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Jokes not everyone will get

Comments

#152 26-06-2009 1:00am

Slidey

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What about Hosanna in the Hiace?

0
#153 26-06-2009 1:01am

Iron Hide

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Slidey wrote: »

What about Hosanna in the Hiace?

First sign of pikeys in the bible.

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#154 26-06-2009 10:05pm

joseph brand

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Whats the difference between an apple and an orange?

A banana. Because biscuits don't have windows.

Old one.

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#155 26-06-2009 10:11pm

Hagar

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What's the difference between a duck?
One of it's legs are both the same.

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#156 29-06-2009 1:41am

Capt'n Midnight

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#157 29-06-2009 10:00am

danniemcq

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Capt'n Midnight have you ever posted in a thread without putting a motivational poster in there somewhere?

Not a complaint they are (mostly) brilliant!

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#158 29-06-2009 10:17pm

Capt'n Midnight

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#159 30-06-2009 5:31pm

Iron Hide

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A streaker runs past two nuns.

One had a stroke.

The other was too slow

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#160 01-07-2009 1:29pm

Lord Derpington

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FruitLover wrote: »

Surely this should be while(0)?

Edit: or maybe there could be a ! before the methods calls...

It doesnt matter what value is given to the condition, 1 is always going to be one, 0 would always be 0, its the same as saying while(true)
Its an infinite loop either way cos the value wont change

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#161 01-07-2009 4:04pm

Time Magazine

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greenfly wrote: »

It doesnt matter what value is given to the condition, 1 is always going to be one, 0 would always be 0, its the same as saying while(true)
Its an infinite loop either way cos the value wont change

You're never going to get that joke.

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#162 01-07-2009 4:42pm

Federal

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"Here comes José now, wait, where's Hose B?"

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#163 01-07-2009 4:55pm

mirwillbeback

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Fella goes to Dr suffering with premature ejaculation.

Dr says, " Oh, that's a c*nt "

Fella goes " aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"

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#164 01-07-2009 5:13pm

Penn

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I found a note on the ground telling me to buy a new pair of boots, but I'd spent all my money. So I used my time machine to go back in time and buy a pair of Doc Marten's. Then I saw myself walking down the road, so I quickly left myself a note telling me to buy some boots. Talk about a Predestination pair o' Docs.

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#165 01-07-2009 6:02pm

dilallio

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Why does a mouse when he spins?
Because the more he goes round the much.

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#166 01-07-2009 9:28pm

FruitLover

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greenfly wrote: »

It doesnt matter what value is given to the condition, 1 is always going to be one, 0 would always be 0, its the same as saying while(true)
Its an infinite loop either way cos the value wont change

a) If the value in the condition is 0, this is the same as false, and the loop won't execute at all

b) The joke appears to have completely gone over your head

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#167 02-07-2009 4:09pm

boneless

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Two nuns cycling down a cobbled street. One says to the other, 'Do you come this way often sister?'

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#168 02-07-2009 10:26pm

Michellenman

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Took me an embarrassingly long time to get that

Very good.

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#169 02-07-2009 10:30pm

Angus MacGyver

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Two birds sitting on a perch, one turns to the other and says

"can you smell fish"

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#170 02-07-2009 11:34pm

candlegrease

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A bunch of scientists and engineers were rather drunk, and when one decided to yell out his favorite equation, "E = MC^2," others started to follow suit.
"F = ma"
"a^2 + b^2 = c^2"
but when one engineer yelled out "F = c*(d/dt)(x1 - x0)" the crowd groaned and the yelling stopped. He later apologized to his friend, "Sorry I didn't mean to put a damper on things..."

Don't get it. Can somebody please clarify?

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#171 03-07-2009 12:04am

Capt'n Midnight

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what's the difference between a chorus girl by day and by night?
by day she is fair and buxom,

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#172 04-07-2009 5:23pm

WindSock

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How many ears does Dr Spock have?

3.

A left ear.....

A right ear.....

And a Final Frontier!

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#173 05-07-2009 6:00am

Mahatma coat

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didnt Davey Crocket have a Wild Front Ear?

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#174 06-07-2009 11:18am

Capt'n Midnight

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An old lady goes into her local grocer and asks for half a pound of tuppenny rice and half a pound of treacle. She starts to count out and hand over the money.
A weasel noticed what was happening and ran out of the shop screaming.

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#175 06-07-2009 11:43am

Capt'n Midnight

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'what did batman say to robin before they got in the car?

Robin, get in the car!!'

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#176 06-07-2009 11:50am

Capt'n Midnight

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An ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands and a flake.

Police say that he topped himself.

What's the difference between a man and a chimpanzee?
One is hairy, smelly, and is always scratching its arse and the other's a chimpanzee.

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#177 06-07-2009 11:54am

Capt'n Midnight

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What colour opens cars?
Khaki.

How do you get two whales in a mini?
Over the Severn Bridge.

A team of cats named One, Two and Three start swimming the channel from the English side

A team of cats named Un, Deux and Trois starts swimming the channel from the French side

Which team of cats gets to the other side first?

One, Two and Three;
because
Un, Deux, Trois quatre cinq

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#178 06-07-2009 11:56am

Capt'n Midnight

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Knock knock
who's there?
me, I kill you

achmad the terrorist, what a ledgend

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#179 06-07-2009 12:00pm

pug_

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What's the difference between an elephant and a plum? They're both purple except for the elephant.

0
#180 06-07-2009 12:16pm

Capt'n Midnight

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A duck stood waiting to cross the road. A chicken came up to him and said, "Don't bother, mate. You'll never hear the end of it."

Two inmates are waiting to go up before the parole board. The first inmate says to the second that he doesn't think he has much chance of getting out.

The second inmate says, 'There's a sure-fire way for a good-looking bloke like you to make parole - proposition the chief warden's wife. You'll be out straightaway.'

'Don't be ridiculous,' says the first inmate. 'Everyone knows you can't end a sentence with a proposition.'

My next door neighbour worships exhausts pipes! He's a Catholic Converter!

How do you confuse an idiot?
Sausages

How do you keep an idiot in suspense.....?

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#181 06-07-2009 6:35pm

ChocolateSauce

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If you don't find this genius you don't get it. :pac:

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#182 09-07-2009 7:17pm

Eglinton

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If you tell a Zimbabwean woman she look's like a million dollars, is it an insult?

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#183 09-07-2009 7:54pm

pwd

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this:
http://boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055555858

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#184 10-07-2009 8:59am

stereo_steve

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Trying to brew coffee with a teapot should result in the error code 418, I'm a teapot!

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#185 10-07-2009 10:18am

Pal

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Broad wrote: »

Doing well understanding them up to now but please explain this one!

comfy in Scottish accent is 'come from ?'

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#186 10-07-2009 11:41am

bacon?

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why's uhura's skin brown? william shatner

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#187 10-07-2009 1:04pm

bacon?

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a horse, chicken, rabbi and a priest walk into a bar.

barman says, is this some sort of joke?

0
#188 10-07-2009 8:18pm

Penn

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Barney Vs The Ting Tings

They call me John
They call me Jacob
They call me Jingleheimer
They call me Schmidt
That is my name. That is his name. That is my name. This is his... name.

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#189 10-07-2009 9:47pm

Fighting Irish

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<snip. Not around here please - Hagar <snip>

__________

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#190 10-07-2009 9:59pm

Fighting Irish

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Fighting Irish wrote: »

<snip. Not around here please - Hagar <snip>

__________

now ye're talkin'

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#191 10-07-2009 11:46pm

kumate_champ07

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did someone delete my joke?

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#192 11-07-2009 12:11am

Hagar

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Yes, last May, Have you got narcolepsy or some other mitigating medical condition?

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#193 11-07-2009 12:14am

Slidey

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I hav zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

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#194 11-07-2009 12:26am

kumate_champ07

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Hagar wrote: »

Yes, last May, Have you got narcolepsy or some other mitigating medical condition?

i do actually.

heres the joke again:

why could the black cow with the stammer never get the other cows to move?

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#195 11-07-2009 12:34am

Hagar

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That is not the joke that was snipped as far as I can see. You had two jokes snipped, both way over the line. If you post them again or anything like them I will ban you and your children and your childrens's children.

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#196 11-07-2009 2:05am

kumate_champ07

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Hagar wrote: »

That is not the joke that was snipped as far as I can see. You had two jokes snipped, both way over the line. If you post them again or anything like them I will ban you and your children and your childrens's children.

i cant remember anything else i posted that was way over the line.

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#197 11-07-2009 8:44am

SilverFox261

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Some of these are brilliant. Thanks for the laugh's guys!

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#198 14-07-2009 8:16am

Mahatma coat

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Whats Brown and rhymes with Snoop???

Dr Dre
:D:D

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#199 14-07-2009 10:39pm

eamonnf

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I just read that the word gullible has been removed from the dictionary!

Three ducks flying over Belfast. The first duck goes 'quack', the second duck goes 'quack' and the third duck says 'Im going as quack as I can'.

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#200 20-07-2009 7:16pm

boneless

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Two nuns in the bath. One says to the other 'where's the soap?'. The other replies 'Yeah, it does a bit!'

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#201 20-07-2009 7:34pm

zuroph

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thats already in the thread?

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