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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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Banjoxed

Nokotan wrote: »

I'm sure this has been mentioned but it happened to me this morning.

On the train and some school kid gets on beside me, I'm listening to a podcast and all of a sudden I can hear him playing videos on his phone at near full volume (I saw him adjust the sound once).

I was kind of annoyed with myself that I wasn't saying anything...until the third video. I asked him if he could "Turn that down a bit". The lad looks at me, doesn't say a word, stands up and goes to another seat 20 yards away.

I hate this type of selfishness and ignorance to those around you. No apology, nothing. Just goes off and (presumably) plays his videos elsewhere.

Thank feck it wasn't that crappy Chipmunk Techno from a few years ago..

Hammer89

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Defensiveness!

Hmmm could take a look at yourself there,pal.

Not a rugby fan in the strict sense of the word.

By the way, do those 3 auld bastards stink the kip out with fetid garlicky farts or something?

Might fully explain you animosity

Nope. My animosity is strictly linked to the idea that those rugby fans have carte blanche to use whatever spur-of-the-moment curse words spring to mind all in the name of passion. But when football fans do it they look slightly embarrassed to be in the same part of the pub as us. That's it.

twilight_singer

DrPhilG wrote: »

And are then deeply irritated when other people fail to pronounce or spell little Caoiaiomhie's name correctly.

Thats an exaggeration of course, but I do work with a girl who called her kid Caoimhe but proudly announced that she added a vowel to "make it unique".

No missus, that doesn't make it unique. That makes it spelled wrong.

That's a c#*t right there.

twilight_singer

People who don't flush the sh1tter after them in work. What's wrong with these people? You've made the mess now make sure it goes away. I don't need to be seeing other people's poo and have me day ruined.

People who do volunteer work for the kudos. Girl I used to work did a stint in Africa with the Niall melon trust. Pictures plastered over her desk and she never shut up about the African kid she was sponsoring. Poor kid had to write updates to her on how they were getting on, course these got pinned up on the desk too. It's like I get it, you're better than me now shut the fu*k up about it. Charity work all stopped as soon as she got a fella.

Herb Powell

fryup wrote: »

people who roll their eyes and scoff at you for daring to give a differing opinion than theirs

It's not because your opinion was different, it's because it was ****ing stupid!

Bulbous Salutation

Mesrine65 wrote: »

The old school tie brigade..."did I mention that I attended Clongowes?"

Fuck right off :mad:

Classic case of inferiority complex.

skittles8710

Herb Powell wrote: »

People who get overexcited about US chains opening here.

It's pure "Look at me, I've been to America!" bollocks.

Some people down here in Cork have lost their minds since Superdry opened on Patrick St. I saw one girl with, I sh!t you not 5 Superdry bags on Sunday. Similar to the dopes who lost their mind when Abercrombie first opened in Dublin.
Overpriced unimaginative muck.

Herb Powell

skittles8710 wrote: »

Some people down here in Cork have lost their minds since Superdry opened on Patrick St. I saw one girl with, I sh!t you not 5 Superdry bags on Sunday. Similar to the dopes who lost their mind when Abercrombie first opened in Dublin.
Overpriced unimaginative muck.

Yeah, there was stupid buzz around that. What gets me about those places is the stuff is in all likelyhood made in the same fecking factory as the stuff in Penney's across the road.

Mesrine65

Bulbous Salutation wrote: »

Classic case of inferiority complex.

Classic case of sick of listening to bell-ends with D4 accents, Belvedere Boy :P

mobileforest

People who cause a pile of cars to wait behind them in the parking lot/garage while they wait for someone to put their bags in their car and pull out of a spot. Also, people who, waiting for you to pull out of a spot, stop so close behind you that you struggle to back your car out without hitting them.

ThinkProgress

Hammer89 wrote: »

Nope. My animosity is strictly linked to the idea that those rugby fans have carte blanche to use whatever spur-of-the-moment curse words spring to mind all in the name of passion. But when football fans do it they look slightly embarrassed to be in the same part of the pub as us. That's it.

I find both of you equally embarrassing, if that's any comfort?

Salvation Tambourine

Nabber wrote: »

Singn of a complete wanker...
They mention about 10 times that they read the book when you are talking about a film or tv series.

**** off with your kindle

"The book is better"

I didn't ask if the book was good, all I said was that I liked the film/tv show.

Azrel

Nokotan wrote: »

all I said was that I liked the film/tv show.

yeah but, the book is better.

dresden8

BoJack Horseman wrote: »

Had to lookup what 'SJW' was.

****.

So did I. That bloke who started that Sino-Japanese War really was a tosser

Azrel

dresden8 wrote: »

So did I. That bloke who started that Sino-Japanese War really was a tosser

I thought it was :
SJW Corp, a water utility company in California.

they were having a go at.

dresden8

StupidLikeAFox wrote: »

OK we are getting sidetracked with the office sayings guys, I think we will take that one offline

Are we in the offline space?

Azrel

dresden8 wrote: »

Are we in the offline space?

it is what it is but we can touch base on that tomorrow.

Kev W

Nokotan wrote: »

"The book is better"

I didn't ask if the book was good, all I said was that I liked the film/tv show.

They probably didn't ask if you liked the TV show.

dresden8

How do you know somebody went to Trinners?

They'll tell you.

zcorpian88

Caught some lad today who was more than old enough to know better graffiting a wall outside the street where I live,

Well it wasn't really graffiti, to call it graffiti would be an insult to graffiti artists which I guess their work has it's place on skate parks or other urban shyte, anyway it was more or less writing on the wall in squiggly black writing.

It was the initials of the estate followed by a W, which stands for "Warriors" believe it or not.

When I rise to power these tossers will be sterilized!

Herb Powell

"Raising awareness".

It probably used to mean that you cared about a cause, now it just means you're a stupid cunnt.

Gwynplaine

dresden8 wrote: »

How do you know somebody went to Trinners?

They'll tell you.

Is it kind of like, how do you know someone has an iPhone?

The Sun King

Gwynplaine wrote: »

Is it kind of like, how do you know someone has an iPhone?

See: Vegan, atheist, has "read the book", emigrated to Australia for a few years.

SEPT 23 1989

People who say they are "passionate" about things eg food

W@nkers

YungKeo

People who aren't on Boards.

And people on it.

Nib

They're wearing a Liverpool jersey.

mojesius

They don't like dogs.

MDwyer

mojesius wrote: »

They don't like dogs.

i agree. i dont mind if they are actually afraid of dogs but just not liking them for no reason makes me suspicious of a person.

Robsweezie

mojesius wrote:

They don't like dogs.

Or children. Or Christmas.

I think it sometimes shows a coldness in someone. But I empathise with those who dislike this time of year for personal reasons.

dresden8

Gwynplaine wrote: »

Is it kind of like, how do you know someone has an iPhone?

Oh yeah. It's not "Where's my phone" it's "Where's my iphone".

Twunts.