Dads staying overnight in hospital the first night - Good idea or not?

Neyite · 14-08-2015 1:30pm #1

A hospital in the UK are piloting a scheme whereby fathers (or I suppose female partner of a same sex couple) are allowed to stay overnight the first night in hospital. The partners will each be given a recliner chair, pillow and blanket, beside their partner's bed in a 6 bay ward.

Me, I'm of the view that in a private room it might be a nice idea, where you have peace and quiet and privacy, but I'm not so keen on it happening in a shared ward with only a dodgy curtain between yer wan's nosy husband and your attempts at breastfeeding or changing a pad.

I was in for 5 days post CS, so after the surgery I was moved into an observation ward where I happened to be the only one, and my partner stayed until about 11pm when the midwife regretfully asked him to leave.

The next day I was moved to the public 6 bed ward (but had 8 in it) and they were pretty lax on visiting times so visitors were pretty constant from about 8am to 10 or 11 at night. The noise of the other babies, mums, medics, cleaners and caterers was about bearable and understanable but the constant noise levels of visitors, and kids running wild pulling at the curtains nearly tipped me over the edge, but at least by 11pm it was relatively quiet. Getting home to the peace and quiet of my own home was bliss.

Could you see the HSE introducing something like this? Would you want them to? Great idea, or your worst nightmare?

Lashes28 · 14-08-2015 1:48pm

The MLU where I had my baby had a pull out bed for partners to stay over, but we didn't stay in long enough to use it, in a private situation I think it's an amazing idea that he can help out with you.
However in a six bed ward,that's crazy. It's hard enough to deal with other women and their babies never mind partners too!!

Wright · 14-08-2015 1:50pm

Neyite wrote: »

Me, I'm of the view that in a private room it might be a nice idea, where you have peace and quiet and privacy, but I'm not so keen on it happening in a shared ward with only a dodgy curtain between yer wan's nosy husband and your attempts at breastfeeding or changing a pad.

This is pretty on the nose.

January · 14-08-2015 2:03pm

In private rooms definitely a good idea but not in public wards, they're cramped and crowded enough as it is.

Neyite · 14-08-2015 2:10pm

I suspect the scheme is a covert way to reduce staffing levels on the wards overnight. A six bed is cramped enough as it is for 12 adults and at least 12 children.

Then there is the fact you'd have double the amounts of adults using shower /toilet facilities in the morning, so queues for that. Infection spreading would be a concern too.

When I was in, my bed was right beside the window which was lovely in an overly warm room. But the sink and bin for the ward was at the end of my bed, and the curtain didn't stretch that far so anyone washing their hands (rare enough apart from hospital staff) or putting something in the bin could look in the mirror and see behind my curtain that way. And the bin lid banged every single time - I'd see my baby asleep but his little fingers would fan out in a startle reflex every single time.

Some gobsh!te in the cubicle beside me made - no joke - 17- identical calls on his mobile. Roaring down the phone - "HOWYA!, ITS BRIAN, MARY HAD THE BABY! A BOY! 8 POUNDS 9 OUNCES. YA, GOOD SIZE!! AH, SHE'S GRAND. WELL, YEAH, 27 HOURS IN LABOUR AND ONLY 12 STITCHES, GRAND LIKE. NO, NO NAME YET HAHAHAHAA!!!" And repeat...By the end I was ready to shove it up his arse.

The woman at the other end of the ward looked positively ill. Her baby had a big red ventouse mark on its head so you can imagine she didn't exactly fart the child out. She had about 8 adults and 4 very noisy and wild kids around her bed from 8am until 10pm. At one point she was off somewhere and one of her visitors had a nap in her bed. You could tell she just wanted them to fcuk off like the rest of us did. At one point when I was leaving the ward, one of them loudly stage-whispered about me asking where my baby was. Eh, not that's its any of your business but he's in NICU, ya dope. :rolleyes:

So bloody noisy and horrible.

Xdancer · 14-08-2015 4:27pm

Here a family member is welcome to stay in the reclining chair next to a patient throughout their stay. Of course, there are only 2 beds with bathroom to a room in most public hospitals. My OH stayed with me the entire time (2 night stay) bar nipping home to have a shower etc.

It is expected that a patient have someone with them as nurses here purely do nurse things and they aren't run off their feet half as much as in Irish hospitals. Still shortages like everywhere else, but definitely not to the same extent.

Cunning Stunt · 14-08-2015 5:33pm

Am living in Denmark where the father can stay over for the two nights - in our case on a pull-out sofa bed. It was a godsend having my hubby there with me, especially as I had had a c-section and could only half function! ...but they are private rooms which probably makes all the difference.

contrary_mary · 14-08-2015 8:06pm

I think absolutely not in public wards, for all the reasons above. I was lucky enough to get a private room after a section for the birth of my son. I probably would have liked to have my husband there as I was terrified! But at least he got a decent sleep for the few nights and my concern would be that the staff would leave you be since you had practical support when what I really needed was breastfeeding support etc.

It wouldn't be an option next time around since he'd have to look after our son which would be the case for everyone with older children I'd imagine?

Novella · 14-08-2015 8:09pm

I am due next month with my first baby and will be giving birth in the US. At my hospital, the dad or any person of the mother's choosing can stay overnight for the entire duration of her hospital stay. All of the rooms are private and include a fold out couch with blankets and pillows for the "support person". I think it's a nice idea and am happy that it's an option for me.

jester77 · 14-08-2015 8:12pm

Pretty standard here. We had our own private room and they brought in an extra bed for me. Think I stayed 3 nights until we went home, food was included but I had to pay for my stays as the insurance doesn't cover it, but it was only 50 or 60 per night. I would have hated to miss the first few nights with my son, was pretty special being there in the room with him. Still remember the first time he got hiccups

Allirog · 14-08-2015 8:18pm

I had my baby 11 weeks ago and we ended up in an emergency c section situation. It was a very difficult and traumatic time and I would have liked the help of him during the night because the midwives on the ward were so busy and I felt bad ringing the bell for them to help me but what I really could have done with was my partner to be allowed in during 'quiet times' because I felt that was when I needed him most. The coombe are very strict on visiting hours and quiet times so I can't see that changing but while over night wouldn't work in public wards I do think the partner should be allowed in for the day and then strict visiting times for everyone else including kids.

January · 14-08-2015 8:48pm

Allirog wrote: »

I had my baby 11 weeks ago and we ended up in an emergency c section situation. It was a very difficult and traumatic time and I would have liked the help of him during the night because the midwives on the ward were so busy and I felt bad ringing the bell for them to help me but what I really could have done with was my partner to be allowed in during 'quiet times' because I felt that was when I needed him most. The coombe are very strict on visiting hours and quiet times so I can't see that changing but while over night wouldn't work in public wards I do think the partner should be allowed in for the day and then strict visiting times for everyone else including kids.

It's one of the reasons I picked the Rotunda over the Coombe on my last pregnancy, my husband would only have been able to get in to visit during quiet times because we had 3 other young kids at home he needed to look after. I didn't want him not being able to visit at all.

theLuggage · 15-08-2015 12:32pm

I never had a problem with the Coombe and himself coming and going whenever. But then I was in the private rooms and we weren't making noise etc. Also he would try to get in during visiting times and then just stay longer. He was never asked to leave, which was great. I'd say it's a very different story with public ward because of all the amount of people they have to be stricter. And they tend to visit in shed loads as opposed to the two you are supposed to have.

Typer Monkey · 15-08-2015 5:11pm

I had my baby in the Coombe in 2013 during an outbreak of the winter vomiting bug so visitors were banned. Only fathers were allowed in but they were thrown out at meal times and 'quiet time'. Security Gaurds roamed the wards throwing out men trying to stay! (I was on a semi-private ward with 2 other women) It was annoying because I could've done with some help while I had a sleep..I hadn't slept in 48 hours by the time I gave birth. I legged it home less than 24 hours after having her so I could get some sleep!

Cunning Stunt · 15-08-2015 6:09pm

contrary_mary wrote: »

It wouldn't be an option next time around since he'd have to look after our son which would be the case for everyone with older children I'd imagine?

Yeah that's right. It's not an option for us this time as my OH will be minding our son. I am having another planned c-section and am starting to quietly dread the thought of staying on my own for the two nights - trying to get in and out of the bed to change nappies etc.. I am hoping the nurses will help me out.

Moonbeam · 15-08-2015 8:59pm

in Holles st on my 2nd in a sp ward most of the husbands never left.
They were very busy 3 of the ladies had c sections,1 had very little english all 4 of their partners were there all night.

ainy · 15-08-2015 9:40pm

I think if its a private room then they should be allowed to stay, in six bedded ward no!
I know its hard on the partner to leave their newborn that first night. my little one was born just before 8 pm, we didn't get back to ward until after 10 and my OH had to leave, he was in bits leaving us but I wasn't comfortable having him there when others trying to sleep.

when I was admitted at about 34 wks, there was a woman in the bed opposite, not in active labour, her partner stayed the night previous and according to the rest of the women in the ward, he snored like a trooper for the whole night and none of them got sleep. (he also was using the patients bathroom in the room, stayed in it for 20 mins at one point and one of the other patients were afraid to go in after him and used the one in the corridor instead, that's not on!)

The night I was there he was trying to stay again and the midwife was having none of it (she was asking him to leave at 11pm). The woman kept saying he'l only sleep in the car if you make him leave ( it was freezing these nights) or I won't be able to sleep at all without him. midwife stuck to her guns and after much confrontation at about midnight, the woman left with her partner! only to be back in for induction at 6 in the morning!
it was such a nightmare, not one of the rest of us got any sleep before 12.30 and that was in an ante natal ward, imagine throwing newborns in to that mix!

so after all that no I don't think it would work here unless it's all private rooms!

pwurple · 18-08-2015 8:41am

6 bed ward sounds like hell. Never experienced that thank feck. I went public in Cork, so it's "semi-private" rooms... which basically means two bed. Also known as Not Private At All. And to be honest, I would have LOVED my husband to be there. I had ripped stitches on my first, and a 3rd degree tear on my second. It was absolute agony to get out of the bed and get the baby. Plus, the woman next to me the last time was completely losing the plot, roaring and screaming at the poor baby "shut up you stupid bastard" etc. She might have held it together if there was someone there supporting her.

lazygal · 18-08-2015 9:26am

I spent one night on a 'semi private' ward in Holles Street-it had six beds. I've heard of eight beds being squeezed into the same ward. It was horrible, and I wasn't with noisy or difficult women. I was never so glad as to get my own room the following morning and the money we spent going private was worth it for the access to privacy alone. I had c sections and the babies were taken from me the first night for sleep. I had brilliant recoveries both times and I was happy enough to have a bit of time for just me and them to breastfeed.
If I ever have more I'll be really, really strict on who comes to see me. I'd rather a very restrictive vistors policy because then its not a case of me having to lay down the law. I would also check out ASAP and recover at home.

IvyTheTerrible · 18-08-2015 11:17am

Where I had my baby, there were rooms you could pay extra for where there was a fold out bed for the dad. I didn't get one of those, I had a private room where the dad had to leave at 11pm.
I would have liked him to have stayed because I got a bit panicked in the middle of the night when I couldn't sleep and the baby started coughing up mucous (apparently that's normal but I thought he was choking). I was very weepy.
I wouldn't like it if I was on a public ward, though.

Sherlof3 · 18-08-2015 11:29am

Lazygal did you go completely private or semi-private? From what I can figure the fees are about 4K and only about 900 for semi-private?

angeldelight · 18-08-2015 11:38am

I was in a private room and would have loved to have husband stay the first two nights anyway. Having had an emergency c section I could do nothing and felt awful watching my hours old baby crying while I waited on a very overworked midwife to come and hand her to me. Also the second night the baby was throwing up every hour so I was up and down out of bed like a yoyo changing sheets, my clothes and hers. I got no sleep at all, not even five minutes. It felt inhumane to be honest to leave someone on their own at such a vulnerable time. And that was in a private ensuite room so absolutely he wouldn't have been in anybody's way - I do understand the logistics being problematic on public wards

Ginny · 31-08-2015 9:52pm

Jaysus it would never work in the Rotunda public wards, I was in a 10 bed ward (I'm sure it should have been less). My bed was shoved up against the radiator (on full blast) and the window ( that I wasn't allowed open) the radiator was so hot I couldn't lie that side of the bed. The babyS cot was wedged against the next persons locker. No chair could fit in the space between the beds, was unbelievably over crowded.

Suucee · 01-09-2015 11:27am

I had mine in mullingar. 4 beds to a ward public. Pretty strict on visitors. Quiet time 1-4 no one allowed in. Partner allowed from 9-9 other than quiet time. And grand parents and own children allowed 6-8.
I thought it worked well but think they should be a little le way. Girl beside me had a section and her partner was very quiet but they kept running him out. they kept curtains closed a few times and he stayed until he got caught but he was quiet so i didnt mind.
Also. The night i had my second i was brought to tge ward about 5/6 am. OH was sent home. Lo was an hr old. I was left in the bed with him in my arms and felt sick. The bars were up. Id had an epidural so couldnt move . Felt sick so rang the bell. Midwife came in with a crying baby. Said she would be back in a min. Started feeling worse. Couldnt get up tried moving but instead i puked all over my newborn and myself. . Rang the bell again and by the time she came back i had to try clean off baba. . The bars were on the bed so i couldnt get out. I think having my OH there do soon after the birth would have been much better.

ShaShaBear · 02-09-2015 10:29pm

I was in the MLU and unfortunately went too far overdue with my first and had to deliver consultant side. I ended up in a ward with three other women, but they let my partner stay with me from I got back into the ward at 2.30pm until 9pm a while after visiting was over. I definitely could have done with having him there. My bleeding was heavy enough and made shifting uncomfortable, and I couldn't reach my hospital bag to pull on leggings to help hold my knickers and pad in place

The other three babies did a lot of crying and Abigail found it very hard to sleep, and I was terrified to close my eyes in case something happened to her when I wasn't looking! I eventually dozed off at 5am and slept through breakfast, so I never got fed until 1pm the following day, which made for very tiring hourly breastfeeds.
In the MLU again this time and they are determined to let me give birth there because I had such a smooth first delivery :P Partner will get to stay with me as long as I am there, and there are no restrictions on visitation to my private room unless I request it

lazygal · 07-09-2015 9:44pm

Sherlof3 wrote: »

Lazygal did you go completely private or semi-private? From what I can figure the fees are about 4K and only about 900 for semi-private?

Only seeing this now. I went fully private. Anyone I know who did semi thought it was a waste of money.

Dads staying overnight in hospital the first night - Good idea or not?

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