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Child Item

Why should a man offer a seat to a woman on train/bus?

amdublin

Everytime I see a seat that is vacated on a bus/train and a man taking it and leaving a woman standing it irks me. Or not offering it to the woman and just sitting it irks me.

This morning that happened amd something clicked with me. Why am I irked? I want equality in every other male/female scenario so why not this???

Does anyone else feel this way or have any thoughts on this?? On why men should or shouldn't offer seat ton women

Ps. It also annoys me when parents have a toddler on a seat and leaving an adult standing - it's in the terms and conditions of carriage that they are free so you should put them on your lap.
Also with older children I think it is a good thing to teach civic duty to a child and have them stand and offer an adult a seat.

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Isaiah

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

Do you give up your seat for everyone you see standing or just women?

I'm asking about the logic of giving up a seat specifically for women. I've outlined my view on it . I'm asking for yours

Well I actually would stand up if an elderly, frail or injured person got on regardless of gender. I would 'defer' to a woman if we were both going for the last seat. I would sometimes defer to men too but that depends upon who is closer to the seat or who went for it first.

With a women even if I went for the last seat first or was closer, I would stand aside and let her have it.

If this offends you then it's your problem, not mine.

whatismyname

Isaiah wrote: »

You could just politely decline.

Of course I would. What else would I do?

That's not the point though.

[Deleted User]

whatismyname wrote: »

Of course I would. What else would I do?

That's not the point though.

Some people have been taught to do it from an early age. These people are generally more pleasant to be around than someone who will make an issue out of something so minuscule. Making a big deal out of it has the potential to ruin 2 people's day.

R P McMurphy

SterlingArcher wrote: »

To older people.

To a woman It's a nice gesture, but unfortunately from a bygone era.

you have feminist demanding trigger warnings and legal labels on compliments to be called " microagressions". so they can be on a non stop tour of outrage . When the ship goes down they better get ready. Because I am jacks sense of relief in my lifeboat. Can't have it both ways.

Would agree is from a byegone era. What is the etiquette for public transport, seats and gender fluid people

whatismyname

Liam O wrote: »

Some people have been taught to do it from an early age.

Yes I'm aware of that. It still isn't ok.

aking a big deal out of it has the potential to ruin 2 people's day.

I'm not sure how this relates to my post. I said something wouldn't be ok. I didn't say anything about making a big deal out of anything.

Sleepy

I'd offer the seat to someone who looks in need of it (elderly, pregnant, unsteady on their feet) but I wouldn't offer it on the basis of gender and, tbh, the middle aged women who are perfectly capable of standing yet glare at you expectantly piss me off.

Figbiscuithead

I would find it an old-fashioned thing to do that could be misconstrued as a as it's not a common occurrence at all in my experience, so when men have got up and offered me their seat, I assumed they thought I was pregnant, tbh....and I've never been pregnant, so have felt a bit awkward as a result, more for them than me. Obviously I wouldn't hold it against a man at all and manners are always a good thing no matter how old-fashioned they might come across.

It is common for a man to offer you the seat if one becomes available and you're both standing and in that case, I'd offer it back. I'm not bothered about getting a seat or not, tbh but I do appreciate the gesture. Though old-fashioned, I quite like when a man lets you go first into a lift or opens a door for you or offers the empty seat to you first though I wouldn't in a million years expect it or get angry if it didn't happen. As I said, manners, whether they're old fashioned or not, are never a bad thing. A person who means well acting with the best intentions shouldn't be judged negatively.

I really don't think this is a big deal and worth getting peed off or indignant about though from either perspective - just sounds like another excuse for a silly gender war.

The only time I'd expect anyone to get up is if someone is pregnant, elderly or disabled.

osarusan

Ignore the man or woman aspect.

If you really need that seat for whaever reason, take it. If there is somebody else who looks like they really need that seat for whatever reason, and you don't, then offer it.

qo2cj1dsne8y4k

whatismyname wrote: »

Yes I'm aware of that. It still isn't ok.

I'm not sure how this relates to my post. I said something wouldn't be ok. I didn't say anything about making a big deal out of anything.

Why isn't it ok? He's asking you if you want a seat, not asking you to show him your tits? What's wrong with "no thanks, I'm ok standing"?

Samaris

Courtesy and manners are funny things in that way. I would be interested to know where that came from too - a well-bred man used to stand when a woman entered or exited the room, and hah, yes, I do recall from books of the same era that he wouldn't dream of sitting while a woman was standing (for heavens sake, don't think I'm advocating that! Courtesy is a changing custom and concept from age to age, as it should be!). Mind you, that does make a certain amount of sense in an age where ladies wore ridiculous contraptions and steelboned bodices! The poor things were liable to faint if they were standing too long from sheer lack of air.

Just like with any other ingrained concept, some aspects remained when necessity and times changed.

-My- dilemma is the awkward aspect of offering an elderly male a seat. I do (as a young female), but at times, they too are caught between early training and need, and elderly males have sometimes tried to offer -me- a seat, which puts me in a quandary! I do offer my seat to people that need it - pregnant women, women with small children they're carrying or if the small child is crowded (anyone else remember what it was like to be squished in amongst all these legs?), elderly people, people who look like they need it. But elderly males in particular can sometimes seem a little upset about it.

It's just a holdover aspect to an old courtesy. If someone offers me a seat, or holds open a door for me, I smile and thank them without any offence.

Mind you, I do recall a rather funny occassion on a bus where a seat kept changing hands. A young Middle Eastern male got up and offered me his seat; he was obviously in earnest about it, so I thanked him and sat down rather than leave him feeling a bit of an idiot by refusing after he'd already moved. Then a pregnant lady got on, and I offered my seat to her. Then an elderly lady got on, and the pregnant lady offered it to her!

I think everyone ended up quite a bit amused and hey, we all had our day brightened by this random act of travelling kindness!

Gaygooner

I never sit when travelling from Heuston into town.

[Deleted User]

SterlingArcher wrote: »

you have feminist demanding trigger warnings and legal labels on compliments to be called " microagressions". so they can be on a non stop tour of outrage . When the ship goes down they better get ready. Because I am jacks sense of relief in my lifeboat. Can't have it both ways.

I just assume that the woman standing is not a "feminist demanding traigger warnings" and remarkably (because AH suggests we're overrun with them) I have reached the age of 41 and have yet to meet one when offering my seat. I guess I've just been lucky.

amdublin

PARlance wrote: »

You're suffering from a big dose of hypocrisy and flawed thinking.
Children don't go free on the basis that they don't take a seat, what makes you think that? OAP's get free travel and you don't seem to mind them being offered a seat.

I think children under the age of 3 do - it's in the terms of carriage

Duggy747

If I'm on the bus and a woman comes near me in my seat I just smash the window of the moving bus and leap to my escape.

Checkmate, feminists!

Whitewinged

whatismyname wrote: »

Of course I would. What else would I do?

That's not the point though.

I wouldn't automatically think it was an equality thing though and be annoyed about it.

It could be that you just got on the bus and his stop is coming up so he offers the seat while standing for the next few stops before making his way off the bus. I even find those chairs uncomfortable sometimes so I like to stand for part of the journey and sit for the other half so someone could just want to stand. It could be that you had lots of bags and look a bit tired or something and the other has loads of energy and says to themself that they will offer the seat because they aren't that bothered sitting anyway. It could be anything really.

Figbiscuithead

Samaris wrote: »

Mind you, I do recall a rather funny occassion on a bus where a seat kept changing hands. A young Middle Eastern male got up and offered me his seat; he was obviously in earnest about it, so I thanked him and sat down rather than leave him feeling a bit of an idiot by refusing after he'd already moved. Then a pregnant lady got on, and I offered my seat to her. Then an elderly lady got on, and the pregnant lady offered it to her!

I think everyone ended up quite a bit amused and hey, we all had our day brightened by this random act of travelling kindness!

:pac: That's it. It just makes things a little more pleasant for everyone in this tough auld world we live in.

discus

MilesMorales1 wrote: »

Its ingrained into me as a courtesy from when I was a kid. I also let women ahead of me in queues, offer to help them lift things if they look too heavy (not dirty!) etc.

Why though? Apparently women and men are similar. Apparently we all have the same capabilities.... eg - Female soldiers get paid the same, for the "same" work (but easier fitness tests). Let them skip a queue? Is their time more valuable than yours?

I mean I'm a feminist, I believe in gender equality till the cows come home, but I cannot stop myself from acting that way.

Women don't see you as an equal, even though you see them as an equal. They see the likes of you as an easy opportunity to make their life easier. Males like you are a pushover.

It seems that feminism means "bending over backwards for women" to you, and they no doubt love you for it

Figbiscuithead

discus wrote: »

Women don't see you as an equal, even though you see them as an equal. They see the likes of you as an easy opportunity to make their life easier. Males like you are a pushover.

It seems that feminism means "bending over backwards for women" to you, and they no doubt love you for it

Eh...sorry there, pal - what gives you the right to speak for all women?

Buona Fortuna

LexieOnRale wrote: »

Why isn't it ok? He's asking you if you want a seat, not asking you to show him your tits? What's wrong with "no thanks, I'm ok standing"?

Or just show him your tits. Might make his day and imagine the thread he could start.

discus

I'm allowed express opinions based on observations and generalisations I've made, surely?

[Deleted User]

To answer the OPs question succinctly, if they are pregnant, elderly or have some impediment that is making standing difficult.

Figbiscuithead

discus wrote: »

I'm allowed express opinions based on observations and generalisations I've made, surely?

Allowed? Course you are but it's an incredibly stupid generalisation and certainly not true in the case of most women I know. Woman aren't scheming and scamming trying to trick silly men to make their lives easier. You sound as if you've got some unresolved issues with women there, pal.

whatismyname

Whitewinged wrote: »

I wouldn't automatically think it was an equality thing though and be annoyed about it.

It could be that you just got on the bus and his stop is coming up so he offers the seat while standing for the next few stops before making his way off the bus. I even find those chairs uncomfortable sometimes so I like to stand for part of the journey and sit for the other half so someone could just want to stand. It could be that you had lots of bags and look a bit tired or something and the other has loads of energy and says to themself that they will offer the seat because they aren't that bothered sitting anyway. It could be anything really.

I agree. Especially since I've been on the reverse end of a few of those.

That's why I said if it was because I was a woman and he a man.

I try not to make assumptions generally, and it's usually relatively easy to narrow the reason down somewhat in this case.

I've had the foot in a cast and a group of people get up to offer me a seat.

I've had people (can't remember gender as it's irrelevant) get up and offer me their seat cos they were due to get off at the next stop - and I've of course done the same for others.

Thankfully I've never had anyone get up and offer me a seat because I'm a woman anyhow, and pleased to say I'm not sure I've ever even seen it happen.

For a woman who is clearly very pregnant or less able to stand because of disability or a child in her arms or something. But that's clearly very different. It's not specifically based on gender.

[Deleted User]

discus wrote: »

Women don't see you as an equal, even though you see them as an equal. They see the likes of you as an easy opportunity to make their life easier. Males like you are a pushover.

Someone who commits acts of kindness is seen as a pushover?

If you ever give a lecture on psychology, I'll be front and centre...laughing...

Skerries

*grabs popcorn* "dis gonna be good!"

Ash.J.Williams

i've an awful back condition but i tend to pretend i'm grand and on the luas one time i got up to let an oul fella sit down and the fecker said "ah no you're grand you look like you need it"

f u!

[Deleted User]

Sivrabrive wrote: »

So do you offer women your seat but not men,

Where or when did I say that?

I have of course offered my seat to men.

Post No. 1 and you're making up points that were never made. Welcome to AH...again?

Skerries

reminds me when I was about 10 and an older woman (can't remember her age but she was old to my young self) was indignant that I give up my seat beside my mother which I dutifully did and went and sat across the bus from her in a perfectly good seat

I would give up my seat to elder people or Pregnant women more but tbh I don't notice them as soon as I get on the DART I have the head down watching something on my phone with earbuds in so it could be the national geriatric associations day out and I would be oblivious

P. Breathnach

El_Duderino 09 wrote: »

...
I don't know much about raising children so I can't really comment....

You must have missed the memo about posting in AH: the less you know about something, the more you should express opinions on the matter.

ThinkProgress

For the most part, I manage to avoid travelling with the hordes on public transport. (Where's the smug look of contempt emoticon?)

But when I have to do so, I would usually take the opinion that it's every able bodied man/woman for themselves.

The very young/old or physically less able will get my seat without any fanfare. I'll just remove myself from it and quietly/subtly hand it over to them...

I've never had anyone get offended or refuse. But I think there is a way of doing it without making them feel like they're a charity case.

If I was competing with a woman for a seat, I'd usually just let them win as I'd feel like a bit of a c*nt sitting there looking at them all defeated and humbled. (F*ck what the femanazi's think - they can all kiss my a$$!)