Can someone please help me - my cat died.

dan_d · 29-07-2010 9:10am #1

Hi guys.

Okay I'm posting here because my little cat was killed 2 days ago and I am very definitely not alright.

She is almost always in all night but 2 nights ago, she went out and didn't come back. We found her around the corner on Tuesday morning - we buried her in the back garden. I think she might have been hit by a car coming too fast through the estate...she wasn't injured as such, but she was thrown on the path.She was only 2 years old.

I just.....am not okay. I cried all day Tuesday, and a lot of yesterday - and now it's 9.05 in the morning and I'm crying again. My OH is doing his best, but I'm just devastated. My heart is broken, and I feel like I don't know how to go on. I know it sounds silly, but I just didn't expect it to be this hard. The worst part is that I'm unemployed and I am at home a lot of the day and I just see her everywhere. She was a real little house cat and she loved our company - and now I'm on my own and I'm just hurting so much.I do kind of feel that if I was working I mightn't have so much time to think about it, but I'm not.

I just want to know if there's anyone out there that can tell me how on earth I'm supposed to get past this. I posted about her in the departed pets thread above, but I just need someone to tell me that I'll be okay at some point. I do eventually want another one...but it breaks my heart to think I'll never see her again.I actually feel sick, and I keep thinking about how it might have happened to her and replaying stuff in my head and I just want to get out of my own brain at this stage. I have talked to my OH, but I feel bad for him too...I don't want to unload all my insane depression on him.

How am I supposed to get past this? Is there anyone else out there that's had this experience...did it feel this bad?

testicle · 29-07-2010 9:13am

Totally unhelpful.
Infraction issued.

LisaO · 29-07-2010 9:34am

Hi,so sorry to hear about your little cat, that's an awful thing to happen for any pet or pet owner. All I can say from my own experience (& hopefully others on here will back this up) is that everything you are now experiencing & feeling is a perfectly normal part of the grieving process. Your cat was a constant & daily part of your life for 2 years & you shared a very special bond so it is very natural to feel an enormous loss when that is gone, especially in such sudden & traumatic circumstances. I believe the grieving for a dearly loved pet is no different to the grieving process for the loss of a human - you will go through the same run of emotions and feelings.

It's a cliche but it is true that time is a healer. At the moment your emotions are very raw but there will come a time when a cute little face & paws will suddenly grab your heart again. But for now, remember all the good things, the funny things about your little cat & maybe try to talk to your OH as well (men often feel these things just as badly but can be very good at hiding it;)). Maybe find a special photo of her that sums up everything she was and get it framed & put up in a special place. If she had any special toys, etc, maybe ask your OH to put them away for now in a safe place until you feel able to look at them & deal with them - in time, such items may bring you comfort & happy memories.

Look after yourself. When you feel ready, try to get out & about and maybe find an interest to keep you busy? And don't worry about the inevitable "it was just a cat, get over it" comments. People who say that are the poorer ones who don't have the courage to open their hearts & minds to the unique love and inevitable heartbreak that a cherished pet can bring.

Dusty87 · 29-07-2010 9:35am

Yes i did feel like that before, twice actually. When i lost my friend at 16 and my grandfather. There is nothing you can do now,
Look at the bigger picture.

dan_d · 29-07-2010 9:42am

I should add that if you're not a pet owner, don't bother posting.......I know what people who have no understanding of animals think.

But to those who do, thanks.

Pudding11 · 29-07-2010 9:49am

So sorry to hear of your loss. No matter what anyone says a pet is part of your family and it hurts like hell to lose them. Ive lost pets over the years and it still hurts. I have two cats now, just over a year old, and cant imagine losing them, especially so young.
Time is the only thing really that will help you through this and of course the support of your loved ones.
I dont know if this will help too but in my local vet, Cara Vet Group (they have a website), I saw leaflets about pet bereavement so they might have some information or support that could be useful. Other vets, even your own, might be worth contacting too.

cjf · 29-07-2010 10:03am

Know this was originally written for a dog but think it applies to kittens too!!

I Stood Beside Your Bed Last Night

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, you found it hard to sleep.

I purred to you softly, as you brushed away a tear.
"It’s me, I haven't left you, I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here"

I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea.
You were thinking of the many times your hands reached down to me.

I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care.
I want to reassure you that I'm not lying there.

I walked with you towards the house as you fumbled for the key,
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said "It's me".

You looked so very tired and then you sank into a chair,
I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there.

It’s possible for me to be so near you everyday,
To say to you with certainty "I never went away".

You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew,
That in the stillness of that evening I was very close to you.

The day is over.... I smile and watch you yawning and say,
"Good Night, Sweet Dreams, God Bless, I'll see you in the morning".

And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I'll rush to greet you and we’ll stand together side by side.

I have so many things to show you, there's much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out; then come home and be with me.

bobbytables · 29-07-2010 10:06am

I'm sorry OP for your loss. I know what it's like to lose a loyal pet also. It does get in on you alright, and because it was an animal as opposed to a person you do end up feeling somewhat ashamed of yourself for grieving to the extent you do. However, you do, it's valid, you can't suppress it, so I say let it out. Cry if you need to cry and talk to other people close to you about it (and of course people on here too

).

When I was younger I had a really lovely dog. He was such a good friend. He used to follow us everywhere. We used to go to the local park and have great craic. For a small dog he could run really fast. Then one day while we had visitors leaving the house, he all of a sudden spotted a dog across the street and took off without a care. A person doing about 60mph on our street hit him and continued on. We put him in the car, he was in a bad state and took him to the vet. He was absolutely silent the whole way there and was bleeding heavily, but was wagging his tail. The vet took one look at him and advised we have him put down. So we did, as the only humane option we had. I was devastated.

What we decided the next day to help us all along was to just get another dog. Of course a new dog wouldn't instantly replace what we lost, but it certainly helped, more than any of us thought it would. Within a week of losing our other dog, we got another young pup of the exact same breed as our last dog. She was beautiful, and because she was a pup and needed watching we were given enough of a distraction to help us through.

It's amazing when you are suddenly given the responsibility of someone/something else to mind, your focus tends towards that. That's my 2c, and it worked for us. I'm sorry again for what you've gone through over the past few days. But don't worry, the pain you feel now will pass.

Pudding11 · 29-07-2010 10:07am

CJF that is absolutely beautiful.

boomerang · 29-07-2010 10:09am

Came across this recently - maybe this lady could help?

http://www.solacepbc.com/About.html

How you're feeling is absolutely natural and totally understandable, by the way.

x x x

Toulouse · 29-07-2010 10:10am

I don't even want to think about when my own girl goes so my heart goes out to you.

Console yourself with the fact that she had a lovely life, was well loved and is waiting for you at the bridge http://rainbowsbridge.com/Poem.htm

Maybe you could plant something in her memory where you buried her and have a little service to say goodbye when you're feeling stronger as I think this is probably what is hardest for you at the moment. It was so sudden and you weren't there.

http://www.caravetgroup.com/Coping_with_Pet_Bereavement/Default.1123.html

cjf · 29-07-2010 10:28am

Pudding11 wrote: »

CJF that is absolutely beautiful.

Yea know it by heart at this stage!! Have it on my fridge with a pic of my 3 doggies and 1 kitten who I have lost over the years! Just reminds me they there in a nice way!! Can still get misty eyed when I think about them!!

OP: It is devastating and so hard when you dont have anyone to talk to who is 'animally'!! It will get better and when you ready maybe you can give a home to another little kitten in need because every kitten deserves an owner who cares as much as you do!

morgana · 29-07-2010 10:47am

I know how it hurts to loose a beloved cat, every pet owner unfortunately has to go through it at some stage.
The first weeks will be awful with sudden bursts of deep grief and feelings of great loss.
Try to remember the good times, the times she made you laugh, her trust. It will still hurt as hell but become more bearable.

It will take some time, but eventually the good memories will still be with you. And you never know, another cat will come along and steal another spot in your heart.

I would wait some time though before I consider another cat, allow healing to take place.

29-07-2010 10:57am

Very tough time, my sister has a yorkshire terrier that is one of the family, she knows me as Uncle Jimmy and dad as Grandad (honestly)

. Years back we had a yorkie who was a grand little dude most of the time but he bit all of us and Mum's brother so we had to have him put down (chap from ISPCA and the vet both thought it necessary, he was a vicious little nutter at times). Mum cried all the way from the dog's home back to the car. Took us ages to get over it. In a month or two you might feel like getting another.

tk123 · 29-07-2010 11:24am

My cat was pts last year - he was 6 and had kidney failure. He was a house cat and my little buddy. The last few weeks before he died I had just come out of hospital and was in bed most of the time - he used the spend the whole day keeping me company! He was always with us.
It does get easier OP but it's so hard - everytime I read a post like this my eyes fill up thinking of him and of how much I miss him. Don't be ashamed to cry - it's ok to be upset and take no notice of people who don't have pets or who don't like cats who try to make you feel stupid for having a heart.
We waited a few weeks before picking 2 kittens but after thinking about it we decided we weren't ready to replace him with another cat so we ended up getting a puppy instead.
So many people have come up to us on walks or in the vets to pet him and next their eyes well up telling me all about their golden retriever who died and how much they miss them - when you spend some much time with your pet it's natural to be upset and miss them.

anniehoo · 29-07-2010 11:33am

Hi OP! So sorry for the loss of your lovely cat. You're going to be in bits for a good while to be honest which is perfectly natural and normal. Our pets are members of our family and very much loved, of course you're going to be upset.

But....it WILL get easier. I promise! I lost my dog of 14 years there in January and oh my god ive never cried so much in my life. I was devastated. I still well up now when i think of her, but its not sadness so much now as just missing her and remembering all the fun times.

You'll get through this but itll take time. I think we're lucky to be honest. A lot of people dont understand or appreciate the love animals give us...so count yourself lucky that you do and embrace all of the emotions that come with them..

Clare Bear · 29-07-2010 11:38am

So sorry to hear you're upset dan_d. It's horrible I know. I've only had my dog 8 months but I'd be lost without him now, he goes everywhere with me, he's my pal. 5 years ago we lost our family dog. We've always had loads of dogs, usually 3 or 4 at a time but this was just that one dog that stood out and one I will never forget. I still miss him now and still get lonely sometimes when I go home and he's not there to greet me.

It's early days, you're still coming to terms with it and getting used to not having her around. In a little while you will hopefully feel that it's time again to open your heart to another cat. You don't feel like that now but you will. And it sounds like any cat will be lucky to have such a great home with you.

Big hugs, it's awful and she wasn't just a cat to you, she was your little buddy so don't let anyone make you feel stupid for being so upset, I completely understand how you feel. Hope you'll be okay, talk on here about her whenever you want to, lots of people will understand and have gone through what you're going through xxx

joyce2009 · 29-07-2010 11:44am

OP I'm sitting here with tears rolling down my face after reading your post because I'm so sorry for you cos i know how you feel and its all natural and normal (unfortunatley). It just goes to show how much she was loved..All i can say is cry when you feel like it but remember there are too many little cats in shelters that would love to have you as an owner and in time you will be there to give one a home hopfully. I hope you will start to feel better soon,,maybe getting out for a walk during the day will help clear your head and feel better. Best of luck and again I'm so sorry for your loss.

tazwaz · 29-07-2010 11:55am

hi op, i know how you feel right now, my dog was pts 5 weeks ago.... i still have a little cry some nights. all i can say is treasure your memories of him, remember all the great times. i planted some roses in the garden after taz passed away and when i get his ashes back we'll have a little memorial for him. thats kinda helping me get through this horrible time in my life

dan_d · 29-07-2010 12:03pm

Thanks so much everyone.

My OH is upset, but he hates seeing me cry so he kind of tries to keep it all to himself and look after me.

I just hate the fact that I'm at home and I see her everywhere.....it keeps kicking me in the stomach. We will get another kitten, but I'm so terrified that it could happen again...yet I'm weighing that against NOT having one, and I don't think I could have a house without a cat. We live in such a quiet place - a cul de sac off a cul de sac - with loads of kids, so I just find it so hard to believe that this has happened. I know it's horrible but I keep seeing all the other many cats around and wondering why it couldn't have happened to one of them, why it was my cat.We always kept her in at night and she was so loved...and as cats do, she returned that love.

Thanks for all your replies, you're all helping so much. My family are all pet lovers, so they do understand but ....it's just so hard.

And CJF your poem is beautiful, thank you so much.

Stark · 29-07-2010 12:09pm

dan_d wrote: »

I should add that if you're not a pet owner, don't bother posting.......

Okay, I know you're upset but that's just rude. I was going to post about how upset my mother was when our dog died and how she got through it, but as a non-pet owner myself, I'll refrain.

Clare Bear · 29-07-2010 12:12pm

Stark wrote: »

Okay, I know you're upset but that's just rude. I was going to post about how upset my mother was when our dog died and how she got through it, but as a non-pet owner myself, I'll refrain.

I think someone posted something unhelpful and the OP just didn't want to hear more "It's just a cat, get over it" type comments. I'm sure they'd like to hear your story.

Toulouse · 29-07-2010 12:12pm

Stark wrote: »

Okay, I know you're upset but that's just rude. I was going to post about how upset my mother was when our dog died and how she got through it, but as a non-pet owner myself, I'll refrain.

Don't be like that, you missed what Testicle said. I'm sure the OP meant non-pet lovers as opposed to pet owners.

dan_d · 29-07-2010 12:20pm

Apologies, I was referring to people who have never had a pet in their lives.

Obviously I know there are plenty of people out there who have had pets and couldn't find it in them to have another one after losing one. More specifically, I was referring to people who were simply going to say "get over it" because they've never lived through this themselves or with somebody else.

I did not mean to be offensive.

Orla K · 29-07-2010 1:18pm

My cat died in Feburary (day before valentines day to be exact) I had her less than a year but she was the best cat ever, nothing got in her way, she had three legs but jumped and played more than my other cat. She eventually was put to sleep she had tumor that they couldn't remove and it was effecting her alot. For the first week I cried, then I focused on Oscar a little more. In a few weeks I did what I had planned to do when I first got her, volunteer in the shelter where I she came from. There were lots of cats (and dogs) that had very different personalities and it got me out of the house for a bit where Stubbs food bowl and toys were. Eventually I saw another cat who had just come in, she was covered in huge lumps of matted fur and slightly underweight but loving the attention, I took her home with me(after she was neutered and seen the vet) From the shelter I have started fostering kittens too, at the moment I've two, no intention of keeping them but their a nice bit of madness that I can give back. I've also taken in a mammy cat who's about to burst and I'm mostly focusing on her because she needs alot of help (underweight)

A cat will come into your life again, just be relaxed about it, I had to get another one because Oscar was getting lonely and wanted company(now he wants to be left alone:rolleyes:) One thing to do is get out of the house more being unemployed is bad enough but going around the house and seeing things that upset you isn't going to help.

Kimia · 29-07-2010 1:59pm

Oh god OP I feel for you. I'm actually welling up now at the thoughts of losing my baby, it's an unbelievable feeling of deep loss and grief. I lost our family cat a few years back, he was around since I was a child and I was in my 20's when he died (happily of old age - he just lay down in our back garden in his favourite spot and passed away) and the grief was horrendous.

Try to keep busy, keep distracted, that's what helped me. If talking helps, post lots of stories and memories that will make you feel better. Cats are hilarious - I know I have a few really funny stories that would cheer me up just thinking about them .

Also, if you get another kitten would you consider keeipng her/him indoors? My little one never goes outside and the vet/shelter have all told me it's grand, even better for them because they dont get diseases/fighting with other cats.

The pain eases, but it never goes fully because they take a little of you with them when they go. Or maybe they leave a little bit with you when they go, but you'll never forget them. Cats leave pawprints on your heart. x

Dixie Chick · 29-07-2010 3:50pm

Hi Dan

I think you have brought a lump to almost everyones throat here with your post. It will get easier yes but allow yourself to grieve and the lump in your throat will pass

I think you should get another cat for definite, look at some welfare sites and see what some poor cats have had in their miserable lives and know that your cat had a good life and chose you as her human and had a short very happy life.

dan_d · 29-07-2010 4:39pm

Thanks Dixie. We will get another little puss, but I'm so worried it might happen again. We're not trying to replace her - she was our first pet together, and we both miss her terribly. But we'll get another cat.

I would consider keeping them indoors - ours was indoors as much as possible, in fact she didn't go out until she was over 6 months old and neutered and even then she only went over the wall into next door. She never, ever strayed too far past our back garden.Which makes this all the harder to bear.I'm putting myself through hell here, thinking about what might have happened to her and how - I hope she didn't suffer.

She's left prints with all 4 paws on my heart, without a doubt...on both of us.She was our little puss and I miss her so much. I'm trying, and it's a bit better today, but how on earth do people get through life when stuff like this happens??

lrushe · 29-07-2010 6:07pm

It has to be the worst part of pet ownership, the death of a pet, it doesn't matter if you've had them 10 weeks or 10 years it's always devastating when they go. My last dog to go was my 13 year old German Shephard and even now 4 years on I find it hard to believe she's gone. It does get easier in the sense you won't think about it everyday but it never fully goes away, even now I'll see one of my current dogs doing something and I'll think "Daisy used to love doing that" but now instead of tears there's a smile. She was a great dog and I've some great memories, as I have of every animal I've had the privilege of owning and I feel blessed for whatever length of time I've had each and everyone

Heroditas · 29-07-2010 7:25pm

dan_d wrote: »

She's left prints with all 4 paws on my heart, without a doubt...on both of us.She was our little puss and I miss her so much. I'm trying, and it's a bit better today, but how on earth do people get through life when stuff like this happens??

I moved out of my parents' house many years ago but was still very attached to the cat. She always greeted me when I came home to visit them.
Despite the fact she died over 4 years ago at the grand old age of 17, I still miss her like mad and keep thinking I see her out of the corner of my eye whenever I call in to visit. We had taken her in (she adopted us) when she was barely 2 months old and stayed with us forever after.
Time's a healer though. It'll just take a bit of time.
Hopefully you'll find it in yourselves to look after another cat who will be lucky enough to get plenty of love and attention from you and your other half.

Cherry Blossom · 29-07-2010 8:12pm

OP, I am truely so sorry for your loss

The only advice I can give you is to find some way of remembering happy times with your little cat, and time does heal . . slowly

I lost my horse to a freak accident about 2 years ago, I cried non stop for a full week and carried a little bunch of his tail hair I found stuck to a fence everywhere I went for a full month.

I found my own ways of dealing with it, I wrote a very long poem about his life from when I got him till he died, i'm no poet but it was something to do and was a great outlet for getting out all the thoughts that were running amok in my head. He'd had his feet done a few days earlier and I contacted the farrier and made him bring the old shoes back :rolleyes: I had them sanded down and took them to a local photographer with his headcollar, the poem I wrote, another I found inspirational and few favourite pictures and they it all arranged in a lovely frame. The kids all made little boquets of flowers and we had a little ceremony in the field and left them under a tree he always liked to shelter under, (the kids were only really involved so i'd feel less stupid if any passers by saw me

)

I did have another little pony to keep me busy who was very stressed at being on his own and kept searching for 'someone who wasn't there'

So I did spend an awful lot of time out in the field with him just pulling up weeds and stuff to keep him company. The worst thing was watching him gallop off in the direction of every single noise he heard only to be dissappointed when he didn't find what he'd hoped. He'd look up and stand to attention everytime I came to the field and this always followed with him instantly relaxing with a sigh that sort of said 'oh its only you again'

I appreciate none of this is very helpful to you as your circumstances are completely different but do find some way of remembering your little cat that's personal to you both and it will help immensely with the grieving process.

Some people really do not understand at all and you are lucky to have your OH there to support you. I did come up against a lot of 'it's only a horse' comments even from people supposedly close to me and some even felt it appropriate to make some very bad 'dead horse' jokes :mad:

I would be happy to send you my poem by PM if you wish, even for inspiration. I won't post it here as it's quite personal and largely irrelevant and as I've said very long!

Can someone please help me - my cat died.

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