Hi guys, first off I would like to say no sorry I am about panicing in going to James Kelly, I have now decided to have my 3 or meetings with Dr Kelly, I thought about it long and hard and I believe I need to do it.
Secondly I really admire the courage that you girls have, and I do realise that sometimes necessity can be a badge for courage, but what you girls have posted in this thread, is beyond that I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart, thank you.
Ok how can I give advice, in the advice thread to help out, someone said post your experience, might actually help, and after spending the week in reading how honest you guys are and thinking about it, I might start from their (even if ropey) but the first time I tired to explain or even work out who I was, so forgive me.
Here's my story, I was lucky enough, that although gender rules where there, they where allowed to be blured, and that is the first time I became confused when I went to school, I didn't mind hanging out with boys, but I didn't mind hanging out with girls either, infact at home I played with both, I never saw them as gender different, I saw them as my friends, I never got the "yuck" thing boys had for girls, I would have a crush on anyone at any time regardless of gender.
And this is a good enough reason to go and see Dr Kelly.
The I became seven, I still couldn't understand gender difference, but was told to grow up and be a man, "One Statement, not as harsh as it sounds" got me thinking, also alot of doctors and nurses games made me think hold on a sec "I'm confused???" that's it. Exactly what was going through my head, I spent the next 10 years questioning that confusion, the answers ended up in boxes
Am I gay (I had one or two crushes on guys in school)
Am I straight (I had more than two crushes on girls in school)
Am I ????? (I must be a cross dressing idiot "SURPESS, SURPRESS) not unlike a submaire
I Surpressed failing quit badly and read up on as much as I could on the "condition", now I cared and care for people but what that medical encylopedia said just turned my blood to stone (I'm still pretending at this point, I clean up the stores and lose those Physchbabble books in the back (they we're bought by my boss for the student market.)
So I work up the ladder of the bookshop I'm working in for 14 years, my dad died, my mom and most of my family moved to austrialia, I ended up missing them too much, I boworred to much money to chat with them
Ended up 20,000 in debt, from alot of other things that may become clear.
Came home was promoted, company closed within 12 months, (Not my fault, but I made his business more value) None at this point I still have no idea what gender or who I like sexually is (I'm using debt as my escape goat (2002)
After the company was sold and I felt I lost my family again, I stopped trying so hard I'm me and maybe I'm actually a nice person,
My Mom came home from austrialia, with mayor forgetfullness, I've being carering for her ever since.
I still until this week realised what I was glancing against, I'm still waiting to find out what gender I am (but as people have point out , it's really not that important we are ourselfs)
Also the reason I gave the example of my live was so that others could see that we do have a hard time of it (we over think what a cister would do, we do want to be prefected, and we our the ones who wait for the fall. Also allow yourself a clap on the back an kiss of reassurance on the forehead, XX XX. I stilll don't understand gender (yep I understand it as it's put down on paper, and how others understand it) I just never felt it emotionally within my bones, if anyone asked me now or 40 years ago, if I wanted to fit in with the binary system of gender, I am female, rather than male