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,978 ✭✭✭445279.ie


    helena.ryan wrote: »
    We have nights apart all the time. He works in Dublin and his band practises in Dublin so when he's there late, he'll just stay. If I visit my parents in kilkenny without him, I usually stay too. We also spend christmas apart. People do think it's a bit strange though and it has been commented on. I even got one saying "it's not a real relationship" because I'm pushing him to do his month in Canada soon so we can get to saving for our wedding with no regrets, apparently it means I don't love him enough to want him around. :eek:

    Relationships where you are together 24/7 turn toxic very quickly.

    Granted when we got together first we spent a lot of time together, but that was the honeymoon phase. We got a lot of comments on that too. Really, whatever you do you can't please everybody. If people would just mind their own business, everyone would be happier.

    You sound like a very mature, well adjusted young lady ;)

    Good on ya :D


  • #29
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Miss Minnie wrote: »
    Maybe not 24/7/365 but I spend a lot of time with himself (as I said, I work with him) but we've never come even close to toxic, four years going strong!


    It isn't really to do with the amount of time people spend together.
    There are a signifigant number of people, mostly women. Who abandon their own lives, friends and interests etc. When they are in relationships.
    That sux.


  • #30
    Loopy
    Registered Users Posts: 12,220 ✭✭✭✭Loopy


    If you spend all your time with your other half, what the hell do you talk about??

    Boring as hell imo..


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  • #31
    Miss Minnie
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19 ✭Miss Minnie


    Moonbaby wrote: »
    It isn't really to do with the amount of time people spend together.
    There are a signifigant number of people, mostly women. Who abandon their own lives, friends and interests etc. When they are in relationships.
    That sux.

    Agreed, I suppose I was just trying to say that we do spend a lot of time and we don't let our lives outside of our relationship suffer. But I have known people who do lose everything that defines them as an individual and that def sux! I think its important to keep that person alive and kicking, isn't that the person the OH fell for in the first place! :)


  • #32
    peckamsprings
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5 ✭peckamsprings


    No you are not a cold hearted bastard. In order for a relationship to have any chance of working, you need to do your own thing. If you spend all your time together, it won't work. I lived with a guy for 7 years and he was my whole world. By the time we broke up, i had only a few friends left. I had worshipped the ground he walked on, to the detrement of most of my friendships, including my parents , and other than my children, i had nothing to show for it. Not saying we didn't have good times, but a 50/50 basis is so much better. you are not wrong so don't back down.


  • #33
    Motley Crue
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 6,382 ✭✭✭Motley Crue


    Blisterman wrote: »
    What do you people think? Is there anything wrong with spending all your time with someone? Do you do it? Would you expect a potential boy/girlfriend to do it? Am I just a cold hearted bastard?

    It would drive me mad. Ive been in love and I can tell you that spending time with the person 24/7 can make you mad....because you need time apart, its essential for a relationship....ive met people who do everything together, take the boyfriend to their girlfriends house party....bring him into work and let him hang out....invite him out on work nights

    truly truly not something you want to do

    not saying dont love the girl, just dont spend your time with her so much that the relationship drives you nuts, because thats crazy


  • #34
    Heckler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,335 ✭✭✭Heckler


    Living with OH for 3 years and love her to pieces. Thank god she has no problem with me going out with my friends anytime I want (and vice versa). Everybody needs their space be it on their own or away from their OH. That said all my buddies are now married with kids and if we do get together all they talk about is kids and mortgages :mad: One of my best friends moved about 20 miles away and I see him once a year. Tis only 20 miles ffs.

    I had given up smoking but left the table to go for a smoke because they were wrecking my head. It wasn't any better when I got back :(

    That said I wouldn't trade them cos when they leave all that behind we have a great time.


  • #35
    Orizio
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,460 ✭✭✭Orizio


    Kiera wrote: »
    They're called weirdos.

    What a particurly disgusting charming remark.


  • #36
    Patricide
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,658 ✭✭✭Patricide


    O this thread is brilliant, just what someone i know needs to see.


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  • #37
    Kirnsy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 970 ✭✭✭Kirnsy


    445279.ie wrote: »
    You sound like a very mature, well adjusted young lady ;)

    Good on ya :D


    reported for being genuinely sound on AH


    / :D


  • #38
    tony1kenobi
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,748 ✭✭✭tony1kenobi


    There was a TV show a few years ago called My So Called Life......go and watch it. It is the most realistic thing I ever saw.It'll make you feel better.

    If this doesn't work watch the original DeGrassi.........


  • #39
    dr.bollocko
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 35,945 Mod ✭✭✭✭dr.bollocko


    445279.ie wrote: »
    You sound like a very mature, well adjusted young lady ;)

    Good on ya :D
    Kirnsy wrote: »
    reported for being genuinely sound on AH


    / :D

    Banned.
    Somebody give me a cigarette now goddamnit..


  • #40
    Sharpshooter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,859 ✭✭✭✭Sharpshooter


    looptheloop wrote: »
    If you spend all your time with your other half, what the hell do you talk about??

    Boring as hell imo..

    Him: Have you washed my shirt?
    Her: Yeah,
    Him: Well ,where is it?
    Her: In the wardrobe,with the rest of your clothes.
    Him : Oh,right.I didn't look there.

    Him: Can't find the match of this sock.
    Her: Wear a different pair.
    Him: Oh,yeah.

    Him : Can't find the car keys.
    Her :Where did you have them last?
    Him : If I knew that , I'd know where to find them ,ffs!
    Her : Is that them on the table, beside you.
    Him : Oh, right , why didn't you just say that then,fs.

    Him : What's for dinner,tonight?
    Her : What would you like ?
    Him : I don't know, thats why I'm asking ," What's for dinner ".

    / just a sample ,loopy.:pac:


  • #41
    Abi
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,058 ✭✭✭✭Abi


    Sharpshooter wrote: »
    Him: Have you washed my shirt?
    Her: Yeah,
    Him: Well ,where is it?
    Her: In the wardrobe,with the rest of your clothes.
    Him : Oh,right.I didn't look there.

    Him: Can't find the match of this sock.
    Her: Wear a different pair.
    Him: Oh,yeah.

    Him : Can't find the car keys.
    Her :Where did you have them last?
    Him : If I knew that , I'd know where to find them ,ffs!
    Her : Is that them on the table, beside you.
    Him : Oh, right , why didn't you just say that then,fs.

    Him : What's for dinner,tonight?
    Her : What would you like ?
    Him : I don't know, thats why I'm asking ," What's for dinner ".

    / just a sample ,loopy.:pac:

    With shameless honesty I tell you that my house is the total opposite.

    Wouldnt have it any other way. :)


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  • #42
    Sharpshooter
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 31,859 ✭✭✭✭Sharpshooter


    Abigayle wrote: »
    With shameless honesty I tell you that my house is the total opposite.

    Wouldnt have it any other way. :)

    So is mine, now.;)
    That was just an example of 24/7, and having no other friends or hobbies in your life,
    it becomes tedious.


  • #43
    anonymous_joe
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 9,255 ✭✭✭anonymous_joe


    I was going out with someone for a while and we did spend far too much time on each other. When it ended twas tough for both of us.

    However, I've a mate I haven't seen in 6 months, so I realised I wasn't that bad. ^^


  • #44
    Acacia
    Registered Users Posts: 2,816 ✭✭✭Acacia


    Yeah, I've seen it happen, it's really annoying, mostly women as well, I have to say. Even if they're not spending time with the OH, they're constantly talking about him and you can't make any plans with them without them first consulting the fella. :rolleyes: Gets tiresome. I'm sure I was guilty of it in the early stages of my relationships. Right now, I do see my bf a good bit but we also do our own thing and go out separately. You'd go mad otherwise, I think.


  • #45
    My name is URL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,069 ✭✭✭✭My name is URL


    I'd normally get all worked up about this subject having seen friends basically disappear into relationships. But really it's just because I'm pissed off that I'm not in the same situation


  • #46
    Dean820
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,099 ✭✭✭Dean820


    Upward Spiral wrote: »
    I'd normally get all worked up about this subject having seen friends basically disappear into relationships. But really it's just because I'm pissed off that I'm not in the same situation

    Yeah! What about us? :(

    Nah, what I find most annoying is when they bring them out on a lads night out. Or worse again, when there's just me, I become the third wheel. :mad:


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