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Opinions on a Wishing Well

lorenzo87

Good afternoon folks.

I have read some very mixed reviews about wishing wells at weddings. Some people seem to say that find it offensive. I am just wondering what you all think?

I was at my cousins wedding recently and he had 5-6 cards go missing, total value possibly €1,000+. Surely a wishing well takes a lot of pressure off the best man and is a secure and safe way to collect any gifts?

Nobody points a gun to someone's head or asks for a gift, it is merely there for those who do wish to give a card?

Thanks in advance for your opinions.

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michellie

Don't like the idea at all.

It also makes it very easy for them to be robbed from staff or random hotel guests.

Spanish Eyes

intheclouds wrote: »

Im thinking. Cash in a card. Whats the problem?

Possibility/potential for it to be nicked or lost. Cheques and drafts are safer.

intheclouds

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

Possibility/potential for it to be nicked or lost. Cheques and drafts are safer.

They could be lost or nicked just as easy!

Cheques are practically gone now anyway.

byhookorbycrook

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.

So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.

Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

intheclouds

Christ those poems are the height of tack.

Some people just have zero cop on.

pconn062

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.

So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.

Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

Jeez, that is unreal. I can't get over that people actually think that is an ok thing to do.

Spanish Eyes

intheclouds wrote: »

They could be lost or nicked just as easy!

Cheques are practically gone now anyway.

Cheques are going out true. But cash is a vulnerable thing at a wedding where the BM might be stressed out minding all these cards, and the potential for shenanigans is mighty!

The future..... a card reader at reception, like a Polling Booth (very apt at the moment) for privacy. In you go, make your donation, sorry gift, enter your PIN and it is so safe, no worries about mad BM losing the cash somewhere.

Cards will die out soon too. It will be a commercial/facebook etc. transaction.

Ah I am being VERY tongue in cheek here of course. So please see the funny side.

Malari

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.

So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.

Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

I'm not sure if the sentiment or the apostrophe bothers me more.

Gatica

Malari wrote: »

I'm not sure if the sentiment or the apostrophe bothers me more.

doesn't make sense anyway, "in its stead", surely?

yeah, that poem is cringy beyond belief. Making it easier for guests to give their gifts, I understand, mentioning you don't need gifts in an invitation too, but saying watch your money drop into our pockets as you make a wish for how your money will benefit us is just way too much....

sillysmiles

Spanish Eyes wrote: »

But cash is a vulnerable thing at a wedding where the BM might be stressed out minding all these cards,

It is one of the few jobs he has,and it is hardly a surprise that he is going to have to do this.

DavyD_83

I think guests like to think they are giving a gift to somebody, who will accept it on behalf of the Bride & Groom (if not able to give to them directly). This would be from a security perspective, but also makes it all seem a little more personal, and not just a 'drop your contribution here' type of thing. I think in recent weddings I've attended I've just ended up giving to groom or best man the morning after.

I'm sure there are ways of setting it up, and in terms of messaging etc which could be lovely and utterly inoffensive (eg the example on first page), but you'd be surprised what people can be offended by (particularly if they are trying for some obtuse reason).
We had so many arguments/discussions about how to run bar (honesty bar in the end), and who could be offended and how; never even thought about organising present collection, but sounds like another minefield I'm happy we managed to be blissfully ignorant of at the time.

To avoid people losing/mis-placing cards and presents, maybe just agree in advance where/how this should be managed (Best Man & Family seem to be most common receivers). If all on the same page, should manage to avoid any major issues.
After the event, it is almost impossible to tell if somebody didn't give you a gift/card, or it's been lost somehow; and you really can't ask

SarahMollie

byhookorbycrook wrote: »

Sorry but it's just awful. I went to 2 weddings where these were done and several "guests" did mention how there might as well be someone taking money for "tickets" at the door. Don't start me on the poems.

So on this special day of ours,
the day that we'll be wed.
Don't hunt for special gifts
but give money is it's stead.

And as you drop the envelope,
with money great and small,
Remember, make your wish
as you watch your money fall.

Come to our wedding
to wish us both well,
And make some use
of our little wishing well.

Just put some money into a card,
Now make a wish....
See, that wasn't hard!

Now that we have saved you all of the fuss,
We hope that you will come
And celebrate with us!

One couple promptly pocketed their card with money and used a very small part of it to buy the couple a toaster after.

Gifts are meant to be just that, not expected and certainly not looked for.

Now I've not been to too many weddings (although I've 5 to go to this summer!) but that strikes me as the height of tack.

Yes most couples realistically expect cash these days, and I'd say most people give it now without a second thought.

Besides if someone has gone out and already bought a physical present, by the time the see the wishing well complete with tacky money grabbing poem, they're hardly going to run out of the wedding, return the gift to the shop, and give the money in an envelope instead. You're just going to make that person feel bad.

[Deleted User]

Am I the only one who calls to the Bride & Groom's house to give them their wedding card a few weeks After the wedding?

ShaShaBear

Neither our best man nor chief bridesmaid drink, we have a safe in my sister's room - they are both working together to collect any cards (they are from each side of the family) and all will be put into the safe at occasional intervals that suit them.
I happen to love picture frames, we need new cutlery, our toaster is falling apart and with two poop monsters (aka children), new bedlinen is always sought after.
Personally I'd be equally ecstatic with a 4-slice retro toaster as I would be with the equivalent cash. We're paying for our wedding outright and the honeymoon too, so any cash gifts will likely be used to buy upgrades for our house

If I got an invitation telling me to give money and not gifts (no matter how grammatically-fancy it was worded), one would find the invite in the bin very quickly!

Wabbit Ears

Deleted User wrote: »

Am I the only one who calls to the Bride & Groom's house to give them their wedding card a few weeks After the wedding?

Why would you think that would be considered in anyway polite or appropriate?

baby and crumble

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Why would you think that would be considered in anyway polite or appropriate?

What makes you think it isn't? I think it's quite nice, actually. It's a bit more personal.

Toots

baby and crumble wrote: »

What makes you think it isn't? I think it's quite nice, actually. It's a bit more personal.

I agree, and it's also a lot more secure - you can be sure they'll actually get present. I'd usually give it before the wedding, if I see the B&G. I'd only bring it to the wedding if it was unavoidable.

Wabbit Ears

Before of just after but a few weeks after? I dunnno, Comes across to me as having forgot to get a present or an afterthought if someone drops in a present ages after an event. I really don't see anyone actually believing it was done with the intention of them being a unique flower who did something special and personal to hand deliver it a few weeks to late.

edit to add, I know that's not the way its intended, just the way it will be perceived.

bee06

Wedding etiquette is that a gift can be given up to a year after.

Weddings are expensive to attend so I would completely understand waiting a few weeks when the cash flow situation is a bit healthier.

rainbowtrout

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Before of just after but a few weeks after? I dunnno, Comes across to me as having forgot to get a present or an afterthought if someone drops in a present ages after an event. I really don't see anyone actually believing it was done with the intention of them being a unique flower who did something special and personal to hand deliver it a few weeks to late.

edit to add, I know that's not the way its intended, just the way it will be perceived.

I would have thought normal wedding etiquette suggests that giving a present up to 6 months after a wedding is normal.

I normally give cash and bring the card on the day or drop it to bride and groom a couple of days beforehand if it's convenient. In one particular case last year I couldn't go to a close friends wedding. They live at the other end of the country to me, and went on honeymoon for a few weeks afterwards, then I was on holidays etc. I didn't want to send a text saying 'hi can i have your bank details so I can give you your wedding present' It just seemed a bit blunt, so it was a few months before we actually got to meet up and I could give them their present. They weren't put out about it.

With the majority of guests giving cash, I can't see how it could be a 'forgot to get a present'. It's not like they forgot to go out and buy a toaster. I don't see how it would be an afterthought either if you are giving them the same present as you would have done if you had brought it on the day of the wedding.

It would be a little different if you called to them say a month after the wedding and handed over a box of chocolates and said that was their wedding present.

arayess

ElleEm wrote: »

Why are you expecting cards to go missing? Just give the cards to a person you trust. Unless you padlock a postbox closed, the unattended cards in a box (I hate the phrase 'wishing well' too!) could be easily taken too.

I was at a wedding in london about 4 years ago and saw teh best man fall over and envelopes spill everywhere.
I put mine back in my suit and posted it 2 weeks later.

Buona Fortuna wrote: »

?

Tell him to wear a jacket with big pockets and no more than two pints all evening.

yeah like that's gonna happen :rolleyes:
you'd want to be an awful d1ckhead to demand your best man stays sober beyond the speech.
I was best man twice and some awful bastards wait till 2am to hand you the envelope ...cnuts.

[Deleted User]

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Why would you think that would be considered in anyway polite or appropriate?

Oh don't get me wrong, I wasn't suggesting that It was better manners or anything, I suppose I was just asking if other people do that?

I always have and my friends & family would too. I have often found that the bride and groom are glad of the card a few weeks later when the honeymoon is literally over and they are back to reality.

Would I consider it appropriate - why not? what would be inappropriate about it? unless I either didn't really know the couple that well or I knew they were the type that liked being left alone then I would definitely think it appropriate to call a few weeks later, I think its nice to call and tell them how lovely the wedding was and how great everyone looked

lazygal

We got cards and gifts months after our wedding. I never consider the giving of a gift rude, if done in the right spirit.

intheclouds

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

Before of just after but a few weeks after? I dunnno, Comes across to me as having forgot to get a present or an afterthought if someone drops in a present ages after an event. I really don't see anyone actually believing it was done with the intention of them being a unique flower who did something special and personal to hand deliver it a few weeks to late.

edit to add, I know that's not the way its intended, just the way it will be perceived.

It always used to be that you would do that, its only in the past couple of decades Ive noticed people more giving the gift at the wedding.

Then again, its probably since wedding gifts became cash more often that people just handle it at the wedding itself.

It used be impractical for the bride and groom to move a heap of physical gifts from the hotel after the wedding so it was more normal to drop it off at their "new" home in the months following the wedding.

Kathy22

At a wedding last year people could drop cards into reception and they kept them in a safe. They then passed them to the bride and groom the next morning. They said it to people as they were checking in. I found this handy rather than going looking for the best man and I knew the cards were safe. Our venue didn't offer this to us but maybe worth asking the venue you are booking?

Have to say wouldn't be keen on the term 'wishing well'. Also don't think a box on a table is very secure. I know none of your guests would take it but if your venue isn't exclusive someone could walk in and make off with a tidy sum of money.

bee06

Kathy22 wrote: »

At a wedding last year people could drop cards into reception and they kept them in a safe. They then passed them to the bride and groom the next morning. They said it to people as they were checking in. I found this handy rather than going looking for the best man and I knew the cards were safe. Our venue didn't offer this to us but maybe worth asking the venue you are booking?

Our hotel wouldn't do this because they could be held liable if something went missing. They told us they even if they saw a card on the floor the staff wouldn't touch it, only let the wedding party know about it.

Ms2011

Do you know I've no idea who took our cards at our wedding, they were just in our room that night along with what was left of our wedding cake. Couldn't tell you if any went missing:o

Malari

Most people gave cards to my husband. It was a bit of a worry, and he'd go off to the bedroom when he had 2 or 3 and deposit them safely!

westernlass

I wouldn't trust a venue with cards personally as I worked in venues for years and have seen a lot go missing.

doireannod

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

If I have a card with money in it i'm handing it to the best man. End of story. It's good old chain of custody.

I know that I gave the envelope to some designated to take it by the bride and groom. It's his responsibility to keep it safe for the couple.

Fobbing that responsibility off on a fancy trocaire box? Makes less than zero sense.

Trocaire box. Hilarious!