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Cash requests with wedding invitations

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Just been reading this article about a bride and groom in the UK who wrote to a guest who had given them a gift of a cheque for £100, and basically told her it wasn't as much as they'd expected and would she like to reconsider the amount.

Just wondering, in general, how posters feel about wedding invitations that explicitly ask for cash donations towards the honeymoon instead of a present? I usually give a gift cheque if I'm going to a wedding, as it's far easier than traipsing around the shops trying to second guess what the couple need/like. But I think specific requests for money (often complete with bank account details) are rude and crass.

http://metro.co.uk/2016/05/10/outrage-over-wedding-gift-that-wasnt-generous-enough-5873468/

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freshpopcorn

My family would always give cash to couples getting married. If we knew somebody might want something we might get that gut apart from that I generally would avoid presents. The amount of times I've heard of people buying these lovely vases/glasses for couples which they feel a suited/unique and couple are left with a hideous lump.
However I don't think people should really request cash or ask for more money after the wedding.

HalloweenJack

Money is an expected wedding gift here in Spain. The lowest figure is 50 but 100 per adult guest is the standard.

Was at a wedding here a few weeks back. The bride was my GF's friend and told her that her mother had said she should make a list of all the people who attended the wedding and then add beside each name the amount they gave. She should then treat people according to how much or how little money they gave her. In fairness, the bride told her mother to **** off but it is an insight into how some people see weddings and how much importance some people put on the gifting side of it.

uck51js9zml2yt

I read the thread on mumsnet .
The bride cashed the cheque before emailing the guest.
Her reply by email asked if the bride had made a mistake in emailing her!

harr

Avatar MIA wrote: »

That's a strange mentality as well. The, I'd give them a smaller gift mentality. Who are these people that you're going to their wedding?

If I didn't think that much of them I'd not bother going. I've better things to be doing than going and playing silly buggers.

I would rather be invited to a wedding because the bride and groom want you at the wedding not being invited because it's another 200 euro for the honeymoon spends or to pay off a flash wedding.

wokingvoter

smash wrote: »

"We want a flashy wedding and we want you to pay for it!"

.....and for the next 5 or 6 years you have to repeatedly reassure us that our wedding was the best one you've ever been too...

oppenheimer1

Enoch Panicky Watchdog wrote: »

I read the thread on mumsnet .
The bride cashed the cheque before emailing the guest.
Her reply by email asked if the bride had made a mistake in emailing her!

I don't actually believe that Mumsnet story is genuine tbh.

steddyeddy

Candie wrote: »

Going to a wedding with a specified amount of cash requested is like paying out for a days entertainment that you have no say in, a wedding service that will bore you to tears, a meal you don't get to choose, a duration you're probably not comfortable with, in a venue you'd rather not drive for hours to, in an outfit you probably didn't want to have to buy, but with no right to complain to the management when it all turns out to be incredibly disappointing.

Candle I didn't think you had it in you. Completely agree.

ToddyDoody

Ira Little Band wrote: »

Just been reading this article about a bride and groom in the UK who wrote to a guest who had given them a gift of a cheque for £100, and basically told her it wasn't as much as they'd expected and would she like to reconsider the amount.

£120

With compliments.

maudgonner

Candie wrote: »

Going to a wedding with a specified amount of cash requested is like paying out for a days entertainment that you have no say in, a wedding service that will bore you to tears, a meal you don't get to choose, a duration you're probably not comfortable with, in a venue you'd rather not drive for hours to, in an outfit you probably didn't want to have to buy, but with no right to complain to the management when it all turns out to be incredibly disappointing.

Wouldn't it be great if you could give feedback? Go up to the happy couple at the end of the night and ask if you could get your envelope back for a second - "I just want to take a tenner back, 'cause the meal was cold and the bride's dress really doesn't come up to the standard I'd expect for what I paid"

MarkAnthony

oppenheimer1 wrote: »

I don't actually believe that Mumsnet story is genuine tbh.

Trolling, on an online forum? Get away!

That's a work of art if it is tbh.

bnt

You folks complaining about giving cash have clearly never been to a wedding in some parts of Europe. About 10y ago a Portuguese work colleague of mine got married in Portugal, and I went over there to represent the office. I'd Googled the topic beforehand, and an envelope full of cash seemed to be the standard wedding gift there, so I took one over with contributions from the office, €50 each. I was somewhat prepared to be wrong, but after the dessert at the recepttion, the bride went around the room with a big basket. It was soon piled high with envelopes full of cash, so much that she had trouble carrying them all.

SEPT 23 1989

We asked for nothing and expected nothing people gave cards with cash didn't matter how much was in them once they were there and celebrated our day with us that's all that really matters

irishmoss

Uriel. wrote: »

Wedding day... Invite the people you want to share the day with, and forget about gifts. If you can't afford the wedding,save more or cut things out.

Totally agree with this.

The other "group" of people who annoy me more are those that go abroad by themselves or with a small party (nothing wrong with this ) but then they come back and throw a s****y party and expect a gift. What's that all about ?

bnt

Following on from my Portugal story above: at no point did I feel I was "paying for the wedding reception". The gifts were to help the bride and groom, their future life together, house, kids, and so on. Some seriously parochial attitudes in this thread, folks who need to see more of the world! Not that I would have objected to a bit of that: the food was great, and the Vinho Verde flowed like, well, wine.

stoplooklisten

bnt wrote: »

Following on from my Portugal story above: at no point did I feel I was "paying for the wedding reception". The gifts were to help the bride and groom, their future life together, house, kids, and so on. Some seriously parochial attitudes in this thread, folks who need to see more of the world! Not that I would have objected to a bit of that: the food was great, and the Vinho Verde flowed like, well, wine.

If the bride and groom start keeping the german traditional of and open bar, then I'll think about their portugese traditions.

goz83

jester77 wrote: »

I'd be more pissed that someone would give a cheque, who gives a cheque in 2016. Haven't seen a cheque in over 15 years

If someone wants to put a price tag on their wedding, I will decide I don't want to buy. Asked for nothing at our wedding. All gifts of cash and other stuff were kindly received, but the people who attended made the day, not their gifts.

oppenheimer1

MarkAnthony wrote: »

Trolling, on an online forum? Get away!

That's a work of art if it is tbh.

Outrageous but still somewhat believable.

Trolling indeed at its finest.

JupiterKid

Most wedding guests these days give cash gifts but to demand a cash gift and for that gift to be of a certain amount is downright nasty, greedy and trashy.

If you can't afford a super lavish wedding where you expect the "guests" to pay for it then don't have one!

Shawn Michaels

We had a funny one with my wife's boss. She gave us a voucher for €20. Given the context, that was odd, but we just forgot about it. But subsequently, she made a point of saying to my wife that she had tried to put some thought into what to give us, but had given up and taken the easy way out. She suggested that we'd be better off picking a gift ourselves. Obviously awkward to say something, but my wife sensed something wasn't quite right and said "eh, the voucher was for €20. Her boss was shocked and said the voucher had meant to be for €500! Her niece had passed a minor exam and the vouchers had been mixed up! The niece had called her almost in tears thanking her! She gave us €480 despite our protestations.

wokingvoter

Shawn Michaels wrote: »

We had a funny one with my wife's boss. She gave us a voucher for €20. Given the context, that was odd, but we just forgot about it. But subsequently, she made a point of saying to my wife that she had tried to put some thought into what to give us, but had given up and taken the easy way out. She suggested that we'd be better off picking a gift ourselves. Obviously awkward to say something, but my wife sensed something wasn't quite right and said "eh, the voucher was for €20. Her boss was shocked and said the voucher had meant to be for €500! Her niece had passed a minor exam and the vouchers had been mixed up! The niece had called her almost in tears thanking her! She gave us €480 despite our protestations.

How excruciating for the boss! The mortification! And for you too! How easily these things can happen.

gramar

What's worse about the story posted by the OP is that the couple's message alluded to the guest's financial position. Having recently received an inheritance they felt the guest should have paid more! They should have specified on the invitation 'minimum cash gift of 500 pounds or GTFO!'

Shint0

They should treat the extra demand as an invoice and forward it to revenue. I wonder how many more guests got propositioned for extra cash.

mrkiscool2

stoplooklisten wrote: »

If the bride and groom start keeping the german traditional of and open bar, then I'll think about their portugese traditions.

That's actually my plan for whenever I get married. Obviously, there won't be top-shelf liquor flowing all night but you can negotiate a price with the venue beforehand for an open bar. Was at my uncle in England's wedding, he did the same thing, was a great night! I never see the point of scrimping on a wedding, it's one day in your life (I mean the big one, no-one has a big second wedding unless they are loaded) and it's meant to be a day of celebration with the people you love and care about, they have made the effort to come, you should make the effort to entertain and make the guests happy someway.

About gifts, I couldn't give a f what I am given. It's the thought that counts to be honest, how some people have forgotten that!

Mint Aero

Ex co-workers. Her request for more is probably a parody of how the guest used speak to her in work. They obviously hate each other. The guest is a squealing child running the media over it. Again probably affirms her demeanor in the workplace. I'm with the bride and groom on this.

whomitconcerns

Most of Eastern Europe is the same up to 300/person for friends weddings. It's to send them off into life with a buffer from friends and family not the way it's been portrayed by some of the posters above. Yes drink is all included in the evening for clarification.

cowboyBuilder

howamidifferent wrote: »

I'd be cancelling that cheque in double quick time. :mad:

And ****ing into a box and FedExing it to her..

purpleisafruit

Got married in January and paid for it from our savings. All the cash gifts received went back into our savings for mortgage deposit.
No problem with people giving gifts but things like vases and ornamental bowls are an awful idea as we'll never actually use them. Had one couple give us a Newbridge cutlery set which I thought was a really nice gift

stoplooklisten

purpleisafruit wrote: »

Got married in January and paid for it from our savings. All the cash gifts received went back into our savings for mortgage deposit.
No problem with people giving gifts but things like vases and ornamental bowls are an awful idea as we'll never actually use them. Had one couple give us a Newbridge cutlery set which I thought was a really nice gift

Do you not get flowers to put in the vase? Your husband would want to up his game.

Dodge

stoplooklisten wrote: »

Do you not get flowers to put in the vase? Your husband would want to up his game.

He has another couple of years before he has to start buying flowers :P

murpho999

jayo26 wrote: »

I dont see how it would be more rude then doing a gift present list.

Some couples depend on cash presents to finish paying off there wedding bills or indeed pay for a honeymoon it would be pretty hard to actually make money out of a wedding unless a parent is paying for it.

I would much prefer to know that whatever I did give them would be more helpful then a few wedding frames or something stupid that they will leave in the corner of a room.

Wedding lists normally contain presents from different price ranges so people can choose what they can afford. Not a set amount for everyone.

I hate the idea that guests have to pay for a couples' weddding. Guests should be invited as they mean something in your life and you want them to share your big day not just be there pay for their day out.