One thing on his mind

Barcode · 25-11-2008 3:37am #1

Is sex the only thing on a guy's mind?
Are guy's willing to wait? - I'm not talking forever but a few months so you get a chance to get to know a person properly. (male and female perspectives wanted please!)

My Sceal.
22 yr old female(moi) meets 18 yr old male.
He's liked me with a good while but i kept running away cause he's only 18. So i eventually say the hell with it and think I'll give him a chance, he seemed like a really nice guy.

So anyway we met each other out a few times, kissed a few times at the end of a saturday night (3/4 times over 3 months).
The first night we kissed he asked me back to his place and i said "no"
(I'd like to point out I'm not easy and in the habit of jumping into bed with just anyone)

Then one saturday night I finally say feck it I'll make the move and i ask for his number, and we swap numbers. We met again at the end of the night and we kissed again and he asks do i want to meet up tomorrow, and of course I was starting to like the guy a little more and said "yeah of course". He turns to me and says "seriously if i text you tomorrow we can meet up?" I was like "yeah totally"

I was looking forward to getting to know the guy - not much talking was involved any time we had met each other out.

So anyway after a while, he then asks me if i wanted to go back to his place or could he go back to mine and i said "no". He asked "Why not?" I said to him "You might be waiting a little while i want to make sure you are the right person" He then said "and you aren't sure if its me" I said "No I'm not" He then asked "how long do you think I'll be waiting" I said "I don't know, if you don't want to wait you can walk away now if you want to, it's up to you" and thats what he did.................needless to say we didn't meet up the next day and he didn't text. We have met out and said hi but that's it.

Now I'm beginning to think maybe there aren't any guys out there who are willing to wait. Opinions??

seanybiker · 25-11-2008 3:42am

id rather wait to be honest. Fair enough im with me lack a few years now so obviously im getting me some

. I had a few one night stands before i nov her and didnt have any respect for the women so stayed away from them. Dont get me wrong i was as bad as them but waiting is more respectful towards each other.sex is great but its not the only thing

Xavi6 · 25-11-2008 3:44am

To be fair to the lad he's 18 and might not be thinking about a long term relationship.

Huuuuuge maturity difference between an 18 year old guy and a 22 year old girl.

seanybiker · 25-11-2008 3:47am

Xavi6 wrote: »

To be fair to the lad he's 18 and might not be thinking about a long term relationship.

Huuuuuge maturity difference between an 18 year old guy and a 22 year old girl.

yeah women are a bit slow alright.
/ runs

Barcode · 25-11-2008 3:48am

seanybiker wrote: »

waiting is more respectful towards each other.sex is great but its not the only thing

I wish he realized this, cause actually beginning to really like the guy, then lost a bit of respect for him because he chose to walk away instead of giving things a chance

Xavi6 wrote: »

To be fair to the lad he's 18 and might not be thinking about a long term relationship.
Huuuuuge maturity difference between an 18 year old guy and a 22 year old girl.

Uh you don't think i know this? :rolleyes:
kept running away from the guy because he was 18.
He was after me since april.
In September finally said Feck it I'll give him a chance and i did so tell me this long trying to get a girl and finally do and you walk away?? wtf

pseudonym1 · 25-11-2008 3:53am

When it comes to guys that age it and older women - IMO yes it often does revolve around sex!
THis doesn't mean he didn't like you - saying that you weren't sure if he was the right person - may have not been what he was looking to hear.

Either way his loss - Why give it away if he wasn't prepared to get to know you first? However some people do begin relationships with sex. If its going to be it will and no piont rushing anything!

He doesn't sound very mature anyway

Dave147 · 25-11-2008 3:58am

Barcode wrote: »

Is sex the only thing on a guy's mind?
Are guy's willing to wait? - I'm not talking forever but a few months so you get a chance to get to know a person properly. (male and female perspectives wanted please!)

My Sceal.
22 yr old female(moi) meets 18 yr old male.
He's liked me with a good while but i kept running away cause he's only 18. So i eventually say the hell with it and think I'll give him a chance, he seemed like a really nice guy.

So anyway we met each other out a few times, kissed a few times at the end of a saturday night (3/4 times over 3 months).
The first night we kissed he asked me back to his place and i said "no"
(I'd like to point out I'm not easy and in the habit of jumping into bed with just anyone)

Then one saturday night I finally say feck it I'll make the move and i ask for his number, and we swap numbers. We met again at the end of the night and we kissed again and he asks do i want to meet up tomorrow, and of course I was starting to like the guy a little more and said "yeah of course". He turns to me and says "seriously if i text you tomorrow we can meet up?" I was like "yeah totally"
I was looking forward to getting to know the guy - not much talking was involved any time we had met each other out.

So anyway after a while, he then asks me if i wanted to go back to his place or could he go back to mine and i said "no". He asked "Why not?" I said to him "You might be waiting a little while i want to make sure you are the right person" He then said "and you aren't sure if its me" I said "No I'm not" He then asked "how long do you think I'll be waiting" I said "I don't know, if you don't want to wait you can walk away now if you want to, it's up to you" and thats what he did.................needless to say we didn't meet up the next day and he didn't text. We have met out and said hi but that's it.

Now I'm beginning to think maybe there aren't any guys out there who are willing to wait. Opinions??

I'm willing to wait, but it depends on who the girl is, currently I am seeing a girl since september, she wouldn't officially be my gf I suppose but that's just because we haven't said it :P I'm still waiting and have no intention of ending it because I have to wait, it's worth it

Mimikyu · 25-11-2008 4:02am

This post has been deleted.

Xavi6 · 25-11-2008 4:04am

Has the guy actually said he is looking for a relationship or is he just an 18 year old guy looking to shag an older bird?

He might not be interested in a relationship at all, hence him walking away.

seanybiker · 25-11-2008 4:08am

well least ya know what he is like now .

PeakOutput · 25-11-2008 4:10am

if i like someone ill wait

if i dont like them i usually wont want to sleep with them

Barcode · 25-11-2008 4:13am

Xavi6 wrote: »

Has the guy actually said he is looking for a relationship or is he just an 18 year old guy looking to shag an older bird?

He might not be interested in a relationship at all, hence him walking away.

Would he not have walked away the first night when i told him no, so then?
And I didn't approach him any night except for that first night, so i don't know, but my heads a bit wrecked

I also have to say there are a lot of people up at 3 in the morning

Barcode · 25-11-2008 4:16am

Dave147 wrote: »

I'm still waiting and have no intention of ending it because I have to wait, it's worth it

You sound lovely, and may have restored my faith a little. Your 'girlfriend' is very lucky to have you

I hope ye will be really happy together

Xavi6 · 25-11-2008 4:17am

Barcode wrote: »

Would he not have walked away the first night when i told him no, so then?
And I didn't approach him any night except for that first night, so i don't know, but my heads a bit wrecked

Possibly true indeed. There is of course a massive chance that he's into you but at 18 lads are fueled by sex, especially if their mates are all doing it as it's a hot topic of conversation. Is he out of school?

I also have to say there are a lot of people up at 3 in the morning

Tis 12pm for me!

honru · 25-11-2008 6:14am

Barcode wrote: »

Is sex the only thing on a guy's mind?

No, it's funny how that question pops up so much. The basic discrepancies are in how men and women feel attraction towards the opposite sex, and secondly, how societal conditioning plays a major factor when we choose our actions.

Beyond that, it could be a case of a really strong libido. :pac:

chickenhawk · 25-11-2008 10:15am

If I thought there was a future between me and the girl then i'd wait because it would be worth it. But if I liked her that much it would be torture. Usually though I would only wait a few weeks max.

homerun_homer · 25-11-2008 10:16am

Barcode wrote: »

Would he not have walked away the first night when i told him no, so then?
And I didn't approach him any night except for that first night, so i don't know, but my heads a bit wrecked

He's a silly little 18 year old, don't let him wreck your head. You sound like you've got your head screwed on right. I personally would feel a little awkward knowing that if I slept with a girl on the first night and she became my gf, that she may have been that easy with anyone else (no matter how few or many).

One night stands are well and good when that is all each of you want but leading in to a relationship is another issue for some people - not all guys think like him. Forget about him, he's a loser for being so narrow minded with you.
Don't look for a good guy, you'll notice him when he comes along.

Dragan · 25-11-2008 10:39am

Barcode wrote: »

Now I'm beginning to think maybe there aren't any guys out there who are willing to wait. Opinions??

He is only 18. What he wants to do is get laid, not have a relationship.

You can't really be that surprised when one of the reasons you didn't get with him early was his young age.

Dragan · 25-11-2008 10:43am

homerun_homer wrote: »

I personally would feel a little awkward knowing that if I slept with a girl on the first night and she became my gf, that she may have been that easy with anyone else (no matter how few or many).

Forget about him, he's a loser for being so narrow minded with you.

Apologies. My irony meter just went off.;)

homerun_homer · 25-11-2008 10:53am

Dragan wrote: »

Apologies. My irony meter just went off.;)

Ok, to explain it a little better - a one night stand is what it is because it does exactly what it says on the tin.
To be meeting up with someone and texting etc in order to get that one night stand is different, especially if the other person is expecting something more out of that relationship. It sounds like he should have known that OP wasn't into having a one night stand and wanted something more but he kept following up on it until it was bluntly put to him, so that to me is shallow.

shellyboo · 25-11-2008 10:54am

Barcode wrote: »

Would he not have walked away the first night when i told him no, so then?

I think a lot of guys would expect to be told no on a first date because everyone knows the "no sex on a first date" rule... but he may have seen it as just a matter of form, a face-saving exercise. Then when you made it clear you were planning to wait, he checked out.

He's obviously immature - so your fears about him only being 18 were well-founded. Try dating a man and not a boy next time

Pyr0 · 25-11-2008 10:55am

No its not. I'd be willing to wait (which I did with my current GF) as long as the other person isn't a big c0ck tease. You know the type, tempting you to "throw it in" while ye are busy together. If anyone I was with started doing that I'd tell them to cut it out or just get it over with already.

Obiously i'm not implying that you're a tease op, you seem to be a level headed person in this situation. Yer man seems eagar alright, but if you really like someone and are mad attracted to them it can be hard NOT to be gagging for it :pac:

shellyboo wrote: »

He's obviously immature - so your fears about him only being 18 were well-founded. Try dating a man and not a boy next time

Wow wow, not all 18 year olds are immature ! :eek:

shellyboo · 25-11-2008 10:58am

homerun_homer wrote: »

It sounds like he should have known that OP wasn't into having a one night stand and wanted something more but he kept following up on it until it was bluntly put to him, so that to me is shallow.

Yes, we got that part...

Which is more shallow? To dump a girl because she won't have sex with you, or judge her because she will?

homerun_homer wrote: »

I personally would feel a little awkward knowing that if I slept with a girl on the first night and she became my gf, that she may have been that easy with anyone else (no matter how few or many).

shellyboo · 25-11-2008 11:03am

Pyr0 wrote: »

Wow wow, not all 18 year olds are immature ! :eek:

I never said they were... I was talking about this particular 18-year old. The OP was wary of going out with him because of the age gap. The guy walked away from her because she wouldn't sleep with him - immature, no? So she was right to be wary on the basis of his age, in this case.

It's actions and not age that separate the men from the boys. I once dated a 35-year old who acted as if he was about 14.

homerun_homer · 25-11-2008 11:07am

shellyboo wrote: »

Yes, we got that part...

Which is more shallow? To dump a girl because she won't have sex with you, or judge her because she will?

OK my hands are up, the distraction of rushing a post in work is getting the better of me. :pac:
Dumping a girl for not putting out is shallow and shows you've only one thing on your mind.
I know what I wrote makes it sound like a judgemental thing on my part but all I meant by it was that it could be a niggle in my mind, to think your other half was easy. At the same time she can think the same about you since it's a 2 way street. Either way I've not had to worry about that with my relationships.

shellyboo · 25-11-2008 11:13am

homerun_homer wrote: »

it could be a niggle in my mind, to think your other half was easy.

At the risk of dragging the thread OT... why would it be a niggle in your mind? Out of sheer interest, and I'm not being accusatory here, but why do you care? What difference does it make? Is it a trust thing or a possessive thing?

homerun_homer · 25-11-2008 11:18am

shellyboo wrote: »

At the risk of dragging the thread OT... why would it be a niggle in your mind? Out of sheer interest, and I'm not being accusatory here, but why do you care? What difference does it make? Is it a trust thing or a possessive thing?

As I said the message was written hastily and wasn't to be taken in such a negative context that I would look down on the other half for it.
It's neither a trust or a possessive thing and since this is getting OT I'll PM you an explanation.

pseudonym1 · 25-11-2008 11:36am

People should sleep together only when its right for both partners - that could be the any lenght of time - upon first or second meeting or deciding to wait and getting to know each other properly first. Personally one of the best relationships I had sex impulsively and don't think he thought any less of me for it - well for the 5 years we were together he never mentioned it anyway! So trying to say is whatever works for those concerned.

Faith · 25-11-2008 12:03pm

Barcode wrote: »

So anyway we met each other out a few times, kissed a few times at the end of a saturday night (3/4 times over 3 months).
The first night we kissed he asked me back to his place and i said "no"

Hold on, so he'd already been waiting 3 months? Sounds like he did wait for you, but decided he was never going to get anywhere if you were still holding out after that long.

I don't know, I see where he's coming from if that's the case.

stovelid · 25-11-2008 12:05pm

The guy is young, and he wanted sex, not marriage or something deep and meaningful. That doesn't make him bad: just honest. I doubt there are many men here who haven't done the same.

He's not wrong to be upfront about what he wants, and you are not wrong to do the same. To give him credit, he could have been far more deceitful about it.

Dudess · 25-11-2008 12:10pm

Sex is put on way too much of a pedestal - all this "being ready" stuff is just societally and culturally constructed... for what? A basic function which propagates the species, kinda like eating.

There is no reason not to have sex with someone a few hours after you meet them if you desire them that much. And there is nothing necessarily cheap or nasty about that. There is nothing to stop you being in a long-term relationship with this person and going on to marry them.

One thing on his mind

Comments