Age Gap Friendships

UpCork · 19-07-2014 9:22pm #1

This is a question I've pondered for a while - ladies, how many of you are good friends with someone either a good bit older or a good bit younger?

A few years ago I was friendly at work with this lady who was in her late 40s. When I finished working there she'd often text and we'd meet up for a drink etc. A few years on and we still now meet regularly - I'm in my early 30s an she's in her early 50s. We have some mutual friends but also we kind of like the same things so have plenty to chat about.

Thing is when I mention to some people that I'm friends with someone who is not of my generation we'll say they find it extremely odd.

Just wondering what you all think - strange?/normal?.

Tigger99 · 19-07-2014 9:51pm

The only thing I find strange is your friends reactions. Are they very immature or jealous maybe of such a close friend ship maybe? I'd have a few such friendships and it's never even occurred to me that it'd be anything but normal. If any friend commented on it I'd be very taken aback.

Enjoy your friendship, it sounds lovely.

UpCork · 19-07-2014 9:59pm

Indeed, lots of people are friendly with people at work etc, but I think some find it a tad strange that now that we no longer work together we meet up. The things is I've always been friends with people because of their personalities etc, we don't always need a huge lot in common - I just like to be able to have a good old natter and both of us like to natter - ALOT, so that is good.

sullivlo · 19-07-2014 10:14pm

I play sports so would be friendly with people ranging from 10 years younger to 10 years older. One of my best friends is 10 years older.

I barely think to ask people's age. Although I sometimes feel old when maniac 2000 comes on & the kids have blank faces :P

x Purple Pawprints x · 19-07-2014 10:17pm

I don't think it's odd tbh. One of my best friends is 20 and I'm 25. She went to school with my younger brother but we're also neighbours so we sort of grew up together.

miamee · 19-07-2014 10:17pm

It might be less common but not strange at all. I am good friends with a girl in work who is 9 years younger than me. Ordinarily I would find someone that young to be a bit immature but she is a very sweet, caring girl and an old soul. We get along very well. I know if and when either of us leave work, we will stay in touch.

Scarinae · 19-07-2014 10:28pm

I honestly think age is just a number, and you can be friends with anyone who has similar interests to you. I also think it becomes more 'normal' the older you get. Some of my colleagues that I get on best with are about 20 years older than me.

When I was 13 or 14 I became friends with a lady who was in her 80s. She was a family friend - my Dad had gone to school with her son - but I'd recently developed an interest in astronomy, which was something she knew a lot about, and we got talking about it at a dinner party. One of the lovely things about her was that she was never condescending, in the way that so many adults are with young teenagers; she was so interested in what I was doing and really encouraging about my interest in science. She was a fascinating person - she'd studied science in college, which was fairly unusual for a woman of her generation, and was interested in so many things. She was an excellent photographer, and had her own darkroom; she was also really artistic and did incredible botanical paintings. I loved visiting her, her house was this lovely oasis of calm with a beautiful garden, and she always had wonderful things to show me whether it was things she'd brought back from her travels or photographs of her son and my Dad when they were kids. She actually gave me her telescope, a beautiful wood and brass one that she'd had since she was a child, which I said I couldn't possibly accept but she insisted on it.

She died when I was 16, and I was absolutely devastated - I knew she'd been getting a bit frail, but nobody had warned me that she might die. I suppose it was my first experience of someone close to me dying, as at the time I still had all four grandparents. I was surprised by how many friends my own age couldn't see why I was so upset, because she wasn't a relative or anything - it's like they didn't understand that she was my friend too.

I do still think about her sometimes, when I'm doing something that I know she'd have loved hearing about. I was recently in Botswana, and the view of the sky from the desert was absolutely incredible - we were about three hours' drive from the nearest settlement, so there was no light pollution, and I have never seen the Milky Way or the stars in general so clearly - and I was going through the southern hemisphere constellations one by one with a pair of binoculars and a battered old astronomy book. I know she'd have been really interested, and would probably be able to match it with her own stories. I can't believe she's been gone for 11 years though!

x Purple Pawprints x · 19-07-2014 10:31pm

Scarinae, that is incredibly sweet

Aint Eazy Being Cheezy · 19-07-2014 10:36pm

I'm 27, best mate is 39. Met him on the first day of serving my apprenticeship, same dry sense of humour, same interests and we're from the same area.

Developed the friendship over the last 9 years and we know we can trust each other with anything. Age is totally irrelevant.

Mars Bar · 19-07-2014 10:39pm

I find it very easy to make friends with people 20 years my senior. I love listening to what they have to say!
My best friend is 24 and her fiancee is 33 so that's one close friend who would be a generation older than us but I never even notice it to be honest.

The Princess Bride · 19-07-2014 10:53pm

One of my best friends is 18 years older than me-we've been friends since my early twenties.We've lots in common and I consider myself lucky to know her.

When it comes to friendship,age should never matter if people have a genuine bond.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5 · 19-07-2014 11:14pm

One of my very good friends has just turned 19, I'm 25. I know it's not a massive age-gap but at that age it's much more noticeable. The odd time I do be thinking "Ah, bless your innocence" or other not-at-all-patronising things like that, but she's really very mature and has a similar personality to me so I rarely even remember the age difference unless we're heading out and she gets asked for id or something.

I'm also close with a couple of my aunts who are in their forties and fifties, and friendly enough some people from jobs/college who are about ten or fifteen years older than me, never really thought there was anything strange about it. Most of my close friends are around my own age though.

pwurple · 20-07-2014 1:42am

Normal enough for me. The things I do would be fairly wide ranging in ages... Gardening and history stuff tends to be older, people at motorbike events tend to be younger than me. I've buddies I've met in both. Never thought anything of it really.

You'd be cutting yourself off from a lot of very interesting and cool people to limit your age range for friends.

JillyQ · 20-07-2014 1:50am

Im in my mid 40's & have friends ranging from their mid 20's to late 50's. I think it is variety in friendships that makes life interesting.

Lou.m · 20-07-2014 1:52am

UpCork wrote: »

This is a question I've pondered for a while - ladies, how many of you are good friends with someone either a good bit older or a good bit younger?

A few years ago I was friendly at work with this lady who was in her late 40s. When I finished working there she'd often text and we'd meet up for a drink etc. A few years on and we still now meet regularly - I'm in my early 30s an she's in her early 50s. We have some mutual friends but also we kind of like the same things so have plenty to chat about.

Thing is when I mention to some people that I'm friends with someone who is not of my generation we'll say they find it extremely odd.

Just wondering what you all think - strange?/normal?.

I have a lot of them male and female. I generally have friends no younger than 5 yrs than me but I have two friends who are a couple who are in the retirement years.

I used to visit a girlfriend in Mullingar and her then partner was in his forties. I remain friends with both of them (they are separated).

You do find that commonality not found in age is found in other things . They all have children etc. But it gives great perspective. I have my college friends, my randoms, my hobbie friends and kindred spirits. I am curious and non judgmental, you meet interesting people that way.

I have a female friend whose family has grown up. She has a partner with an age difference (he is younger).

I was a runner /assistant for an older lady yrs ago who was speaking at an event I spent the weekend looking after her. And we kept in contact. She passed away which is one of the sad things.

I think you would have a narrow perspective on life if you only had friends your own age. I would say it matters less when you get older yourself. Old age should be celebrated. You are missing some great people if you don't. I went to a wedding once where the brides best friend was in her 70's. I used to spend time with my elderly neighbour.

Scarinae that is exactly how I feel ...you click with who you click with.

20-07-2014 10:05am

Two of my best friends are my old uni supervisor and his wife, both in their late 50's. I'm 27, and if absolute disaster hit me tomorrow they'd be the ones I'd turn to. I've genuine love for both of them and love their company.

There are all kinds of friendships and you gain from the wisdom and experience of older friends in the same way that you might gain from the exuberance of younger friends. It's all down to the individual, not their age.

UpCork · 20-07-2014 12:19pm

Glad I'm not alone in this.

I always got on well, even as a child, with older people. My Mother always says I was born old and sensible (not saying that those two always go together

) so perhaps that is why I always related to older people.

At work this year I made friends (briefly) with a new girl (who has since left), who was about 8 years younger (so in her early 20s) We got on well at work and once or twice started to socialise outside of work and it was then I think I realised, for me, with that particular girl that it would be hard to be friends outside of work. Her interests were so different but also she had all that young party going to get out of her system - I had already done that and was not at the stage where I liked a quiet drink and good conversation.

This is possible the reason that I get on with older people also.

sashafierce · 21-07-2014 3:55am

This post has been deleted.

pinkypinky · 21-07-2014 9:20am

Have at least 2 very good friends that are between 15 and 25 years older than me (actually not 100% sure of their ages, somehow feel it's not ok to ask!!) and several acquaintances. Nobody much younger than me as yet. I'm just glad my older friends are interested because sometimes I find it harder work to be with much younger people, and if I put myself in their shoes, I am that younger person.

Love the variety in life perspective that they give me.

czechlin · 21-07-2014 2:21pm

I have a few different groups of friends. The ones from school are my age - for obvious reasons. I'm the baby in the group of the closest friends, me being mid twenties and the oldest "member" being 39. When it comes to friendship age doesn't matter. It's how you relate to people and how you enhance each others lives. I'm friends with a few people, who are twice as old. And I also keep in touch on a regular basis with a gentleman in his 80s that I met trough work. He is one of the sweetest, loving and most open minded people I have ever met.

shalalala · 21-07-2014 2:28pm

I have few people that are my age as friends. I am 25. I have male friends that are 60 ish and 50ish that I would talk to a lot about everything. Then I have female friends around the 35+ mark. My closest friends are both single parents which can sometimes be annoying making plans but they have been there for me in thick and thin and never judge me. I think age is just a number when it comes to friendship. Perhaps not for dating.

I have been judged for it though. My ex used to make comments about me not having " normal" friends. But I count myself lucky that I have a group of people that are funny, kind, mature and giving that will always be there for me. And they are the kind of friendships that you don't have to worry about. I know that after 3 months we will pick up right where we left off.

ivytwine · 24-07-2014 7:44am

My 'writing' friends are all older than me, but we have lots in common. Just to Scarinae's lovely story, I remember a friend of mine from school was friends with a lady in her late 80s (at that time). She was a family friend who had survived the Holocaust (my friend's family had been in the German resistance, which although very small, did exist). None of us thought it was weird, but then we were open-minded types in general

There is a generation gap with me and my older pals at times, but that's superficial I think, the commonality is much deeper!

fillefatale · 25-07-2014 4:43pm

I have many friends in their 30s/40s - sometimes a friend might mention that its a bit odd that a lot of my friends are older and I should be enjoying my 20s more (which in their case probably means sleeping around, to be honest, which I don't do, not for any moral reasons mind you). I'm into more niche things like vintage clothing and social history and old movies, and I find people who are 10-15 years older than me share those interests.

I don't see it as an issue at all! People can be jealous about the most curious things!

gowestcallme · 25-07-2014 9:43pm

x Purple Pawprints x wrote: »

I don't think it's odd tbh. One of my best friends is 20 and I'm 25. She went to school with my younger brother but we're also neighbours so we sort of grew up together.

It's a little odd.

Addle · 25-07-2014 9:52pm

It depends how you meet whether it's odd or not.
My colleagues are all 10+ years older than me and I've a couple of good friends among them.
Once you hit a certain age, I find that people's age tends to blur!

x Purple Pawprints x · 26-07-2014 10:45am

gowestcallme wrote: »

It's a little odd.

Why exactly?

Don't highlight my post and give no reason.

nlk · 28-07-2014 4:14pm

I'm in my early 30s and one of my closest friends will be 87 this year. We just meet once a week to have a chat. Obviously in some ways it's very different to the rest of my friendships but in others, such as companionship, being supportive to each other, having a laugh, it's very similar.

Penny Tration · 01-08-2014 11:20pm

I'm 25 and have friends ranging from 22 to 60. The 60 year old is a brilliant, supportive, caring and wonderful person.

Most of my friends are in their thirties. I tend to get along better with people older than me.

KatW4 · 02-08-2014 1:14pm

I'm 24 and worked as a teacher in London until recently. My two teaching assistants, who are 54 and 44, are two of my greatest friends. There's no drama with them, it's brilliant!

RhubarbCrumble · 02-08-2014 3:46pm

I'm 35, and my friends range in age from 25 - 65.

Age Gap Friendships

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