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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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armaghlad

Itzy wrote: »

Those I see as the biggest cunts on the face of the planet, are those who won't use bins, instead, leaving rubbish where ever they may happen to be. A Country road I walk regularly is full of cans and full bin bags of rubbish. Doesn't hurt to hold on to it and put it in a bin.

Was thinking this just yesterday. I hate littering with a passion. We have a beautiful country, and though in the grand scheme of things littering is probably the easiest environmental issue to tackle, it still grinds my gears!

JustShon

armaghlad wrote: »

Was thinking this just yesterday. I hate littering with a passion. We have a beautiful country, and though in the grand scheme of things littering is probably the easiest environmental issue to tackle, it still grinds my gears!

No excuse for littering. My pockets tend to be full of rubbish because I refuse to throw it on the ground.

gimmick wrote:

Also, people who get married at Christmas time. Like we are not all broke enough already.

People do it if they have family who can't make it back to Ireland often, so quite understandable.

DrPhilG

People who sit on the edge of a chair in a packed canteen and make people have to ask them to move to get past.

Put your damn arse into the seat properly, idiot.

dub_skav

It's like they take up twice the room that they should

Ciaran_B

That_Guy wrote: »

Was in the Bleeding Horse not too long ago and some fella asks the barman for "two pints of AG".

The barman had no idea what the hell your man was on about.

"Two pints of Guinness", your man says in the most, 'how the hell do you not know that' type of way.

Wanker.

How did they arrive at AG for Guinness?

Edit. Oh God, it's Arthur Guinness right? Wanker.

NufcNavan

Ciaran_B wrote: »

How did they arrive at AG for Guinness?

Edit. Oh God, it's Arthur Guinness right? Wanker.

Took me a bit to figure it out too.

Also thought someone was ordering 'Ken Prize' a few posts back lol.

Bellends the lot of them.

rubadub

On the upside, later on the irritated barman will be serving you long before these cringeworthy gobshites.

DEFTLEFTHAND

'Pint of Art please' is another Guinness one.

My favourite one is Ken for Heineken

Eugene Norman

Live at Three wrote: »

A very simple test....

Ask them a question. If they begin the answer with the word "so", then they are a wanker.

"Where is the bathroom in here?"
"So you go out the door and turn left"

Or

"What do you work at?"
"So I'm a volunteer"

Absolutely common Irish usage for generations. If anything it's the hatred of a fairly innocuous usage that indicates wankerism. Like much grammar naziism.

Brendan Bendar

Eugene Norman wrote: »

Absolutely common Irish usage for generations. If anything it's the hatred of a fairly innocuous usage that indicates wankerism. Like much grammar naziism.

Totally incorrect, this is a despicable trend which has only come to light about three years ago.

[Deleted User]

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Totally incorrect, this is a despicable trend which has only come to light about three years ago.

Yes you are righti posted my loathing for this trend earlier in the thread.i think it started on the continent,i go to germany a lot and remember the waiters and waitress,s saying it all the time.unfortunatly it has made its way here and its just so irritating

monkeysnapper

kfallon wrote: »

People who talk about their 'gains' in the gym :rolleyes:

Its my gains is the reason I'm in the gym

Brendan Bendar

droidman123 wrote: »

Yes you are righti posted my loathing for this trend earlier in the thread.i think it started on the continent,i go to germany a lot and remember the waiters and waitress,s saying it all the time.unfortunatly it has made its way here and its just so irritating

My theory is it started on Internet message boards with people initiating threads like.

'So I purchased an IPhone 6....... '

'So I bought an SUV......'

Etc etc

No way was this despicable way of talking in use for generations.

Bulbous Salutation

Lads rooting around in the near date beer shelf in suburban supermarkets. Looking for 12 cans of strong lager for a tenner.

Dick phelan

Was on the bus today, Heard some idiot going on about his rag week very loudly proclaiming all the drugs he'd taken girls he'd shifted ect, anyway worst part was when he was talking about some house party he said and i quote "We had to bounce when the po po showed up" What a bellend.

Brendan Bendar

Bulbous Salutation wrote: »

Lads rooting around in the near date beer shelf in suburban supermarkets. Looking for 12 cans of strong lager for a tenner.

PM me if you see any mate

Chris_Bradley

The "ah sure that happened to me loads of times" jealous friend.

Bulbous Salutation

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

PM me if you see any mate

Wouldn't be my scene, hombre. More into the craft IPAs than looking for 12 cans of bargain basement gut rot.

It was just an observation.

Brendan Bendar

Bulbous Salutation wrote: »

Wouldn't be my scene, hombre. More into the craft IPAs than looking for 12 cans of bargain basement gut rot.

It was just an observation.

Knew I got the whiff of lavender from somewhere and patchouli oil.

Nice bargain on Lomza in JCs which is out in Swords I believe.

Also litre cans of Baltika.

Might neck a few lather on.

armaghlad

Hipsters.

[Deleted User]

Any salt of the earth wankpuffin in a high viz vest that walks on to a road and holds up the traffic while he directs someone out of a building site or the likes.

Herb Powell

Bulbous Salutation wrote: »

Lads rooting around in the near date beer shelf in suburban supermarkets. Looking for 12 cans of strong lager for a tenner.

Ah here, that's only being sensible. The bargain bucket is the shhit, often get great beer for ****-all money.

I'm doing society a service by not letting that precious beer go to waste. Got a Nogne tripel the other day for a euro. 9% abv. Best euro I've ever spent.

Actually you know what, you're a wanker yourself if you have a problem with people getting bargains

retalivity

Is wankpuffin the word of the week? A couple of times ive seen it now.

Also, people who use words of the week.

PTH2009

The guys at electric picnic who dress up as native Americans and all that ****.

I'd say they whole festival is full of **** (rich parents, back from there J1s in the US)

JakeArmitage

They support Liverpool FC

holy guacamole

This one might be a niche but I know a few people on Twitter, people with barely a thousand followers (regional journalists, superstar DJs who play sets in their local pub, young wans who went on one modelling job eight years ago, pretentious twats) who have gone to the trouble of getting that blue verified tick beside their name.

That tick is designed to let Twitter users know who the famous people are and who the fake copycat accounts are and nothing more. Anyone who goes to the trouble of contacting Twitter and asking that the blue tick be put alongside their name, when they're not in any way famous, is pathetic beyond belief and are essentially flagging themselves up as a sad, needy loser instead of the hero they believe themselves to be.

PopePalpatine

retalivity wrote: »

Is wankpuffin the word of the week? A couple of times ive seen it now.

Also, people who use words of the week.

I'm not going to lie, the first person I ever saw being called that term was Donald Drumpf. :pac:

As for cheap booze, you can't go wrong with Tyskie. It's usually €1.65, has an ABV of 5.5% and you can get a decent buzz from just one or two of them.

[Deleted User]

retalivity wrote: »

Is wankpuffin the word of the week? A couple of times ive seen it now.

Also, people who use words of the week.

I'm also partial to **** pheasant.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

PopePalpatine wrote: »

I'm not going to lie, the first person I ever saw being called that term was Donald Drumpf. :pac:

As for cheap booze, you can't go wrong with Tyskie. It's usually €1.65, has an ABV of 5.5% and you can get a decent buzz from just one or two of them.

I swear they changed the recipe for Tyskie or did something to the processing about a year or two ago though. Still like the taste of it but even two or three of them and I'll have a banger of a headache the next day.