Am i being unreasnable??????

IrishMike · 13-02-2008 3:50pm

In a word, yes.
Stop being so paranoid its lunch!
Then again their could be a lot more to this story so there might be reason for you
to be uncomfortable with this situation. If there isnt then whats the harm in lunch?

Drift · 13-02-2008 3:52pm

Aran61 wrote: »

Most guys, given the opportunity, will sleep with someone if it's put on a plate for them. Friend or not.

That's completely wrong. I've turned down sex on a plate when I was single as have most of my friends at one stage or another. Not to mention when in a relationship. A very small percentage of guys might take any opportunity for sex but I would hazard a guess that the same percentage of women would. The OPs bf has done nothing, as far as we know, to indicate that he's this type of guy. Selling her some half-arsed hollywood stereotype about all men being pigs is, in my opinion, going to make her paranoid for no reason at all.

I personally think you are being a bit unreasonable OP unless there is some other reason why you don't trust your bf with this girl. Are they exs? Have they been together before? Are they always flirting heavily? If something like this isn't happening then you have no reason to think it's anything more than his friend trying to make him feel better about losing his job.

Shelli · 13-02-2008 4:44pm

What does him being made redundant have to do with it?

Would you be ok with him having lunch with her if he was still working?

Aran61 · 13-02-2008 4:48pm

Shelli wrote: »

What does him being made redundant have to do with it?

Would you be ok with him having lunch with her if he was still working?

I thought him being redundant was relevant because the OP mentioned it. It's probably not an issue although some guys do feel emasculated when they lose their job, y'know?

Aran61 · 13-02-2008 4:53pm

Drift wrote: »

That's completely wrong. I've turned down sex on a plate when I was single as have most of my friends at one stage or another. Not to mention when in a relationship. A very small percentage of guys might take any opportunity for sex but I would hazard a guess that the same percentage of women would. The OPs bf has done nothing, as far as we know, to indicate that he's this type of guy. Selling her some half-arsed hollywood stereotype about all men being pigs is, in my opinion, going to make her paranoid for no reason at all.

Ok, well I see your point although sometimes stereotypes bear some element of truth. All I'm saying is that maybe the OP thinks her boyfriend is in the small percentage you talk about. Otherwise why would she be on here posting about it? And if that is the case then does she have grounds for believing this about him? But like was said earlier, the only person who can answer those questions is the OP. Not us.

humanji · 13-02-2008 5:21pm

It could just be a case of person A loses their job, person B invites person A out for a bite to eat to try and consol and maybe cheer them up. It doesn't matter that one is a guy and the other a girl. OP, if there is some other reason that you're not mentioning, then it could be more, but it just seems like lunch to me.

SarahSassy · 13-02-2008 8:22pm

You are being unreasonable. I am putting myself in his shoes and if my partner asked me not to meet a friend of the opposite sex for LUNCH, just because it was a guy, then I would seriously re-evaluate the relationship. Its overly possessive and needy. Needy ain't sexy.

zuchum · 13-02-2008 8:24pm

Id say thats fairly unreasonable,especially when hes probably so upset anyway.

I wouldnt worry unless he mentions 'hot lunch'..

watna · 13-02-2008 8:26pm

From the information you've given, yes, you're being unreasonable. I don't think it's healthy to be in a relationship where you feel scared at your bf meeting a friend for lunch. I'd regularly meet male friends from school/college for a drink without my bf. He doesn't bat an eyelid. That's all it is, meeting friend's and catching up.

Is there something else you're not telling us? A reason to be so paranoid? You sound quite young, maybe you aren't used to being in a relationship?

Fysh · 13-02-2008 8:37pm

Aran61 wrote: »

Ok, well I see your point although sometimes stereotypes bear some element of truth. All I'm saying is that maybe the OP thinks her boyfriend is in the small percentage you talk about. Otherwise why would she be on here posting about it? And if that is the case then does she have grounds for believing this about him? But like was said earlier, the only person who can answer those questions is the OP. Not us.

....

So because she posted here, the OP doesn't trust her boyfriend, thus justifying your wonderful misandry in your earlier post? Great, glad that's cleared up then.

Two things strike me about the OP's post, though:

1) Clearly there's some sort of trust issue going on if she doesn't trust him to go to lunch with a female friend even though he's told her about it in advance. That's something you want to deal with, OP, because that kind of trust/jealousy isn't attractive and it's the kind of thing that can very easily get tiresome.

2) It's interesting that the OP thinks that either her boyfriend is lying (either outright or through omission) about being in a relationship, or that every other woman on the planet is willing (and trying) to take her bf to bed if given half a chance.

Frankly, I think a prolonged bout of sitting down, having a cup of tea, and growing the hell up would be the best course of action here.

Aran61 · 14-02-2008 2:22pm

Fysh wrote: »

....

So because she posted here, the OP doesn't trust her boyfriend, thus justifying your wonderful misandry in your earlier post? Great, glad that's cleared up then.

Two things strike me about the OP's post, though:

1) Clearly there's some sort of trust issue going on if she doesn't trust him to go to lunch with a female friend even though he's told her about it in advance. That's something you want to deal with, OP, because that kind of trust/jealousy isn't attractive and it's the kind of thing that can very easily get tiresome.

2) It's interesting that the OP thinks that either her boyfriend is lying (either outright or through omission) about being in a relationship, or that every other woman on the planet is willing (and trying) to take her bf to bed if given half a chance.

Frankly, I think a prolonged bout of sitting down, having a cup of tea, and growing the hell up would be the best course of action here.

You read comic books for chrissakes! What the hell would you know?!

dudara · 14-02-2008 2:54pm

Aran61 Consider yourself warned. Personal abuse is not tolerated in this forum. Do it again, and you will be banned.

Aran61 · 14-02-2008 3:00pm

dudara wrote: »

Aran61 Consider yourself warned. Personal abuse is not tolerated in this forum. Do it again, and you will be banned.

I note there's no ticking off for your moderator friend when he calls me a Misandrist.

dudara · 14-02-2008 3:05pm

Aran61 if you have an issue with how I, or any of the other moderators, act in this forum, then raise a thread in Feedback. This is not the place.

Calm down.

dudara

Aran61 · 14-02-2008 3:07pm

dudara wrote: »

Aran61 if you have an issue with how I, or any of the other moderators, act in this forum, then raise a thread in Feedback. This is not the place.

Calm down.

dudara

I'm perfectly calm. I just don't like double standards.

dudara · 14-02-2008 3:08pm

Please take any further dealings with this issue to the Feedback forum. This is your final warning.

As you are new here, please take the time to read the charter at the top of this forum and get a feel for how things are done here.

dudara

jdivision · 15-02-2008 1:40am

You're being ridiculous. she's just showing concern for him.

Wibbs · 15-02-2008 1:50am

Concern is one thing, mistrust is quite another.

jdivision · 15-02-2008 2:00am

I was referring to the friend showing concern to the guy who's lost his job.

Sleepy · 15-02-2008 11:34am

Aran61 wrote: »

I'm perfectly calm. I just don't like double standards.

It's not double standards, your posts are nearly all laced with misandry.

OP, try to ignore the likes of Aran61. Don't let their insecurity pile on top of your own so you get to the point where you don't trust someone you're supposed to love / like a hell of a lot.

Wibbs · 15-02-2008 11:37am

jdivision wrote: »

I was referring to the friend showing concern to the guy who's lost his job.

I stand corrected.:D

Sleepy wrote:

It's not double standards, your posts are nearly all laced with misandry.

OP, try to ignore the likes of Aran61. Don't let their insecurity pile on top of your own so you get to the point where you don't trust someone you're supposed to love / like a hell of a lot.

Good advice.

chris_oc · 15-02-2008 4:35pm

its not inappropriate!..let the man breathe a bit will ya
if you trust him then no worries,relax

deisemum · 15-02-2008 10:12pm

Going by what the OP has posted I think you're being unreasonable. Some of my best friends are male. My husband doesn't have any issues with it.

When we lived in London every year I'd go on a couple of day trips to France with one of my male work colleagues. My husband trusted me and knew my colleague and I were good friends.

Dave! · 15-02-2008 10:55pm

I have lots of female friends that I'd have lunch alone with. Nothing to it.

It's just your irrational insecurity acting up.

Jack B. Badd · 15-02-2008 11:19pm

OP, are any of your friends male? If so, did you stop seeing them outside of a group situation when you started going out with your boyfriend?

Am i being unreasnable??????

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