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Child Item

Qustion for the backwards man :-)

Sunnyisland

Sir I live on my own and have a problem, last night I went to put the washing machine on to wash some clothes, and to my dismay I found I had now detergent tablets or washing powder, as I live miles away from any shops etc I was going to use either shampoo or washing up liquid,just to sudsy the water like, now you being all knowledgeable in these sort of affairs I was wondering could you give me some advise on what's the best option to carry on with, thanks in advance. :-)

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smash

There's an old Surname "TURFOOT". So my question to The Backwards Man is simply:

How much turf could a Trufoot foot if a Turfoot could foot Turf?

The Backwards Man

smash wrote: »

There's an old Surname "TURFOOT". So my question to The Backwards Man is simply:

How much turf could a Trufoot foot if a Turfoot could foot Turf?

Like the big city slicker a neighbour had going to the bog for the first time to foot turf. Worked away all day, was a wee bit slow at it but put the day in anyway. Down for the tae in the evening and the neighbour gets out the biscuit box from the hotpress. 'Well? How much have you to get?' he asks. 'I don't know', he replies, 'how much are men going?'

uch

Nothing like a bit of 'Head and Shoulders' in yer jocks

ScumLord

uch wrote: »

Nothing like a bit of 'Head and Shoulders' in yer jocks

They don't go there, you're doing underwear wrong.

Junkyard Tom

Wear them in the shower and kill two burds with one stone.

moonlighting

Hammer89

moonlighting wrote: »

Did you mean to post this in the worst comedians thread mate?

[Deleted User]

BM, is it snowing up there? Im driving to Derry tomorrow, should i take car or jeep?

Fleawuss

?nam sdrawkcab eht dellac uoy era yhW

The Backwards Man

Strawberry Milkshake wrote: »

BM, is it snowing up there? Im driving to Derry tomorrow, should i take car or jeep?

Nope, lovely weather here, take the car, you could even take the top down.:)

Ruu

He'll give you the answer in the form of a song.

Corpus Twisty

Sky King wrote: »

Use bread soda. Don't use anything that will cause suds.

Bread soda probably the most versatile day-to-day thing you'll find in a home.

I tried using it as a remote control for the telly, on your recommendation. Quite bad was the verdict. I'm going to stick with silicone from now on.

Corpus Twisty

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

Good call! It'll stop them from getting wet, no matter how long the washing machine is going for.

If only the ESB had heard of it. Or the OPW. All their problems solved..

Blind Faith

Dear Backwards Man, I too am requiring your input on a mildly distressing issue I have created for myself.
Last week after a lovely sushi meal out to celebrate my secretary's birthday, we arrived back to the flat in D4 for night caps, after a few more shots we were both feeling a particularly frisky & up for some severe spanking. I brought out my stash of devices & quickly strapped into my harness & ring gag while she adorned herself with stockings, suspenders, whips & nipple clamps. So ensued many hours of extreme hardcore romping in the study with straps, hogties, bondage mittens and cuffs, after which we manoeuvred out to the kitchen were we utilised many of the utensils therein for our mutual pleasure, after several further hours in the pantry, the cheese grater became somewhat tiresome & she lead me out to the entrance hall & using my spreader bar, tied me to the Pembroke table & proceeded to punish me with the nail paddle for not whimpering in quite the correct manner.
That's when I must of blacked out for a while, as the last thing I remember beforehand, was her leaning over me with a roll of P40 sandpaper in her mouth, she maintains she'd never before witnessed anyone climaxing quite so intensely or severely, I had apparently bolted straight forward, arched back & somersaulted clean over her head with the Pembroke table still attached to my ankles, resulting in my total disordination & crash landing right onto my wife's recently refurbished Louis XVI chaise lounge, of which one of the rear mahogany legs snapped clean off in the debacle!

So BM, can you recommend a suitable glue which would be strong enough to repair the mahogany leg?

My wife is due back from Cannes next Tuesday.

BF.

Geoffrey Dalton

Why do you wear wellingtons in the concrete yard?

The Backwards Man

Blind Faith wrote: »

Dear Backwards Man, I too am requiring your input on a mildly distressing issue I have created for myself.
Last week after a lovely sushi meal out to celebrate my secretary's birthday, we arrived back to the flat in D4 for night caps, after a few more shots we were both feeling a particularly frisky & up for some severe spanking. I brought out my stash of devices & quickly strapped into my harness & ring gag while she adorned herself with stockings, suspenders, whips & nipple clamps. So ensued many hours of extreme hardcore romping in the study with straps, hogties, bondage mittens and cuffs, after which we manoeuvred out to the kitchen were we utilised many of the utensils therein for our mutual pleasure, after several further hours in the pantry, the cheese grater became somewhat tiresome & she lead me out to the entrance hall & using my spreader bar, tied me to the Pembroke table & proceeded to punish me with the nail paddle for not whimpering in quite the correct manner.
That's when I must of blacked out for a while, as the last thing I remember beforehand, was her leaning over me with a roll of P40 sandpaper in her mouth, she maintains she'd never before witnessed anyone climaxing quite so intensely or severely, I had apparently bolted straight forward, arched back & somersaulted clean over her head with the Pembroke table still attached to my ankles, resulting in my total disordination & crash landing right onto my wife's recently refurbished Louis XVI chaise lounge, of which one of the rear mahogany legs snapped clean off in the debacle!

So BM, can you recommend a suitable glue which would be strong enough to repair the mahogany leg?

My wife is due back from Cannes next Tuesday.

BF.

If you want your chair leg to stick, a good windscreen adhesive is your only man.

If you want your marriage to stick, quit telling fairystories.:)