Bullying, has it affected you now as an adult?

Laisurg · 24-07-2011 9:47pm

Was bullied pretty bad in first and 2nd year, mainly because i had bad anemia at the time and didn't actually have the energy to fight back, but then that got sorted and i made the main guy who do it cry like a little girl.

I think it definitely shaped who i am now to some extent.

LegacyUser · 24-07-2011 11:16pm

I changed primary school when I was in fifth class against my will and was constantly bullied from then until 3rd year in secondary school. Defintely shaped me as a person and still does to this day. I have suppressed a lot of the memories over the years. But I can remember a few such as everyone shouting gay gay gay or something like that in secondary school during an assembly, constantly wishing I had friends, walking alone through school like a pariah, loving classes where everyone was assigned a seat as people would sit next to me, not telling parents as I felt I should cope alone, getting very withdrawn and spending a lot of time online or watching tv, not sleeping, fearing going into school and afraid of bullies, watching people that I used to consider friends drift away as I became more and more socially unacceptable, contemplating suicide, feeling happiness girls etc. were for other people, the desperate ache to have friends, hearing all the interesting adventures and stories other people got up to. It amazing how much is suppressed tho I can only remember tiny parts.

I wore glasses and was pretty skinny so easy target. I always felt after that I had been betrayed by certain friends and that I could never trust anyone. I was also very very desperate for friends for a long time and while other people were interested in girls etc. I really only wanted friends and felt like girls were so far beyond anything I could hope for. I slowly got over most of it and forgive those who did it as they were only children and in later years most copped on. I also wanted to be friends with the people who were bullyng me for some strange and crazy reason and I remember hearing the expression 'maybe you're hanging with the wrong crowd' and feeling like I had had a revelation in some ways I seemed attracted to the hurt and pain I was getting. Completly crazy but true none the less.

I always blamed the bullies for setting me back academically, as I pretty much lost all motivation in school for several years. I remember making the decision to give up on school in the hope that people would like me more. Socially I never had any of the experiences with girls that I wanted. Later when things got tough academically I blamed the bullies for holding me back, anytime I am around a girl the first thought that normally pops into my head is 'why would she have any interest in you?, you don't know anything about girls she'd only be wasting your time with you.'. Late twenties now and never had a girlfriend.

I do have a pretty high pain threshold at this stage I almost enjoy it but underneath I'm still pretty raw emotionally and although I used to think it made me a stronger person, I'd much prefer if it had never happened. I think I would have achieved everything I have and it would have been much easier. I do my best not to stew in self pity and never discuss any of these things but as I said above there is some ingrained mental conditioning that gets built up over years of bullying that is extremely difficult to get rid of. It becomes part of you and something that you must carry and try to work on. Most things I have largely gotten control over I have lots of friends and have a good life but girls are still a problem as at heart I am afraid to get that close to someone.

Dr Galen · 25-07-2011 8:33am

One of the best threads I've seen in here in a long long time.

Fair play OP and to every one of you that has posted. There are likely lads ( and lasses ) reading this now that have taken something positive from the experiences that have been posted here.

Doffs hat to all those who have posted

py2006 · 25-07-2011 10:57am

Dr Galen wrote: »

One of the best threads I've seen in here in a long long time.

Fair play OP and to every one of you that has posted. There are likely lads ( and lasses ) reading this now that have taken something positive from the experiences that have been posted here.

Doffs hat to all those who have posted

I wonder also are some of the bullies themselves reading through this thread and reflecting on how they may have treated individuals back in their school days! or indeed in the current working environments!

cyrusdvirus · 25-07-2011 11:04am

Anonymous for this post wrote: »

Yes, I was bullied, yes it affected me.

I don't do well with criticism. I either back into a corner hoping no-one will notice me if I've messed up or if it's with the group of friends I've had for the past 17 years I'll slag myself off, with a level of self deprecation that they wouldn't go near.
Fortunately, they know the background, and make sure that if there is slagging that it stays at a level where we are all taking lumps out of each other!!

I was 16 when the bullying started, I was a successful student, successful at sports, and hung around with the 'trendy' crowd, that bunch of people in your school that everyone likes, not too nerdy but smart, not too (robbing an americanism here) 'Jock' but good at sports, the group that while they were not the centre of attention, cos the hardcore rockers might be beating 7 shades out of the hardcore ravers, but the group that both rockers and ravers chatted to on friendly terms. Going into 3rd year a new lad had come to the school and joined in with our group. For whatever reason he took a dislike to me and started what i can only describe as a campaign to turn my friends against me, friends who i had known for 7 years at that stage. In 5th year it came to a stage where i was totally ostracised by the entire 60+ people in my year. My so called best friend called me to his house one day to tell me that if he wanted to keep his friendship with the rest of the group that we hung around with (6 lads) that i couldn't be his friend anymore. This was in November of 5th year.

I ended up repeating 5th year (I joke with the lads I'm friendly with now that i instigated the 4th year program in our old school) and got in with a group of lads who I have been friendly with since then. Was best man/groomsman at their weddings etc.

But I have to say that what i went through still affects me today. I'm single, find it incredibly difficult to trust people, and in an environment outside my comfort zone you'll find me propping up a wall in the farthest corner from the bright lights and centres of attention.

I did get revenge of a kind though.

As the years have gone by and I changed from a school going kid to a professional worker bee to a worker bee supervisor to a management type bee I never forgave or forgot that core group group of people who turned me into a social pariah.
So imagine my delight a number of years ago when we were interviewing people for positions at work when one of them turned up. The look on their face when they realised it was me was priceless to say the least. Recently I came across another one one night when i was out for a few pints. He started telling me how hard he was finding it on the dole etc. Really enjoyed telling him about my new car. Karma is a bitch, but I love her!

Anonymous for this post wrote:

I'll freely admit that i was suicidal. It didn't help that i kept it all in, and didn't tell anyone. My parents just thought i was going through a hard time with school, as in the actual learning bit. I was doing 7 honours subjects, so when i stopped going out on a weekend night or even during the weekend days i blamed the schoolwork, and locked myself away in my bedroom. The fact that my schoolwork was suffering and a reasonably smart kid dropped from B average to scraping D's seemed to back this up. I turned from a normal teenager with all the usual teenager tantrums and angst, mixed in with all the usual teenager sunshine and success on the athletics track, to a chap who had a dirty great big black thundercloud following him around, and no interest in anything. I gave up the running, gave up anything that I had been good at.

My time consisted of getting up in the morning, pretending that i was a normal kid going out to school for another day, walk there alone, with classmates totally ignoring me, and other students in the school doing the point and giggle thing that kids are so cruel at but so good at. Coming home in the evening would mean more of the same. After school I'd go up to my room where I would lie on my bed staring at the ceiling, sometimes having a bit of a cry. I'd come down for dinner, have the usual over dinner conversations, all the while putting a face on, help with the clean up then go up to my room to do homework and study. At about 10:30/11:00 each night my parents would go to bed, then i went down stairs to watch Star Trek which was on Sky One at 11 pm in those days. Weekends were helping Dad and Mam out around the house as opposed to going out.

Eventually after 6 months of this I snapped. I can't remember how or why it came about, but I DO remember taking a swing at my Dad and my older brother laying me out flat on my back. I then went to take the two of them on in a physical full on fight. At one stage my Dad actually had his hands on my throat similar to Homer Simpson before he realised what he was doing.... and burst out crying. That set me off. I just broke down and (feck it I have tears in my eyes here tying this!! ) all i can remember saying is I have no friends, I have no friends over and over again.

My parents felt very guilty that they hadn't noticed what had happened, and why 6 people had stopped calling to the door regularly. Mam was on the parents association of the school and pulled strings about the repeating 5th year thing, the School Counsellor got involved and got the teachers to stop bollocking me out of it in class, and suddenly i realised that despite all the psychological bullying that 60 people had put me through i was still there, and by jesus i wasn't gonna let them beat me. April and May went by in a blur as I decided i was actually gonna study properly and get a good college place and get the hell out of my ****hole of a town and become a success and rub everyones noses in it.

Before the Leaving started for the class ahead of us I was called down to the school and 'Offered' (by which it was strongly suggested that i take the chance) of repeating 5th year. I took it. Ended up with a decent Leaving cert which has resulted 17 years later in a good job, with my own house.... in my ****hole of a town. And i deliberately bought here because the lads who i got friendly with at the second swing of 5th year, have all bought around the area.

Would I change anything? Yes and no.
No, because I'm happy enough with who i am today, and my experiences over a period of 2 1/2 years of my life, while horrible, have helped mould the person typing this out.
Yes, because I wish i had spoken out sooner, maybe I'd find it easier to trust people now. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that i'll never marry or have kids, even though i'd love to, purely because any relationship i get into gets hijacked by a fear of being rejected again by people i choose to be part of my life, so after at most 2 years (my longest relationship to date) I get itchy feet and get my rejection in first.

All i can suggest to anyone who is being bullied is to say it to someone. It's a horrible thing to have happen to you, you don't deserve it, but trying to carry the weight of something like that on relatively young shoulders is hard.......and if you tell someone it doesn't have to be.

I am a regular poster on the site, as is one of the core group of people who perpetrated the psychological bullying, that's why I'm posting anonymously. Even today, 17/18 years later I don't want those people to know how badly they hurt me.

Don't feel as if you have to go through it alone. Being bullied is nothing to be ashamed of, and I'm well aware of the irony of me typing that line straight after typing the one above it!!

Whatever else you take from my meandering memories of something that I keep buried, take this, being bullied, being suicidal, being totally depressed can be helped by uttering one little 4 letter word.. Help.

Having read what Dr. Galen posted i figured I may as well come clean, and admit that i am the poster of these 2 messages. Hopefully it'll help someone out there going through what i went through.

Kimia · 26-07-2011 2:28am

Great to see another thread on bullying in here from a guy's perspective. I'm sorry that it happened to you guys, it really sucks. It can affect you for the rest of your life and I detest when people say 'get over it' or 'ignore them'. Very very difficult to do.

You are all very brave for admitting it. And yes 'admitting' isn't the best word to use but I always felt so ashamed for being bullied that I never wanted to acknowledge it - because if I did that meant another little part of me died from the humiliation. It made it all the more real so I down played it. Still do in real life.

I don't understand it to this day how someone gets joy or satisfaction from making another person feel bad. It's shame - that's the feeling - and in my opinion the worst part of bullying. Imagine, being 'ashamed' of yourself for no reason but some fúcker told you you should be. That you are worthless and ugly and weak etc. How dare they think they can treat people like that. I don't understand where their sense of entitlement comes from - how can you do that to someone.

I have gone the other way - like a lot of you said. I hate feeling taken advantage of so I probably am a bit pushier than I should be. I fear having no friends but push my friends away at the same time, lest they see the real me and reject me (because of the feeling of shame that I still have about myself).

I can't stand banter unless I'm 100% comfortable with someone and I'm extremely in tune with people's moods. I can sense if someone is enjoying the banter just a little too much and I hate it - I don't think it's funny and I always jump in if I sense that someone is feeling uncomfortable with the spotlight of shame shining on them. Not that I'm perfect or this white knight character - it's just an automatic thing because it makes me just as uncomfortable to witness someone's humiliation, no matter how small.

I am thinking seriously about setting up a support group where I live (not in Ireland). I think it would do people good to get together and blurt it all out - to get rid of that feeling of worthlessness and shame about the treatment that they endured. I'd also place an emphasis on moving past it too and turning it into something positive so that it means something, that the past happened for a reason rather than because of the fúcked up nature of some strange children who enjoyed making others feel bad about themselves.

Chin up lads - don't let the fúckers keep you down. And fair play for telling the stories - better out than in as they say!

LegacyUser · 27-07-2011 1:39am

For years I was sort of the leader of my rather large group of friends. I was a tad bit older than the rest. I'm not sure what sparked it but two or three of the lads decided I was a peadophile for hangin around with younger guys and girls. I lost AT LEAST 20 friends over this as the rest were too quiet to say anything to the lads.. and I just couldnt take the awkwardness of it all.
I used to get phone calls asking if Ive 'touched any kids lately,' and even months later when I started to make new friends Id be asked if 'the rumours' were true.. and If Id met(french kissed) a 14 year old girl.
The sickest accusations had been spread through the whole town and my name was dirt.

To this day I can't even look in the general direction of a young kid or anyone that is remotely younger than me without fearing that the lads are nearby and Ill hear the word 'pedo' being called after me.

I genuinely feel sick typing this. Im still not over it and dont think I will be for a long time. Ive got new friends now who also dislike the lads for various reasons.. and a girlfriend of almost two years. Things are looking a lot better than they did when I was 17-20.. but I still hear the taunts in my head - my blood still boils when I see the lads in the street and I do fear that given the right circumstances.. I could make a mess of one of them.

YOu can understand why Im going unreg for this one..

Troxck · 27-07-2011 6:19pm

Scuid Mhór wrote: »

also i just want to apply my post to what this poster said here. i don't want to offend anyone by making them think my small ordeal counts as 'bullying'.

Same, I'm not really bullied, mostly mocked and stuff thrown at me such as rubbers, sheets and pebbles...

irishh_bob · 27-07-2011 8:04pm

Kimia wrote: »

Great to see another thread on bullying in here from a guy's perspective. I'm sorry that it happened to you guys, it really sucks. It can affect you for the rest of your life and I detest when people say 'get over it' or 'ignore them'. Very very difficult to do.

You are all very brave for admitting it. And yes 'admitting' isn't the best word to use but I always felt so ashamed for being bullied that I never wanted to acknowledge it - because if I did that meant another little part of me died from the humiliation. It made it all the more real so I down played it. Still do in real life.

I don't understand it to this day how someone gets joy or satisfaction from making another person feel bad. It's shame - that's the feeling - and in my opinion the worst part of bullying. Imagine, being 'ashamed' of yourself for no reason but some fúcker told you you should be. That you are worthless and ugly and weak etc. How dare they think they can treat people like that. I don't understand where their sense of entitlement comes from - how can you do that to someone.

I have gone the other way - like a lot of you said. I hate feeling taken advantage of so I probably am a bit pushier than I should be. I fear having no friends but push my friends away at the same time, lest they see the real me and reject me (because of the feeling of shame that I still have about myself).

I can't stand banter unless I'm 100% comfortable with someone and I'm extremely in tune with people's moods. I can sense if someone is enjoying the banter just a little too much and I hate it - I don't think it's funny and I always jump in if I sense that someone is feeling uncomfortable with the spotlight of shame shining on them. Not that I'm perfect or this white knight character - it's just an automatic thing because it makes me just as uncomfortable to witness someone's humiliation, no matter how small.

I am thinking seriously about setting up a support group where I live (not in Ireland). I think it would do people good to get together and blurt it all out - to get rid of that feeling of worthlessness and shame about the treatment that they endured. I'd also place an emphasis on moving past it too and turning it into something positive so that it means something, that the past happened for a reason rather than because of the fúcked up nature of some strange children who enjoyed making others feel bad about themselves.

Chin up lads - don't let the fúckers keep you down. And fair play for telling the stories - better out than in as they say!

thier willingness to denigrate and humiliate others stems from arrogance , the most galling part of my own experience was the fact that the nazi who bullied me used to accuse me of arrogance , this same person used to ask me the following question

give me one reason why i shouldnt treat you like **** ?

it takes a particular form of hubris to utter such a line with a straight face

its one thing being accused of arrogance , its another when its by someone who,s arrogance dwarves your own

cyrusdvirus · 27-07-2011 8:12pm

Troxck wrote: »

Same, I'm not really bullied, mostly mocked and stuff thrown at me such as rubbers, sheets and pebbles...

That's bullying. No matter what way you look at it, that is bullying.

It's not the same kind of bullying as a kid in your class beating 7 shades of brown stuff out of you cos he's bigger/stronger, but it's still bullying.

it took me a long time to recognise what happened me WAS bullying. And believe it or not, putting a label to it, realising what it was made it easier to deal with.

cyrusdvirus · 27-07-2011 8:17pm

1sick wrote: »

For years I was sort of the leader of my rather large group of friends. I was a tad bit older than the rest. I'm not sure what sparked it but two or three of the lads decided I was a peadophile for hangin around with younger guys and girls. I lost AT LEAST 20 friends over this as the rest were too quiet to say anything to the lads.. and I just couldnt take the awkwardness of it all.
I used to get phone calls asking if Ive 'touched any kids lately,' and even months later when I started to make new friends Id be asked if 'the rumours' were true.. and If Id met(french kissed) a 14 year old girl.
The sickest accusations had been spread through the whole town and my name was dirt.

To this day I can't even look in the general direction of a young kid or anyone that is remotely younger than me without fearing that the lads are nearby and Ill hear the word 'pedo' being called after me.

I genuinely feel sick typing this. Im still not over it and dont think I will be for a long time. Ive got new friends now who also dislike the lads for various reasons.. and a girlfriend of almost two years. Things are looking a lot better than they did when I was 17-20.. but I still hear the taunts in my head - my blood still boils when I see the lads in the street and I do fear that given the right circumstances.. I could make a mess of one of them.

YOu can understand why Im going unreg for this one..

Possibly jealousy. You being older meant could have they saw you as a threat to any of the girls in that grouping.

It's still a horrible accusation to level at someone, even moreso when it is completely unfounded.

And yes, I can fully understand the unreg.

irishh_bob · 27-07-2011 8:34pm

gatecrash wrote: »

That's bullying. No matter what way you look at it, that is bullying.

It's not the same kind of bullying as a kid in your class beating 7 shades of brown stuff out of you cos he's bigger/stronger, but it's still bullying.

it took me a long time to recognise what happened me WAS bullying. And believe it or not, putting a label to it, realising what it was made it easier to deal with.

me too , the penny didnt drop with me until i had actually returned home to ireland and had left the place where the bullying occured , i came home early and was if i didnt know how i got there , began soul searching and eventually realised i was sufferiing from post traumatic stress which stemmed from workplace bullying , it completly screws with your line of thought and can cloud your judgement , effect descision making etc , you also beat yourself up for not having dealt with the bullying more descisivley , looking back , the correct choices seem so obvious yet at the time you were like a rabbit in the headlights

bekar · 31-07-2011 4:09pm

badley_bullied wrote: »

I changed primary school when I was in fifth class against my will and was constantly bullied from then until 3rd year in secondary school. Defintely shaped me as a person and still does to this day. I have suppressed a lot of the memories over the years. But I can remember a few such as everyone shouting gay gay gay or something like that in secondary school during an assembly, constantly wishing I had friends, walking alone through school like a pariah, loving classes where everyone was assigned a seat as people would sit next to me, not telling parents as I felt I should cope alone, getting very withdrawn and spending a lot of time online or watching tv, not sleeping, fearing going into school and afraid of bullies, watching people that I used to consider friends drift away as I became more and more socially unacceptable, contemplating suicide, feeling happiness girls etc. were for other people, the desperate ache to have friends, hearing all the interesting adventures and stories other people got up to. It amazing how much is suppressed tho I can only remember tiny parts.

I wore glasses and was pretty skinny so easy target. I always felt after that I had been betrayed by certain friends and that I could never trust anyone. I was also very very desperate for friends for a long time and while other people were interested in girls etc. I really only wanted friends and felt like girls were so far beyond anything I could hope for. I slowly got over most of it and forgive those who did it as they were only children and in later years most copped on. I also wanted to be friends with the people who were bullyng me for some strange and crazy reason and I remember hearing the expression 'maybe you're hanging with the wrong crowd' and feeling like I had had a revelation in some ways I seemed attracted to the hurt and pain I was getting. Completly crazy but true none the less.

I always blamed the bullies for setting me back academically, as I pretty much lost all motivation in school for several years. I remember making the decision to give up on school in the hope that people would like me more. Socially I never had any of the experiences with girls that I wanted. Later when things got tough academically I blamed the bullies for holding me back, anytime I am around a girl the first thought that normally pops into my head is 'why would she have any interest in you?, you don't know anything about girls she'd only be wasting your time with you.'. Late twenties now and never had a girlfriend.

I do have a pretty high pain threshold at this stage I almost enjoy it but underneath I'm still pretty raw emotionally and although I used to think it made me a stronger person, I'd much prefer if it had never happened. I think I would have achieved everything I have and it would have been much easier. I do my best not to stew in self pity and never discuss any of these things but as I said above there is some ingrained mental conditioning that gets built up over years of bullying that is extremely difficult to get rid of. It becomes part of you and something that you must carry and try to work on. Most things I have largely gotten control over I have lots of friends and have a good life but girls are still a problem as at heart I am afraid to get that close to someone.

These exact things happened to me as well. I wore glasses , got shifted to bull**** hostel when I was kid in class 3; rotted there till tenth. Life was hell. Bullied constantly hit roped etc. Now have forgotten most of the high points i.e. suppressed them forcefully. Still they are all visible in my behavior and attitude to others. Psychopaths those people were... dont think of this high pain threshold as good... The raw you are talking about inside you the void; it is eeringly similar to how I felt.. Maybe you are still being bullied.. When I finally left hostel and led free life ; I had lots of hatred in me.. Wanted to destroy the universe.. seriously... was thinking to build something to destroy all this universe.. anyways; I was pretty much logical and spiritual and moral , raised so in childhood... maybe that was cause as well as saved me some pain of bullying... even though I had secured rank 4 in senior national maths Olympiad; i now have biotech as my career.. all i blame to 8 years of bullying..

believe me, when I was recovering; I thought I would do it on my own. Thus I studied psychology on my own deeply.. Still now I realize that going to a psychologist and eating medicine for depression helped me tremendously.. I had learnt to love and had adapted to pain; in fact seeking it most times... Not any more.. Citalopram did wonders even though I was highly skeptical of it at first.. but it did work.. Now, CBT Cognitive behaviour therapy is doing wonders and am free of drugs.. Still need to be treated for complex -PTSD ....

anyways; my point is:: you and I have complex ptsd; its curable and those self hate feelings; those feelings of loving pain as a response to adaptation can be cured.. life can get better .. I am a living example of that.. just therapy CBT and reading and also I would recommend Buddhist philosophy of life specially meditation..

anyway my healing is going on.. best of wishes for you.. and yeah bullies are scumbags..:mad::mad:

01-08-2011 1:37am

Was gonna go unregged for this but figure that I've nothing to be ashamed of.

Bullying ruined my life, far back as I can remember I was on the receiving end of some form of psychical or mental abuse from people in school and work.

I'm one of those people that others see as an easy target, when I was kid I was quiet, introverted and would rather read a book than kick a football. My memories of primary school are of walking around the playground on my own every day as the other kids I went to school with refused to let me play football with them, unless of course they needed a target to kick the ball at. I did have 1 or 2 friends but they would quickly leave me on my own if it meant that they got to play with the group. I expected things to get better when I started secondary school but to say things went downhill would be an understatement.

From week one of secondary school I was on a daily basis having the **** kicked out of me. I was thrown down stairs, had my face smashed into lockers, had groups of guys pin me down and spend break time using me as a punching bag. Thankfully that for the lunch hour I was able to go home for lunch but the second I got back the abuse began again. The name calling, while nowhere near as painful as the psychical abuse still hurt. I don't think anyone I went to school with in first year to this day knows my real name. Every derogatory term under the sun was used to describe me and to this day when I'm back home I'll often be buying a DVD or having a drink in the pub when someone will walk up and start calling me "comic book queer" and worse.

There was a certain group of scum who seemed to go out of their way to make my life miserable and any time I would be in town they would follow me around, for hours on end sometimes calling me names. During the summer they smashed my head against one of those big concrete blocks knocking me unconscious and coated in my own blood. It's amazing how I can vividly remember so much of what happened yet often I'll struggle for hours to recall the good times.

The bullying got so bad that I had to transfer schools after 1st year and much like the transition from primary to secondary school things got even worse. I was sent to a school in the country where the bullying multiplied tenfold. As I wasn't interested in sports I was seen as an oddity, name calling was the norm as was being beaten up on a near daily basis. I don't want to get into too much detail suffice to say that for 5 years I hated myself and would fake being sick to get out of school as much as possible. It was a horrible time and I would love to say I made some true friends but the handful of friends I made there I lost again once school was over, we fell out of contact and while when I do run into them we have a quick chat but it's nothing more than a polite hello.

I know that this is a little long winded but to get back to the point, bullying ruined my life as it made me hate myself. To this day I find it difficult to trust anyone and if someone is my friend I ask what do they want from me. I find it extremely difficult to make friends, in fact if I was to count those friends of mine who I know would be there for me it would be just two people, my girlfriend and my friend Mark who has repeatedly stood by me when groups of guys have started on me. Actually for the most part when I do head out at home it's pretty nice at this stage, the assholes are still there (had a full can of coke thrown at me and my friend when walking home last week) but there's also a lot of people who I can have a quiet chat to with a pint. Not people who I would ring or would ring me to head out but when we see one another we always have a chat.

I made friends in college but none whom I would really class as great friends, sure near the end of the year my phone was constantly ringing but that was because people wanted my help with assignments. Since then I could count the number of calls I got about heading for a drink or a bite to eat on one hand, the calls for help with computers, or editing or after effects work still come all the time though and it just makes me think that people only want me when they need something. I'm going to try and work on it this summer, actively try and stay in touch with the few people I genuinely care for but always sat the back of my mind I question why anyone would ever want to be friends with me as to me I'll always be that small, pathetic, punchign bag.

bekar · 01-08-2011 2:17pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Was gonna go unregged for this but figure that I've nothing to be ashamed of.

Bullying ruined my life, far back as I can remember I was on the receiving end of some form of psychical or mental abuse from people in school and work.

I'm one of those people that others see as an easy target, when I was kid I was quiet, introverted and would rather read a book than kick a football. My memories of primary school are of walking around the playground on my own every day as the other kids I went to school with refused to let me play football with them, unless of course they needed a target to kick the ball at. I did have 1 or 2 friends but they would quickly leave me on my own if it meant that they got to play with the group. I expected things to get better when I started secondary school but to say things went downhill would be an understatement.

From week one of secondary school I was on a daily basis having the **** kicked out of me. I was thrown down stairs, had my face smashed into lockers, had groups of guys pin me down and spend break time using me as a punching bag. Thankfully that for the lunch hour I was able to go home for lunch but the second I got back the abuse began again. The name calling, while nowhere near as painful as the psychical abuse still hurt. I don't think anyone I went to school with in first year to this day knows my real name. Every derogatory term under the sun was used to describe me and to this day when I'm back home I'll often be buying a DVD or having a drink in the pub when someone will walk up and start calling me "comic book queer" and worse.

There was a certain group of scum who seemed to go out of their way to make my life miserable and any time I would be in town they would follow me around, for hours on end sometimes calling me names. During the summer they smashed my head against one of those big concrete blocks knocking me unconscious and coated in my own blood. It's amazing how I can vividly remember so much of what happened yet often I'll struggle for hours to recall the good times.

The bullying got so bad that I had to transfer schools after 1st year and much like the transition from primary to secondary school things got even worse. I was sent to a school in the country where the bullying multiplied tenfold. As I wasn't interested in sports I was seen as an oddity, name calling was the norm as was being beaten up on a near daily basis. I don't want to get into too much detail suffice to say that for 5 years I hated myself and would fake being sick to get out of school as much as possible. It was a horrible time and I would love to say I made some true friends but the handful of friends I made there I lost again once school was over, we fell out of contact and while when I do run into them we have a quick chat but it's nothing more than a polite hello.

I know that this is a little long winded but to get back to the point, bullying ruined my life as it made me hate myself. To this day I find it difficult to trust anyone and if someone is my friend I ask what do they want from me. I find it extremely difficult to make friends, in fact if I was to count those friends of mine who I know would be there for me it would be just two people, my girlfriend and my friend Mark who has repeatedly stood by me when groups of guys have started on me. Actually for the most part when I do head out at home it's pretty nice at this stage, the assholes are still there (had a full can of coke thrown at me and my friend when walking home last week) but there's also a lot of people who I can have a quiet chat to with a pint. Not people who I would ring or would ring me to head out but when we see one another we always have a chat.

I made friends in college but none whom I would really class as great friends, sure near the end of the year my phone was constantly ringing but that was because people wanted my help with assignments. Since then I could count the number of calls I got about heading for a drink or a bite to eat on one hand, the calls for help with computers, or editing or after effects work still come all the time though and it just makes me think that people only want me when they need something. I'm going to try and work on it this summer, actively try and stay in touch with the few people I genuinely care for but always sat the back of my mind I question why anyone would ever want to be friends with me as to me I'll always be that small, pathetic, punchign bag.

I would recommend Buddhist meditation and David Burns book Feeling Good. Believe me, recovery is possible.

irishh_bob · 01-08-2011 9:31pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Was gonna go unregged for this but figure that I've nothing to be ashamed of.

Bullying ruined my life, far back as I can remember I was on the receiving end of some form of psychical or mental abuse from people in school and work.

I'm one of those people that others see as an easy target, when I was kid I was quiet, introverted and would rather read a book than kick a football. My memories of primary school are of walking around the playground on my own every day as the other kids I went to school with refused to let me play football with them, unless of course they needed a target to kick the ball at. I did have 1 or 2 friends but they would quickly leave me on my own if it meant that they got to play with the group. I expected things to get better when I started secondary school but to say things went downhill would be an understatement.

From week one of secondary school I was on a daily basis having the **** kicked out of me. I was thrown down stairs, had my face smashed into lockers, had groups of guys pin me down and spend break time using me as a punching bag. Thankfully that for the lunch hour I was able to go home for lunch but the second I got back the abuse began again. The name calling, while nowhere near as painful as the psychical abuse still hurt. I don't think anyone I went to school with in first year to this day knows my real name. Every derogatory term under the sun was used to describe me and to this day when I'm back home I'll often be buying a DVD or having a drink in the pub when someone will walk up and start calling me "comic book queer" and worse.

There was a certain group of scum who seemed to go out of their way to make my life miserable and any time I would be in town they would follow me around, for hours on end sometimes calling me names. During the summer they smashed my head against one of those big concrete blocks knocking me unconscious and coated in my own blood. It's amazing how I can vividly remember so much of what happened yet often I'll struggle for hours to recall the good times.

The bullying got so bad that I had to transfer schools after 1st year and much like the transition from primary to secondary school things got even worse. I was sent to a school in the country where the bullying multiplied tenfold. As I wasn't interested in sports I was seen as an oddity, name calling was the norm as was being beaten up on a near daily basis. I don't want to get into too much detail suffice to say that for 5 years I hated myself and would fake being sick to get out of school as much as possible. It was a horrible time and I would love to say I made some true friends but the handful of friends I made there I lost again once school was over, we fell out of contact and while when I do run into them we have a quick chat but it's nothing more than a polite hello.

I know that this is a little long winded but to get back to the point, bullying ruined my life as it made me hate myself. To this day I find it difficult to trust anyone and if someone is my friend I ask what do they want from me. I find it extremely difficult to make friends, in fact if I was to count those friends of mine who I know would be there for me it would be just two people, my girlfriend and my friend Mark who has repeatedly stood by me when groups of guys have started on me. Actually for the most part when I do head out at home it's pretty nice at this stage, the assholes are still there (had a full can of coke thrown at me and my friend when walking home last week) but there's also a lot of people who I can have a quiet chat to with a pint. Not people who I would ring or would ring me to head out but when we see one another we always have a chat.

I made friends in college but none whom I would really class as great friends, sure near the end of the year my phone was constantly ringing but that was because people wanted my help with assignments. Since then I could count the number of calls I got about heading for a drink or a bite to eat on one hand, the calls for help with computers, or editing or after effects work still come all the time though and it just makes me think that people only want me when they need something. I'm going to try and work on it this summer, actively try and stay in touch with the few people I genuinely care for but always sat the back of my mind I question why anyone would ever want to be friends with me as to me I'll always be that small, pathetic, punchign bag.

your post makes me wonder what the fcuk we pay teachers for , do theese people study how to look the other way when it comes to bullying in school

Otis Driftwood · 01-08-2011 9:54pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Was gonna go unregged for this but figure that I've nothing to be ashamed of.

Bullying ruined my life, far back as I can remember I was on the receiving end of some form of psychical or mental abuse from people in school and work.

I'm one of those people that others see as an easy target, when I was kid I was quiet, introverted and would rather read a book than kick a football. My memories of primary school are of walking around the playground on my own every day as the other kids I went to school with refused to let me play football with them, unless of course they needed a target to kick the ball at. I did have 1 or 2 friends but they would quickly leave me on my own if it meant that they got to play with the group. I expected things to get better when I started secondary school but to say things went downhill would be an understatement.

From week one of secondary school I was on a daily basis having the **** kicked out of me. I was thrown down stairs, had my face smashed into lockers, had groups of guys pin me down and spend break time using me as a punching bag. Thankfully that for the lunch hour I was able to go home for lunch but the second I got back the abuse began again. The name calling, while nowhere near as painful as the psychical abuse still hurt. I don't think anyone I went to school with in first year to this day knows my real name. Every derogatory term under the sun was used to describe me and to this day when I'm back home I'll often be buying a DVD or having a drink in the pub when someone will walk up and start calling me "comic book queer" and worse.

There was a certain group of scum who seemed to go out of their way to make my life miserable and any time I would be in town they would follow me around, for hours on end sometimes calling me names. During the summer they smashed my head against one of those big concrete blocks knocking me unconscious and coated in my own blood. It's amazing how I can vividly remember so much of what happened yet often I'll struggle for hours to recall the good times.

The bullying got so bad that I had to transfer schools after 1st year and much like the transition from primary to secondary school things got even worse. I was sent to a school in the country where the bullying multiplied tenfold. As I wasn't interested in sports I was seen as an oddity, name calling was the norm as was being beaten up on a near daily basis. I don't want to get into too much detail suffice to say that for 5 years I hated myself and would fake being sick to get out of school as much as possible. It was a horrible time and I would love to say I made some true friends but the handful of friends I made there I lost again once school was over, we fell out of contact and while when I do run into them we have a quick chat but it's nothing more than a polite hello.

I know that this is a little long winded but to get back to the point, bullying ruined my life as it made me hate myself. To this day I find it difficult to trust anyone and if someone is my friend I ask what do they want from me. I find it extremely difficult to make friends, in fact if I was to count those friends of mine who I know would be there for me it would be just two people, my girlfriend and my friend Mark who has repeatedly stood by me when groups of guys have started on me. Actually for the most part when I do head out at home it's pretty nice at this stage, the assholes are still there (had a full can of coke thrown at me and my friend when walking home last week) but there's also a lot of people who I can have a quiet chat to with a pint. Not people who I would ring or would ring me to head out but when we see one another we always have a chat.

I made friends in college but none whom I would really class as great friends, sure near the end of the year my phone was constantly ringing but that was because people wanted my help with assignments. Since then I could count the number of calls I got about heading for a drink or a bite to eat on one hand, the calls for help with computers, or editing or after effects work still come all the time though and it just makes me think that people only want me when they need something. I'm going to try and work on it this summer, actively try and stay in touch with the few people I genuinely care for but always sat the back of my mind I question why anyone would ever want to be friends with me as to me I'll always be that small, pathetic, punchign bag.

Thanks for sharing D,sorry you and everyone else thats contributed had to put up with that kind of crap.

01-08-2011 11:16pm

irishh_bob wrote: »

your post makes me wonder what the fcuk we pay teachers for , do theese people study how to look the other way when it comes to bullying in school

There were some teachers who would see it and put a stop to it and try their best to see it didn't happen again but there were also a few who turned a blind eye to it. One teacher in particular was a nasty piece of work, actually he wasn't even a teacher he was one of those supervisor brought in when the teachers were refusing to supervise lunch time and he was kept on. He was a nasty piece of work and once held me against a wall and threatened me because during a free period I read a book rather than did any studying. He routinely singled out a few of us for abuse and would send us to the principal office for the smallest of things, being a few minutes late to class which we knew was a free one or spending lunch break outside the school grounds.

Otis Driftwood wrote: »

Thanks for sharing D,sorry you and everyone else thats contributed had to put up with that kind of crap.

It sure did suck but at the same time it could have been worse. At least the psychical abuse is behind me and it does make me smile when I see many of my old bullies stuck at home in horrible going nowhere lives while I'm at least attempting to follow my dreams. I was home last week and ironically enough saw one guy who used to beat me up for wearing T-Shirts with Batman or other superheros on them, he was walking around town in a blue T-Shirt with Captain Americas shield on it. The irony was quite over powering.

When I started college a few years back I was over in a classmates house and got talking to their housemate. When she heard where I was from she told me how when she was working abroad one of the girls they met from Ireland was from the same town as me. She told me that this girl would routinely tell them of her neighbor "who was one of those odd kids. The kind who would sit on the rock and read while all the other kids played football." She told me how the girl went on to describe this creepy kid and how all the other kids used to tease him and thought that he was a psychopath. I was curious to say the least and when I was told the girls name I knew instantly that the stories were about me. The girl she met on holidays was my neighbor, was quite a surreal moment tbh.

Twee. · 02-08-2011 3:46am

Another speech impediment here! From time to time I people made fun of my stammer, and boy did it upset me. I just couldn't understand why people would mock the way I speak! My brother also stammers, so I suppose I was always around it and it was just the way we spoke. People still do it now (I'm 21), like if I stammer on a word they'll go "D-d-d-duh" or something. I usually just retort "Em I'd like it if you didn't make fun of my speech impediment, thanks" :pac: . Usually shuts them up.

My continuous bullying was actually from a best friend at the time. I was being minded after school at her house, and one day I said to another friend "I wish I could play with you more but I always have to play with Nikki after school". Well someone went and told Nikki, and she was not happy. She just threatened me with it every time I wouldn't do what she wanted, "I'll tell what you said" etc. After a few months I was a nervous wreck! I remember seeing her walk up my drive way one afternoon to call in for me. Forewarned, I shouted down to me dad "I'm going for a shower!!" just as the doorbell rang. Relief, I thought! My mam was constantly asking what was wrong with me, so I finally told her and then words were exchanged with the mammies and it was a bit better then. Not friends with her anymore!

Like many have said, I was just weak, and I let it eat away at me! I guess now I just won't let people get to me like she did. I mean, I still dislike confrontation and prefer everything to be drama free. I just don't associate with toxic people.

jc002 · 02-08-2011 4:44am

Deleted User wrote: »

Was gonna go unregged for this but figure that I've nothing to be ashamed of.

Bullying ruined my life, far back as I can remember I was on the receiving end of some form of psychical or mental abuse from people in school and work.

I'm one of those people that others see as an easy target, when I was kid I was quiet, introverted and would rather read a book than kick a football. My memories of primary school are of walking around the playground on my own every day as the other kids I went to school with refused to let me play football with them, unless of course they needed a target to kick the ball at. I did have 1 or 2 friends but they would quickly leave me on my own if it meant that they got to play with the group. I expected things to get better when I started secondary school but to say things went downhill would be an understatement.

From week one of secondary school I was on a daily basis having the **** kicked out of me. I was thrown down stairs, had my face smashed into lockers, had groups of guys pin me down and spend break time using me as a punching bag. Thankfully that for the lunch hour I was able to go home for lunch but the second I got back the abuse began again. The name calling, while nowhere near as painful as the psychical abuse still hurt. I don't think anyone I went to school with in first year to this day knows my real name. Every derogatory term under the sun was used to describe me and to this day when I'm back home I'll often be buying a DVD or having a drink in the pub when someone will walk up and start calling me "comic book queer" and worse.

There was a certain group of scum who seemed to go out of their way to make my life miserable and any time I would be in town they would follow me around, for hours on end sometimes calling me names. During the summer they smashed my head against one of those big concrete blocks knocking me unconscious and coated in my own blood. It's amazing how I can vividly remember so much of what happened yet often I'll struggle for hours to recall the good times.

The bullying got so bad that I had to transfer schools after 1st year and much like the transition from primary to secondary school things got even worse. I was sent to a school in the country where the bullying multiplied tenfold. As I wasn't interested in sports I was seen as an oddity, name calling was the norm as was being beaten up on a near daily basis. I don't want to get into too much detail suffice to say that for 5 years I hated myself and would fake being sick to get out of school as much as possible. It was a horrible time and I would love to say I made some true friends but the handful of friends I made there I lost again once school was over, we fell out of contact and while when I do run into them we have a quick chat but it's nothing more than a polite hello.

I know that this is a little long winded but to get back to the point, bullying ruined my life as it made me hate myself. To this day I find it difficult to trust anyone and if someone is my friend I ask what do they want from me. I find it extremely difficult to make friends, in fact if I was to count those friends of mine who I know would be there for me it would be just two people, my girlfriend and my friend Mark who has repeatedly stood by me when groups of guys have started on me. Actually for the most part when I do head out at home it's pretty nice at this stage, the assholes are still there (had a full can of coke thrown at me and my friend when walking home last week) but there's also a lot of people who I can have a quiet chat to with a pint. Not people who I would ring or would ring me to head out but when we see one another we always have a chat.

I made friends in college but none whom I would really class as great friends, sure near the end of the year my phone was constantly ringing but that was because people wanted my help with assignments. Since then I could count the number of calls I got about heading for a drink or a bite to eat on one hand, the calls for help with computers, or editing or after effects work still come all the time though and it just makes me think that people only want me when they need something. I'm going to try and work on it this summer, actively try and stay in touch with the few people I genuinely care for but always sat the back of my mind I question why anyone would ever want to be friends with me as to me I'll always be that small, pathetic, punchign bag.

Absolutely shocking, very sorry to hear. Good to see you making something of yourself - I salute you

If you haven't already (and this goes for everyone here), I'd strongly suggest going to a good therapist. Revisiting the past and placing the blame firmly where it belongs can be a very powerful and liberating experience.

Anyway, hopefully such cowardly bast*rds will answer for what they've done - this life or the next.

LegacyUser · 18-01-2012 7:18pm

I got some serious Primary abuse from the others it was basically the whole class after me. I got dumped in a school in the centre of finglas after growing up mostly in the midlands.
Total hick I was lol. well they tore strips off me. Planted fake gay love letters in my school bag. I was tormented....
Where they have well forgotten me, i still remember their full names and their faces are burned into my memory...

I have tracked a lot of them down via facebook. I can confirm that have grown up to be what they started as absolute scumbags. That was in some respect comforting still sad lives with nothing going for them. Apart from one who did quite well for himself. No kid of mine will ever be bullied ill make sure to that

MetzgerMeister · 06-02-2012 11:21pm

I wasn't bullied until I started 2nd class. I did Junior & senior infants and first class in one school and then went to another school from 2nd class. Because I was an outsider, everyone bullied me every single day.

I had 1 friend in the class and that was only because our mothers worked together. He very quickly turned against me. It was constant every day, calling me queer, gay (I'm not) etc.

I tried so hard to fit in all the way up to 6th class. There was even one teacher, a "christian" brother who used bully me in front of his class. Because of this, they all thought it was ok to do it too. I took after-school french lessons with other classmates. The teacher wasn't part of that school. It continued in that class too. I sat on my own and had abuse fired at me from across the room. I just got up and left in the middle of it one evening only to have the teacher come after me and give out to me.

When I went to secondary school things got a bit better but went downhill again half way through first year. I was sick to the teeth of it and sick of trying to fit in so I decided to go the opposite way to everyone else. When I was in 3rd year I started wearing clothes that went with the music I was into - black jeans, hoodies, t-shirts and New Rocks, not a goth but a metaller. I did get a lot of abuse for this too, fair enough I kind of brought it on myself. One day I just had enough of it and while I don't like fighting or "acting hard", I let loose on the ring-leader of the group. Once I started punching him, I couldn't stop until his mates dragged me off him. With that, heart racing, I walked away and went home, stopping at the shopping centre to wash the blood off my hands.

That was on a Friday evening and on the monday morning he came up to me on his own and gave me the best apology I ever got in my life. It stopped right there and I haven't had anything of the sort happen since.

It did change me in a big way whereby I now know that I do my own thing and do not try to "fit in" no matter what.

Sadly, when I was in 6th year, a new student joined our class. He was odd and quiet and an easy target. He moved schools due to bullying and yes, I joined in in making his life a misery.

Then one day, a number of us were taken out of class and brought into a classroom on our own with 3 teachers. These teachers explained to us that this guy's parents contacted the school and told them what was going on. It was explained to us that it had to stop right there and then.

We were then allowed go back to class. After a while I had to leave in the middle of the class, go back to that classroom as I knew it was empty and I just completely broke down in tears because I knew exactly what I and others had put that chap through. I was there only a few minutes when one of the teachers whom was talking to us came in. I passed him in the corridor and he saw that something was wrong with me. He had waited outside the door after I went in to see what was going on.

I felt like such an idiot but he explained to me that it was alright to let it out as he knew my parents and he also knew about what happened me in the past.

To make things worse, we weren't allowed tell anyone about what was said to us nor were we allowed say it to that guy or even apologise to him as it wasn't to be made known to him that his parents contacted the school.

From that day on, no one said a word to him and I hope his life has gotten a lot better since then.

Sorry for the huge post and thanks for reading it

Tazium · 07-02-2012 12:43pm

I was victimized too. Let me start by saying that reading the thread has already heated my blood and I'm focusing on the breathing to force calmness into myself. Anyone who believes that bullying only toughens a person, or 'helps' in some way to strengthen a child is in my opinion very wrong. It brings shame, hatred, agression, avoidance and isolation.

My memories of primary school are of trying to stay close to the offices of the staff during break times as a precautionary tactic to avoid the beatings. I had a toe broken by bullies stamping on it, a lit match put down my back, more bruises and burst lips than a heavyweight boxer, and so much mental hurt that will never heal. There are so few memories from primary school that I actually enjoyed, or were short lived such as winning a raffle prize of £9.20 where I was walked through the various classes by the headmaster to 'parade the winner' but this was more like a 'most wanted' profile to the bullies. I did not collect my prize as I knew I'd be attacked on the way home. Without fail 4 of 5 walks home would result in my being pushed to the ground, kicked, punched, pushed into whatever puddles might be nearby, or onto dog crap if that was around. The very thought of this now and the recollection of these memories is causing tears. Always picked on in the class as the 'nerd', the glasses didn't help, but they were broken more times than worn. I was thought by my parents to always walk away, and you know what I'm not sure that was the correct thing. I couldn't make friends, other guys didn't want the attention of the bullies through their association with me, so I was isolated. Soccer was the common break-time game and I'd try to join in, but always end up as a concession player, you know, the very last person to be left on the line for the 'pickers'. When my mother would complain to the headmaster the bullies would get told off, then their siblings would arrive to deliver threats, or further beatings.

I 'took off' school, avoided being there and would go to the church to be an alter boy for the sole purpose of serving at funerals and weddings which would usually mean I'd be missing from school. It's even funny to remember that I'd hope someone would have died so I could escape the school for a morning. The worst parts were usually in walking to or from the school. Eventually as I neared the end of primary school I used to go in very early and leave well after everyone had left, this led to me spending time with the caretaker and assisting him with opening and closing up. The last time I seen him was just as school was finishing, he gave me two pounds to say thanks for the help I gave him. I was refusing to take it, I didn't see it as me helping him, but as him providing me shelter and safety before and after school. I had two female teachers for junior and senior infants in that school. When they would be on yard duty I would actually just walk about 10 steps behind them. Following them around so I could be in their visible field if I shouted out. When the male teachers would be on duty they didn't much pay attention to the students. I could be crying out for help and they'd glance over and make some comment or other and then just walk off leaving me amongst those intent on causing hurt. I'm not sure what satisfaction it gave them, if they wanted me to cry they succeeded. They'd hold me down and try to kick me in the balls, I'd always try to protect myself but when it's one against five or more it's not often possible to prevent being hurt. My parents moved house when I was a young teenager, and while they maintained that was their choice and desire I look back and wonder if they moved to give me an opportunity to get away. There is so much more that I could go into here, but the internet is never forgiving and I'd just as much stop now.

I absolutely hated school, as an adult I can see so clearly the damage it has done and the impact on all my friendships since, my inability to extend trust and my constant answer of 'grand' to anyone who might enquire how I am, regardless of my true feelings. The bruises and cuts heal, but the memories of taunting, the hurtful comments and constant pushing, or stealing my pencils and copybooks, the actual fear of attending school. These things never go. They just stay in the back of my mind in a room with a lock on it.

ongarboy · 07-02-2012 6:22pm

It truly is heartbreaking to hear the many stories of cruelty and bullying many posters have had to endure here. I hope in some cases even writing it down in this forum may have assisted some. For others, it seems as if past events are still there and dictating how the go through life now. I would say to anyone who still feels affected by those past events to consider counselling. It will not change the past but it will help you change the way you think about it and how you think and go about your life now (subconsciously or otherwise) based on those past traumatic events.

Tazium,
You say you have all this bad history locked up in the back of your mind. But is it locked up really? - you've said it impacts your current friendships, how you respond to people and extending trust. It seems like it is not locked up at all but instead actively dancing around your head and mind and plays a signficant part in your current life as to how you engage with others.

I was bullied in school and harboured deep resentment and anger for years and liked to think I had it under control as an adult but I could see how it was affecting me at work/social situations/interaction even though I didn't realise it. Counselling allowed me to open up in a way I never did with anyone else and provided me with tools on how I could address and change the way I think and lead my life now. I am a far more content and happy individual these days. I still have my ups and downs but would say that speaking to a trained professional was the best money and time I ever spent.

Bullying, has it affected you now as an adult?

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