LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

saa · 28-01-2012 1:30pm

Not sure what to think about this but..
Was talking to my partner last night about a couple, the wife is in hospital and
I said: "I hope she keeps an eye on her mental health as well when she leaves"
He said: "I'd be more worried about the husband"
Me: "Oh yeah because I say he doesn't talk about how he's feeling to anyone"
Fella: "No he does he was crying on the phone to my ma the other night [because he wife was in ICU"
Me: "Yeah but when she leaves and there's no ~"excuse" to be upset, you know people usually think its okay to talk about being upset when someones sick or someone's died not when they're just down"
Fella: "Sure why would he be down if he didnt have any reason to be?"
:-|

Wattle · 28-01-2012 5:54pm

Passive Depressive wrote: »

To be honest, most of this post is probably going to be rambling so if you can't be arsed reading an essay, I advise you to skip over it now.

I have been following this thread pretty much from the beginning and it has been an insightful read. There have been times that I wanted to contribute but something always held me back. I guess it's that this is an honest thread and even though the internet is anonymous, part of me doesn't want to be honest, even with strangers. It's much easier to bury things and pretend they don't matter, but really they do.

I have depression. It is something I suffer from and the last few years have been really tough. Mainly because I have tried to deal with it on my own. If I broke my leg, then all my friends would rally round and offer to take me to the hospital/do my weekly shop/anything to help me/make themselves feel useful. With depression, it's not only you who suffers, it's also your family and friends and unfortunately we are not at the stage where your family and friends know how to help you.

I don't need medication to treat my depression. There is a common misconception that if you are depressed, then it is all in your mind and drugs will cure you/make your life better. This is not always the case.

My depression is environmentional. I should note at this stage that I am not a psychologist and everything I say is an opinion and not a fact. I just want to get things off my chest so that they don't seem so bad and this sees the place to do it.

For the last fifteen years I have felt as if I am existing, rather than living. When I was a teenager, I thought that when I became an adult, life would work itself out. Turns out this doesn't happen. When I was a kid, I thought monsters were the scared things on the planet and they were scary things that only came out at night to haunt you.

As an adult in my 30's, I know that I have to make the most of life but I don't know how to. I want to have meaningful relationships and intellectually I know how to do it but in reality I fail.

I have massive trust and commitment issues and unlike a lot of people with depression, I know exactly why I can't function like a normal person. I was sexually abused by four different men when I was younger (two were family members, two were neighbours). One of the family members was a brother, the other was a cousin. Everyone knows about the brother (and it made for huge gossip :rolleyes:) but not even my mother knows about the cousin.

I wish I suffered from clinical depression where I could go and get medication to sort my brain out. Please note at this point that I am not trying to belittle anyone who takes medicine but I am at my withs end. I can't talk about it in my real life. My cousin now has a family and good life. There is no evidence that any abuse ever took place so reporting it would only bring a whole world of trouble on me. He is apparently a good upstanding member of the community and I am just someone with problems with alcohol.

My brother on the other hand is a different story. I haven't spoken to him in years and I doubt I ever will.

I have a very fractured relationship with my family. While on the one hand I love them, on the other, they were never very supportive and I can't be around them. My mother was an abusive alcoholic and while all her kids admit this, they also find it easier to support her than me. As one of my sister's said to me "I love you but I'm not saying anything as I don't want to be treated like you".

Right now I am very lonely and isolated. I try to make new friends and meet potential boyfriends. I know that I have a lot to offer but it kinda sucks that a social norm says that if you don't get on with your family, then the problem must be you.

I don't really know what I am saying. My life goes far beyond what I could condense into a post and I guess what I mean is that if you have depression and it's because of your situation, don't feel guilty. WALK AWAY. This could be applied to many situations but if the people around you are making you feel bad, then it's them, not you.

Ps If you have read to the end of this post then thank you. There was so much more I wanted to say but I couldn't type as fast as I think. All I would ask is that if there is someone in your real life who doesn't have much to do with their family, please don't judge them. There is probably a very good reason for it.

I can empathise with some of that especially when it comes to intimacy issues. I was physically abused growing up. My father was a violent man and my mother is still in denial about some of the things that went on. I guess what I processed internally was to never trust anybody, even those who are supposed to love and take care of you. In my adulthood I also had a six year relationship that ended when a good friend stole my girlfriend. I've learned how to function and if you met me you might never know that I suffered from depression but unconciously I protect myself from getting hurt by building a wall around me. I'm terrified to let anybody in in case I fall for them and they hurt me. Like you it seems to me that relationships and intimacy are something that happen to other people.

Drumpot · 30-01-2012 11:44am

Just when I think I have figured out what exactly is causing my depressed feelings, I get a curveball. .

For the last few days I have felt awful for no specific reasons. Lucky for me I have learned to tell my wife when I just dont feel right and she knows in general what to expect - Lethargy, poor concentration (sometimes dont hear her talk), nervous for no reason, cant sleep (and/or dont want to goto bed early), dont want to get out of bed, cant do simple things particularly workwise, anxious about nothing specific . . .

I have had 2 pints of guinneas in the last month so I know that its not the drink (that is defo a trigger at times). I had been ok for a few weeks (excited about the new office out the back - means Im getting my work out of my house).

I havent been to the gym in a month cause I have only just shaken a flu that just wouldnt go away. Perhaps its my lack of excercise?!

My councellor advised that I speak to my friends (Im very close to them, like brothers to be honest) but I cant help shaking that whole "people look at me and wonder what the hell I have to be depressed about" stigma.

I am generally a very confident person, confident in my own views (I have what would be considered very racical views on the world and do genuinley believe most people are not self aware!) and dont need people to agree with me on many things. This is the one thing that I get embarrassed and relucltant to discuss with my friends and it hurts. I dread going out on some of the simplest socia events. I hate committing to nights out in advance. I straight away start wondering what my mood will be like and put alot of pressure on myself to go (even if I dont want to). I just dont want to be out ruining everybody elses night if I am not up for it.

Ive read some truely touching stories here and just wanted to thank and at the same time congradulate people who have show immense courage to share their stories with me.

Doctor_Socks · 30-01-2012 11:51am

Does anybody here know where I could pickup a copy of the John Kirwan book 'All Blacks don't cry'? I've checked Amazon and Ebay but can't find a copy, it looks like it could be a great read and the short film released about it is amazing! The video was mentioned earlier in the thread but for those of you who are new here is a link to the site

http://www.allblacksdontcry.com/wordpress/

scrimshanker · 31-01-2012 1:55am

saw a counsellor, twice now. whole thing very intimidating & nerve wracking.difficult too... counsellor keeps asking about how things make me feel in response and I dont know the answer and it's so tiring trying to keep trying to figure out what I feel when I dont if that makes any sense.

the word anxiety keeps cropping up. I know it's a bit OT but what is it? I describe feeling awful and things being terrible (well, not that bad really, others have it much worse) and then what I'm saying keeps getting a response of "anxiety" from the counsellor. What has nervousness got to do with feeling awful? I'm not nervous. Sorry just a bit confused.

Millicent · 31-01-2012 2:04am

scrimshanker wrote: »

saw a counsellor, twice now. whole thing very intimidating & nerve wracking.difficult too... counsellor keeps asking about how things make me feel in response and I dont know the answer and it's so tiring trying to keep trying to figure out what I feel when I dont if that makes any sense.

the word anxiety keeps cropping up. I know it's a bit OT but what is it? I describe feeling awful and things being terrible (well, not that bad really, others have it much worse) and then what I'm saying keeps getting a response of "anxiety" from the counsellor. What has nervousness got to do with feeling awful? I'm not nervous. Sorry just a bit confused.

Tell your counsellor you don't know if you don't know. It's a perfectly valid answer.

Part of my depression was squishing down every emotion I ever felt cos they scared the bejaysus out of me until it got to the point I couldn't identify or articulate any emotion. Like everything, it got easier with practice. Don't panic if you can't come up with an answer straight away. Sit with it for as long as you need to identify what it is, then use whatever words pop into your head to describe it. If your counsellor is worth their salt, they won't rush you.

The anxiety is that awful knot in your stomach you get about everything, that dull panic that something catastrophic is going to happen at any moment. For me, it was imagining that simple situations would blow up into something huge so that I became paralysed by the anxiety of it.

I.e.: Missed an important day of college? Don't go back the next day. Instead fret and worry for two weeks and get ridiculously further behind.

Bit short on cash? I can't afford my rent, the electricity's going to get shut off and I'm going to have no money for food. Not, ring the landlord/Airtricity, say I'll be paid next week. Will you give me a few days' grace.

Someone hurt my feelings? Worry about why they did it, what they think about me, wonder why everyone treats me badly, why do I let people treat me badly etc. etc. Not saying, "You were a bit out of order there and I'm not putting up with it."

Stuff like that. I used to wind myself up something rotten until I was so anxious, panicked and nervous that it felt like I was stuck in quicksand, unable to move or act to free myself.

If you can see any of those actions in yourself, or you'd agree that you're a bit of a worrier, that might be why the "anxiety" thing keeps coming up. If not, feel free to correct the counsellor or ask why they think that. They're only human too and they can get things wrong. Don't be afraid to say so.

steddyeddy · 31-01-2012 5:48pm

Millicent wrote: »

scrimshanker wrote: »

saw a counsellor, twice now. whole thing very intimidating & nerve wracking.difficult too... counsellor keeps asking about how things make me feel in response and I dont know the answer and it's so tiring trying to keep trying to figure out what I feel when I dont if that makes any sense.

the word anxiety keeps cropping up. I know it's a bit OT but what is it? I describe feeling awful and things being terrible (well, not that bad really, others have it much worse) and then what I'm saying keeps getting a response of "anxiety" from the counsellor. What has nervousness got to do with feeling awful? I'm not nervous. Sorry just a bit confused.

Tell your counsellor you don't know if you don't know. It's a perfectly valid answer. Part of my depression was squishing down every emotion I ever felt cos they scared the bejaysus out of me until it got to the point I couldn't identify or articulate any emotion. Like everything, it got easier with practice. Don't panic if you can't come up with an answer straight away. Sit with it for as long as you need to identify what it is, then use whatever words pop into your head to describe it. If your counsellor is worth their salt, they won't rush you.

The anxiety is that awful knot in your stomach you get about everything, that dull panic that something catastrophic is going to happen at any moment. For me, it was imagining that simple situations would blow up into something huge so that I became paralysed by the anxiety of it.

I.e.: Missed an important day of college? Don't go back the next day. Instead fret and worry for two weeks and get ridiculously further behind.

Bit short on cash? I can't afford my rent, the electricity's going to get shut off and I'm going to have no money for food. Not, ring the landlord/Airtricity, say I'll be paid next week. Will you give me a few days' grace.

Someone hurt my feelings? Worry about why they did it, what they think about me, wonder why everyone treats me badly, why do I let people treat me badly etc. etc. Not saying, "You were a bit out of order there and I'm not putting up with it."

Stuff like that. I used to wind myself up something rotten until I was so anxious, panicked and nervous that it felt like I was stuck in quicksand, unable to move or act to free myself.

If you can see any of those actions in yourself, or you'd agree that you're a bit of a worrier, that might be why the "anxiety" thing keeps coming up. If not, feel free to correct the counsellor or ask why they think that. They're only human too and they can get things wrong. Don't be afraid to say so.

You have described anxiety better than any science journal I have read. Fair play Milli!

onestepcloser · 31-01-2012 9:27pm

I never liked the word depression. In our house there were always negative reactions to expressing your feelings, especially if it was to do with those deep, secret emotions that are the most difficult to share with anyone.

I always kept the negativity locked up deep inside myself, too afraid to share in case of judgement and arguments.

Over the past number of months, it has become increasingly difficult to bottle things up. I crumbled a few days ago, called my GP to make an appointment. Usual story, no available appointments for a few days. I walked down to the surgery, with mascara down my face, said it was urgent. I saw the doctor 10 mins later. If I hadn't gone the OTT route, I would have lost the nerve to go and ask for help. It did feel good to talk about the things that destroy my spirit, the things that make my heart feel like it's about to explode, and the feelings that I have no future.

My GP was very understanding, and non judgmental. She prescribed anti-depressants and I left feeling like this would cure me. They are really expensive though and I know I won't be able to keep taking them so now I'm back to despair.

I don't see any way past this.

Can anyone offer some advice?

Benny_Cake · 31-01-2012 9:36pm

onestepcloser wrote: »

I never liked the word depression. In our house there were always negative reactions to expressing your feelings, especially if it was to do with those deep, secret emotions that are the most difficult to share with anyone.

I always kept the negativity locked up deep inside myself, too afraid to share in case of judgement and arguments.

Over the past number of months, it has become increasingly difficult to bottle things up. I crumbled a few days ago, called my GP to make an appointment. Usual story, no available appointments for a few days. I walked down to the surgery, with mascara down my face, said it was urgent. I saw the doctor 10 mins later. If I hadn't gone the OTT route, I would have lost the nerve to go and ask for help. It did feel good to talk about the things that destroy my spirit, the things that make my heart feel like it's about to explode, and the feelings that I have no future.

My GP was very understanding, and non judgmental. She prescribed anti-depressants and I left feeling like this would cure me. They are really expensive though and I know I won't be able to keep taking them so now I'm back to despair.

I don't see any way past this.

Can anyone offer some advice?

Do you have a medical card or would you be entitled to one (probably a silly question)? There are big differences in the pricing of various anti-depressants, the medication I'm on now costs €30 a month, previously I was on a different medication which cost €70 a month. You should discuss this with your GP, it would be a concern if you were to stop taking them overnight. Medication is only one part of the solution in any case, but you did a brave thing in opening up to someone about it so you should be very proud, well done!

Fishooks12 · 31-01-2012 9:49pm

Been reading this thread for the last few days as I'm going through a particular rough patch at the moment

I feel that I don't feel as bad when I wake up but then as the day goes on it slowly creeps up on me again, anyone else get this?

onestepcloser · 01-02-2012 12:21am

Benny_Cake wrote: »

Do you have a medical card or would you be entitled to one (probably a silly question)? There are big differences in the pricing of various anti-depressants, the medication I'm on now costs €30 a month, previously I was on a different medication which cost €70 a month. You should discuss this with your GP, it would be a concern if you were to stop taking them overnight. Medication is only one part of the solution in any case, but you did a brave thing in opening up to someone about it so you should be very proud, well done!

Thank you. No I don't have a medical card and financial pressure is huge at the moment.

I'm really struggling and feel like I need urgent help. Is showing up at a&e the wrong step?

drunkmonkey · 01-02-2012 12:28am

This has been hitting the headlines over the last few days, Ketamine (special k) the clubbing drug can cure depression for a while. Instant lifts have been reported.

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504763_162-57368946-10391704/club-drug-ketamine-cures-depression-instantly-how/

I wouldn't go self medicating as it can get your fairly high.

drunkmonkey · 01-02-2012 12:31am

onestepcloser wrote: »

Thank you. No I don't have a medical card and financial pressure is huge at the moment.

I'm really struggling and feel like I need urgent help. Is showing up at a&e the wrong step?

I feel like that a few times a month, try and get your finances in order, that's life pressure we all got to deal with it in the hope it all works out in the end. Not a reason to go to the doctor you just got to share the problem and pick yourself up. Book a holiday, a weekend away, give yourself something to look forward to.

stupidusername · 01-02-2012 12:44am

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I feel like that a few times a month, try and get your finances in order, that's life pressure we all got to deal with it in the hope it all works out in the end. Not a reason to go to the doctor you just got to share the problem and pick yourself up. Book a holiday, a weekend away, give yourself something to look forward to.

Sorry, but how is this meant to help her, she's said she's under huge financial pressure, and she's meant to book a holiday for herself?

She needs help, not a break away. Don't tell people not to go to their doctors!

onestepcloser if you need help that bad, then yes do go to A&E, it's not too much.

drunkmonkey · 01-02-2012 12:52am

stupidusername wrote: »

Sorry, but how is this meant to help her, she's said she's under huge financial pressure, and she's meant to book a holiday for herself? She needs help, not a break away. Don't tell people not to go to their doctors!

It was a suggestion, maybe a walk anything just something that take you away from the stresses of life, a lot of people are under financial pressure and it can be unrelenting, it's something you have to deal with, It's not a disease that requires medical treatment. If it's huge pressure then a visit to mabs is in order not the doctor.

garciaanon · 01-02-2012 1:02am

I feel really down at the moment and I don't think I can talk to anyone.
I know whats causing it, the death of my baby. The reason why I cant talk to anyone is because it happened last June, and I'm afraid that if I start talking about it people are going to think I should have been over it by now but I in truth never dealt with it. Went straight back to work after my loss, moved across the country, left all my friends behind and started college.

I began to grieve in December, when my baby was due. Now I can barely leave the house and I am missing college over it. I'm going to student counselling on Thursday, if I can get it together enough to leave the house.

Wibbs · 01-02-2012 1:13am

garciaanon wrote: »

I feel really down at the moment and I don't think I can talk to anyone.
I know whats causing it, the death of my baby. The reason why I cant talk to anyone is because it happened last June, and I'm afraid that if I start talking about it people are going to think I should have been over it by now but I in truth never dealt with it. Went straight back to work after my miscarriage, moved across the country, left all my friends behind and started college.

I began to grieve in December, when my baby was due. Now I can barely leave the house and I am missing college over it. I'm going to student counselling on Thursday, if I can get it together enough to leave the house.

Please try to make that counseling session G. You have every reason to be grieving and don't let anyone tell you differently. More to the point don't let yourself tell you differently. The fact is the majority of people will understand or at least acknowledge this deep loss you feel.

gcgirl · 01-02-2012 1:15am

garciaanon wrote: »

I feel really down at the moment and I don't think I can talk to anyone.
I know whats causing it, the death of my baby. The reason why I cant talk to anyone is because it happened last June, and I'm afraid that if I start talking about it people are going to think I should have been over it by now but I in truth never dealt with it. Went straight back to work after my miscarriage, moved across the country, left all my friends behind and started college.

I began to grieve in December, when my baby was due. Now I can barely leave the house and I am missing college over it. I'm going to student counselling on Thursday, if I can get it together enough to leave the house.

Sorry to hear about your loss
And I can understand a little on how you feel, sometimes grief can be delayed or it can hit you straight away, you should go and see the counsellor and see how that goes, it's tough but you can get through it

gcgirl · 01-02-2012 1:25am

onestepcloser wrote: »

I never liked the word depression. In our house there were always negative reactions to expressing your feelings, especially if it was to do with those deep, secret emotions that are the most difficult to share with anyone.

I always kept the negativity locked up deep inside myself, too afraid to share in case of judgement and arguments.

Over the past number of months, it has become increasingly difficult to bottle things up. I crumbled a few days ago, called my GP to make an appointment. Usual story, no available appointments for a few days. I walked down to the surgery, with mascara down my face, said it was urgent. I saw the doctor 10 mins later. If I hadn't gone the OTT route, I would have lost the nerve to go and ask for help. It did feel good to talk about the things that destroy my spirit, the things that make my heart feel like it's about to explode, and the feelings that I have no future.

My GP was very understanding, and non judgmental. She prescribed anti-depressants and I left feeling like this would cure me. They are really expensive though and I know I won't be able to keep taking them so now I'm back to despair.

I don't see any way past this.

Can anyone offer some advice?

Can you get the tablet in a generic package usually their cheaper same tablet just different maker
Also I know how you feel I have suffered from anxiety and I practice mindfull meditation and it has helped me deal with things better, still get the little burst of uncertainty in my tummy but I just concentrate on my breath and sit with the feeling .

LH Pathe · 01-02-2012 1:30am

I started a joke

which started the whole world crying

but then i didn't see

that the joke was on me

garciaanon · 01-02-2012 1:35am

Thanks guys.. Its just so hard because I have no friends here.. I am isolated.. My boyfriend lives here, hes been so amazing and I feel bad that I don't feel better, for his sake.

gcgirl · 01-02-2012 1:51am

garciaanon wrote: »

Thanks guys.. Its just so hard because I have no friends here.. I am isolated.. My boyfriend lives here, hes been so amazing and I feel bad that I don't feel better, for his sake.

Grief can be a slow process, I lost my little sister nearly 15 yrs ago, she was born premature and had a lot of complications though she lived for 6 months, I was 22 at the time it hit my mum so hard for a couple of yrs my mum was really down and depressed and it was hard tying to deal with all the grief, little meg is always going to be a part of our life be it a song on the radio or even a thought. My mum used a grief counseller and it has helped her.

Millicent · 01-02-2012 2:17am

onestepcloser wrote: »

Thank you. No I don't have a medical card and financial pressure is huge at the moment.

I'm really struggling and feel like I need urgent help. Is showing up at a&e the wrong step?

If you feel the help is that necessary, go for it.

As to the anti-depressants, ask your doctor/pharmacist is there a generic version of the tablet you are on. You would be amazed at the difference in price. I think the name brand medication I was prescribed was about €40; the non-branded one was, IIRC, €12.80 for the same month's supply.

You may also be covered under the Drug Payment Scheme. If your family is availing of different medications, they only have to pay a shelf limit of €132 each month for all prescriptions.

CDfm · 01-02-2012 9:53am

garciaanon wrote: »

Thanks guys.. Its just so hard because I have no friends here.. I am isolated.. My boyfriend lives here, hes been so amazing and I feel bad that I don't feel better, for his sake.

Part of counseling is the talkie talkie thing about acknowledging the stuff to yourself. People sometimes shy away from it because they feel a little bit worse just before it.

It is usually a safe environment.

Just reading your post I think you should look at this a bit like acquiring a life skill as part of college.

Believe it or not you have taken the first step by posting here.

onestepcloser · 01-02-2012 10:45am

onestepcloser wrote: »

I saw the doctor 10 mins later. If I hadn't gone the OTT route, I would have lost the nerve to go and ask for help. It did feel good to talk about the things that destroy my spirit, the things that make my heart feel like it's about to explode, and the feelings that I have no future.

My GP was very understanding, and non judgmental. She prescribed anti-depressants and I left feeling like this would cure me. They are really expensive though and I know I won't be able to keep taking them so now I'm back to despair.

I don't see any way past this.

Can anyone offer some advice?

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I feel like that a few times a month, try and get your finances in order, that's life pressure we all got to deal with it in the hope it all works out in the end. Not a reason to go to the doctor you just got to share the problem and pick yourself up. Book a holiday, a weekend away, give yourself something to look forward to.

Thanks for the advice. Maybe I didn't clearly say that it's not financial pressure that is bringing me down, it's a worry, but nothing compared to how low I feel.

TBH suggesting a holiday or a walk, well thats akin to suggesting that I can just brush this off. I can't, I don't see a future for myself and I am terrified of how low I get.

My question about A&E was because I am so desperate for help, and a 2 week supply of anti depressants isn't going to fix things. I don't know where to turn.

gcgirl · 01-02-2012 10:52am

onestepcloser wrote: »

onestepcloser wrote: »

I saw the doctor 10 mins later. If I hadn't gone the OTT route, I would have lost the nerve to go and ask for help. It did feel good to talk about the things that destroy my spirit, the things that make my heart feel like it's about to explode, and the feelings that I have no future.

My GP was very understanding, and non judgmental. She prescribed anti-depressants and I left feeling like this would cure me. They are really expensive though and I know I won't be able to keep taking them so now I'm back to despair.

I don't see any way past this.

Can anyone offer some advice?

drunkmonkey wrote: »

I feel like that a few times a month, try and get your finances in order, that's life pressure we all got to deal with it in the hope it all works out in the end. Not a reason to go to the doctor you just got to share the problem and pick yourself up. Book a holiday, a weekend away, give yourself something to look forward to.

Thanks for the advice. Maybe I didn't clearly say that it's not financial pressure that is bringing me down, it's a worry, but nothing compared to how low I feel.

TBH suggesting a holiday or a walk, well thats akin to suggesting that I can just brush this off. I can't, I don't see a future for myself and I am terrified of how low I get.

My question about A&E was because I am so desperate for help, and a 2 week supply of anti depressants isn't going to fix things. I don't know where to turn.

I know it's only a book but get the mindfull way through depression by Jon Kabit Zinn you might be able to pick it up in the library and do a few of the excises, the psychotherapist I went to see got me on to it and it's pretty good if you can get referral to the HSE psychotherapist in your area it would be s massive help to you

nesf · 01-02-2012 12:26pm

gcgirl wrote: »

I know it's only a book but get the mindfull way through depression by Jon Kabit Zinn you might be able to pick it up in the library and do a few of the excises, the psychotherapist I went to see got me on to it and it's pretty good if you can get referral to the HSE psychotherapist in your area it would be s massive help to you

I second that book recommendation. Excellent book.

Drumpot · 01-02-2012 6:13pm

Drumpot wrote: »

Just when I think I have figured out what exactly is causing my depressed feelings, I get a curveball. .

For the last few days I have felt awful for no specific reasons. Lucky for me I have learned to tell my wife when I just dont feel right and she knows in general what to expect - Lethargy, poor concentration (sometimes dont hear her talk), nervous for no reason, cant sleep (and/or dont want to goto bed early), dont want to get out of bed, cant do simple things particularly workwise, anxious about nothing specific . . .

I have had 2 pints of guinneas in the last month so I know that its not the drink (that is defo a trigger at times). I had been ok for a few weeks (excited about the new office out the back - means Im getting my work out of my house).

I havent been to the gym in a month cause I have only just shaken a flu that just wouldnt go away. Perhaps its my lack of excercise?!

My councellor advised that I speak to my friends (Im very close to them, like brothers to be honest) but I cant help shaking that whole "people look at me and wonder what the hell I have to be depressed about" stigma.

I am generally a very confident person, confident in my own views (I have what would be considered very racical views on the world and do genuinley believe most people are not self aware!) and dont need people to agree with me on many things. This is the one thing that I get embarrassed and relucltant to discuss with my friends and it hurts. I dread going out on some of the simplest socia events. I hate committing to nights out in advance. I straight away start wondering what my mood will be like and put alot of pressure on myself to go (even if I dont want to). I just dont want to be out ruining everybody elses night if I am not up for it.

Ive read some truely touching stories here and just wanted to thank and at the same time congradulate people who have show immense courage to share their stories with me.

Bad typo my me , so sorry . . That was meant to read radical (not racial!!!!!).

steddyeddy · 02-02-2012 1:02am

Can I also suggest a compassionate mind by Paul gilbert I found a lot of the mental exercises in it helped me a lot.

CDfm · 03-02-2012 1:56pm

Happy Friday everyone. Just had some might fine chocolate brioche.

sheesh · 04-02-2012 10:17pm

onestepcloser wrote: »

I never liked the word depression. In our house there were always negative reactions to expressing your feelings, especially if it was to do with those deep, secret emotions that are the most difficult to share with anyone.

I always kept the negativity locked up deep inside myself, too afraid to share in case of judgement and arguments.

Over the past number of months, it has become increasingly difficult to bottle things up. I crumbled a few days ago, called my GP to make an appointment. Usual story, no available appointments for a few days. I walked down to the surgery, with mascara down my face, said it was urgent. I saw the doctor 10 mins later. If I hadn't gone the OTT route, I would have lost the nerve to go and ask for help. It did feel good to talk about the things that destroy my spirit, the things that make my heart feel like it's about to explode, and the feelings that I have no future.

My GP was very understanding, and non judgmental. She prescribed anti-depressants and I left feeling like this would cure me. They are really expensive though and I know I won't be able to keep taking them so now I'm back to despair.

I don't see any way past this.

Can anyone offer some advice?

Well done on going to the GP and demanding to be seen ! it was exactly the right thing to do in the circumstances

Antidepressents or any perscription medication cannot cost you more than something like €150 a month with the drug payments scheme so if you are spending more than that you can get it back. so the nut of your problem is where to get 150 from your current expenditure.

Deal with it as you would a financial crisis if you can make cut backs in your expenditure outside of the essentials I would avoid alcohol for a while well anything more than a unit or 2 would be out.

You could ask family for the money too you know as a loan or a payment. if you could get enough money for 6 months worth of tablets it would have an good effect.

cloud493 · 04-02-2012 11:05pm

Hope everyones doing ok at the moment

I'm ok, trying(and failing right now) to beat my ten month streak. A year

nesf · 04-02-2012 11:58pm

sheesh wrote: »

Well done on going to the GP and demanding to be seen ! it was exactly the right thing to do in the circumstances

Antidepressents or any perscription medication cannot cost you more than something like €150 a month with the drug payments scheme so if you are spending more than that you can get it back. so the nut of your problem is where to get 150 from your current expenditure.

Deal with it as you would a financial crisis if you can make cut backs in your expenditure outside of the essentials I would avoid alcohol for a while well anything more than a unit or 2 would be out.

You could ask family for the money too you know as a loan or a payment. if you could get enough money for 6 months worth of tablets it would have an good effect.

Well, for example, I got a 30 day supply of 20mg of Prozac today and it was around €14. The maximum dose for depression is 80mg, so the absolute most I could pay for Prozac a month in my pharmacy would be €56. Not that it matters, my mood stabiliser and antipsychotic already max out my DPS.

And as far as I'm aware they're cheaper antidepressants than Prozac out there these days.

05-02-2012 1:08am

I was getting a months supply of Lexapro 10mg for about €40 a month.

LH Pathe · 05-02-2012 3:56am

And I started to cry

which started the whole world laughing

oh if I could just see

that the joke was on me

steddyeddy · 05-02-2012 5:09pm

Im seeing a therapist now and I have to say he is excellent. It was worth actually doing a bit of research and finding one that was good for me.

nesf · 07-02-2012 5:14am

Not everyone reads the thread in LTI so here: http://psychcentral.com/lib/2012/social-support-is-critical-for-depression-recovery/

It's an article about the importance of social support in depression. Preferably real life support but internet based or listening services such as the Samaritans etc can be a good substitute.

midlandsmissus · 07-02-2012 6:26am

Can't believe I'm up at 5 O' clock. Must be the ould depression!

Thanks for the link nesf, all resources help.

DeVore · 11-02-2012 1:26am

This thread attracted my sisters attention and she approached me today about it. I'm doing great, I'm really in a good place but she asked me to contemplate counselling and I heard all the excuses and rationalisations come out of my mouth and the sentiment of "oh yeah, counselling is great... but its not for *me*...". I went through the whole thing of "I dont need counselling, thats for other people, thats really *serious* stuff". You know what, when I come back from my trip maybe I will go and give someone a shot at helping me out with this labourious work I always have to do, that I have always had to do myself.

Yeah, you know what, I dont even mow my own freakin' lawn cos I employ someone to do it for me... I'm *that* lazy. But have someone help me tidy up my mental space? fnnuuuunnnck that!!

So yeah, when I'm back from my travels, someone else can help with the heavy lifting. I'm tired of it.

stupidusername · 11-02-2012 1:27am

When are you back from your trip? Just so we can remind ya

Millicent · 11-02-2012 1:30am

stupidusername wrote: »

When are you back from your trip? Just so we can remind ya

Seconded! I'll be bugging ye, DeV.

stupidusername · 11-02-2012 1:32am

Oh I never updated my own ongoing saga (:o) in here. well nothing major to report, only I was told by my psych that yeah i'll be waiting months more for talk therapy for free. I got sick of it one day and said **** it i'll just have to use my savings and pay for it. so i made an appointment, had it on tuesday, for CBT. I'm hoping it will really do me good.

Logical Fallacy · 11-02-2012 1:34am

CBT pretty much saved my life...hope you have success with it.

Millicent · 11-02-2012 1:34am

stupidusername wrote: »

Oh I never updated my own ongoing saga (:o) in here. well nothing major to report, only I was told by my psych that yeah i'll be waiting months more for talk therapy for free. I got sick of it one day and said **** it i'll just have to use my savings and pay for it. so i made an appointment, had it on tuesday, for CBT. I'm hoping it will really do me good.

Well done you!

I have the fingers and toes crossed for you. IMO, CBT is the best type of counselling as it doesn't just rehash the same things that have made you miserable over and over but gives you a new way to think about things and deal with stuff. Best of luck to you.

Logical Fallacy · 11-02-2012 1:39am

Actually, i might as well say this here to cement the concept...I've started a quite ambitious project to help out an Irish mental health charity. Over Christmas i was thinking a lot about the last 2 years of my life and how lucky i am to have my family,friends and fiance to help me out. It struck me that not everyone is in that situation so i should try and help them.

Got in touch with some people i know about offering something to the project and it's grown, within a week, to be a huge thing. It really drove home to me how many people have their lives affected either directly or indirectly by mental health issues.

It also kind of proved to me an old belief i had that if you want to feel better about the world then do something for charity...you tend to see the very best of people.

DeVore · 11-02-2012 1:44am

I leave tomorrow morning. Bangkok, Phuket, Siem Reap, Hanoi, Hongkong, Shanghai and Beijing. I'm like a kid on Christmas eve. Back on the 15th of March. I'll be tweeting pics and writing on my blog (@devore and www.containstracesofnut.com)

Johro · 11-02-2012 1:45am

CDfm wrote: »

Happy Friday everyone. Just had some might fine chocolate brioche.

The Aldi one? Coz that's some fine stuff alright, the dearer one that is, with the choccy bits... Mmmm...

Johro · 11-02-2012 2:05am

DeVore wrote: »

I leave tomorrow morning. Bangkok, Phuket, Siem Reap, Hanoi, Hongkong, Shanghai and Beijing. I'm like a kid on Christmas eve. Back on the 15th of March. I'll be tweeting pics and writing on my blog (@devore and www.containstracesofnut.com)

Just been checking out your blog and in particular, your jigsaw story, and just gotta tell you I did the same thing. Huge puzzle, except I misplaced the box somehow. It was a 5000 piece monster depicting Pieter Breughel's painting 'Childrens Games', which, like you, I eventually conquered. I glued it on to a sheet of ply and it now hangs on the wall in my parents' house. I could've looked up the picture but I kinda liked the challenge. Have a great time and be well

I bookmarked your link so I can check in on it from time to time, looks interesting.

Johro · 11-02-2012 2:08am

http://www.artchive.com/artchive/B/bruegel/bruegel_games.jpg.html

Cicero · 11-02-2012 2:10am

CDfm wrote: »

Happy Friday everyone. Just had some might fine chocolate brioche.

Yea..the French do some things well...don't they...:p

LETS ALL LAUGH AT PEOPLE WITH DEPRESSION!!

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