Am i being unreasnable??????

LegacyUser · 13-02-2008 12:29pm #1

It's not a huge deal, but my boyfriend was just made redundante and one of his friends (girl) asked him out to lunch, just the two of them. I'm not afraid of him doing anything on me i trust him completely, but i just think it is unappropriate for him to go to lunch with her just the 2 of them. I wouldn't mind if there was a group of them. Is it silly of me to aske him not to go???????? Please help?

LegacyUser · 13-02-2008 12:39pm

If they're very close friends you shouldn't be bothered,don't worry.
Having lunch just the 2 of them doesn't make it a date or something...
If one of your male friends ask you out for lunch or a cuppa,would that make it dodgy? NO
Relax love

JuliusCaesar · 13-02-2008 12:41pm

you either trust him or you dont.
I don't think it's inappropriate. She may be in the same boat, have career/job advice that you can't give. I'd be v annoyed if someone started interfering with who I have lunch with. It's lunch for heavens sake, not drinks.

whiskeyman · 13-02-2008 12:43pm

he told you he was meeting her for lunch?
I think you're being very unreasonable.
Do you let him even speak or talk or meet up with any other women?
You do realise he may have been having lunch while at work with other women... sometimes just by themselves, without even telling you??

LegacyUser · 13-02-2008 12:46pm

if you trust him then you cannot let it get to you. surely when hes just been made redundant spending time with friends will be good for him

koneko · 13-02-2008 12:52pm

Are they friends? Does she know he's not single?
If you trust him, then you shouldn't let it bother you,. It'd be inappropriate if he's pretending he's single and is on a "date" lunch with her, but it doesn't sound like that at all.

Beruthiel · 13-02-2008 12:53pm

Sarah125 wrote: »

It's not a huge deal, but my boyfriend was just made redundante and one of his friends (girl) asked him out to lunch, just the two of them. I'm not afraid of him doing anything on me i trust him completely, but i just think it is unappropriate for him to go to lunch with her just the 2 of them. I wouldn't mind if there was a group of them. Is it silly of me to aske him not to go???????? Please help?

I assume they have been friends for a long time? Longer than he knows you?
Yet still, you're his g/f....
Relax

sharkie2008 · 13-02-2008 1:07pm

koneko wrote: »

Are they friends? Does she know he's not single?
If you trust him, then you shouldn't let it bother you,. It'd be inappropriate if he's pretending he's single and is on a "date" lunch with her, but it doesn't sound like that at all.

if it was a 'date' i doubt he would have told you about it. just relax about it, if you were meeting a male friend for lunch would you expect your boyfriend to find it inappropriate?

Fwaggle · 13-02-2008 1:11pm

Sarah125 wrote: »

Is it silly of me to aske him not to go????????

Yes, cop on.

Attol · 13-02-2008 1:13pm

Most of my friends are male and I go see films, have dinner/lunch or drinks with them one on one, just as I would with female friends. There is nothing unusual I think in having a friendship with someone of the opposite sex. If my boyfriend had a problem with that then there'd be something seriously wrong with the relationship. Likewise, if he wants to meet up with female friends one on one who am I to stop him? I don't think he wants to jump in bed with every girl he talks to. I've grown up past that adolescent jealousy and insecurity.

I'm not Irish so maybe the way I've been brought up is a little different to the way you lot have. Social interactions don't tend to be restricted to those of your own gender in Scandinavia. I think it's a lot healthier to have both male and female friends.

John_Mc · 13-02-2008 1:14pm

Totally unreasonable

Wibbs · 13-02-2008 1:16pm

On the basis of what you've told us yes you're being unreasonable. Is it because he's been made redundant and he's not relying on just you for emotional support that's irritating you. If so, get over it.

Colonel_McCoy · 13-02-2008 1:16pm

I agree, lean back ...........nothing wrong with it.

star-pants · 13-02-2008 1:37pm

I have male friends that I hang out with, 'just the two of us' and it's just friends.
I have had bfs who's best friends are a girl. It's never bothered me, because I'm the gf, and I trust them. And who am I to say which friends they hang out with.

You said it yourself 'he's meeting a female friend from work for lunch' that's what it is.

dudara · 13-02-2008 1:38pm

Normally, I would say that you are being unreasonable. If you trust your boyfriend, then there is no need to follow him around.

Why are you so worried? Have you picked up on vibes between them or something?

tbh · 13-02-2008 2:10pm

Being Upset: Not unreasonable.

Mentioning it: Unreasonable.

moco · 13-02-2008 2:15pm

You're being unreasonable, it's only lunch. You can't stop him having friends!

no you can't moco - Beruthiel

John Mason · 13-02-2008 2:17pm

completely unreasonable. if my bf asked me not to meet one of the guys i work with lunch, he would dropped so quick he wouldnt know what happened

Cathmandooo · 13-02-2008 2:40pm

yea sorry but you're being very unreasonable, it's only a lunch and you trust him so there's no problem!

Mr. Incognito · 13-02-2008 2:41pm

Get a grip love- she's only a mate- us men do have them you know.

jesus_thats_gre · 13-02-2008 2:42pm

tbh wrote: »

Being Upset: Not unreasonable.

Mentioning it: Unreasonable.

Being upset is also unreasonable..

tbh · 13-02-2008 2:45pm

jesus_thats_gre wrote: »

Being upset is also unreasonable..

not if you don't act on it, imo. In fact, that to me is being very reasonable - having a reaction, accepting that it's your problem and deciding not to act on it

Aran61 · 13-02-2008 2:46pm

Sarah125 wrote: »

It's not a huge deal, but my boyfriend was just made redundante and one of his friends (girl) asked him out to lunch, just the two of them. I'm not afraid of him doing anything on me i trust him completely, but i just think it is unappropriate for him to go to lunch with her just the 2 of them. I wouldn't mind if there was a group of them. Is it silly of me to aske him not to go???????? Please help?

I guess you have to be careful with this one. It'll seem crazy if you insist he doesn't go, but more than likely he has some kind of attraction to her. Most guys, given the opportunity, will sleep with someone if it's put on a plate for them. Friend or not.

Cathmandooo · 13-02-2008 2:50pm

Aran61 wrote: »

I guess you have to be careful with this one. It'll seem crazy if you insist he doesn't go, but more than likely he has some kind of attraction to her. Most guys, given the opportunity, will sleep with someone if it's put on a plate for them. Friend or not.

talk about over reacting! Some kind of attraction to her? they're friends for gods sake, do you chase all your male / female friends? grow up

Aran61 · 13-02-2008 3:09pm

Cathooo wrote: »

talk about over reacting! Some kind of attraction to her? they're friends for gods sake, do you chase all your male / female friends? grow up

We only have his word for them being "just friends". We don't know the true extent of their relationship. Besides he's just lost his job and may be a little vulnerable. With lot of guys, their entire identity depends on their job, having a role to play. It's just not ideal is all I'm saying. To answer your question, I personally don't chase my male friends. I can't say that the same holds true for guys though. Most of them think with their d*icks. If you don't believe that then maybe it's time for you to grow up.

Cathmandooo · 13-02-2008 3:17pm

Aran61 wrote: »

We only have his word for them being "just friends". We don't know the true extent of their relationship. Besides he's just lost his job and may be a little vulnerable. With lot of guys, their entire identity depends on their job, having a role to play. It's just not ideal is all I'm saying. To answer your question, I personally don't chase my male friends. I can't say that the same holds true for guys though. Most of them think with their d*icks. If you don't believe that then maybe it's time for you to grow up.

The OP says she trusts him completely, you're taking this off topic and tarring the majority of men with the one brush and possibly scaring the OP into believing he wants to get in this girls pants. You sound like you have trust issues, maybe open yourself a pi thread.

John Mason · 13-02-2008 3:19pm

Aran61 wrote: »

We only have his word for them being "just friends". We don't know the true extent of their relationship. Besides he's just lost his job and may be a little vulnerable. With lot of guys, their entire identity depends on their job, having a role to play. It's just not ideal is all I'm saying. To answer your question, I personally don't chase my male friends. I can't say that the same holds true for guys though. Most of them think with their d*icks. If you don't believe that then maybe it's time for you to grow up.

Now you are being completely unreasonable. Do you seriously think all men think with their dicks? I am assuming you are either very young or very bitter. i have a lot of male friends, and that what we are friends, nothing more nothing less. :mad::mad::mad:

Beruthiel · 13-02-2008 3:22pm

Aran61 wrote: »

I can't say that the same holds true for guys though. Most of them think with their d*icks. If you don't believe that then maybe it's time for you to grow up.

Please do not project your problems with men onto the OP.
There are as many good men out there as there are assholes.

Aran61 · 13-02-2008 3:22pm

Cathooo wrote: »

The OP says she trusts him completely, you're taking this off topic and tarring the majority of men with the one brush and possibly scaring the OP into believing he wants to get in this girls pants. You sound like you have trust issues, maybe open yourself a pi thread.

OP is already scared in case you hadn't noticed, otherwise she wouldn't be posting here. I'm just giving my view which she can accept or reject as she sees fit. I have no trust issues by the way so you can cut out the facetious remarks.

Meathlass · 13-02-2008 3:45pm

Aran61 wrote: »

We only have his word for them being "just friends". We don't know the true extent of their relationship. Besides he's just lost his job and may be a little vulnerable. With lot of guys, their entire identity depends on their job, having a role to play. It's just not ideal is all I'm saying. To answer your question, I personally don't chase my male friends. I can't say that the same holds true for guys though. Most of them think with their d*icks. If you don't believe that then maybe it's time for you to grow up.

It's possible for males and females to have relationships based on friendship, you know.

OP I wouldn't worry about it and certainly don't say anything to him. You yourself must have plenty of male friends that you'd meet without it being something sexual. He's just meeting a friend for lunch, nothing more or less.

dudara · 13-02-2008 3:50pm

Aran61 wrote: »

OP is already scared in case you hadn't noticed, otherwise she wouldn't be posting here.

I agree with this point of view, which is why I earlier asked the OP to explain if she had any underlying issues or concerns.

IrishMike · 13-02-2008 3:50pm

In a word, yes.
Stop being so paranoid its lunch!
Then again their could be a lot more to this story so there might be reason for you
to be uncomfortable with this situation. If there isnt then whats the harm in lunch?

Drift · 13-02-2008 3:52pm

Aran61 wrote: »

Most guys, given the opportunity, will sleep with someone if it's put on a plate for them. Friend or not.

That's completely wrong. I've turned down sex on a plate when I was single as have most of my friends at one stage or another. Not to mention when in a relationship. A very small percentage of guys might take any opportunity for sex but I would hazard a guess that the same percentage of women would. The OPs bf has done nothing, as far as we know, to indicate that he's this type of guy. Selling her some half-arsed hollywood stereotype about all men being pigs is, in my opinion, going to make her paranoid for no reason at all.

I personally think you are being a bit unreasonable OP unless there is some other reason why you don't trust your bf with this girl. Are they exs? Have they been together before? Are they always flirting heavily? If something like this isn't happening then you have no reason to think it's anything more than his friend trying to make him feel better about losing his job.

Shelli · 13-02-2008 4:44pm

What does him being made redundant have to do with it?

Would you be ok with him having lunch with her if he was still working?

Aran61 · 13-02-2008 4:48pm

Shelli wrote: »

What does him being made redundant have to do with it?

Would you be ok with him having lunch with her if he was still working?

I thought him being redundant was relevant because the OP mentioned it. It's probably not an issue although some guys do feel emasculated when they lose their job, y'know?

Aran61 · 13-02-2008 4:53pm

Drift wrote: »

That's completely wrong. I've turned down sex on a plate when I was single as have most of my friends at one stage or another. Not to mention when in a relationship. A very small percentage of guys might take any opportunity for sex but I would hazard a guess that the same percentage of women would. The OPs bf has done nothing, as far as we know, to indicate that he's this type of guy. Selling her some half-arsed hollywood stereotype about all men being pigs is, in my opinion, going to make her paranoid for no reason at all.

Ok, well I see your point although sometimes stereotypes bear some element of truth. All I'm saying is that maybe the OP thinks her boyfriend is in the small percentage you talk about. Otherwise why would she be on here posting about it? And if that is the case then does she have grounds for believing this about him? But like was said earlier, the only person who can answer those questions is the OP. Not us.

humanji · 13-02-2008 5:21pm

It could just be a case of person A loses their job, person B invites person A out for a bite to eat to try and consol and maybe cheer them up. It doesn't matter that one is a guy and the other a girl. OP, if there is some other reason that you're not mentioning, then it could be more, but it just seems like lunch to me.

SarahSassy · 13-02-2008 8:22pm

You are being unreasonable. I am putting myself in his shoes and if my partner asked me not to meet a friend of the opposite sex for LUNCH, just because it was a guy, then I would seriously re-evaluate the relationship. Its overly possessive and needy. Needy ain't sexy.

zuchum · 13-02-2008 8:24pm

Id say thats fairly unreasonable,especially when hes probably so upset anyway.

I wouldnt worry unless he mentions 'hot lunch'..

watna · 13-02-2008 8:26pm

From the information you've given, yes, you're being unreasonable. I don't think it's healthy to be in a relationship where you feel scared at your bf meeting a friend for lunch. I'd regularly meet male friends from school/college for a drink without my bf. He doesn't bat an eyelid. That's all it is, meeting friend's and catching up.

Is there something else you're not telling us? A reason to be so paranoid? You sound quite young, maybe you aren't used to being in a relationship?

Fysh · 13-02-2008 8:37pm

Aran61 wrote: »

Ok, well I see your point although sometimes stereotypes bear some element of truth. All I'm saying is that maybe the OP thinks her boyfriend is in the small percentage you talk about. Otherwise why would she be on here posting about it? And if that is the case then does she have grounds for believing this about him? But like was said earlier, the only person who can answer those questions is the OP. Not us.

....

So because she posted here, the OP doesn't trust her boyfriend, thus justifying your wonderful misandry in your earlier post? Great, glad that's cleared up then.

Two things strike me about the OP's post, though:

1) Clearly there's some sort of trust issue going on if she doesn't trust him to go to lunch with a female friend even though he's told her about it in advance. That's something you want to deal with, OP, because that kind of trust/jealousy isn't attractive and it's the kind of thing that can very easily get tiresome.

2) It's interesting that the OP thinks that either her boyfriend is lying (either outright or through omission) about being in a relationship, or that every other woman on the planet is willing (and trying) to take her bf to bed if given half a chance.

Frankly, I think a prolonged bout of sitting down, having a cup of tea, and growing the hell up would be the best course of action here.

Aran61 · 14-02-2008 2:22pm

Fysh wrote: »

....

So because she posted here, the OP doesn't trust her boyfriend, thus justifying your wonderful misandry in your earlier post? Great, glad that's cleared up then.

Two things strike me about the OP's post, though:

1) Clearly there's some sort of trust issue going on if she doesn't trust him to go to lunch with a female friend even though he's told her about it in advance. That's something you want to deal with, OP, because that kind of trust/jealousy isn't attractive and it's the kind of thing that can very easily get tiresome.

2) It's interesting that the OP thinks that either her boyfriend is lying (either outright or through omission) about being in a relationship, or that every other woman on the planet is willing (and trying) to take her bf to bed if given half a chance.

Frankly, I think a prolonged bout of sitting down, having a cup of tea, and growing the hell up would be the best course of action here.

You read comic books for chrissakes! What the hell would you know?!

dudara · 14-02-2008 2:54pm

Aran61 Consider yourself warned. Personal abuse is not tolerated in this forum. Do it again, and you will be banned.

Aran61 · 14-02-2008 3:00pm

dudara wrote: »

Aran61 Consider yourself warned. Personal abuse is not tolerated in this forum. Do it again, and you will be banned.

I note there's no ticking off for your moderator friend when he calls me a Misandrist.

dudara · 14-02-2008 3:05pm

Aran61 if you have an issue with how I, or any of the other moderators, act in this forum, then raise a thread in Feedback. This is not the place.

Calm down.

dudara

Aran61 · 14-02-2008 3:07pm

dudara wrote: »

Aran61 if you have an issue with how I, or any of the other moderators, act in this forum, then raise a thread in Feedback. This is not the place.

Calm down.

dudara

I'm perfectly calm. I just don't like double standards.

dudara · 14-02-2008 3:08pm

Please take any further dealings with this issue to the Feedback forum. This is your final warning.

As you are new here, please take the time to read the charter at the top of this forum and get a feel for how things are done here.

dudara

jdivision · 15-02-2008 1:40am

You're being ridiculous. she's just showing concern for him.

Wibbs · 15-02-2008 1:50am

Concern is one thing, mistrust is quite another.

jdivision · 15-02-2008 2:00am

I was referring to the friend showing concern to the guy who's lost his job.

Sleepy · 15-02-2008 11:34am

Aran61 wrote: »

I'm perfectly calm. I just don't like double standards.

It's not double standards, your posts are nearly all laced with misandry.

OP, try to ignore the likes of Aran61. Don't let their insecurity pile on top of your own so you get to the point where you don't trust someone you're supposed to love / like a hell of a lot.

Am i being unreasnable??????

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