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Girlfriend advice needed.

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    #32
    noturdrudealer
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭noturdrudealer


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    Do you love her?

    I really don't know anymore, I'm just so confused.


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    #33
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    I think your terror of being alone is clouding your judgement. Perhaps both of you are together because you're two sides of the same coin and it's better to be in a miserable relationship than to be single. Did your doctor refer you on for counselling/therapy?


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    #34
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,791 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    It doesn't sound like you do. You haven't said one nice thing about her in the whole thread. And the things you are looking for as proof that she loves you are silly.

    I am with my husband 14 years. I don't know his favourite colour, song, film etc. I don't think he necessarily has a favourite of anything. Wanting her to list off things she knows about you or loves about you is quite teenager-like. I think you don't love her. I think you don't even like her all that much. You want any breakup that comes to be her fault so that you don't have to feel any guilt. But the reality is you are not happy in the relationship. If you are not happy, and if it is not working out for you then you are the one who is going to have to do something about it.

    She is definitely not "the one". So your options are stick with it and be miserable but safe(?) or take a risk and be single again.


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    #35
    noturdrudealer
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭noturdrudealer


    Stavro Mueller wrote: »
    I think your terror of being alone is clouding your judgement. Perhaps both of you are together because you're two sides of the same coin and it's better to be in a miserable relationship than to be single. Did your doctor refer you on for counselling/therapy?

    No, he's gone till next week. So I have to wait till Wednesday coming to see him.


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    #36
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    I'm starting to think that you're being horribly unfair to your girlfriend.


    You're taking her on dates, and acting like a boyfriend. All the while, you're giving out about her here, don't know if you love her, don't know whether she loves you, and you seem to be blaming her for everything.


    What about her? Surely she deserves the truth, and to be free from someone who doesn't REALLY want to be with her? Or will you kid her that you still love her, because it's easier for you?


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    #37
    noturdrudealer
    Registered Users Posts: 25 ✭noturdrudealer


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    It doesn't sound like you do. You haven't said one nice thing about her in the whole thread. And the things you are looking for as proof that she loves you are silly.

    I am with my husband 14 years. I don't know his favourite colour, song, film etc. I don't think he necessarily has a favourite of anything. Wanting her to list off things she knows about you or loves about you is quite teenager-like. I think you don't love her. I think you don't even like her all that much. You want any breakup that comes to be her fault so that you don't have to feel any guilt. But the reality is you are not happy in the relationship. If you are not happy, and if it is not working out for you then you are the one who is going to have to do something about it.

    She is definitely not "the one". So your options are stick with it and be miserable but safe(?) or take a risk and be single again.

    If I didn't love her do you think I would do everything to help her? She suffered from depression and I got her to go to someone about it. Whenever something is wrong I try to solve it so she doesn't have to worry about it. When she's down I cuddle and watch movies with her and hold her while she goes to sleep. I'd do anything for her. I know her feet always are at her so I give foot massages without her even asking. I always leave her have my chicken because I know she loves it, even if I didn't even eat and am hungry.


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    #38
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,791 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    noturdrudealer wrote: »
    If I didn't love her do you think I would do everything to help her?

    A couple of posts back you weren't sure if you loved her. Now you are definite that you do?

    Doing all those things is lovely. And yes, it proves that you are considerate of her. But you are doing all those things on the surface and almost resenting her beneath it all and thinking all those bad things about her that your thread has been full of up to this point.

    This is a bad relationship, for you, for her. You came on here asking advice and opinion. Of course it is your prerogative whether or not to listen to anything that is being said.


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    #39
    Stavro Mueller
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,673 ✭✭✭Stavro Mueller


    Even if you choose to ignore every piece of advice given to you here, please go seek professional help. You really need to chat to someone who can tease these issues out with you and help you see more clearly.


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    #40
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I think you two are truly terrible for each other. That's not meant in a horrible way, I just think you are feeding into each other's worst side/fears/stuff you find hard to deal with, and the constant fallout messes with both your heads.

    You keep trying to 'look after her' in ways that prevent her dealing with her issues. She keeps appealing to your need for a relationship at all costs. I'm sorry to sound so harsh, but the pair of you are just perpetuating each other's problems.

    The way you're both going, nothing changes or improves for either of you. It's just a cycle of problems that aren't dealt with, carrying on into drama and recriminations. I'm sorry, but neither of you sound strong enough for a relationship, let alone such a demanding head wrecking one.

    I really do believe you should split up, because I genuinely think you are both damaging each other's chances of growing and dealing with each of your issues. Sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but I feel so strongly that I have to say I think that staying together will damage both of your chances of future happiness.

    I wish you the very best of happiness in the future OP; I just think you will never achieve it with this person.


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