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talking behind their back

Robsweezie

and I mean in the negative sense...do you often engage in a bit of backbiting? criticising people not there to defend themselves? I have done it of course in the past, but have stopped as I think it feels cowardly in a way. if you've an issue have it out with them. i nearly get drawn into it sometimes when asked for an opinion on such and such, and just give a ''they're alright'' fence sitting answer. also don't want anything i say used against me.

am i being too reserved? should bitching/gossiping be accepted as natural and just go with it?

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qo2cj1dsne8y4k

I'm probably the worst for being the opposite. I have a really low tolerance for people, and if I'm annoyed about something, they'll get it with both barrels. If I like someone, or dislike someone, they can tell instantly. It makes some situations very awkward.

Whispered

Absolutely hate it and never trust someone after I hear them being bitchy about another they're supposed to get along with or like.

Temptamperu

That Robsweezie fellow is a right c*nt.

Mesrine65

I am completely inept at holding my whist when it comes to this & it has often been to my detriment...

I've been told I'm brutally honest to the point of being accused of being an insensitive sociopath.

If I have something to say I will say it to your face, regardless of position, status etc., I bow down/kneel to no-one (unless it's sexy time )

I can tell whether I like someone on first introduction within minutes, I trust my instincts, they have yet to fail me! (really pisses off my OH)

Or...maybe I'm just a prick :eek:

I may not be always be right...but I'm never wrong

Arsemageddon

Temptamperu wrote: »

That Robsweezie fellow is a right c*nt.

Oh god yeah, and the smell of BO off him.....

.....oh, Hi Robs great thread this!

Charlie19

Temptamperu wrote: »

That Robsweezie fellow is a right c*nt.

You're doing it wrong...

I've sent you a DM on what I think.

wokingvoter

Arsemageddon wrote: »

Oh god yeah, and the smell of BO off him.....

.....oh, Hi Robs great thread this!

...the next time he leaves the microwave like that at lunchtime I'm going to send him a very nasty anonymous e-mail ....
Rob ! You look great! Have you lost weight?.....

Strumms

If somone is bitching to you about somone or some people behind the other persons back, you can be safe in assuming that they are or would be doing the same to you. Last place i worked it was an epidemic really people back biting and one upmanship but nobody ever had the stones to sit down with somone and discuss a problem... untrustworthy people are just that and it will spill over into other aspects of their behaviour.. best off avoided.. dont give them the ear... walk away and suggest they talk it out with whoever...

MilesMorales1

I refuse to engage in such activities. Never ends well. Maybe just bear in mind they do that next time you interact with them.

Elemonator

I hate it, and I am very against it. I admit I did it a few times, but not in recent memory. I'm a college student now and it is beneath me, as it should. As previously mentioned by Strumms, if somone is bitching to you about somone or a group behind their back(s), you can be safe in assuming that they are doing the same to you.

It is bullying and defamation in a lot of cases. I remember when I was about 17, there was a guy I knew. Let's call him "J". Now "J" was in general a nice guy, albeit with a few faults when he drank, but a nice guy. Everyone thought of him as their friend and a good friend he was. Now "Y" steps into the picture and takes offence to J's presence. He is very nice when he wants something but constantly talks behind J's back and openly airs his plans how he will embarrass J in a big way so he will leave "us" alone, despite the fact we all generally like him J. Y is the type of guy who constantly moans about people but is nice to their face yet always changes his mind about them.

Y also has a tendency to be a control freak, constantly getting close with your other friends for a way to manipulate you in the future. Y also has no problem manipulating awkward situations to his own end, he will try to do this with his self acclaimed intelligence but it is fairly obvious. Any disagreement that arises within the group, Y always seems to have some involvement and is always annoyed with someone. J is still around thank god and I have not trusted Y since (I tell him zero), despite the fact he constantly regales you with stories of how he is everyone's best friend. However, Y is too embedded to get rid of now as he is (weirdly enough) pally with a few people now.

OP, that is an example I experienced with a similar situation to your possible one. If you know people like that, get rid of them in the beginning, its not worth the hassle. I know it sounds petty and childish, but this type of scenario exists in your school life, your social life, and even your work life. I know my post may seem hypocritical in the sense that I'm seemingly targeting Y for all the problems the group had, but that is not the case. Take comfort in the fact this happens everywhere.

Sorry about that, rant over.

EDIT: All fixed. Thanks Mesrine65 and LexieOnRale. Attention to detail is important

the evasion_kid

I'm convinced Irish people hate each other,it's always funny to watch two people that know each other, meet and exchange mindless small talk,you can nearly read their thoughts as they walk away...."d!ckhead"

Mesrine65

Elemonator wrote: »

I hate it, and I am very against it. It is bullying and defamation in a lot of cases. I remember when I was about 17, there was a guy I knew. Let's call him "Y". Now "Y" was in general a nice guy, albeit with a few faults when he drank, but a nice guy. Everyone thought of him as their friend and a good friend he was. Now "J" steps into the picture and takes offence to J's presence. He is very nice when he wants something but constantly talks behind J's back and openly airs his plans how he will embarrass J in a big way so he will leave "us" alone, despite the fact we all generally like him J. Y is the type of guy who constantly moans about people but is nice to their face yet always changes his mind about them. Y also has a tendency to be a control freak, constantly getting close with your other friends for a way to manipulate you in the future. Y also has no problem manipulating awkward situations to his own end. Any disagreement that arises within the group, Y always seems to have some involvement and is always annoyed with someone. J is still around thank god and I have not trusted Y since, despite the fact he constantly regales you with stories of how he is everyone's best friend. However, Y is too embedded to get rid of now as he is (weirdly enough) pally with a few people now.

OP, that is an example I experienced with a similar situation to yours. If you know people like that, get rid of them in the beginning.

Paragraphs please, I'm old & can't find me fooking glasses :mad:

I value your input...

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

You kept mixing up y and j. Lost track of who was mean to who in what would have been the first paragraph.

You can't win. If you say something behind someone's back you're two faced and backstabbing.
You say it straight to them you're confrontational with a chip on your shoulder.

mr.anonymous

We've all done it of course but it hurts to be the subject of it. It's an awful waste of time to bitch about this person, be OK to another, avoid the next. I have enough to keep track of! Some people never grow out of it unfortunately. If someone's conversations are constantly about themselves or are constant gossip, I'd steer clear.

XR3i

dnot woor aboot it hun, notin but back-talkers i dis town

CFlat

IMO it's a sign of weakness in character if you talk negatively behind someones back. And as another poster said, one day it's about someone else, the next day it's about you.

Steer clear of people like that, they're poisonous.

XR3i

ders some peple in dis town dat tinks dere kings n quenns

pragmatic1

Very rarely do it. I try and avoid people that constantly bitch about others like the plague.

MacauDragon

Mesrine65 wrote: »

I am completely inept at holding my whist when it comes to this & it has often been to my detriment...

I've been told I'm brutally honest to the point of being accused of being an insensitive sociopath.

If I have something to say I will say it to your face, regardless of position, status etc., I bow down/kneel to no-one (unless it's sexy time )

I can tell whether I like someone on first introduction within minutes, I trust my instincts, they have yet to fail me! (really pisses off my OH)

Or...maybe I'm just a prick :eek:

I may not be always be right...but I'm never wrong

I may not be right in my observations, but was it you that was in the military.

If so you would have had plenty to say to superiors....without saying it. And in a military hierarchy you will be required to figuratively bow and bend to status.

I.e. drop and give me 20 worm. Then go clean the shtters. You disgusting fatbody etc etc

wokingvoter

XR3i wrote: »

ders some peple in dis town dat tinks dere kings n quenns

Pm me hun xoxoxo

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

Da karma kamelion is duin his stretchs

Dave_The_Sheep

I'll talk about people when they're not there, depending on the circumstance/person. For example, I've colleagues in work who are a waste of space and continually make work for me and are generally lazy. I bitch about them, we all do.

I don't see a problem, and here's why. I'll happily say it to their face as well (and have done). I don't go out of my way to do so, being a **** to someone unprovoked isn't a nice character trait, but if they ask for my opinion or otherwise push the situation where I have to say it, no problem with some 'home truths' (I actually hate that phrase).

It's the same as posting online anonymously. If you can't say it to someone's face, then don't say it online. If you can, then go right ahead.

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

chrissb8

Excessive giving out about someone is what I can't stand. I understand completely when people give out about others at times. It's just natural and really is just a bit of venting. When they get malicious and start nitpicking on them about what they say or do all the time that's when it annoys me. It's like they get pleasure from hating them. Sad and pathetic really, if you don't like someone then don't associate with them. Most people aren't thick and can pick up a hint or a clue as to when someone doesn't like them. You're a loser if your idea of conversing with someone is belittling someone to garner social favor.

PLL

I detest when people say nasty / bitchy things about their good friends behind their back. It's one of the reasons I don't have a lot of friends because I hate this behaviour in a person, I can't trust them or see them as a nice person so I don't form good friendship with. Unfortunately it is common in Ireland.

I would gossip about acquaintances, people I know of through others or colleagues, but I would never pretend to be friends with them, it would just be small talk. Why would I spend more time with people who irritate me?

I don't bitch about my friends, I love them, I'm loyal to them and I care about them. I would feel like a shít human being if I started complaining about their faults. No one is perfect at the end of the day and everyone needs people who will genuinely care about them through anything.

[Deleted User]

I try 100% never to talk about other people behind their back. That does not mean I have not caught myself doing it - maybe once or twice - but I pretty much never do it and never want to.

If I have an issue with someone I always discuss it with them directly.

Judge Trudy

I work part time with 3 women and jeez they're exhausting, constantly sneering and looking down their noses at other people. They're just so bitchy and tiresome to be around. That kind of negativity really sucks the living day light out of you. I made a decision to not engage with their bitchiness the first week I worked with them. They must think I've no personality but I'd rather keep my lips closed than gossip and look down on others for no apparent reason. They even moan and bitch about their own children. Glad I won't have to work with them for much longer really. I've worked with people who never moaned and were like a breath of fresh air. Kill others with kindness is the best way to deal with people from what I've seen

Mesrine65

MacauDragon wrote: »

I may not be right in my observations, but was it you that was in the military.

If so you would have had plenty to say to superiors officers....without saying it. And in a military hierarchy you will be required to figuratively bow and bend to status.

I.e. drop and give me 20 worm. Then go clean the shtters. You disgusting fatbody etc etc

True, but I've become a lot more ornery in the last quarter century since :pac::pac::pac:

Autonomous Cowherd

Having fairly recently re-entered the big bad world of college/offices/workplaces after a very long time at home as chief bottle-washer, it is the quality that I most LOATHE about the new world I find myself frequenting. It is quite disgusting how fake so many ''friendships'' appear to be, and how quickly and almost universally people will descend to gossiping about those absent. Men and women seem the same in this. It makes me get an anxious uncomfortable knot in my belly every time. It is the main thing I find difficult to adjust to.

KomradeBishop

I feel perpetually uncomfortable with talking about a shared acquaintance/friend - including in a positive way - when not present, due to this, and it feeling too 'gossipy'.

It's a bit awkward, because sometimes it's not entirely avoidable - yet still never feels right.

Poisoning the well on someone, is a pretty shítty thing to do though - and it's this kind of stuff which makes me think there's not actually that great a deal of difference between e.g. teenage and adult behaviour, just that the latter are more skilled at being a díck or being excessively judgemental, in ways that are socially accepted.

It sucks how near-universally prevalent this is, in one form or another - and how it can bleed through as a trait in otherwise decent people, depending on their social groups.