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Marriage and Men

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    #32
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    Darlughda thats absurd! The man loves his kids and loves sharing his life and passions with them. What is wrong with that?


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    #33
    si_guru
    Registered Users Posts: 2,347 ✭✭✭si_guru


    The gent is allowed his opinion.. I wasn't actually trying to disagree - maybe I typed it badly. :o

    I was kind if saying I felt like him when I was not that much younger, but the world changes... never say never, etc.

    ..also I have twins. The first 12 week were all about them. :eek:

    4 years later I now know the value of sleep!

    As for marriage... I am lucky, the wife has poor taste and low expections! ;)


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    #34
    Blisterman
    Registered Users Posts: 7,450 ✭✭✭Blisterman


    How did this get from a discussion about marriage to one about kids in less than 20 minutes?


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    #35
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Darlughda wrote: »
    emmm, I am late 30's and cannot have children. Thankfully. Bully for you that your kids are about new experiences and emotions, and recreating your childhood, many other ways to get those rather than leeching your life off your kids.

    If that statement appears a bit strong, its just that I am tired hearing about this kind of invigoration a child does for a parent. It isn't about you. It's about them.

    Great you are enjoying your children, but unfortunately, too many people try to project their unfulfilled desires and expectations onto kids, and it does alarm me that you cannot get new experiences, emotions, and an re-egnition of old passions from elsewhere rather than through your children.

    Children do grow up, with individual destinys and desires and goals and needs and wants of their own, utterly seperate from their parents.

    As someone who doesnt have kids how could you possibly know what having children can bring to a persons life.If you dont have anything to add other than patronising comments then dont post here.

    Everyone else,keep it civilised.


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    #36
    Logical Fallacy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    Blisterman wrote: »
    How did this get from a discussion about marriage to one about kids in less than 20 minutes?

    Well both are closely linked i guess but i do feel pretty bad about taking the thread OT.

    My bad.


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    #37
    si_guru
    Registered Users Posts: 2,347 ✭✭✭si_guru


    Blisterman wrote: »
    How did this get from a discussion about marriage to one about kids in less than 20 minutes?

    They are linked I think... but I take the blame for hi-jack. Sorry.


    Now back to weddings..

    IM(very)HO.. the big day is a day of balancing desire and expectation.

    You may very well want a quiet affair at the registry office.. but Granny may well want a huge white wedding! ..and who would want to deny her that in her twilight years?

    I found that arranging a wedding is a much about pleasing others as it is about actually doing want you yourself would like. BUT the comprimise can be in favour of everyone.

    Did I explain that right?


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    #38
    naughtysmurf
    Registered Users Posts: 3,242 ✭✭✭naughtysmurf


    Well it's tax efficient for a start :)

    Suppose the ****e going to start flying now


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    #39
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    Otis Driftwood wrote: »
    As someone who doesnt have kids how could you possibly know what having children can bring to a persons life.If you dont have anything to add other than patronising comments then dont post here.

    Everyone else,keep it civilised.

    That is an outrageous comment from you as a mod.

    I have 10 neices and nephews, 3 of whom I brought up from 6months to 5yrs.

    I have actually a great knowledge of what kids bring to somebody's life. My points or views were not patronising.

    If you take the course of banning me of deleting this post it just shows your inability to argue on this thread. Or indeed your one-sided point of view. If you try the arument of arguing with a mod on thread, I am not interested in your petty power politics.I have no intention of going to the dispute forum.

    How dare you assume I have no idea what kids can bring to someone's life? This only shows your onesided reading of my posts.


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    #40
    Jesus Wept
    Registered Users Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    Otis Driftwood wrote: »
    As someone who doesnt have kids how could you possibly know what having children can bring to a persons life.

    Disagree entirely with this kind of reasoning tbh.


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    #41
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    Darlughda's original post was fairly rude so you cant blame the mod for reacting. I also wanted to post something similar.


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    #42
    pragmatic1
    Registered Users Posts: 5,573 ✭✭✭pragmatic1


    Nah. I've never loved a woman more than myself. Dont think its in me.


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    #43
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    Wolfe Tone wrote: »
    Jesus you sound bitter.

    The man was just saying how he enjoys doing things with his kids, no need whatsoever to run him down like that.

    Wolfe Tone we all know what you are and what you represent on boards, so quit with the obvious boring stereotypes.


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    #44
    Logical Fallacy
    Registered Users Posts: 5,933 ✭✭✭Logical Fallacy


    Darlughda wrote: »
    That is an outrageous comment from you as a mod.

    I have 10 neices and nephews, 3 of whom I brought up from 6months to 5yrs.

    I have actually a great knowledge of what kids bring to somebody's life. My points or views were not patronising.

    If you take the course of banning me of deleting this post it just shows your inability to argue on this thread. Or indeed your one-sided point of view. If you try the arument of arguing with a mod on thread, I am not interested in your petty power politics.I have no intention of going to the dispute forum.

    How dare you assume I have no idea what kids can bring to someone's life? This only shows your onesided reading of my posts.

    In all fairness dude, the below was a fairly patronizing and presumptuous line from your post.
    Bully for you that your kids are about new experiences and emotions, and recreating your childhood, many other ways to get those rather than leeching your life off your kids.


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    #45
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    CiscoStudent wrote: »
    Darlughda's original post was fairly rude so you cant blame the mod for reacting. I also wanted to post something similar.

    How long have you been on Boards? Hang out in Accom&Prop for a while then you will know what rude is.


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    #46
    Wolfe Tone
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,670 ✭✭✭✭Wolfe Tone


    Darlughda wrote: »
    Wolfe Tone we all know what you are and what you represent on boards, so quit with the obvious boring stereotypes.
    And whats that then?

    Most of us are pretty familiar with your material btw, hence my complete lack of surprise at your faux outrage.

    You were way OTT and rude imo.


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    #47
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    Darlughda wrote: »
    How long have you been on Boards? Hang out in Accom&Prop for a while then you will know what rude is.

    you accused the man of Bullying and leeching off his children because he likes playing lego with them.

    Thats rude by any stretch of the imagination.

    Why does it matter how long I have been on boards? I must of missed that part of the charter where it says I need to have accumulated X amount of posts before I am able to identify a rude person.


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    #48
    Darlughda
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,886 ✭✭✭Darlughda


    CiscoStudent wrote: »
    you accused the man of Bullying....

    No I didnt


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    #49
    Mance Rayder
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,007 ✭✭✭Mance Rayder


    Darlughda wrote: »
    Bully for you that your kids are about new experiences and emotions, and recreating your childhood, many other ways to get those rather than leeching your life off your kids.

    AH so I got the first part mixed up, never heard such lingo before. Still you accussed him of leeching his life of his kids and what you said is rude whatever way you look at it.

    You effectively called the man , who probably is a great father, a leech for wanting to enjoy being with his children. How is that not rude?


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    #50
    HellFireClub
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,912 ✭✭✭HellFireClub


    CiscoStudent wrote: »
    The reason your unsure is because you haven't met her yet. If you meet the right person, you will know, and if in doubt, don't!

    Some folks don't believe in that stuff past their teens and early 20's. It's as natural for a person to go through life never having felt like you say about anyone, as it for someone to "fall in love"...

    I don't but into this, "oh when you meet her you'll know", stuff anymore than I buy into the theory that you can go through life single and still manage to function as a person, if not moreso than someone in a marriage.

    I could count on one hand the number of couples I know that are in happy marriages and I've no shortage of friends...


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    #51
    In The Sticks
    Closed Accounts Posts: 111 ✭✭In The Sticks


    Me thinks sombody is getting cold feet and / or very cold feet at the thoughts of spending the rest of his life with his GF. for the lenght of time it took me to read your post you got married, divorced, and moaned how much it is all going to cost you..


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    #52
    Dr Galen
    Registered Users Posts: 7,373 ✭✭✭Dr Galen


    Jeez......... handbags or what???

    Ok, so lets clear this up and then get back to a good discussion,

    @ Darlughda

    You were rude in your response. Your post was OTT. I can see the point you were attempting to make, but really, what you came up with was way OTT for the the post it was responding to.

    No need for warnings or bans or whatever for it though, we all get a bit hot under the collar from time to time.

    Your response to Otis and his direction was unnecessary tbh, can we have less of that sort of pettyness? If you have an issue with something that a Mod says or does, take it to a PM conversation. There is absolutely no need to be "calling someone out" on thread. It doesn't make the thread any more readable, spoils things for others and generally looks a bit childish imho.

    Also, you made comment directed at Wolfe Tone. Thats seriously not on. Regardless of WT political leanings ( which I'm well aware of, and mainly disagree) on this forum, everyone gets treated with respect and tolerance. What he, or anyone else, posts about on other fora is pretty irrelevent in most cases. Taking sly digs at him or others won't be tolerated. It's not what this forum is about.

    This is a final warning to you. Many another Mod or forum would have handed out a ban for even 1 of the above 3 issues. I won't be, but if it comes to mine or the other Mods attention that such behaviour is continuing, then your access to the forum will be revoked.

    @ Everyone Else

    1) Don't be rising to things on thread. If you see somethig that you don't like the look of, report it. I think you all know by now that we will act on things. Seriously, don't get caught up, ignore it and move on.

    2) Get back to discussing the topic at hand. Hard to totally separate the kids from the topic of marriage in fairness, but lets not make it all about the kids either.

    Great thread though :)

    Cheers

    DrG


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    #53
    py2006
    Registered Users Posts: 9,847 ✭✭✭py2006


    Wow, this thread will be locked! :(

    Back to topic:

    I always found the whole wedding day thing a bit odd. Apart from the fact it can be quite false and stressful, I find it to be mainly centered around the woman.

    Its interesting that one poster pointed out that a lot of his male friends got married because that is what their girlfriends wanted.

    Perhaps I am being a little cynical because I have 'found the one' as they say!


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    #54
    Sky King
    Registered Users Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    I have to take responsibility for dragging the kids into this (!) - sorry about that. The two are inextricably linked all the same.

    It's an entertaining and interesting thread - interesting to hear everyone's viewpoints.


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    #55
    foxyboxer
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,528 ✭✭✭foxyboxer


    Seeing as I'm a single 30 year old, with no long term relationship for years, Marriage is the furthest thing from my mind. I much prefer the George Clooney approach though. Always have an escape plan! :D


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    #56
    Maguined
    Registered Users Posts: 8,247 ✭✭✭Maguined


    I would not say I am completely against getting married however it is not very appealing to me. The thought of having an expensive wedding is abhorrent as is such a waste of money, I am also not religious so have no great desire to have a big religious wedding.

    There is really no great benefit out of it from my point of view with some potential negatives should the relationship break down in the future.


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    #57
    um7y1h83ge06nx
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,029 ✭✭✭um7y1h83ge06nx


    I must say in the past while I have really gotten a strange feeling of wanting to settle down, even though I'm a pretty young guy (28).

    I sort of feel I have had my fill of crazy, single fun in life and if I feel I'm in a relationship that I could see being the big one, I probably would go down the marriage route, to "draw a line in the sand" as one poster said.

    I have came around to liking the idea of an "unit" as someone else said. Be nice to do the mundane as well as the exciting things in life when someone I love.

    I'm seeing my current girlfriend for a year so it's early days yet but there are definitely possibilities there for the future I think. If we were both working in Limerick (she's currently in Dublin but her family are from Limerick) I would probably ask if she would consider moving in with me in my house. Which is strange, as my ex and I were seeing each other for 4 years, both living in the same city but we never really seriously discussed moving in together. Not sure if the difference is the girl, the fact I have gotten into a move settling down mindset, or both.

    Just to bring up the topic of children again in the context of our relationship. A few months back we were driving and we started cracking jokes about the house in the country, 2.5 children and a dog sort of thing. What started out as a laugh actually got serious (driven more by her I think) where we discussed our opinions on having children. We both came to the conclusion we would both like kids sometime in the future and that it was actually quite good even at this early stages of our relationship to know each others opinions on this, rather than finding things out a few years down the road where if we had different opinions it may have a bearing on our relationship.


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    #58
    Jesus Wept
    Registered Users Posts: 25,243 ✭✭✭✭Jesus Wept


    Sky King wrote: »
    The two are inextricably linked all the same.

    No.


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    #59
    Gilldog
    Closed Accounts Posts: 118 ✭✭Gilldog


    si_guru wrote: »
    What's the point of life if you don't have kids?


    Wow. Just wow. I don't even know where to start on that one...suffice to say the subjective thinking brigade is out in force..."I think this way therefore all others must surely think the same".

    Sky King wrote: »
    The two are inextricably linked all the same.

    Apparently not;

    According to Custodial Mothers and Fathers and Their Child Support: 2007, released by the U.S. Census Bureau in November, 2009, there are approximately 13.7 million single parents in the United States today, and those parents are responsible for raising 21.8 million children (approximately 26% of children under 21 in the U.S. today).


    As far as Irish statistics, the number of births outside of marriage for Ireland in 2002 was more than 18,000 and i'd say that number has gone up in the last 9 years...


    People marry for lots of reasons, not just children.


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    #60
    Sky King
    Registered Users Posts: 4,431 ✭✭✭Sky King


    Of course they do, and indeed people have children for lots of reasons too, including not packing a vest for their jimmy, (to quote Dr Dre) or whippin it out just in time and shooting it on her chest, but I find it interesting that an above poster feels there is no link between marriage and having children.


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    #61
    donfers
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,006 ✭✭✭donfers


    I dated a Swedish girl a while back and was quite surprised how nonchalant she was about her parents being unmarried, apparently it's quite common over there for couples to stay together for many years without feeling the need to stroll down the aisle, there is far less societal pressure to tie the knot and my raised eyebrows reaction to her "bastard" status amused her as over there they wouldn't bat an eyelid at an unmarried long-term couple

    I have to say I like that set-up and don't want to be maneouvred down the aisle just yet

    also don't really like the idea of a big traditional wedding, prefer to take close friends and family to some exotic paradise, get the ceremony quickly out of the way and have a week or so of great food, drinks, weather and fun and leave it at that (honeymoon and wedding all in one;))


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