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Child Item

Eight years ago, my life changed because of drugs. My story.

[Deleted User]

When I was younger, I was the funniest person in the room. I was successful, nailed uni and had a good job in a bank. I had a great personality.

I had three years of amazing times on acid while doing everything I needed to do. Then I had a mad night where I ended up taking some "legal" drugs and acid at the same time. Chaos, terror and tears ensued and my personality changed forever. I couldn't look at people for months.

I spent about six months trying to get my old personality back. Didn't work. So I left Ireland.
I traveled around Asia. Didn't work. I could manage to be mad but not fun and nice.
In the end, I decided to not go to Australia because I knew my head was screwed so I spent a few months more in Asia learning how to be social and make friends again. Which used to be so easy. It kind of worked.

Five or six years later, my personality is still a bit "off". I've never gotten back my interest in people. I have an amazing girlfriend and we have a great life but I miss the old me. I wish she could see and experience how much life and energy I had, and lost that night.

I'm fine. I can laugh. But the difference is black and white.

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[Deleted User]

thattequilagirl wrote: »

This is such an overly simplistic response.

OP, I feel for you.

In my early 20s, I became more and more dependent on alcohol, a legal, society-approved drug. It totally changed my personality, but instead of happening overnight, it happened slowly - so much so I barely even realised it was happening.

I quit drinking two years ago, and my life is so much better now, but I don't think I'll ever 100% get back who I was.

I experiemented with pills and acid too, but thankfully never had a bad experience, my ex did though.

It's something a lot of people go through. The invincible feeling where we only worry about a hangover. No one expects the effects to last.

Lost in Time

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

I went to see a psychiatrist years ago for depression and he asked me about drug use. I told him that I had used E twice in my youth and on the second time got a really bad paranoid buzz. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and said 'hmmmm, interesting'.
Not sure whether he was implying that my bad buzz was because I was prone to depression or whether the drugs had potentially triggered me to be prone to depression.
In any case, don't look back on those times with euphoric recall. Life is a journey. Your girlfriend loves you just as you are now. Try to accept your new normal.

The drugs probably wiped half of your serotonin receptors, hence the depression.

Sunflower 27

deandean wrote: »

Have I got this right? So one night of heavy use (albeit with a hx of acid use) led to permanent mental impairment?

Jeebus.

I dont know why people find it so shocking. You mess with your brain, anything can happen.

OP, for what it's worth, you are still alive and able to tell your tale. You really should count your blessings. Many don't get a second chance.

thattequilagirl

Lost in Time wrote: »

The drugs probably wiped half of your serotonin receptors, hence the depression.

Is that actually backed up science? Does your body only have a limited amount of serotonin or is it produced continually?

[Deleted User]

Lost in Time wrote: »

The drugs probably wiped half of your serotonin receptors, hence the depression.

He took it twice ffs, it is not that potent and is a pretty safe drug . The damage it does is reversible and prozac can help in that regard.

MadDog76

The Op took drugs, ran the risk and ended up relatively lucky considering what could, and often does, happen.

Is there a point to this story?

Is it to tell us that taking drugs is risky? We know.

Is it for sympathy? You'll get none from me.

[Deleted User]

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

Sorry to hear that. Are you clean of all drugs now?

Yep. I just drink moderately. Home by 10pm usually.

diomed wrote: »

Why did you take drugs?

Why not.. It was great fun. A very specific set of events resulted in my downturn. Getting locked in a toilet with a broken door while tripping balls, then getting wrongly accused of coming onto a girl while tripping even harder and then finally, running out of Galway to get away from the "demons".

deandean wrote: »

Have I got this right? So one night of heavy use (albeit with a hx of acid use) led to permanent mental impairment?

Jeebus.

Yep. And everyone thinks that because they're happy and normal, it won't happen. It only happens to people who already feked. Nope.

Eircom_Sucks

thattequilagirl wrote: »

This is such an overly simplistic response.

OP, I feel for you.

In my early 20s, I became more and more dependent on alcohol, a legal, society-approved drug. It totally changed my personality, but instead of happening overnight, it happened slowly - so much so I barely even realised it was happening.

I quit drinking two years ago, and my life is so much better now, but I don't think I'll ever 100% get back who I was.

I experiemented with pills and acid too, but thankfully never had a bad experience, my ex did though.

but he's dead right

i've never ever dabbled in drugs or smokes

few pints here and there , i know drugs are crazy so i never went near

op while doesn't deserve how he's feeling etc

can only blame himself

TheHillOfDoom

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Is that actually backed up science? Does your body only have a limited amount of serotonin or is it produced continually?

Unfortunately I believe it is. My brother is a doctor and warned me at the time that ecstasy burns the receptors (i.e the little connections that pass serotonin on). I feel lucky that I had a 'bad buzz', as the first time was so good as to be completely addictive.

Liberosis

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

I went to see a psychiatrist years ago for depression and he asked me about drug use. I told him that I had used E twice in my youth and on the second time got a really bad paranoid buzz. He looked at me with raised eyebrows and said 'hmmmm, interesting'.
Not sure whether he was implying that my bad buzz was because I was prone to depression or whether the drugs had potentially triggered me to be prone to depression.
In any case, don't look back on those times with euphoric recall. Life is a journey. Your girlfriend loves you just as you are now. Try to accept your new normal.

Weird that he didn't explain why that it was interesting. For feck sake, anyone can charge someone at an hourly rate and mumble a few words here and there.

SEPT 23 1989

What sparked your decent into hell that night?

Mackas_view

OP I feel for you I do. But having said that there are people who have lost their whole lives to this ****. Hallucinogenic drugs have serious impact on your cognitive functions as all drugs do. Remember those poor kids in Cork?
Anyone reading tthis do yourselves a favour and stop supporting the scum of the earth that sell these drugs that **** people's heads up. Because their production line is destroying families all over this country and further afield.

Do you want to risk taking something for a short buzz that may leave you holding your Mother's hand walking around the shops in your hometown when your 35-36 years of age? Has she not worked hard enough raising you this far. Save her the heartache and embarrassment. Save yourself.
This is not an extreme example these people exist all over our country.

thattequilagirl

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

but he's dead right

i've never ever dabbled in drugs or smokes

few pints here and there , i know drugs are crazy so i never went near

op while doesn't deserve how he's feeling etc

can only blame himself

He's not trying to blame anyone else.

If you find out someone who smoked all there lives had lung cancer, would you say to that person "You have no one to blame but yourself."

I'm just pointing out the different attitudes we take to society-approved drugs and drugs that aren't approved by society.

[Deleted User]

TheHillOfDoom wrote: »

Unfortunately I believe it is. My brother is a doctor and warned me at the time that ecstasy burns the receptors (i.e the little connections that pass serotonin on). I feel lucky that I had a 'bad buzz', as the first time was so good as to be completely addictive.

The receptors return if you stop taking it the damage is not permanent.

TheHillOfDoom

jh79 wrote: »

The receptors return if you stop taking it the damage is not permanent.

Well that's good to know!

[Deleted User]

Eircom_Sucks wrote: »

but he's dead right

i've never ever dabbled in drugs or smokes

few pints here and there , i know drugs are crazy so i never went near

op while doesn't deserve how he's feeling etc

can only blame himself

I'm 28 and am talking about something that happened when I was 19. Of course I blame myself. The effects of stupids decisions can last a long time. I never grasped that.

TheHillOfDoom

Basically, from what he explained to me, it's like an electricity overload which blows a fuse or something. E overloads the receptors with massive amounts of serotonin and they burn or something. Therefore, with prolonged usage, your brain is no longer able to transmit serotonin as every fuse is blown so to speak! Serotonin is the happy hormone btw. He never told me that they can regenerate. In any case, one bad buzz was enough for me thank you very much!

Cee-Jay-Cee

i dabbled with acid in my late teens early 20's but only maybe 4 or 5 times. I had one pretty bad 'trip' and never took anymore. I then had one flashback a few months later, completely mental fcuked up sh*t which scared the bejaysus out of me. Thankfully they didn't interfere with my personality, I'm still just plain weird.

[Deleted User]

tomwaterford wrote: »

Would you try it again??

I believe ya....it's a very unfortunate thing to happen,...but look it...such is life and the risks you take

I do believe stories like this would highlight the risks of drugs to kids....not bullsgit stories told to kids in schools

In about thirty years, it could be worth a shot.. I never had a bad time with it. It was the ecstasy alternatives that one, made me do it. And two, resulted in a horrific time.
I sometimes wonder if going back and doing a normal trip like I used to would repair things but I'm not brave enough.

I knew it was a bad idea. Just not while feked. Only myself to blame.

thattequilagirl

Deleted User wrote: »

I'm 28 and am talking about something that happened when I was 19. Of course I blame myself. The effects of stupids decisions can last a long time. I never grasped that.

You'd swear some of the people on here never made a stupid decision in their youth.

AryaStark

U used to take drugs on a daily basis a long time ago and had to stop all of a sudden. My body ended up going into shock because it could not develop serotonin itself! I ended up getting alopecia and had to take meds for about 6 weeks to help my body begin to produce serotonin again!

suicide_circus

God damn part-timers

tomwaterford

[Deleted User] wrote: »

In about thirty years, it could be worth a shot.. I never had a bad time with it. It was the ecstasy alternatives that one, made me do it. And two, resulted in a horrific time.
I sometimes wonder if going back and doing a normal trip like I used to would repair things but I'm not brave enough.

I knew it was a bad idea. Just not while feked. Only myself to blame.

Straight up...I've never done drugs (just personal reasons)...used be friends with lads that would regularly alright

Though it's a very risky stragedy to do it again....but be careful either way??

thattequilagirl

Unsolicited advice

- Don't do it again.

There's no real reason to believe it would make you feel better and good reason to believe it could make things worse.

monkeysnapper

If I'm mistaken boards is a discussion site . people put things up to
... Errr discuss ....

Why do some people attack the op , thinks op is looking for advice , sympathy .

Its really good to talk to people with these kind of life experiences and what happens to other people with same experiences . even if you haven't done the same stuff it may help you understand what someone els might be going through .

Jeeez I feel like I'm jerry bloody springer doing his advice line at end of one of his shows

The flying mouse

Deleted User wrote: »

When I was younger, I was the funniest person in the room. I was successful, nailed uni and had a good job in a bank. I had a great personality.

I had three years of amazing times on acid while doing everything I needed to do. Then I had a mad night where I ended up taking some "legal" drugs and acid at the same time. Chaos, terror and tears ensued and my personality changed forever. I couldn't look at people for months.

I spent about six months trying to get my old personality back. Didn't work. So I left Ireland.
I traveled around Asia. Didn't work. I could manage to be mad but not fun and nice.
In the end, I decided to not go to Australia because I knew my head was screwed so I spent a few months more in Asia learning how to be social and make friends again. Which used to be so easy. It kind of worked.

Five or six years later, my personality is still a bit "off". I've never gotten back my interest in people. I have an amazing girlfriend and we have a great life but I miss the old me. I wish she could see and experience how much life and energy I had, and lost that night.

I'm fine. I can laugh. But the difference is black and white.

Nostalgia. Your problem is not that your past was so much better, but maybe that you are dissatisfied with the present. That’s something everyone goes through, many times, and nostalgia is simply an escape from that.

The flying mouse

monkeysnapper wrote: »

If I'm mistaken boards is a discussion site . people put things up to
... Errr discuss ....

Why do some people attack the op , thinks op is looking for advice , sympathy .

Its really good to talk to people with these kind of life experiences and what happens to other people with same experiences . even if you haven't done the same stuff it may help you understand what someone els might be going through .

Jeeez I feel like I'm jerry bloody springer doing his advice line at end of one of his shows

Well said mr monkeysnapper

[Deleted User]

Liberosis wrote: »

Or, y'know, just don't take it at all...

Saying that is not how you stop a kid taking drugs. It just doesn't work and people better than all of us take drugs.

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

What sparked your decent into hell that night?

Getting locked in bathroom with a broken door. It took ages for friends to kick it in. Then I was getting it back together when an angry as fuk guy arrived and had to be pulled away from me because he thought I was coming onto his girlfriend. I know I was just lying on my back with people sitting around.
It was terrifying.. I've never felt terror like it. Earth shattering fear. I just can't express just how bad acid can make an emotion like that feel. It's why I was crying a few hours later.

thattequilagirl wrote: »

You'd swear some of the people on here never made a stupid decision in their youth.

Yep. And they think their children never will either.. "Drugs are mad m'kay." and the problem will disappear? My parents still don't know.

AryaStark wrote: »

U used to take drugs on a daily basis a long time ago and had to stop all of a sudden. My body ended up going into shock because it could not develop serotonin itself! I ended up getting alopecia and had to take meds for about 6 weeks to help my body begin to produce serotonin again!

That's pretty full on. How's things now?

[Deleted User]

thattequilagirl wrote: »

Unless you've taken hallucenogenics, it's hard to describe the impact it has on you. I believe it happened to me too, but luckily mine was a positive experience. If something fundamental changes overnight, you know.

I've always said, "There's acid and there's drugs." Lots of them are dangerous but only the law puts them together.. Nobody on coke, heroin or meth thinks their guitar amp is screaming at them.

helimachoptor

Deleted User wrote: »

S

Yep. And they think their children never will either.. "Drugs are mad m'kay." and the problem will disappear? My parents still don't know.

Always thought you were older ABG.

I'm sure they've seen a change as fundamental as the one you've described.

Credit to you for posting your experience, so many people think "it wont happen to me"