Dating over 40

Galen · 05-04-2012 9:13pm

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Real life isn't working out too well: "more than 40 people attended, including 7/8 men" Maybe you should move to Dublin, Galen!

Hi JC, you've lost me but I think I'm catching up but why would I want to attend a dating event where 7 out of 8 people were men except to meet you - ah stupid me of course I would have loved to met you JC - better luck next time :-D

JuliusCaesar · 06-04-2012 9:44am

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where should a woman go to meet a man? Reversed odds - 40 people of whom 8 are women? Football's the only thing I can think of, but I've zero interest in football.

Pulsating Star · 06-04-2012 1:16pm

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where do I sign up? You weren't at mass were you:)?

Could be worth tidying myself up a bit

Galen · 06-04-2012 2:51pm

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where should a woman go to meet a man? Reversed odds - 40 people of whom 8 are women? Football's the only thing I can think of, but I've zero interest in football.

Ooh nice JC, I wish I had been there.

JuliusCaesar · 07-04-2012 12:36am

I have been partaking of Good Friday's benefits, but found this on my return... I think we'll all think ourselves lucky!

Oh dear my maths is now officially cr*p: 32:8 is 4:1. D'oh!

Rubecula · 07-04-2012 6:31am

Thanks for that link JuliusCaesar, I enjoyed the read quite a lot. It was like something out of a Sherlock Holmes story.

Rubecula · 07-04-2012 6:43am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Because there are 3 woman for every 1 man.... 40 people of whom 7 or 8 were men, i.e. 32 women, 8 men.

So where should a woman go to meet a man? Reversed odds - 40 people of whom 8 are women? Football's the only thing I can think of, but I've zero interest in football.

I see I was under the mistaken idea that you were a man yourself JC. My most sincere appologies. As a man I like football, but as you have no interest in that particular happening, might I suggest a motor racing event? (In fact most sporting events have more men than women as a rule [apart from tennis, netball and games aimed more at female audiences])

I am not sure if this will help. But I do hope so.

Galen · 07-04-2012 8:38am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

I have been partaking of Good Friday's benefits, but found this on my return... I think we'll all think ourselves lucky!

Oh dear my maths is now officially cr*p: 32:8 is 4:1. D'oh!

It would remind you of those scam emails from western Africa :-D

JuliusCaesar · 07-04-2012 7:31pm

Rubecula wrote: »

but as you have no interest in that particular happening, might I suggest a motor racing event?

:eek: the louder the sport, the less the interest, I'm afraid. I've no interest in any sport really (unless I'm actually taking part in it!) and couldn't even fake it. Although I've lots of interests from politics to music to architecture, everywhere I go seems to have a predominantly female attendance. Work is 95% female too.

I wonder sometimes where the men are. In the pub? At home? At nightclubs? They certainly don't seem to be going on dates, given my recent experience - and don't even chat much online. Don't they know how much fun flirting is? even (and maybe especially) at our age!

If you've any ideas Rube, let me know!

Galen · 07-04-2012 7:35pm

I'm a guy and I be damned if I know where everyone is either. Swinford is my local town and it seems to be almost completely deserted Friday or Saturday night.

I'm fed with online dating too. I was getting on well with a woman from Sligo until I said that was a student.

Jellybaby1 · 07-04-2012 8:00pm

I haven't been on this thread before as himself and myself are still a double act so it doesn't apply to me! Please forgive me if I'm being stupid here but I thought I'd ask ye, what about hobbies, or taking up a new one? I know one lady in her 40's who married a fella she met four years ago at dancing lessons. Maybe a walking club, there's a huge number of people on the John Murray walks (RTE radio 1), also evening classes, Toastmasters, book clubs, chess clubs, bridge clubs, whist clubs, indoor or lane bowling clubs. Start your own Twifties Group http://www.twifties.tv/About_Twifties.htm. I also know a group of people who do the 'Come Dine With Me' style of evening, perhaps join a choir if you like singing. Himself and myself met at a youth club in our teens, and I got thinking what would be a similar thing for O&O's. I found this http://www.activeirl.ie/1/index.html but of course its not for everyone. When you meet someone from the dating sites, do you feel under pressure to impress? That wouldn't really happen in a group/club situation. In the meantime I wish you all the very best.

Galen · 07-04-2012 8:56pm

Thanks JB for all the suggestions. I was already looking at night-classes because I want to do something until I'm called for interview for my GMIT course in October but it looks like I'm too late to apply for most evening-classes in Mayo - all I've come across are 2-4 months along. I like lane bowling but my back injury wouldn't - ah well. I considered hill-walking then the thought of catching my sciatic nerve again maybe this time on the side of a mountain put a halt to that and Swinford doesn't have a walking club.

JuliusCaesar · 08-04-2012 9:28am

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

Maybe a walking club, there's a huge number of people on the John Murray walks (RTE radio 1), also evening classes, Toastmasters, book clubs, chess clubs, bridge clubs, whist clubs, indoor or lane bowling clubs. ... I also know a group of people who do the 'Come Dine With Me' style of evening, perhaps join a choir if you like singing....I found this http://www.activeirl.ie/1/index.html but of course its not for everyone.

I wrote a long reply to you but having forgotten to log in, it vanished! So a quick reply and hopefully it doesn't come across as brusque.

Most single women have a good social life, probably because they do join things. But the result is that book clubs, choirs etc are 95% female. Dance classes: a male friend of mine was telling me I should join one. "You'd love it, there's loads of wom-oh! I see!" I've heard that Active retirement groups are great fun, but -cough!- for the retired!

Even the dating sites have about 5 times as many women as men in our age group anyway.

Jellybaby1 wrote: »

When you meet someone from the dating sites, do you feel under pressure to impress?

I don't think at our age that we get the kind of need to impress that we might have done when we were younger. When we actually do meet up from a dating site (rare event! Strangely it's hard to find a guy who will actually meet up), we're finding out if we like each other, have we anything in common, is there a spark etc.

You find out the basics soon enough: are they actually on the rebound from their last relationship/only broke up 2 weeks ago/still pining after their ex? are they really looking for a housekeeper/cook-with-benefits? are they a bit of a problem drinker? did they knock 10-15 years off their age on their profile? are they just looking for casual sex, preferably tonight? Once you've met a few like this, it's hard to get nervous about the next :rolleyes:

But maybe that's just my experience. What have the rest of you found?

Galen · 08-04-2012 10:12am

It early days yet for me, it's very slow going anyway; so far I have made a good friend on POF - except for a few near misses - that's it.
I was getting on great with a Sligo woman yesterday, the chat was nice and fast until I mentioned that I was a mature student and bang - no response to that lol.
I changed my my profile again after that, now my profession is just plain Information Technology student.

I'm with JC on the subject of elder sites and activities. I'm only 43 and most of those activities would bore the bejesus out of me.

Rubecula · 08-04-2012 11:05am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

:eek: the louder the sport, the less the interest, I'm afraid. I've no interest in any sport really (unless I'm actually taking part in it!) and couldn't even fake it. Although I've lots of interests from politics to music to architecture, everywhere I go seems to have a predominantly female attendance. Work is 95% female too.

I wonder sometimes where the men are. In the pub? At home? At nightclubs? They certainly don't seem to be going on dates, given my recent experience - and don't even chat much online. Don't they know how much fun flirting is? even (and maybe especially) at our age!

If you've any ideas Rube, let me know!

I am sort of in the same situation really JC. I am in a predominently male environment at work. The only ladies there are either married or many years younger than myself. I have socks older than most of them (not that there are many anyway) I have nowhere here to socialise as such.

I am not sure what music you like, but perhaps a trip to a Country club for line dancing could introduce you to people of your own age? Even if you don't like that kind of music per se, it could be enjoyable. (I've been told it keeps you fit too UGH LOL)

I am not really a political animal myself so I don't know what sort of socialising circles are involved in that.

Perhaps you could do a part time college degree? You would meet other mature students that way too. I am sure there must be one involved with architectural studies.

Not great ideas perhaps but I certainly hope they help you. Good luck.

Galen · 08-04-2012 11:18am

Rubecula wrote: »

I am sort of in the same situation really JC. I am in a predominently male environment at work. The only ladies there are either married or many years younger than myself. I have socks older than most of them (not that there are many anyway) I have nowhere here to socialise as such.

I am not sure what music you like, but perhaps a trip to a Country club for line dancing could introduce you to people of your own age? Even if you don't like that kind of music per se, it could be enjoyable. (I've been told it keeps you fit too UGH LOL)

I am not really a political animal myself so I don't know what sort of socialising circles are involved in that.

Perhaps you could do a part time college degree? You would meet other mature students that way too. I am sure there must be one involved with architectural studies.

Not great ideas perhaps but I certainly hope they help you. Good luck.

Thanks for the college degree suggestion, I'm way ahead of you on that - I've applied for a full-time course at GMIT so that's my brain cells booked for the next 2-4 years lol

I hope JC likes country & western for the line-dancing - I'd be game if it was pop instead of C&W

Political not good for me either since the lot I helped vote in (FG) are a serious disappointment lol

Rubecula · 08-04-2012 11:24am

You think you got probs with FG. You should try the monkey's we got in the last election. They didn't even get voted in as such. Just enough votes to stop the other lot getting in.

Galen · 08-04-2012 11:30am

Rubecula wrote: »

You think you got probs with FG. You should try the monkey's we got in the last election. They didn't even get voted in as such. Just enough votes to stop the other lot getting in.

Nah they're all the same. Not one brain cell between them; enda and the rest of the fellas must be spending all their time playing with their wrinkly bits while joan and the rest of ladies in gov must be playing with their plastic toys.

JuliusCaesar · 08-04-2012 1:19pm

Rubecula wrote: »

I have socks older than most of them

:eek:

That made me laugh! LOL!

JuliusCaesar · 10-04-2012 8:13pm

According to Padraig O Morain in todays' Irish Times:

The proportion of men who never marry is higher in towns and cities than in the countryside, according to the 2011 census.

In all, 25 per cent of men and 23 per cent of women aged 40-49 in urban areas are single. For rural areas the figures were 21 per cent and 13 per cent respectively

Linky

Galen · 10-04-2012 8:22pm

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

According to Padraig O Morain in todays' Irish Times:

Linky

I find that so sad but I don't think it tells us how many co-habiting but I do know of at least three women in their sixties that are now alone and the case of all three it was because they had to look of a parent or prevented marrying by a parent.

JuliusCaesar · 11-04-2012 10:23am

Galen wrote: »

I find that so sad but I don't think it tells us how many co-habiting but I do know of at least three women in their sixties that are now alone and the case of all three it was because they had to look of a parent or prevented marrying by a parent.

That's very sad.

Galen · 11-04-2012 10:33am

One is now the Irish version of the cat-lady out of 'The Simpsons' :-)

Probably · 17-04-2012 9:59pm

Southern Hero wrote: »

Any women in their 40s into dating guys in their 20s or is that a myth?

Not a myth. I'm almost 40, but most people my age are a bore. Or shockingly stubborn and crotchety like. I'd ttly date a guy in his 20's - given he was bright and employed. I'm not sure I'd go looking for him online though.

Spread · 17-04-2012 10:48pm

I don't think I'd like to be in a relationship with a woman that was 30 years older than me

JuliusCaesar · 18-04-2012 8:45am

I don't think I'd like to be in a relationship with a man that was 20 years older than me!

Galen · 18-04-2012 9:29am

Probably wrote: »

Not a myth. I'm almost 40, but most people my age are a bore. Or shockingly stubborn and crotchety like. I'd ttly date a guy in his 20's - given he was bright and employed. I'm not sure I'd go looking for him online though.

I remember reading in one of the Sunday papers a few months ago of a married couple who are 24yrs apart - he's 50 she's 74 - they met when he was 18 and he did all the chasing - they're still happily married. So there's hope for us all lol

JuliusCaesar · 26-05-2012 11:26am

Here's a really interesting article both about the internet dating business, and about people's attitudes on ID sites.

unscrupulous site operators sometimes stuff their databases with fake profiles maintained either by their own staff or by people they have paid. These “ghosts”, in the industry’s jargon, are used to draw in new punters and to help keep existing ones hooked.

the sites treat human beings as if they are goods that can be fully defined according to a set of standard attributes, in much the same way that, say, a digital camera can be described by the number of megapixels that it has and other characteristics. But this cold, drearily functional approach to assessing compatibility fails to capture the indefinable spark that triggers romance.

Memo to self

Galen · 26-05-2012 11:33am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

Here's a really interesting article both about the internet dating business, and about people's attitudes on ID sites.

Memo to self

1: stick to new members, because it's true about these ghost accounts.
2: most of us should be used to being treated as goods with Facebook and Google lol

JuliusCaesar · 26-05-2012 8:03pm

I've been busy researching! This is alas true.

Jellybaby1 · 27-05-2012 12:47am

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

I've been busy researching! This is alas true.

Ick!

Smashhits · 29-05-2012 11:39pm

Probably wrote: »

Not a myth. I'm almost 40, but most people my age are a bore. Or shockingly stubborn and crotchety like. I'd ttly date a guy in his 20's - given he was bright and employed. I'm not sure I'd go looking for him online though.

I've recently gone online dating and I'm 39, all I seem to get are guys in their 20's. I just can't seem to bring myself to actually meet them....my son is nearly that age. It's the ewww factor!

Italia · 20-12-2012 11:18am

Hi,

MOD EDIT: Snipped dating info.

I've been out of the dating game for so long (over 28yrs) that I have no idea of even how to start. I've looked at dating sites, but TBH, they frighten the crap out of me.
Any suggestions?

OldGoat · 20-12-2012 11:42am

Folk, please remember that we are here to discuss dating sites not to provide a dating service.

JuliusCaesar · 23-12-2012 9:26pm

Italia wrote: »

I've been out of the dating game for so long (over 28yrs) that I have no idea of even how to start. I've looked at dating sites, but TBH, they frighten the crap out of me.
Any suggestions?

What is it about the dating sites that's scarey? Is it the idea of meeting people, or the idea of starting a relationship?
Are you a woman or a man?
What about joining something social, rather than jumping into dating, while you build up your confidence as a single person. There was a long dating thread on a different forum but it's locked now, but anyway I think there is a big difference between dating in your 20s and 30s looking for a partner, and being over 40 - most of us are financially sorted out/have our lives sorted out to a large extent and probably don't want (any more) kids.
Or would you like to hear a few stories - remembering the stories are generally going to be the memorable who are usually the exceptional ones.

Italia · 24-12-2012 11:05am

Last time I looked, I was still a man

.

I can't put my finger on it. My EX did a real hatchet job on me. Its taken a while but now I feel I'm open to the idea of meeting new people and very open to the idea of a new relationship (i'm not the 'stay alone' type).
I suppose my misgivings have something to do with the fact that I've been out of the game for so long that I have no idea of the etiquette needed these days.

For example, what is an appropriate age gap (I'm 53)? Is a range from 40-50 appropriate? Is it expected for me to pick her up or do we meet at the venue? This sort of stuff....

I don't want more kids - mine are grown up or just about there and they are more than enough for me to handle. Financially?...well let me just say that thanks to my ex, I'll have to work until I'm 85 or thereabouts just to be able to go on pension.

JuliusCaesar wrote: »

What is it about the dating sites that's scarey? Is it the idea of meeting people, or the idea of starting a relationship?
Are you a woman or a man?
What about joining something social, rather than jumping into dating, while you build up your confidence as a single person. There was a long dating thread on a different forum but it's locked now, but anyway I think there is a big difference between dating in your 20s and 30s looking for a partner, and being over 40 - most of us are financially sorted out/have our lives sorted out to a large extent and probably don't want (any more) kids.
Or would you like to hear a few stories - remembering the stories are generally going to be the memorable who are usually the exceptional ones.

looksee · 24-12-2012 11:15am

On the question of where to meet and do you pick someone up, I thought the accepted wisdom was that you meet in a neutral venue where there are other people and that for both your sakes you do not get into a situation where one is in the other's car on the first date.

JuliusCaesar · 24-12-2012 2:17pm

Italia wrote: »

I suppose my misgivings have something to do with the fact that I've been out of the game for so long that I have no idea of the etiquette needed these days.

Yes, arrange to meet in a public place - a cafe, or bar, or restaurant. Cinema is NOT appropriate LOL! Preferably somewhere you can stay longer if you like each other, but can leave after one drink/coffee if you can't stand each other.

Be polite, regard it as a first meeting so not really appropriate to ask questions that are too personal. Don't be nervous, you are both just meeting if to see if you get on and or find each other attractive. Arrange to meet one person a week or so, and read their profile before you meet up.

Many people are too shy to meet and so end up emailling for long durations, often building up a totally false picture of the other person in their mind. Others want to phone.

Italia wrote: »

For example, what is an appropriate age gap (I'm 53)? Is a range from 40-50 appropriate? Is it expected for me to pick her up or do we meet at the venue? This sort of stuff....

If 40 is your minimum and 50 your maximum, yes. If you are 53, would her age 55 put you right off, if she was right in every other way? If you fix your settings the 55 year old may not be able to contact you. So I'd be fairly broad in the age range and other specifications.

velosolex · 09-01-2013 2:18pm

I have tried POF & AnotherFriend, Did have my photo up and then took it off, I did send out a lot of messages and got perhaps 10% replies, I always requested a meeting quickly, but only got one positive, Bewleys Grafton St. Sat. 3.30 PM, I was there and yes she was not. Messaged her on the following Monday and excuse was "had relatives over to her house" and then no further contact from her, perhaps she was there incognito! I do not have my photo up presently but did exchange some messages and once photo sent - no contact! OK I am positively not handsome but I think I am the genuine type of guy that a lot of the females profess to seek but are not willing to try out by meeting. I also suspect that some of the members of the dating sites are just computer generated "virtual people" with gorgeous photos and great profiles to entice mugs like me to subscribe.

Galen · 09-01-2013 5:26pm

AF is rubbish. POF is okay, unfortunately the Irish pool in the west is very small and from my experience women aren't interested unless you've got a job or are a student - I'm neither at the moment. All my dating prospects dried up the instant I changed my career status to unemployed - well women want honesty, I guess it just must have been too much honesty haha.

JuliusCaesar · 09-01-2013 6:37pm

Smooch seemed to have a good few people, but OKCupid was my favourite. Then there was Dating Buzz too, I think.

Galen · 09-01-2013 6:40pm

I haven't heard of smooch but I was rather disappointed with OkCupid - at least it was rubbish west of the Shannon.

Tyrannobusaras · 09-01-2013 8:36pm

me and a friend tried internet dating a few years ago, not long after hitting the big 40. Had fun looking through the profiles and exchanging a few messages with various guys but only actually met up with one. His location was listed as my own town/suburb, so for the first meeting it seemed sensible to meet in a city centre cafe. After meeting up and talking for half an hour or so he happened to tell me where he lived. With great irony it turned out to be the exact same apartment complex as me! :eek: Mindful of all the safety advice about giving too much away there was a long and awkward silence as I went bright red and weighed up the pros and cons of telling him - after all it was a small place and he'd see me there sooner or later. By the time I'd 'admitted', things had got rather awkward and I quickly invented an excuse about needing to do something else in town to avoid further awkwardness like ending up on the same bus home or having to decline a lift. At the end of the day, the fact you have to go on-line to meet your neighbours is rather a sad reflection of modern society.

The artificiality of the situation made me feel uncomfortable because there are expectations right from the start that probably wouldn't be there if you met more conventionally. It usually it takes me a while to fall for someone anyway. Even if not physically attracted to someone at first, as time goes on and you get to know them you start to see strengths and qualities of character that might be very attractive. It can take time but no-one's anticipating a verdict of any kind.

Although people 40s, 50s and 60s are far from old, opportunities for meeting potential partners are greatly reduced. Internet dating does produce happy outcomes - nearly everyone knows of couples who met online and are still going strong years later (although for some there is still some stigma "please don't tell anyone how we met"). I don't see why that should be the case, society is changing and we need to take advantage of new ways of meeting people if we are going to change with it. Personally, I'd rather meet someone at an evening class, through friends or sports/activities-type clubs. That and work is how I met most of my previous partners.

Galen · 09-01-2013 10:09pm

Similar story for me. Stumbled in two friends on dating site; one local, the other penpal. Otherwise met three women; nice but no spark. No fun with dating sites. What we need is a dance or something fun for the middle aged.
One thing I've noticed with online dating; a man has to be working or studying to work while men are not so concerned about such things. I can understand why women with children avoiding unemployed men but not those who like me don't want children... Anyway, I missed my chance for 3rd level this year and who knows next year - there's always FAS (as long as FG/Labour don't feck that up entirely).

Animord · 11-01-2013 10:19pm

Hello. I have never posted in this forum before, but last night I read this thread and thought I would register on a dating site for the hell of it. I now have a load of emails and I have no idea what I am supposed to reply. And no reply from the man I liked that I emailed. Help me!

What is the polite way of saying "absolutely not, never, under any circumstances" to someone you don't know? I have no desire whatsoever to hurt anyone's feelings, player or not.

I am not sure I am cut out for this.:eek:

Galen · 11-01-2013 11:45pm

1st of all I'm a man so you're getting the male point of view

Generally you can just ignore those who have contacted you and as for the creeps - see if there's a block button. The guy you've contacted; see if the site gives you information on when he was last on there because if he hasn't been on there for over a month he just might be as tired of this online merry-go-round as the rest of us

velosolex · 12-01-2013 11:06am

Animord wrote: »

Hello. I have never posted in this forum before, but last night I read this thread and thought I would register on a dating site for the hell of it. I now have a load of emails and I have no idea what I am supposed to reply. And no reply from the man I liked that I emailed. Help me!

What is the polite way of saying "absolutely not, never, under any circumstances" to someone you don't know? I have no desire whatsoever to hurt anyone's feelings, player or not.

I am not sure I am cut out for this.:eek:

You registered just "last night" and already have loads of emails! I think I will register as a female - might get some ideas. As for your replies, just ignore, that seems to be what all the others do.

Animord · 12-01-2013 11:48am

velosolex wrote: »

You registered just "last night" and already have loads of emails! I think I will register as a female - might get some ideas. As for your replies, just ignore, that seems to be what all the others do.

Ignoring seems so rude to me. Loads was probably a bit of an exageration. Lots of people winking at me though.

Galen · 12-01-2013 12:06pm

Animord wrote: »

Ignoring seems so rude to me. Loads was probably a bit of an exageration. Lots of people winking at me though.

I agree with you, I find online dating awful rude too but not replying is just self-preservation and avoids the guy or gal on the other end getting confused by our messages. I've made a fool of myself once or twice by misinterpreting a woman's message, thinking she was interested when she wasn't. I much prefer she simply doesn't reply if she's not interested in me.

velosolex · 23-01-2013 6:06pm

Well Galen any update?

Dating over 40

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