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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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Birneybau

Pinch Flat wrote: »

Wearing sun glasses on your head. In December. Mostly done by wankerettes

Yeah, nothing better to get you in the Christmas spirit than being blinded by the low Winter sun.

Pinch Flat

Birneybau wrote: »

Yeah, nothing better to get you in the Christmas spirit than being blinded by the low Winter sun.

It was indoors, on a rainy day in December. But yeah you never know.

5rtytry56

Anyone who is heard uttering the phrase

"...and I put them in their place"

as part of everyday conversation.

Birneybau

5rtytry56 wrote: »

Anyone who is heard uttering the phrase

"...and I put them in their place"

as part of everyday conversation.

Unless it's somebody with OCD.

5rtytry56

Birneybau wrote: »

Unless it's somebody with OCD.

So if you're like the nurse in the movie "MISERY" featuring Warren Beatty, you're not a wanker/tosser. That's how she caught him out, he put the penguin piece back facing the wrong way.
You were'nt expecting that.

DrPhilG

5rtytry56 wrote: »

So if you're like the nurse in the movie "MISERY" featuring Warren Beatty, you're not a wanker/tosser. That's how she caught him out, he put the penguin piece back facing the wrong way.
You were'nt expecting that.

Misery didn't feature Warren Beatty. It was James Caan.

Gyalist

Anyone with an honorary doctorate who insists on being addressed as "Dr X". Even worse when the said "doctorate" was purchased from some unacreditted American degree mill.

Ally Dick

Anyone who refers to themselves in the third person is a complete wanker, says Ally Dick

[Deleted User]

Ally Dick wrote: »

Anyone who refers to themselves in the third person is a complete wanker, says Ally Dick

Unless you're The Rock...

getaroom

Boring username wrote: »

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

Some one who orders 76000 Christmas calendars and expects people on minimum wage to pay for them.

Kev W

getaroom wrote: »

Some one who orders 76000 Christmas calendars and expects people on minimum wage to pay for them.

Thanks for including the OP quote, we wouldn't have a clue what you were talking about otherwise.

OldMrBrennan83

This post has been deleted.

machiavellianme

What's wrong with a Christmas day swim? Sure what else am I supposed to do with the heated pool downstairs? Moor the yacht in it? I think not.

The Sun King

The only thing I'm swimming in is chocolate.

5rtytry56

DrPhilG wrote: »

Misery didn't feature Warren Beatty. It was James Caan.

Is Warren Beatty a Wanker/Tosser or not though?:):pac:

Wabbit Ears

riclad wrote: »

People who are overweight ,
who wear short tshirts,
male or female .
People who have a haircut which hangs down on one side ,
over their eyes .
or have one side of their head shaved ,
make up your mind ,
grow it ,long ,or keep it short.

Pac1Man wrote: »

Wow. That's trippy. The subject matter really resonates. The vivid opening lines take us right into a scene of darkness and conflict. The elegant second verse really highlights the element of confusion.

Keep up the good work.

I read it like that fast bit in Metallicas 'One'

Ash.J.Williams

5rtytry56 wrote: »

Anyone who is heard uttering the phrase

"...and I put them in their place"

as part of everyday conversation.

I used that ironically....I managed to get my daughter and my self into a local Santa event that was sold out....I showed them who runs this town......(please please please let us in pleeeeeease)

A Primal Nut

No better what you say they have a story that's better, even if they have to make something up.

"I met a nice girl last night"
"Aw sure that's nothing, I was with a professional model"

"Did ya drink much last night"
"Yeah I had 5 or 6 pints"
"Aw sure that's nothing, I drank 17 bottles of vodka and 20 tequila shots"

skittles8710

Overtaking a granny on her way to mass on Christmas day.

Corpus Twisty

skittles8710 wrote: »

Over taking a granny on her way to mass on Christmas day.

Duurty. You staying long?

skittles8710

Corpus Twisty wrote: »

Duurty. You staying long?

Haha ffs!

Corpus Twisty

skittles8710 wrote: »

Haha ffs!

Sh1t..I may have misread that...you meant cars and stuff, right?

BorneTobyWilde

When someone who knows nothing about you picks on you because they are
loud mouth idiots and I'm the opposite.
I would call them ****. Me I love almost everybody.

windy shepard henderson

somebody who marry's into money for there own profit or gain

remember seeing some lunatic from the midlands on the six one news after his missus won the lotto fall around the place drunk singing into the camera "happy days are here again the boys are on the beer again" .. . . . . . . . . .it was his partner that won the lotto!!!!
.
.

Kev W

windy shepard henderson wrote: »

somebody who marry's into money for there own profit or gain

remember seeing some lunatic from the midlands on the six one news after his missus won the lotto fall around the place drunk singing into the camera "happy days are here again the boys are on the beer again" .. . . . . . . . . .it was his partner that won the lotto!!!!
.
.

Fair play to him for knowing she'd win ahead of time though, apparently.

windy shepard henderson

Kev W wrote: »

Fair play to him for knowing she'd win ahead of time though, apparently.

oh sorry . no example's aloud is it..... :rolleyes:

let me start again

someone who marry's into money NEXT!!!!

Colser

windy shepard henderson wrote: »

oh sorry . no example's aloud is it..... :rolleyes:

let me start again

someone who marry's into money NEXT!!!!

Im confused,are you saying that people who have money should remain single as they are bound to marry a tosser or what?

Eugene Norman

windy shepard henderson wrote: »

oh sorry . no example's aloud is it..... :rolleyes:

let me start again

someone who marry's into money NEXT!!!!

He was going out with someone who didn't have money. Then they won the lotto.

windy shepard henderson

Colser wrote: »

Im confused,are you saying that people who have money should remain single as they are bound to marry a tosser or what?

I was giving an example of someone, rubbing in someone else's success

Colser

windy shepard henderson wrote: »

I was giving an example of someone, rubbing in someone else's success

But wouldnt anybody be delighted if their wife/husband won the lotto,he didnt know that was going to happen when he married her so how is he a tosser?