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Child Item

Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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The Sun King

NufcNavan wrote: »

Anyone who thinks that Roddy Doyle's 'Two Pints' vignettes are a good read. Patronising drivel.

It's embarrassingly bad.

"Unreal Roddy."

"Great stuff"

"Could hear the tears in your eyes in this one Roddy."

Hear my massive ****ing groan, you bellend.

NufcNavan

Anyone who thinks that Roddy Doyle's 'Two Pints' vignettes are a good read. Patronising drivel.

Qualitymark

Boasting "I learned Irish for 15 years and I can't speak a word", as if that's some kind of achievement.

Aglomerado

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I hope the little fúcks grow up thoroughly average :mad:

They are probably called something like Teilifís or Fuinneog... :rolleyes:

liz lemoncello

Gandalph wrote: »

Probably been mentioned before but sunglasses inside...because it's always sunny in doucheville.

I wear sunglasses all day, even if overcast because I've got eye issues. If I take them off when i pop inside a shop, I have to put them somewhere. I believe, according to this thread, I can't stick them on my head. What am I to do to remain free of accusations of wankery? (Or is it wankeressness?)

DEFTLEFTHAND

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I hope the little fúcks grow up thoroughly average :mad:

Or notorious international drug traffickers.

OldNotWIse

pgj2015 wrote: »

[/B]

I will raise you = A parent doing this in lidl, but using Irish, look at me everyone I don't allow my kids sweets and I can speak fluent Irish.

I hope the little fúcks grow up thoroughly average :mad:

valoren

lapua20grain wrote: »

i think the term is wankess

Schlicker

Pinch Flat

Guy, early 30s driving a Mini Cooper. Wearing a sleeveless padded gilet (probably some wankerish brand like Gant or Tommy Hilfiger), scarf and sipping from a Starbucks coffee cup while stuck in traffic. A classic wanker.

pgj2015

bottlebrush wrote: »

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch and we moved at high speed to a different table after the first course to get away from such a tosser as he carried out a very loud personal conversation with his 5 year old son as if he was at home in his own kitchen. Regularly come across these tossers in supermarkets as well as they discuss out loudly what the children can or can't have.

I will raise you = A parent doing this in lidl, but using Irish, look at me everyone I don't allow my kids sweets and I can speak fluent Irish.

tony 2 tone

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Bonus + if wearing black socks.

Double extra bonus if wearing no socks *Shudder*

Stonedpilot

Man buns and wearing sunglasses indoors are dead giveaways.

Gandalph

Probably been mentioned before but sunglasses inside...because it's always sunny in doucheville.

Brendan Bendar

wetlandsboy wrote: »

Bonus points if he's displaying his leg tattoos.

Bonus + if wearing black socks.

wetlandsboy

droidman123 wrote: »

Freezing this morning coming back from the shop,I seen a guy wearing a heavy anorak with the hood up.......and a pair of shorts!!! The wankiest of ****!

Bonus points if he's displaying his leg tattoos.

The Sun King

lapua20grain wrote: »

i think the term is wankess

Wankness Markievicz.

Brendan Bendar

The_Valeyard wrote: »

Prefer fanny tickler myself.

Bean flicker is appropriate too, more of a universal appeal.

Your offering might have a problem in the US ?

The_Valeyard

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Gusset typist, I believe is the word.

Prefer fanny tickler myself.

Brendan Bendar

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Never heard someone refer to a lady as a wanker, must listen out

Gusset typist, I believe is the word.

lapua20grain

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Never heard someone refer to a lady as a wanker, must listen out

i think the term is wankess

ToddyDoody

Kev W wrote: »

Of course not.

Never heard someone refer to a lady as a wanker, must listen out

Kev W

ToddyDoody wrote: »

Is wanker a male-only term?

Of course not.

ToddyDoody

Is wanker a male-only term?

bigpink

Facebook or online accounts in the irish spelling of name

Brendan Bendar

NufcNavan wrote: »

When someone clicks 'angry' and that stupid ':mad:' emoticon appears beside a story about something that's usually unrelated to their day to day life.

Uuuh ....emoticon, right.

Thanks lad.

NufcNavan

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

What kind of emotion?

When someone clicks 'angry' and that stupid ':mad:' emoticon appears beside a story about something that's usually unrelated to their day to day life.

Testament1

People who constantly post gym mirror selfies and videos of themselves lifting weights to Facebook and Instagram. I'm all for people trying to improve their health and fitness but the above behaviour just smacks of being a narcissistic c*nt. Thank christ for the 'unfollow' button!

Thundercats Ho

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

What kind of emotion?

Emoticon?
Did you reply with an emoticon or a smilie? what's the difference?

Brendan Bendar

NufcNavan wrote: »

Maybe not necessarily a wanker, but you have to be a complete simpleton to 'react' to a news story or a status on Facebook with an emotion.

What kind of emotion?

NufcNavan

Maybe not necessarily a wanker, but you have to be a complete simpleton to 'react' to a news story or a status on Facebook with an emotion.