How has your life turned out?

cazzak79 · 17-05-2012 4:26pm

I'm in my mid 30's I finally feel that my life is turning out way I want it except always thought I'd live on Galway not Dublin
But met a great guy just bought A house so I'm happy
Hope il be a mum some stage that's been my main goal in life

liamhana · 17-05-2012 4:28pm

I'm 36, and from the outside - partner, kids, house, job all looks & is fine. But beneath that lies a fairly unexpected trip to get there. One fairly full of experiences that I enjoyed, but also regrets that I didnt push myself enough-
Teenage yrs - I shoulda just accepted my physical deformity wasnt a big deal, wouldnt stop me getting women (my 20s proved that

) & would have helped my self confidence
college yrs - confidence sky high...probably could done more drugs - seriously...taking coke for the 1st time at 30 is a bad idea.
sports - shoulda stuck with it instead of using my work as an out
dating - wasted a few yrs with someone who wasnt mentally or physically able for any sort of relationship...that took some sorting out...but it meant I did meet the perfect partner.

now I'm in my mid30s I've grown into who I think I always meant to be (scarily like my dad)...but every now & then I think I wish I was bumming across america on a freight train with a bottle of JD, a guitar & a dog wearing a bandana.

RichieO · 17-05-2012 4:44pm

Started off ok, middle bit so-so, now in total shoite, curtsey of the government, property developers, financial institutions, bankers, **** and everyone else who helped create the current conditions....

Wompa1 · 17-05-2012 5:36pm

I remember thinking I'd never make 1000 pounds. Then I got 100 for my communion and thought I'd never make more than 10k. Now I'm making a lot more than that and can't imagine I'd ever make more than 1 million, difference being now, I don't think I want to. Having seen the crap you have to go to get it..

I also use to play Championship manager and thought you had to have your life sorted by the time you turn 23 because that's when players seemed to peak.

I thought I wouldn't start feeling old until I was in my mid 30's but now I've got a blood disease and arthritus in both my wrists and I'm 27. I'm starting to kind of want to speed up the progress of my life and settle down and have kids before I'm not physically able to keep up with them!

LH Pathe · 17-05-2012 7:56pm

Sunny side down

lcrcboy · 17-05-2012 8:29pm

Im 22 just finished by ordinary business degree, I have no idea what I want to do, I have been offered a place on the add-on honors course plus to offers from British uni's for honors.
I have got no jobs this summer and I'm been egged at by my parents to find work and get some direction.
When I was a kid I saw myself as joining the military but as you can tell this has not happened... I want to move to the USA, that's my current goal but so far I have found that difficult to do without a sponsor.

So I guess I'm still young so Ill post back in a few years and let ye know haha

RaRaRasputin · 17-05-2012 10:04pm

flutterflye wrote: »

Wrong wrong - it's all wrong.
I keep having children - I never even wanted any!
All I ever wanted to do was travel the world - and do it properly, mixing with all sorts of cultures etc...
And I wanted to become a psychologist of some sort, maybe a neuro psychologist.
I've only managed to do bits of college due to kids, finances, and illness.
I keep going and doing well, then something messes it up or I get pregnant again!!!
And so far, I haven't managed to do any traveling whatsoever - and can't imagine a time in the forseeable suture where it will be possible.
I wanted fun and adventure, I wanted to learn, to see and experience everything that's out there, to live in different places and learn their ways, to find myself, to grow.
Instead I find myself stuck inside my role of mother and wife, yet at 27, I feel I have completely lost who I am.
I nolonger have any idea what fun is.
I nolonger feel pasionate about anything.
I am not one of those women who is content as a housewife, or even a 9-5 job.
I long for more, yet have little idea how to attain it.
Well there's my dear diary entry for today!

Sorry, but I am struggling to see how your kids are to blame for what you have/ haven't achieved. You chose to have them, and we are living in a time in which contraception is readily available and no longer shunned. If you really want to do something different with your life, I am sure your family will understand and support your cause if you let them know. After all, that's what family are for, aren't they?

cazzak79 · 17-05-2012 10:08pm

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

flutterflye wrote: »

Wrong wrong - it's all wrong.
I keep having children - I never even wanted any!
All I ever wanted to do was travel the world - and do it properly, mixing with all sorts of cultures etc...
And I wanted to become a psychologist of some sort, maybe a neuro psychologist.
I've only managed to do bits of college due to kids, finances, and illness.
I keep going and doing well, then something messes it up or I get pregnant again!!!
And so far, I haven't managed to do any traveling whatsoever - and can't imagine a time in the forseeable suture where it will be possible.
I wanted fun and adventure, I wanted to learn, to see and experience everything that's out there, to live in different places and learn their ways, to find myself, to grow.
Instead I find myself stuck inside my role of mother and wife, yet at 27, I feel I have completely lost who I am.
I nolonger have any idea what fun is.
I nolonger feel pasionate about anything.
I am not one of those women who is content as a housewife, or even a 9-5 job.
I long for more, yet have little idea how to attain it.
Well there's my dear diary entry for today!

Sorry, but I am struggling to see how your kids are to blame for what you have/ haven't achieved. You chose to have them, and we are living in a time in which contraception is readily available and no longer shunned. If you really want to do something different with your life, I am sure your family will understand and support your cause if you let them know. After all, that's what family are for, aren't they?

She should be happy she can happy to have kids some of us want them so
Much but can't

saa · 17-05-2012 10:15pm

children are given everything and encouraged to shoot for the stars which must be pretty tough when you realise you're just mediocre. I started out with nothing, didn't have any money, expectations, many nice experiences, holidays etc. and now I'm in my 20s I'm so content with security, happy with everything I achieve because I had no expectations and now I'm finishing my degree and have a flat of my own so everythings great. As long as nothing bad happens in the future it doesnt matter if I don't become succesful or wealthy the rest of it like fitness or travelling I will make sure happens but other than that I'll be pretty content.

flutterflye · 17-05-2012 10:15pm

cazzak79 wrote: »

She should be happy she can happy to have kids some of us want them so
Much but can't

I was actually told I couldn't get pregnant again!
Yet here I am - pregnant as can be!!
And your point is stupid - just because you can get pregnant and others can't, doesn't mean you should be happy about it.
I am not saying I am not happy about it, just that I don't have to be just because others are unable to conceive.

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

Sorry, but I am struggling to see how your kids are to blame for what you have/ haven't achieved. You chose to have them, and we are living in a time in which contraception is readily available and no longer shunned. If you really want to do something different with your life, I am sure your family will understand and support your cause if you let them know. After all, that's what family are for, aren't they?

You're just reading into what I said - possibly even purposely misconstruing my post - so great yeah, whatever you want to think, knock yourself out.
My kids are hardly to blame for anything!!!

Fiona · 17-05-2012 10:27pm

flutterflye wrote: »

I was actually told I couldn't get pregnant again!
Yet here I am - pregnant as can be!!
And your point is stupid - just because you can get pregnant and others can't, doesn't mean you should be happy about it.
I am not saying I am not happy about it, just that I don't have to be just because others are unable to conceive.

You're just reading into what I said - possibly even purposely misconstruing my post - so great yeah, whatever you want to think, knock yourself out.
My kids are hardly to blame for anything!!!

I actually think it takes balls for a woman to admit that her children are not everything to her, or that she might regret having had them or the amount that she had, its such a taboo.

Not say that is you just making a point.

And you should not feel bad about being able to conceive either..... thats just a nasty thing women say to each other, it's not very nice at all.

RaRaRasputin · 17-05-2012 10:48pm

flutterflye wrote: »

Wrong wrong - it's all wrong.
I keep having children - I never even wanted any!
All I ever wanted to do was travel the world - and do it properly, mixing with all sorts of cultures etc...
And I wanted to become a psychologist of some sort, maybe a neuro psychologist.
I've only managed to do bits of college due to kids, finances, and illness.
I keep going and doing well, then something messes it up or I get pregnant again!!!

I never said that children should be everything to somebody. In fact I don't have any by choice, because I never felt like being a parent. Also, I greatly resent overindulgence of children these days and disagree with wrapping them up in cotton wool. However, I would feel terrible if I knew that my parents felt resentful towards me or considered me part of the reason they couldn't achieve their dreams in life.
You keep saying that you find yourself pregnant, as if you hadn't any control over it, but you did. Your children didn't just decide to be created, so stand up for your own decisions.

Out Of The Night · 17-05-2012 10:51pm

I had such plans. When I realised my life was not turning out as I had hoped I struggled to cope. I'm 30. I thought I would be in a long term relationship now, planning on having children, settled in my job, lots of travel behind me. That is not my life now and I am really glad. I don't want to be settled yet. There is still so much for me to do!

flutterflye · 17-05-2012 10:58pm

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

I never said that children should be everything to somebody. In fact I don't have any by choice, because I never felt like being a parent. Also, I greatly resent overindulgence of children these days and disagree with wrapping them up in cotton wool. However, I would feel terrible if I knew that my parents felt resentful towards me or considered me part of the reason they couldn't achieve their dreams in life.
You keep saying that you find yourself pregnant, as if you hadn't any control over it, but you did. Your children didn't just decide to be created, so stand up for your own decisions.

This time I honestly didn't think it was possible - I had a laporoscopy and was told that the internal damage was too severe for conception to ever be possible.
And anyway that's neither here nor there, you do find yourself pregnant do you not?

It's just a way to say that I got pregnant - don't know what you're on about tbh.

And I don't feel resentful towards my kids at all!

Well I have on occasion felt resentful towards my eldest because he has asd and adhd and is very hard - but then that moment passes and I come back to reality and realise that it's hardly his fault.

I never understand people on here or other forums jumping on you because of some perceived impression they have of you.
You have no reason to decide such things based on that one post.

Jaxxy · 17-05-2012 11:07pm

flutterflye wrote: »

This time I honestly didn't think it was possible - I had a laporoscopy and was told that the internal damage was too severe for conception to ever be possible.
And anyway that's neither here nor there, you do find yourself pregnant do you not?
It's just a way to say that I got pregnant - don't know what you're on about tbh.

And I don't feel resentful towards my kids at all!
Well I have on occasion felt resentful towards my eldest because he has asd and adhd and is very hard - but then that moment passes and I come back to reality and realise that it's hardly his fault.

I never understand people on here or other forums jumping on you because of some perceived impression they have of you.
You have no reason to decide such things based on that one post.

Seriously, don't mind the small-mindedness. That was a very honest post you made and I agree with Fiona that it took balls. Of course there is a life beyond and outside having children, there is nothing wrong with dreams or aspirations and nothing wrong with admitting that they have all taken a backseat to your children, as needs must.

To answer the OP, my life has turned out NOTHING like I planned. But I'm still relatively young and without much responsibility so I could probably change everything if I wanted to. All I need is a boot up the hole to do it.

Deleted User wrote: »

One thing I wanted when I was younger did happen actually. That was owning a Volvo - they were my favourite cars when I was kid (I know, I know). Doesn't look like I'll ever have the MR2 though, certainly not while I could potentially look sexy driving it and there's no point looking like I've had a menopausal breakdown in one so it ain't gonna happen!

You can come take a spin in mine.

RaRaRasputin · 17-05-2012 11:20pm

I never said that children should be the be all and end all. I merely said and firmly believe that people should take responsibility if they chose to have children, because every child deserves so.

If a doctor gave you bad advice it is unfortunate, and i mean it. But from your description this wasn't your first child and thus not the reason your ambitious plans for your future were unfulfilled. It's surely not a bad thing to have ambitions, just don't try to burden others for your own failings.

Ajos · 17-05-2012 11:26pm

37 now. Started good, got really good, got a little bad, shook things up, got worse, then got amazing, then bad again, shook things up again, got really interesting, currently not so great but based on past experience I expect an upturn shortly!

I never thought I'd be where I am now. I used to dream of it as a kid, but never seriously pursued it, then it just kind of happened after the thing I did pursue turned out to be kind of boring. Although that was also an ambitious dream. It isn't like I thought it would be. Nothing is.

In terms of expectations, well, I found the things that I thought would be difficult or impossible were not, and I also found that the things I thought would be easy or take care of themselves were not and did not! Also, all those things people say about your body starting to pack in little by little as you get older are correct. Somehow I assumed it would not happen to me. The things I used to take for granted!

I will say that right now this video resonates a little too strongly to be comfortable.

flutterflye · 17-05-2012 11:37pm

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

I never said that children should be the be all and end all. I merely said and firmly believe that people should take responsibility if they chose to have children, because every child deserves so.

If a doctor gave you bad advice it is unfortunate, and i mean it. But from your description this wasn't your first child and thus not the reason your ambitious plans for your future were unfulfilled. It's surely not a bad thing to have ambitions, just don't try to burden others for your own failings.

Right you are so Ted.
Fantastic advice indeed.
Clearly you didn't actually read any of what I wrote, but hey, that's fine!

Sauve · 17-05-2012 11:45pm

Completely different to what I would have predicted, thankfully.
A lot of good things have happened, and a fair few bad things too. All in all, they've all contributed to making me a pretty happy and contented person, so yeah, it's been good.

RaRaRasputin · 17-05-2012 11:47pm

Well ok...I guess you proved your point that you could never have succeeded as a psychologist/ "neuro psychologist", because you fail to actually listen and consider other opinions.

flutterflye · 17-05-2012 11:52pm

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

Well ok...I guess you proved your point that you could never have succeeded as a psychologist/ "neuro psychologist", because you fail to actually listen and consider other opinions.

Have you some agenda here?
Seriously, you seem to be getting a tad on the personal side.

Captain Darling · 17-05-2012 11:53pm

I now know what I want to do and am doing it. Professionally, personally and financially I'm in a good place.

dark crystal · 17-05-2012 11:55pm

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

Well ok...I guess you proved your point that you could never have succeeded as a psychologist/ "neuro psychologist", because you fail to actually listen and consider other opinions.

Flutterflye posted a personal and honest reply to the OP's question - why don't you lay off her a bit and stop being spiteful for no good reason.

RaRaRasputin · 18-05-2012 12:08am

As far as I can see I was merely having a debate about attitude here, but I am delighted to see that my opponent is incapable of defending herself and has to summon her demons to fend for her cause. Thank you so much for helping me out,

I am off to bed now to actually acquire something for society in the morning, apart from lamenting about my extreme fertility.

Witchie · 18-05-2012 12:32am

Sometimes despite making a choice to have children you may have slight wistfulness for the dreams you put on hold and as time develops it can sometimes be hard to get back to the place you wanted to be.

So I don't get why you think Flutterby was saying she was regretting her children, she probably, like most women who put their children before career, may just feel that she has so much more to offer and feels a little discontent that the opportunities to do so are not there when you go back looking for them after taking time out for Children.

looksee · 18-05-2012 12:43am

Its never too late. I left school at 16 with no qualifications to speak of. A family later I turned 50 in college and am now about to retire from teaching. In another 15 years I will be 80, maybe at that stage I will be thinking of sitting by the fire, but not yet.

Grobbelaar · 18-05-2012 2:03am

I think I'm doing pretty well. I lived in a small island in the Indian Ocean for a spell, I worked/lived in Barcelona for almost a year and have seen Thailand ( was always on my list of things to do)

I'm living with a lovely girl who is fantastic. I perform for a living and have played places that I never thought I'd get to. When I was younger I had fierce confidence issues when speking to groups of people, my worst nightmare was to be picked to read for english class so I never really expected to be up on stage performing to big groups of people.

I get plenty of time to play sports, concentrate on playing GAA and the gym so I often think I'm one very lucky fella.

I turn 30 next year and I think the main thing that I've learnt is to not over think the small things, try not to be overly harsh on yourself too. I would say hold on to your dreams, try you best to acheive them and if you do fantastic if not at least you gave it your best shot.

Yakult · 18-05-2012 2:23am

Currently 22 and way off track to what I want to actually achieve. I feel like if I don't take action soon I'm going to have serious regrets, which I don't want in life. ****ing commitments are holding me back and they are valuable too so I've some big decisions ahead.

CiaranC · 18-05-2012 2:42am

My life is better than your vacation

Fiona · 18-05-2012 7:30am

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

I am off to bed now to actually acquire something for society in the morning, apart from lamenting about my extreme fertility.

Do us all a favour and dont wake up because your attitude stinks. Sometimes it doesnt matter what you do if God wants you pregnant he will find a way to make it happen no matter how much you try to prevent it.

Wompa1 · 18-05-2012 7:32am

Fiona wrote: »

Do us all a favour and dont wake up because your attitude stinks. Sometimes it doesnt matter what you do if God wants you pregnant he will find a way to make it happen no matter how much you try to prevent it.

Mary!!? MARY!? IS THAT YOU!?

Fiona · 18-05-2012 7:44am

Wompa1 wrote: »

Mary!!? MARY!? IS THAT YOU!?

Haha i aint no bible basher! I am child free by choice and fully support a womans right to choose whether a pregnancy goes to full term or not but lets all agree no form of contraception is 100% so if a woman is super fertile ya know what let her have a moan about it if she wants and not be made feel guilty by another woman who may not be so fortunate. Now back on topic please!

Wompa1 · 18-05-2012 7:50am

Fiona wrote: »

Haha i aint no bible basher! I am child free by choice and fully support a womans right to choose whether a pregnancy goes to full term or not but lets all agree no form of contraception is 100% so if a woman is super fertile ya know what let her have a moan about it if she wants and not be made feel guilty by another woman who may not be so fortunate. Now back on topic please!

I hear ya, those damn pesky babies trying to live, who do they think they are, don't they know I'm meant to be going to Majorca this summer with my girlfriends. How am I meant to get laid when I have a baby bump :pac:

Pedant · 18-05-2012 8:02am

Dear Diary,

My life is a dark abyss. Sadness confounds my thoughts.

I'm a hermit, a loner. I'm immersed daily in smothering bemoaning thoughts.

Not many are aware of my existence. I'm a non-person.

That's how my life has turned out.

The End.

RaRaRasputin · 18-05-2012 12:38pm

Oh yes, I forgot God's input. How could I in this holier than holy society. I am surprised this card wasn't pulled earlier.

Fiona · 18-05-2012 1:04pm

RaRaRasputin wrote: »

Oh yes, I forgot God's input. How could I in this holier than holy society. I am surprised this card wasn't pulled earlier.

I don't actually believe in God myself I just said it as a figure of speech.

I'll rephrase it better.

If the ***** in the pregnancy department want you up the pole regardless of what precautions you have taken then tough.

RaRaRasputin · 18-05-2012 1:35pm

Thanks for the rephrasing, sounds much better already.
I acknowledge that even with precautions taken a pregnancy may occur, but not several times in a row, though I think I heard this claim somewhere before...what was it called again? A yes, the Jeremy Kyle show.

How has your life turned out?

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