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Masturbation

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245

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    #32
    syklops
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,966 ✭✭✭✭syklops


    Chance The Fapper wrote: »
    They don't call me chance for nothing.

    Did you ever try the danger **** where you start and then shout for your ma, knowing you have to finish and dispose of any mess before she enters the room.

    Not tried it myself, but I've heard of it.


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    #33
    Cantremember
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,305 ✭✭✭Cantremember


    DeadHand wrote: »
    Basic human function...

    What makes it more thread worthy than taking a slash or blowing your nose?

    Catholic guilt?

    Anyway, another nonsense, **** thread.

    I read your post with astonishment at the dismissal of a central AH topic. Then I saw your username. :D


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    #34
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    better call saul wrote: »
    Seems to still be a taboo, I usually have to knock one out twice a day to relive stress. Don't understand why is a taboo as it's a common as going to the toilet

    You should get yourself a girlfriend. Once you lose your virginity, you'll want the real thing.


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    #35
    Cienciano
    Registered Users Posts: 14,248 ✭✭✭✭Cienciano


    The_Pretender wrote: »
    Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mam walk in on you looking at the Google homepage.

    Do you hide your cock, or the filth on your computer screen?


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    #36
    better call saul
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 412 ✭✭better call saul


    Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »
    You should get yourself a girlfriend. Once you lose your virginity, you'll want the real thing.

    Have one already, a hand shandy is less trouble plus I can fall asleep on my own terms


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    #37
    Vandango
    Closed Accounts Posts: 604 ✭✭✭Vandango


    better call saul wrote: »
    Dude? Last time I checked we weren't on the states!


    * Looks at username and laughs at the irony *


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    #38
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    DeadHand wrote: »
    Anyway, another nonsense, **** thread.

    It wouldn't be AH without them. I think we're due another "do you shave your bits" thread any day now.


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    #39
    better call saul
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 412 ✭✭better call saul


    Vandango wrote: »
    * Looks at username and laughs at the irony *

    I don't go around like a bart Simpson wannabe calling people dude and live in a world where everything is rad. I just fap a lot


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    #40
    goz83
    Registered Users Posts: 8,034 ✭✭✭goz83


    Cienciano wrote: »
    Do you hide your cock, or the filth on your computer screen?

    Or stand on the mess you left on the carpet? :pac:


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    #41
    DeadHand
    Registered Users Posts: 2,736 ✭✭✭DeadHand


    better call saul wrote: »
    Dude? Last time I checked we weren't on the states!

    How does one get "on" the states exactly?

    Did I appear to straddle a geographic expanse?

    Ah, Christ... I'm worse for engaging...


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    #42
    hatrickpatrick
    Registered Users Posts: 17,797 ✭✭✭✭hatrickpatrick


    IMO not enough people understand the unbelievable joys of edging. Instead of just doing it to completion and f*cking off, do it almost to completion, force yourself to back off for a minute or two, then resume. Repeat this as many times as you can hack, the eventual payoff is much, much better than the usual.


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    #43
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    hatrickpatrick wrote: »
    IMO not enough people understand the unbelievable joys of edging. Instead of just doing it to completion and f*cking off, do it almost to completion, force yourself to back off for a minute or two, then resume. Repeat this as many times as you can hack, the eventual payoff is much, much better than the usual.

    Too much effort.


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    #44
    herisson
    Closed Accounts Posts: 15,676 ✭✭✭✭herisson


    smash wrote: »
    Too much effort.

    But so rewarding


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    #45
    Frosty McSnowballs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    hatrickpatrick wrote: »
    IMO not enough people understand the unbelievable joys of edging. Instead of just doing it to completion and f*cking off, do it almost to completion, force yourself to back off for a minute or two, then resume. Repeat this as many times as you can hack, the eventual payoff is much, much better than the usual.

    Who the fcuk has time for that? I'm not going to mickey tease myself! Iv significant posting to be doing on the internet!


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    #46
    Sir Arthur Daley
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,720 ✭✭✭Sir Arthur Daley


    Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »
    Who the fcuk has time for that? I'm not going to mickey tease myself! Iv significant posting to be doing on the internet!

    Learn to type with one hand.


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    #47
    Frosty McSnowballs
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,396 ✭✭✭Frosty McSnowballs


    Sir Arthur Daley wrote: »
    Learn to type with one hand.

    That's what iv been doing all night


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    #48
    kowloon
    Registered Users Posts: 13,364 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    When I was younger I used to watch Sci-Fi at night with the volume down low (Father highly critical of Sci-Fi for unknown reasons). Anyway, there was movement outside the living room so I mashed the remote only to switch on an adult movie as my Mother walked into the room. At the time I still considered it a victory.


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    #49
    Strong Life in Dublin
    Registered Users Posts: 487 ✭✭Strong Life in Dublin


    If I'm bored I will jerk off about 20 times in one day. But I prefer to masturbate every second day as it feel much better and the cum waaaaay more.


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    #50
    Chancer3001
    Registered Users Posts: 5,480 ✭✭✭Chancer3001


    I see myself as the Incredible Hulk.

    Pre **** I'm the hulk.

    Immediately after happy explosion I'm the mild mannered guy.


    The incredible **** anti-hulk.


    Catchy


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    #51
    takamichinoku
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,110 ✭✭✭takamichinoku


    kowloon wrote: »
    When I was younger I used to watch Sci-Fi at night with the volume down low (Father highly critical of Sci-Fi for unknown reasons).
    ...how critical is highly critical? Like, was he gonna beat you for watching Star Trek or something?


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    #52
    Talib Fiasco
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,428 ✭✭✭Talib Fiasco


    Masturbation is like procrastination you're only f*cking yourself


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    #53
    Cienciano
    Registered Users Posts: 14,248 ✭✭✭✭Cienciano


    Chancer3001 wrote: »
    I see myself as the Incredible Hulk.

    Pre **** I'm the hulk.

    Immediately after happy explosion I'm the mild mannered guy.


    The incredible **** anti-hulk.


    Catchy

    Do you sing that song as you ****?


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    #54
    Chancer3001
    Registered Users Posts: 5,480 ✭✭✭Chancer3001


    Cienciano wrote: »
    Do you sing that song as you ****?


    It's not a song.

    It's a potential new superhero


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    #55
    kowloon
    Registered Users Posts: 13,364 ✭✭✭✭kowloon


    takamichinoku wrote: »
    ...how critical is highly critical? Like, was he gonna beat you for watching Star Trek or something?

    Critical, not abusive!


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    #56
    nails1
    Registered Users Posts: 495 ✭✭nails1


    The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.


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    #57
    MS.ing
    Closed Accounts Posts: 680 ✭✭✭MS.ing


    nails1 wrote: »
    The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

    you need to think again. no point having housemates if they live in the same room as you, things are obviously different if you are attracted to and get to sex them though


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    #58
    smash
    Closed Accounts Posts: 34,809 ✭✭✭✭smash


    nails1 wrote: »
    The only time I can masturbate is 2am when I can hope that my housemates are asleep so I can do it without being heard.

    Is this so they don't notice you leaning over them?


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    #59
    Micky Dolenz
    Registered Users Posts: 44,080 ✭✭✭✭Micky Dolenz


    Thread smells worse than a **** sock.


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    #60
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    hatrickpatrick wrote: »
    IMO not enough people understand the unbelievable joys of edging. Instead of just doing it to completion and f*cking off, do it almost to completion, force yourself to back off for a minute or two, then resume. Repeat this as many times as you can hack, the eventual payoff is much, much better than the usual.

    i keep trying that i give in straight away , sounds great though


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    #61
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Strong Life in Dublin wrote: »
    If I'm bored I will jerk off about 20 times in one day. But I prefer to masturbate every second day as it feel much better and the cum waaaaay more.

    Twenty times in one day?

    How has your knob not fallen off?


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