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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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jigglypuffstuff

Muff Richardson wrote: »

What's that horrible yoke above yer mans ear

A punishment from god for having such a hairstyle...

retalivity

Thank fcuk im half bald.

zcorpian88

pone2012 wrote: »

Attachment not found.

anyone who has this haircut, or any variation of it...with or without a beard

Anyone who wears that haircut and bonus wanker points if you wear a grey suit jacket and wine coloured chino's to go with it! These lads just shouldn't be allowed out in public!

jigglypuffstuff

zcorpian88 wrote: »

Anyone who wears that haircut and bonus wanker points if you wear a grey suit jacket and wine coloured chino's to go with it! These lads just shouldn't be allowed out in public!

How dare you!!

Dont you ever associate those "things" with lads

They are abominations...Simple as

bigpink

Dont forget the sleeve tattoo

Gamer Bhoy 89

I was standing at a bus stop and I never got such a fright when this plukey ned decided it was okay to charge down the pavement on his 14-year-old brother's BMX, almost matching the speed of the cars. What pissed me off even more was that after I felt his handlebar barely skiff my arm, I took notice of cyclist lane on the road right next to me,

.. and I just thought to myself "what the hell is the mental malfunction you possess, that excuses you from using the lane that you legally should be using, instead of putting loads of people at risk because you're in a hurry to get somewhere on your tacky little bike? And for the record, you're not even going straight, you're doing that really príckish thing on the bike where each pedal you push, you cause the bike to bend 45 degrees and you look like an inconsiderate ársehole! Grow Up!!!"

And I wasn't the only one that got annoyed. Two girls shouted at him as he tore past: "Use the fcking lane you fcking eejit"

The more I wrote this, the harder I typed. That's how wound up it got me :P

Oh, and he was wearing a matching grey tracksuit with a baseball cap, bonus wánker points there.

For ever odd

Mayman on his own.... Sound
Two Mayomen together.... Dodgy

Three or more Mayomen together.... ****!!
They will then proceed to show anyone and everyone that they are ****.
When there is no-one else around,they will fight tooth and nail with each other, to prove who is the biggest WANKER.

How can you win an All Ireland with 15.....

Not to mention the five foot WANKER running the country, he must have a great right hook...

mr.anonymous

"If you could [x] that would be great"

Ray Palmer

pone2012 wrote: »

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anyone who has this haircut, or any variation of it...with or without a beard

What do you even care about how any one else looks?

bigpink

Ray Palmer wrote: »

What do you even care about how any one else looks?

Its not the look but just seems to attract a wanker type

Ray Palmer

bigpink wrote: »

Its not the look but just seems to attract a wanker type

How often do you talk to strangers that you make that opinion? I tend to think of **** as those who judge others especially on something like their appearance.

bigpink

Ray Palmer wrote: »

How often do you talk to strangers that you make that opinion? I tend to think of **** as those who judge others especially on something like their appearance.

Just from seeing people out how they act etc serving people
You can see it alot of the times

jack presley

Ray Palmer wrote: »

How often do you talk to strangers that you make that opinion? I tend to think of **** as those who judge others especially on something like their appearance.

I judge people without talking to them all the time. If I'm on holidays and see someone in a GAA jersey, i know that's a person I need to avoid talking to at all costs. So it looks like I'm a wanker then.

Brendan Bendar

jack presley wrote: »

I judge people without talking to them all the time. If I'm on holidays and see someone in a GAA jersey, i know that's a person I need to avoid talking to at all costs. So it looks like I'm a wanker then.

With you on that one, Jack.

CaraMay

jack presley wrote: »

I judge people without talking to them all the time. If I'm on holidays and see someone in a GAA jersey, i know that's a person I need to avoid talking to at all costs.

Definitely! I can just hear the predictable conversation now - them 'so where are you from?'

Me 'county X'

Them 'ah very good. My aunt Mary on my mothers side married a man from X. His name is Flanagan, do you know him?'

Me 'no'

Them 'now their kids are called Mary, Johnny and paddy. You must know them, they are great crack'

Me (silently) p off you total toss pot

Brendan Flowers

Cienciano wrote: »

So no **** in "The Grooming Rooms", but local barbers around the country are full of them? You sure you have it the right way around?

I never said that...

I said people who prioritize a cheap haircut over a good haircut. By all means if someone has a good barber that only charges €8 then fair enough. The "****" I am referring to are those who go to a barber that is cheap without even considering the quality of the business.

Plenty of **** go to the Grooming Rooms. Just like there are plenty of **** on Boards. People are **** for numerous different reasons :rolleyes:

jack presley

Brendan Flowers wrote: »

I never said that...

I said people who prioritize a cheap haircut over a good haircut. By all means if someone has a good barber that only charges €8 then fair enough. The "****" I am referring to are those who go to a barber that is cheap without even considering the quality of the business.

Or maybe they just don't give **** about having a stylish haircut. If you're like me with a boring short back and sides, even the crappiest barber would be doing well do mess it up.

I'd actually go the other way to you and say any bloke that forks out €20 or so for a haircut is a wanker. The most I've paid for a haircut is €12 and I'm doing alright.

Irishcrx

pone2012 wrote: »

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anyone who has this haircut, or any variation of it...with or without a beard

I have that haircut , and a beard. Have it years , since I was 21 or something...and a full sleeve tattoo...

Wanker me up John boy...wanker me up...

Brendan Bendar

Irishcrx wrote: »

I have that haircut , and a beard. Have it years , since I was 21 or something...and a full sleeve tattoo...

Wanker me up John boy...wanker me up...

Über wanker class there lad,no doubt.

MacauDragon

Anyone online who refers to a country as 'she' believes in their heart that they are an important figure in history and that they deserve their own flutey theme music and documentary series on the history channel.
Really they're just a cvnt and a nerd.

Mesrine65

jack presley wrote: »

Or maybe they just don't give **** about having a stylish haircut. If you're like me with a boring short back and sides, even the crappiest barber would be doing well do mess it up.

I'd actually go the other way to you and say any bloke that forks out €20 or so for a haircut is a wanker. The most I've paid for a haircut is €12 and I'm doing alright.

I buy a shaver once a year for about €20, DIY #1 blade weekly...

I'm a frugal wanker

dr.fuzzenstein

If you meet one wanker, you just met a wanker. If everyone you meet is a wanker, you're the wanker.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

WesternZulu

CaraMay wrote: »

Definitely! I can just hear the predictable conversation now - them 'so where are you from?'

Me 'county X'

Them 'ah very good. My aunt Mary on my mothers side married a man from X. His name is Flanagan, do you know him?'

Me 'no'

Them 'now their kids are called Mary, Johnny and paddy. You must know them, they are great crack'

Me (silently) p off you total toss pot

People must have a very different sense of what a wanker is than what I do. That to me sounds like a friendly conversation!

What is it with people on boards having a problem with those wearing GAA jerseys?

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

armaghlad

WesternZulu wrote: »

People have a very different sense of what a wanker is than what I do. That to me sounds like a friendly conversation!

What is it with people on boards having a problem with people wearing GAA jerseys?

Beats me but they're probably the same people who conveniently discover their love of the games when their home county reaches a final...

Alf Stewart.

If you say you don't **** you're a liar, and a flamin idiot if you admit that you do.

So next time you see, the Dalai Llama on tv remember he's probably a wanker too.

Salvation Tambourine

bigpink wrote: »

Just from seeing people out how they act etc serving people
You can see it alot of the times

I agree, everyone judges people by their appearance, it's a first impression.

Anyone who says that they don't is a liar in my opinion.

Doesn't necessarily have to be a negative judgement, but there's definitely a judgement who you see someone wearing something unusual. Do people think people wear bright pink hair, thick lenses, jackets full of sequins and trousers far too small for them not to be noticed?

I can't imagine someone seeing someone in what I mentioned above and having absolutely zero to say about it.

For ever odd

Is there a female equivalent to the word 'wanker '? I mean you hardly ever hear of a woman been called a wanker.

Faith+1

For ever odd wrote: »

Is there a female equivalent to the word 'wanker '? I mean you hardly ever hear of a woman been called a wanker.

Wife?