Trillet wrote: » I'm meeting her soon for closure
Hemerodrome wrote: » No you're not, you're meeting her hoping to turn things around. If you really want closure, find it yourself by accepting it's over and making a clean break. You're just prolonging the heartache for yourself at this stage. She's not helping, but you can only take responsibility for yourself. All signs point to this being over and I think you should read them, then go and get on with your life before you waste any more time.
acon2119 wrote: » I think you need to meet this girl as planned to enable you to move on with your life, whether this moving on process is with the girl or without her. I think you have to see her face to face to be able to settle your mind, but you must be willing to accept it if she dosent want to get into a relationship properly with you again. If you still feel the same when you meet her, put your cards on the table, tell her you are willing to move to be with her (if you are) and ask her to be honest with you regarding whether she wants to be with you. If it dosent work out at least you will know you tried and this will help you move on in a different direction. Good luck.
KikiDee wrote: » Heya Trillet, I agree with Hemerodrome. And the reason I agree is because I was in the same situation a month ago (admittedly, we broke up for very different reasons). I convinced everyone around me I was meeting for closure but in my heart of hearts, I was hoping to change his mind about us. It didn't work but like Acon said, it needed to be done. It had to be a face to face meeting. And if it happens that your situation is different to mine and ye get back together, brilliant! If not, you will get the closure you need. It'll be hard, can't deny that but, it will also be the best thing to happen at this stage. I know you feel now like your life will never be the same again and in someways it won't be but I promise, you'll start to come out of this. Just from personal experience, try doing things you wouldn't have done when ye were together. For example, I've started listening to genres of music I never listened to when I was with my ex, so there's no association and I'm finding I'm liking it. Same with TV shows and stuff. Another little tip that works for me is don't focus too much on the future right now. Look at what you need to do to get you through the next 15 - 30 minutes. When I feel overwhelmed by it, that's what I do. And I'm so focused on the next 15 - 30 minutes, the feeling of being totally overwhelmed goes. I really hope everything works out for you Trillet
Trillet wrote: » I'll put my cards on the table tell her I'll leave everything behind in the morning for her, perhaps mention the great times we had, also I could be now on a level par with all other guys out there so I'm basically just looking for a chance to show her why she fell in love with me in the first place. I hope it goes well, we'll see what happens.
Monkey61 wrote: » It's not often I am motivated to post a response here and please don't think I am being overly harsh, but look - something you will hopefully learn (as most people do) in time is that 99.9999999% of the time grand gestures don't work. We are so conditioned by tv/films etc to think they do, but that's not real. You can't manipulate someone into being with you. Well, you can, but it won't work out. Talking about dropping everything, remembering the good times etc - honestly, it is not going to work. And the concept of dropping everything for someone - well, you know it often isn't necessarily that attractive a concept. It sort of implies that nothing else in your life is important and that you will just do whatever she wants, and that's not a great place to get into a relationship. If someone wants to be with you - they will be. And this girl isn't even on the fence by the sounds of things, she has categorically told you to move on. And it sounds like you have already tried to persuade her. You're going to meet up with her anyway, no matter what anyone tells you, I'd imagine. But please, please go into it knowing that you can't convince someone to be with you. You can't give reasons, or plead your case. And really, would you want to be with someone that you had to convince to be with you? The danger with meeting her, I'd think, is that even if you think you will be able to let it go when she says no, will you? Chances are, she will give you a bunch of reasons why you shouldn't be together, and you might end up getting trapped in a cycle of trying to prove why you should based on what she has said. When what she might really mean is that she just doesn't feel it/ doesn't love you/ doesn't really want to. Just because it was good once, or she loved you once, doesn't mean she always will. I'd also imagine that there was a reason that you didn't move with her originally? If 2.5 years into a relationship one person is happy to move, that is perhaps a sign that it wasn't going to work out anyway. I could be totally wrong of course, but based on what you have said, I'd be willing to bet that I am not. But don't forget, even though you think she's great - there are loads of other people out there and one/ many of them could be better. You just don't know that because you haven't met them yet. But you will, if only you give it a chance. You will meet someone one day that you think is much better and that thinks you are so great that they don't have to be convinced that being in a relationship with you is a good idea.
Trillet wrote: Really appreciate it Acon. She was very reluctant to meet me, maybe she wants to move on and meeting me might plant a seed of doubt (I hope). Who knows, look I'll never be able to move on unless we have this conversation.
Dial Hard wrote: » OP, you are seriously grasping at straws here. The fact that she didn't want to meet you speaks volumes. And it's not because she's afraid she's going to fall at your feet again. I agree with other posters that nothing anyone here says is going to change your mind about meeting her. But I honestly think you're just putting your hand out to get it slapped.
liquoriceall wrote: » What closure?? I don't understand the whole concept? She has told you she doesn't want to be with you! Do you want to meet her so she can give a 'proper' reason?? What if the proper reason is that she doesn't fancy you because you've put on 2 stone? Or that your laugh annoys her? Or the sex was dreadful? Do you see what I'm saying? You are trying to force her into a autuation she has no desire to be in and for what?
Trillet wrote: The closure would have really helped me get on with this.
Dial Hard wrote: » But by your own admission you weren't meeting for closure, you were meeting in the hope that your big dramatic declaration of love would convince her to get back with you. You can't see it yet, but she did you a favour by cancelling the meeting. You will see that in time, I promise.
Trillet wrote: » Should I even respond to the message regarding not meeting up and just let it go?
batmanrobin wrote: » Just let it go, OP. Block her and delete her number. As others have said, you're not looking for closure, you're looking to convince her to go back to you. Her not wanting to meet you has more to do with the fact that she most likely doesn't want to get into a big drawn out conversation. She doesn't want to be with you. That's all the closure you need. There's nothing else you need to know. If there are things you want to say to her, I'd suggest writing a letter and burning it, say the words out loud to yourself, whatever. The point is to get them out of your brain and release them. Then YOU move on. But you really need to let go of the hope of reconciliation.
Trillet wrote: So do I respond to the message yes or no? I feel as if I'll never meet someone like this again, I need to sort out the depression first before I do anything.
