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Shamed for being Frugal

enoughalready

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

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Elemonator

In the words of Taylor Swift, shake it off!
In all seriousness though, they shouldn't be telling you how to live. It is your choice. But don't be ultra stingy, like I know someone who has a 93' car with a bad engine, no suits, house hasn't been updated since the 1970's and birthdays/Christmas you can forget about. They earn over 100,000 a year too, maybe more when you factor in their financial trading and renting out to students. Like what are they saving for?

Wilberto

CIP4 wrote: »

But the people that give out about evenly splitting a meal because their's was €2 cheaper or the people that go to the cinema with friends and b!tch for the night about the price of the ticket that sort of thing is mean and not a likeable trait.

I absolutely hate when, after a meal with a group of friends, there's always at least one to bring up the calculator on their phone to tot up the bill. I mean, either split the bill evenly or, if you do want to take a pay what you owe just make a mental calculation at the start, rounding everything up to the nearest euro to allow for a tip. Perfect.

Elemonator wrote: »

In the words of Taylor Swift, shake it off!

Dial Hard

To be very honest, I find stridently frugal types to be just as bad as spendthrifts for not knowing the value of money.

There's a middle ground between up to your eyes in debt and taking pride in not spending a penny that didn't beg for mercy first.

At the end of the day, you can't take it with you. I'm not in any way advocating that anyone should spend above their means, but there's a balance to be struck and money can be enjoyed in ways other than obsessively saving or splurging it.

Wilberto

Dial Hard wrote: »

To be very honest, I find stridently frugal types to be just as bad as spendthrifts for not knowing the value of money.

There's a middle ground between up to your eyes in debt and taking pride in not spending a penny that didn't beg for mercy first.

At the end of the day, you can't take it with you. I'm not in any way advocating that anyone should spend above their means, but there's a balance to be struck and money can be enjoyed in ways other than obsessively saving or splurging it.

Ah, but the financial security that a decent amount of savings can provide may be worth more to a person than anything they can buy with it.

Hrududu

Wilberto wrote: »

I absolutely hate when, after a meal with a group of friends, there's always at least one to bring up the calculator on their phone to tot up the bill.

I'm going to sound like such a stinge but I hate having to split the bill equally when it's obvious that some went way overboard. The last time I went out with friends we split the bill evenly and someone joked about people and calculators. The person who said this had 3 courses, cocktails and a bottle of wine between himself and his partner. I had a main course and a Coke. But I hate being a stinge so said nothing. But in my experience the ones pushing hard for the bill to be equal are normally the ones who pushed the boat out. And they know well they've gotten a good deal out of it

Stheno

Hrududu wrote: »

I'm going to sound like such a stinge but I hate having to split the bill equally when it's obvious that some went way overboard. The last time I went out with friends we split the bill evenly and someone joked about people and calculators. The person who said this had 3 courses, cocktails and a bottle of wine between himself and his partner. I had a main course and a Coke. But I hate being a stinge so said nothing. But in my experience the ones pushing hard for the bill to be equal are normally the ones who pushed the boat out. And they know well they've gotten a good deal out of it

My OH doesn't drink, so if we go out and split a bill equally we always get the short end of the stick.

I generally don't mind, the chance to be out socially and enjoy peoples company makes up for the few extra euro that's involved tbh.

Spanish Eyes

I enjoy a laugh about frugality. For instance me and OH went to Cannes there recently. OK, it's supposed to be a ridiculously expensive place and all that so what am I on about FGS!

Anyway, got a great deal in a hotel for five days. +

Then found out that there was a bus from the airport for €1.50, but it went the scenic route all along the coast. WTF a free tour of the Cote D'Azur for €1.50? Sold!!

People kept telling me about this amazing Express bus to Cannes from Nice Airport. LOL, but we went the scenic route for a tenth of the price and we had a ball with the locals on the bendy bus.

Then when in Cannes (did a bit of research natch) we were staying near the big Marche Forville, and lo and behold we could get a breakfast in a lovely coffee shop there for a fiver for the TWO of us! Used by the market traders, and we had a great laugh. I'm lucky that I speak French enough to have a laugh, and laugh we did! On our last morning there we got a free coffee, because we were such loyal customers. That was amazing fun.

Anyway, for the evening meals, we didn't worry about cost really, just went where we fancied and the prices weren't Michelin star high.

So to me it's a bit of fun to save a few bob here and there, but I never scrimp, neither am I mean. Ask my nephews and nieces what their Auntie is like! They love me....

Getting to the stage where you don't have debt is so liberating, but you never forget the tough days having little cash to spare, so that is a big lesson in life.

Live within your means and enjoy it as best you can.

Dial Hard

Wilberto wrote:

Ah, but the financial security that a decent amount of savings can provide may be worth more to a person than anything they can buy with it.

They still can't take it with them, though.

And I'm absolutely not saying that anyone should live paycheck-to-paycheck and never have a buffer zone. But living only to save is equally pointless (and joyless), imo. And if I had a friend who scrimped and saved only to put every penny in a savings account, never to be touched, and talked about it constantly, then I'd probably end up saying something to them too, tbh.*

As I said, there's a middle ground.

*Not necessarily saying that this is the OP's case, but we seem to have moved into hypotheses long ago

enoughalready

Thanks for all your replies, I've come to the conclusion that embracing frugality doesn't need to be broadcast to anyone who'll listen, I think it boils down to the old saying that it's rude to talk about money. People get uncomfortable. I will continue my frugal ways and save as much as I can to reach my personal goals. Friends / family don't need to hear me harping on about it, unless I'm in the company of a fellow frugal friend

landmarkjohn

It's your choice how and where you spend your money and don't let anyone persuade you any different.

I'm sure there are plenty that might have looked at people for bringing in their own lunch during the Celtic Tiger.... no shame in it now!

Wilberto

Hrududu wrote: »

I'm going to sound like such a stinge but I hate having to split the bill equally when it's obvious that some went way overboard. The last time I went out with friends we split the bill evenly and someone joked about people and calculators. The person who said this had 3 courses, cocktails and a bottle of wine between himself and his partner. I had a main course and a Coke. But I hate being a stinge so said nothing. But in my experience the ones pushing hard for the bill to be equal are normally the ones who pushed the boat out. And they know well they've gotten a good deal out of it

Yeah I get you on that front. Thankfully though, I've no experiences to share with you as my friends are just great.

simdan

enoughalready wrote:

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

I did this exact thing to my mate from Cavan and I'm happy I did. He was extremely frugal and always worried about problems down the road. He now has a much nicer house, New car, pets and still has enough cash to be comfortable. What's the point of worrying about what 'might' happen.. Enjoy!

FizzleSticks

This post has been deleted.

tringle

Being frugal and being mean are two different things but yes some people may not see the difference.

The start of this was the €20 fee to the GP, from what I understand this is charged for two reasons.
Firstly they or the secretary do have to take the time to do it and stand over it, many "pieces of paper" are followed by calls and emails to check the validity of it And secondly it is to stop people willy nilly calling for a cert for this or that when they don't feel like doing something, the €20 charge makes you think if its worth it.
I'm not saying in any way your printout wasn't needed for legitimate reasons but I do know a letter I needed recently took over an hour of extra time including calls to the A and E department by my GP, €20 was a bargain.

You may be right about money just being an awkward thing to talk about, we complain about the flash Harry just as much as the miser.

Ursus Horribilis

I don't think it's about money being an awkward thing to talk about. To me it's a topic that becomes very boring to have to listen to after a while. I've no problem with people living frugally and saving money. It's when you have to listen to people going on and on about it that it gets irritating. There comes a point where saving money as a sensible thing to do turns into a vehicle for self-congratulation. Is it really much different to having to listen to a parent crow about how little Johnny is getting straight As in his exams? Or someone bragging about the latest thing they bought in Brown Thomas? I work with someone who's like that and it gets wearing after a while. He shops in the bargain fridge of the supermarket near our offices which I've no problem with. But when you're hearing for the umpteenth time that he got this for 99c instead of €2.99, it becomes a record that needs changing. Plus, if you get to a stage where you're turning over ever penny before you spend any money at all, it could be a sign that money has taken over your life.

Cabaal

I get this the odd time, being shamed for watching what I spent money on,
But again ironically it comes from people that are upto their eye balls in debt on credits cards and littlewoods credit, I used to have credit card debt but cleared it all so know its not all roses for them but its evident they are ignoring the debt they have while trying to belittle me.

Tired of it at this stage and may just have to point out their debt next time,

[Deleted User]

Each to their own, I'm sitting here in €300 shoes wearing a €2k watch after eating a homemade salad as I reckon the canteen salad isn't great for €4 :pac:

zagmund

Augeo wrote: »

Each to their own, I'm sitting here in €300 shoes wearing a €2k watch after eating a homemade salad as I reckon the canteen salad isn't great for €4 :pac:

And does your watch tell better time than all the other watches?

z

[Deleted User]

zagmund wrote: »

And does your watch tell better time than all the other watches?

z

Nope, worse than a cheap quartz

As I said, each to their own.

None of my colleagues know what my shoes or watch cost nor my views on the canteen salad

Latatian

Exactly, to each their own.

One thing that annoys me is when people confuse being 'mean' or 'stingy' with 'not having the same hobby/likes/interests'. I love books. So I go to a bookshop with my money clutched in my grubby little fist and I buy books. I don't give out that my friend is 'stingy' or 'tight' for not buying books with me, I'm just grateful that they're happy to come along and I make sure we go to something they want to go to as well. It genuinely wouldn't be worth it for them to spend the money on something they didn't want.

But I know people who will give out about how so-and-so is so stingy because they go out shopping and go into the shoe shop (or whatever) and that person doesn't buy any shoes, won't "treat themselves." Maybe they just don't think it's a treat? Maybe they don't need more shoes?

Sam Kade

5uspect wrote: »

You married your sister?!

I'm debt free too, can't even imagine the horror of owing money.

if you're running a business you have to borrow at some stage no great horror about it. I'm just saying that everybody can't be debt free.

Websites4u

I feel the same sometimes, so you have to have will power. Now i have no shame and it shouldnt be a shameful thing. Can't remember where i was with my GF and she was embarrased that i asked "whats the best price you can give me?". In the end, she said fair play and now she does the same.

Let's put the shoe on the other foot, you will simply pay any amount out. If you get a receipt that is twice the amount it should be, you would just pay.

Would your friend pay out any amount of money for a bottle of milk without checking the receipt? i doubt it!

Websites4u

oh and i buy my books from a local charity shop or borrow from the library

_Kaiser_

I decided a few months ago to switch the bulk of my weekly shopping to Lidl (bang up with the trends me

). It's not that I can't afford Dunnes but I've discovered that there's actually no difference with most of the stuff I buy - chicken/meats are still Irish, household cleaning stuff works just as well, chocolate (damn my sweet tooth) is just the same - so for me there's no point in just spending the extra money for the "brands"

The 3 exceptions are the 18 cans of Coke (Lidl don't do them), "proper" milk (the Lidl stuff doesn't keep as long), and those Tayto Bistro Cheese and Onion crisps (addictive so they are!!)

I figure I'm saving about €20 a week since the switch which does add up. As for what anyone else might think? Who cares.. it's not their money is it?

snubbleste

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

I decided a few months ago to switch the bulk of my weekly shopping to Lidl (bang up with the trends me ).............

Switching supermarkets is not being frugal. You should be shopping around all the time anyway.

Wilberto

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

I decided a few months ago to switch the bulk of my weekly shopping to Lidl (bang up with the trends me ). It's not that I can't afford Dunnes but I've discovered that there's actually no difference with most of the stuff I buy - chicken/meats are still Irish, household cleaning stuff works just as well, chocolate (damn my sweet tooth) is just the same - so for me there's no point in just spending the extra money for the "brands"

The 3 exceptions are the 18 cans of Coke (Lidl don't do them), "proper" milk (the Lidl stuff doesn't keep as long), and those Tayto Bistro Cheese and Onion crisps (addictive so they are!!)

I figure I'm saving about €20 a week since the switch which does add up. As for what anyone else might think? Who cares.. it's not their money is it?

I find that the bread in Lidl is also absolutely beautiful as well. I love their tiger bread.

_Kaiser_

snubbleste wrote: »

Switching supermarkets is not being frugal. You should be shopping around all the time anyway.

As a "typical man" I've very little interest in grocery shopping, preferring to get in, get it done, and back out again as quickly and effortlessly as possible.

My late mother used to spend her day going between several different stores in an effort to save a few euro here, a coupon there.. but considering the time (and in my case diesel) used to do this, any saving is questionable IMO

So I'll stick to what works for me and still save enough to make it worthwhile

_Kaiser_

Wilberto wrote: »

I find that the bread in Lidl is also absolutely beautiful as well. I love their tiger bread.

Must give that a shot next time I'm in there

pwurple

_Kaiser_ wrote: »

As a "typical man" I've very little interest in grocery shopping, preferring to get in, get it done, and back out again as quickly and effortlessly as possible.

Lol, I must tell my husband I'm a typical man. I don't see any point in going to multiple shops either, or any shops for that matter. I get groceries delivered, the bits that we don't grow. When i can invoice x amount for an hours extra work, why would I spend two hours saving 3 quid.

Sam Kade

StillThinking wrote: »

I get it all the time from my sister, think she's jealous to be honest, we got married last year, only had a small one as didn't want to get in debt for 1 day, bought an older reliable car, careful with our money, have no debt and that's how we want to keep it. She's always saying how stingy and tight I am even though I buy her things, always treat her children and always pay my own way.
She's terrible with money so when she starts I always ask how much she owes now!

Very childish behaviour from both of you.