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What are these people clogging up tinder for?

josephryan1989

I joined tinder and bought a month subscription and started swiping.
There were a lot of very attractive women so I was swiping right quite a bit and then I got a few matches.
Happy days?
These women want to meet up for a nice date or casual sex or they want a boyfriend or meet prince charming and ultimately marry the man of their dreams?
Right?
Wrong!
Once you get past the "Hi any craic?" "Where are you from?" etc and then start having a conversation and try to move things along to meeting up it starts getting weird.
These women say they don't meet strangers on social media and they find it "creepy" that you would ask them out!
Tinder is a DATING app!
What are these people going on tinder if they don't want to get together?
Are they insane?
I did date one or two women and had some fun but tinder seems infested with idiots who seem to be okay with likes and then get annoyed when you actually use the app for what it was designed - ask them out!
The mind boggles!
It really does!

You have to literally wade through all these people who are on a dating app but not interested in actually dating before you meet the women who do!
Imagine you went to a restaurant to get a meal or a drink but all the tables were full but none of the people clogging the tables were there to have any food and the owners couldn't kick them out?
That is exactly what tinder is like!

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c_man

Never used it but know some female friends who behave as you describe OP. Asked them about it, "it's a bit of craic" etc. Seems like it's validation more than anything. Wasting your time tbh.

josephryan1989

Iwasfrozen wrote: »

Why would you buy a subscription? You can swipe for free.

Unlimited likes are available on subscription which means more likelihood of meeting someone who is actually interested in meeting up.

I got together with two women before my monthly subscription ran out but that meant I had to literally chat up hundreds of women on the app.

Which means the odds of meeting women were about the same if I chatted up a handful of women a day for an entire month until I finally got one or two girls to meet up and go to bed with me. One of two women a month is about a dozen women a year which is decent enough. Not in the league of Jack Nicholson who I read was a five woman a day man but good enough. I know guys who have never had a date in over a year or who have only ever been with a handful of women in their entire lives. Most guys I know who are married or have a girlfriend put it all down to pure blind luck. They literally have no clue how they are in a relationship at all.

Tinder was intended as a dating app but in reality it's more of a social media game a "hot or not" type thing, it has a reputation for being inhabited by guys interested only in sex.

So maybe guys and girls who only want to have sex should have tinder to themselves and anyone else should get off tinder and bugger off?

I would suggest tinder is not the correct platform for you. Have you tried POF?

I would imagine the same phenomenon exists on all dating apps with the overwhelming majority of women inexplicably using it but having no intention of actually meeting anyone?

josephryan1989

Ally Dick wrote: »

You can never complain to a woman about not getting a shift or a ride. Nobody owes it to you

If she isn't interested she shouldn't swipe right and give me the false impression that she is interested and that I am about to get some.
The purpose of tinder is to make it easy for you to avoid that confusion.
It seems many of these women take perverse pleasure in giving men the wrong impression and then act all surprised when he is interested!
But of course when the guy is confused and asks the woman to be clear about what she wants he suddenly becomes the bad guy?
You can see how illogical that is especially when this happens of a hook up app like tinder which is for the purpose of hook ups?

tomwaterford

josephryan1989 wrote: »

If she isn't interested she shouldn't swipe right and give me the false impression that she is interested and that I am about to get some.
The purpose of tinder is to make it easy for you to avoid that confusion.

Maybe she lost interest after msging a bit?

Mister Vain

josephryan1989 wrote: »

Since when is not getting laid an ego boost?

The ego boost comes from having loads of men who want to have sex with them.

What's that old saying, "Men need sex to have a healthy self esteem whereas women need a healthy self esteem to have sex."

josephryan1989

tomwaterford wrote: »

Maybe she lost interest after msging a bit?

So maybe she could have made it more interesting by actually meeting up in a physical place?

[Deleted User]

The biggest issue with the likes of Tinder and other dating sites going the app route, is that it increases the amount of people that use it - sure, this means a potential greater likelihood of meeting someone, but there's just so much chaff there as well -- for both genders. It's getting to the point where it's so difficult to find anyone worthwhile.

Plus don't pay for a subscription -- on any site. There's absolutely no increasing your chances of meeting someone, just by being a "premium" member. It just helps sedate people's insecurities with features like, "did they read my message, so I know whether I'm being ignored", "when was the last time they were online, so I know if I should feel insecure about their not replying", and "maybe if it makes my picture bigger, it might increase my chances of getting messages".

josephryan1989

Mister Vain wrote: »

The ego boost comes from having loads of men who want to have sex with them.

What's that old saying, "Men need sex to have a healthy self esteem whereas women need a healthy self esteem to have sex."

I cannot understand why someone would enjoy knowing people want to have sex with them but never actually having sex with them?

If I knew loads of hot women wanted to have sex with me and all I had to do was say yes I would say yes.

How the hell women think this is empowering is beyond me.

If you have power you use it or else you don't have power.

A woman who is getting likes on tinder and fells empowered but is lying alone in her bed with nobody is deluded.

tomwaterford

josephryan1989 wrote: »

So maybe she could have made it more interesting by actually meeting up in a physical place?

In fairness it's unlikely shed meet up if she's lost interest?

Mister Vain

josephryan1989 wrote: »

I cannot understand why someone would enjoy knowing people want to have sex with them but never actually having sex with them?

If I knew loads of hot women wanted to have sex with me and all I had to do was say yes I would say yes.

How the hell women think this is empowering is beyond me.

If you have power you use it or else you don't have power.

A woman who is getting likes on tinder and fells empowered but is lying alone in her bed with nobody is deluded.

Well obviously, but what if they were unattractive? A hot woman can get sex anywhere. It doesn't mean she doesn't like the attention.

josephryan1989

tomwaterford wrote: »

In fairness it's unlikely shed meet up if she's lost interest?

That's another inexplicable saying "lost interest." Women "lose interest" but never give any explanation why. You have a nice conversation and then for no discernible reason she turns into a different person and loses interest.
When you have the same conversation with a different girl she agrees to go on a date, the date goes well and you might have a one night stand or date her a few more times.
A guy can never be sure at any stage what is working and what isn't.
Like I said in a previous post most guys I have spoken to about how they ended up in a relationship with a woman can explain why she is with him and not with some other man and why she sticks around.
If a guy has any chance of getting sex or a girlfriend or getting married I suppose he has to plunge on and try it on with with hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of women until he finds one who for some strange reason is interested?
Tinder seems to a virtual version of bars and nightclubs where women seem to congregate but none of them seem to interested in meeting men.
Think about it.
How many single women in a typical nightclub actually end up going home with a man at the end of the night?
So tinder seems to be full of women who have profiles on a dating app but refuse men for the sake of refusing?

maudgonner

josephryan1989 wrote: »

I cannot understand why someone would enjoy knowing people want to have sex with them but never actually having sex with them?

If I knew loads of hot women wanted to have sex with me and all I had to do was say yes I would say yes.

It's a f**king horrible double standard, but if a woman said yes to having sex with loads of guys she would be called a whore and a slut. If you doubt that, take a look through the posts on AH or reddit any day of the week.

Women's attitudes to sex are different from men's. Partly because society down through the years has said that women shouldn't have casual sex, and the consequences for doing so were horrendous.

So yeah, a lot of women will like to feel that they can attract guys, they might not want to take it any further than that. I'm sure guys find it frustrating (and it's not a game I play myself) but they do a lot to contribute to the situation.

josephryan1989

maudgonner wrote: »

It's a f**king horrible double standard, but if a woman said yes to having sex with loads of guys she would be called a whore and a slut. If you doubt that, take a look through the posts on AH or reddit any day of the week.

I don't think a woman who is having sex with loads of guys has anything to be ashamed of. I would like to be one of those guys.

Women's attitudes to sex are different from men's. Partly because society down through the years has said that women shouldn't have casual sex, and the consequences for doing so were horrendous.

We don't live in Saudi Arabia. We live in Ireland in the 21st century. So if a woman want to have sex she can. Tinder can help her have anonymous sex if she likes. She doesn't have to meet the guy in a pub or nightclub. She can meet him online and they can go to his or hers for some fun.

So yeah, a lot of women will like to feel that they can attract guys, they might not want to take it any further than that. I'm sure guys find it frustrating (and it's not a game I play myself) but they do a lot to contribute to the situation.

Is it any wonder some men go to prostitutes? I would never go to a brothel because I get off on a woman actually being attracted to me but if a guy wants sex I can see why he will pay up rather than having to beg for sex.

thegreatgonzo

Ally Dick wrote: »

That's when I realised that she was there for the ego trip and to boost her stats. I'd say some people using Tinder are also there for the validation that they are good looking

Well maybe not. I went speed dating a few years ago and there were a few fellas that I wasn't interested in but knew they were going to tick yes or whatever it was to me and I ticked yes so they'd have at least one match. These were guys that were really suffering through the experience and I was sitting beside a girl that was being a bit of a bitch to most of them so they were nearly in bits by the time they got to me.
So perhaps your wan was trying to get loads of matches to boost her stats (I didn't know that was even a thing) or maybe she just was giving people a chance. Did you ask her out?

tomwaterford

The problem here is flakiness....everyone on dating site/apps suffers a bit from it....and being honest if your bored/hungover/what not...it deos take extra determination/effort not to msg back and forth with wans your not massively into....it's a pure timesink if your not in the right mindset....and then when you are....half the people aren't in the right mindset....there's no point being annoyed over it....just msg the next match??

josephryan1989

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

Well maybe not. I went speed dating a few years ago and there were a few fellas that I wasn't interested in but knew they were going to tick yes or whatever it was to me and I ticked yes so they'd have at least one match. These were guys that were really suffering through the experience and I was sitting beside a girl that was being a bit of a bitch to most of them so they were nearly in bits by the time they got to me.
So perhaps your wan was trying to get loads of matches to boost her stats (I didn't know that was even a thing) or maybe she just was giving people a chance. Did you ask her out?

Why make it worse by giving the guys a match and turning out that you weren't interested like the bitchy girl?

josephryan1989

tomwaterford wrote: »

The problem here is flakiness....everyone on dating site/apps suffers a bit from it....and being honest if your bored/hungover/what not...it deos take extra determination/effort not to msg back and forth with wans your not massively into....it's a pure timesink if your not in the right mindset....and then when you are....half the people aren't in the right mindset....there's no point being annoyed over it....just msg the next match??

Or maybe shut down your tinder account altogether?

maudgonner

josephryan1989 wrote: »

I don't think a woman who is having sex with loads of guys has anything to be ashamed of.

Good for you, if there were more people with the same attitude then maybe women would feel differently.

Ally Dick

Tinder is only annoying yourself really unless you are prolific !

thegreatgonzo

josephryan1989 wrote: »

Why make it worse by giving the guys a match and turning out that you weren't interested like the bitchy girl?

Why is it worse? We exchanged a few email messages back and forth and and it was all amicable. I'm sure he didn't think he had lost the woman of his dreams because I didn't go out with him.

tomwaterford

josephryan1989 wrote: »

Or maybe shut down your tinder account altogether?

I did!!!
But like its a fair pastime if your like hungover...msg away having the craic etc with some other wan on it....but noting ever comes of it...as I'm too busy etc in work and who's going to make exceptional effort to meet somebody off it...when there'll be another along/your msging having the craic already with them

Like I had a few dates and went well etc...but Jesus I wouldn't be stressed out/excited about it....like I could see how people get dates every week and what not...but who's going to try fit in some randomer maybe an hour away when your busy enough as it is (Even meeting halfway)

I just assume everyone I msg is similar at my age?

josephryan1989

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

Why is it worse? We exchanged a few email messages back and forth and and it was all amicable. I'm sure he didn't think he had lost the woman of his dreams because I didn't go out with him.

He went to the speed dating thing to get a date. He didn't want to be your friend. He wanted to go out get romantic, maybe have sex or maybe have a relationship. Instead he met another girl who inexplicable will not date him or have sex with hi,. And what did you get out of it? You enjoyed building his hopes up and making him feel worse? You didn't end up with anything either. The guy was amicable because he was probably too shy to be rude. I wouldn't send emails to a girl who wasn't interested in me. I'd tell her where to go and move on and not look back.

pq0n1ct4ve8zf5

josephryan1989 wrote: »

Why make it worse by giving the guys a match and turning out that you weren't interested like the bitchy girl?

There are going to be plenty of attention seekers and time wasters on any dating app, that's just par for the course. It's annoying, but it is what it is. But the following scenario could also happen, and probably happens to some people more than others.

Girl sees your tinder profile or whatever (I don't know what the craic is, I'm not on it), thinks 'he looks OK' matches with you.

You and girl message back and forth. Girl thinks 'Actually, now I've gotten to know a bit more about him, not really interested'

You ask girl out. Girl says she's not interested because she doesn't think that swiping her finger across the screen of her phone is a legally or morally binding contract to put out.

Collie D

OP, are you putting as much emphasis on getting laid in your conversations as you are here?

Some people like a bit of a flirt. I'm one of them (male by the way). Tinder is good for that. Doesn't necessarily make me a timewaster.

Be easy going and see what happens instead of thinking you're in just because you get a match.

[Deleted User]

Randy Puny Candy wrote: »

There are going to be plenty of attention seekers and time wasters on any dating app, that's just par for the course. It's annoying, but it is what it is. But the following scenario could also happen, and probably happens to some people more than others.

Girl sees your tinder profile or whatever (I don't know what the craic is, I'm not on it), thinks 'he looks OK' matches with you.

You and girl message back and forth. Girl thinks 'Actually, now I've gotten to know a bit more about him, not really interested'

You ask girl out. Girl says she's not interested because she doesn't think that swiping her finger across the screen of her phone is a legally or morally binding contract to put out.

This time a billion.

Hell, I've often matched or been messaging people for a few days, until it starts to dawn on me that I'm really not interested in them. Sometimes that stuff only comes out at that point.

josephryan1989

Collie D wrote: »

OP, are you putting as much emphasis on getting laid in your conversations as you are here?

Some people like a bit of a flirt. I'm one of them (male by the way). Tinder is good for that. Doesn't necessarily make me a timewaster.

Be easy going and see what happens instead of thinking you're in just because you get a match.

Tinder is about getting a match. Otherwise why waste time on it?

thegreatgonzo

josephryan1989 wrote: »

He went to the speed dating thing to get a date. He didn't want to be your friend. He wanted to go out get romantic, maybe have sex or maybe have a relationship. Instead he met another girl who inexplicable will not date him or have sex with hi,. And what did you get out of it? You enjoyed building his hopes up and making him feel worse? You didn't end up with anything either. The guy was amicable because he was probably too shy to be rude. I wouldn't send emails to a girl who wasn't interested in me. I'd tell her where to go and move on and not look back.

No that's what YOU would go for speed dating for.
That night I met a nervous man who'd had a recent break up and was encouraged by his friend to get back out there. We had a nice chat and I could see that he appreciated having a friendly face in front of him rather than a sour puss who was pissed off he wasn't Johnny Depp. I doubt if our racy conversation about the route he drove (he was a bus driver) gave him the impression I was going to rip his clothes off the next time I met him.
Don't worry Joseph, I didn't say yes to anyone that night that came off with your sense of entitlement because I don't enjoy frustrating people or making them feel bad.

josephryan1989

Randy Puny Candy wrote: »

There are going to be plenty of attention seekers and time wasters on any dating app, that's just par for the course. It's annoying, but it is what it is. But the following scenario could also happen, and probably happens to some people more than others.

Girl sees your tinder profile or whatever (I don't know what the craic is, I'm not on it), thinks 'he looks OK' matches with you.

You and girl message back and forth. Girl thinks 'Actually, now I've gotten to know a bit more about him, not really interested'

You ask girl out. Girl says she's not interested because she doesn't think that swiping her finger across the screen of her phone is a legally or morally binding contract to put out.

Women changing their mind for no reason and giving no explanation.

maudgonner

josephryan1989 wrote: »

Women changing their mind for no reason and giving no explanation.

Yeah, I think that if you read the T&Cs of Tinder you'll find that they're not contractually bound to explain to you why they've changed their mind or lost interest.

And, to be honest, given your posts tonight I think even if they did it would be in one ear and out the other...

josephryan1989

thegreatgonzo wrote: »

No that's what YOU would go for speed dating for.
That night I met a nervous man who'd had a recent break up and was encouraged by his friend to get back out there. We had a nice chat and I could see that he appreciated having a friendly face in front of him rather than a sour puss who was pissed off he wasn't Johnny Depp. I doubt if our racy conversation about the route he drove (he was a bus driver) gave him the impression I was going to rip his clothes off the next time I met him.
Don't worry Joseph, I didn't say yes to anyone that night that came off with your sense of entitlement because I don't enjoy frustrating people or making them feel bad.

What purpose did talking to you at all serve him? Why did you even go to the speed dating if you weren't looking for someone? You were just another unavailable woman.