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Wanker watch: Warning signs that someone is a tosser

Boring username

What sets your alarm bells ringing that someone is a bit of an arsehole? For me, there are a handful of things that almost always ring true (although there have been very, very rare exceptions in general.)

1. Wearing a trendy Palestinian type scarf. Always a major indicator that a know it all, insufferable bore is about to lecture you with their 'right on' views of the world. Sometimes accompanied by a neckbeard and general scruffiness.

2. A cokehead. I don't think I ever met a cokehead who wasn't a prick. It really is a great way of identifying a jumped up big time wannabe. Avoid.

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

You are cordially invited to vent you rage and misgivings in your own words.

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Hans Bricks

Something I encountered today and nearly everyday at work.

"This is urgent. I need someone up here NOW !!".

"This is ridiculous. I'm a very busy woman. I dont have time to give you an example of my problem."

Says the administrative bitch who wants a tricky problem solved from a busy department with a three hour response time. Half an hour before she needs it resolved for a Webinar.

rafa05

People who like their own posts on Facebook

[Deleted User]

Anybody who does that pretend shooting thing with their finger and thumb. Particularly so if they blow the tip of their gun/finger, pretend to spin the 'gun' and holster it.

Ok, it's only happened once, but I hate this guy for it.

Mesrine65

Candie wrote: »

Anybody who does that pretend shooting thing with their finger and thumb. Particularly so if they blow the tip of their gun/finger, pretend to spin the 'gun' and holster it.

Ok, it's only happened once, but I hate this guy for it.

But what about Bang Bang?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bang_Bang_(Dubliner)

sabat

Pinstripe suit wearers, particularly anyone under 50.

longshanks

People with a pouch thing attached to their belt for a phone, or zippo lighter etc. You're not Batman.

Ol' Donie

Wait till the pilot turns the f*ckin seatbelt light off before turning on your phone. You're not THAT important.

And while I'm at it, sit your ass down. You're in row 24 and the door isn't even open yet.

Ol' Donie

Candie wrote: »

Anybody who does that pretend shooting thing with their finger and thumb. Particularly so if they blow the tip of their gun/finger, pretend to spin the 'gun' and holster it.

Ok, it's only happened once, but I hate this guy for it.

Hmm. That may have been me. Or not.

But I do that.

*puts back in holster*

ygolometsipe

Hands are too hairy to hide.

darkpagandeath

People who say "That's so Random" Or Say “They are so random”.

JumpShivers

When people abuse a disabled parking spot.

darkpagandeath

JumpShivers wrote: »

When people abuse a disabled parking spot.

That Drives me mental, You can only use the spot if you have the disabled person with you. The sticker is not for the car.

sligojoek

^^^^^^^^

This.

I have to say top marks to the car park attendant in Aldi Sligo.

I was reading the paper in the car today waiting for my wife to come out. He turned three Ford Transits away from the disabled spots in 20 minutes. I watched the occupants walk from their alternative spaces. Not a thing wrong with them only laziness.

mud

People who fabricate or exaggerate scumbag accents in an effort to seem edgy and dangerous.

ButtersSuki

People who queue at any of the toll bridges whilst a number of cars go through but wait until they get to the attendant, slap on the handbrake and only then start to look for money for the toll. After a good 30seconds of reaching through their purse/wallet for the exact change they then had over a €50.

I swear, if another twat pulls this sort of ********ery ahead of me again, I will remove his exhaust pipe and shove it up his hole - sideways.

How hard would it have been for you to do that while you were queuing you cÜnt?

ButtersSuki

mud wrote: »

People who fabricate or exaggerate scumbag accents in an effort to seem edgy and dangerous.

That Tom Vaughan Lawlor fella is always at.

Optimalprimerib

kurtainsider wrote: »

People who call Twitter Twidder. Or worse if they say it as if it was a question.
eg. I saw it on Twidder last night???

These tend to be the same people who call Cork Quirke. I was in Quirke last week????

Mercifully as I live down the country I only hear these gob****es on the radio. I'd go mad if I had to actually look at their wanky faces while they are speaking.

Call us in quirke. i think they are trying to hide their caaarhhkk accent.

Crooked Jack

Flip flops. Any guy in flip flops. Cunt.

MonkstownHoop

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Flip flops. Any guy in flip flops. Cunt.

This is wanker watch, cnut watch is over there >

Crooked Jack

MonkstownHoop wrote: »

This is wanker watch, cnut watch is over there >

my apologies. ugh, mixin up **** watch and cunt watch. what a wanker i am

Seanachai

3. Any of that corporate speak i.e. "going forward, we'll touch base, from the get-go, out of the ballpark etc".

Wally Breslin?

Yeah_Right

Crooked Jack wrote: »

Flip flops. Any guy in flip flops. Cunt.

I agree. Jandals though are cool. Life is better in jandals.

Crooked Jack

Yeah_Right wrote: »

I agree. Jandals though are cool. Life is better in jandals.

I googled jandals..........theyre just flip flops

custard gannet

ButtersSuki wrote: »

People who queue at any of the toll bridges whilst a number of cars go through but wait until they get to the attendant, slap on the handbrake and only then start to look for money for the toll. After a good 30seconds of reaching through their purse/wallet for the exact change they then had over a €50.

I swear, if another twat pulls this sort of ********ery ahead of me again, I will remove his exhaust pipe and shove it up his hole - sideways.

How hard would it have been for you to do that while you were queuing you cÜnt?

People paying for a handful of groceries on the chip and pin cards are an even lower grade of degenerate filth. There should be a 200 euro minimum on card payments.

byronbay2

custard gannet wrote: »

People paying for a handful of groceries on the chip and pin cards are an even lower grade of degenerate filth. There should be a 200 euro minimum on card payments.

Not so annoying now with contactless payments for purchases under €15, although you still get some **** with €6.23 worth of stuff going through the whole chip and pin thing.

Oink

I was in Aldi yesterday, and that guy parked his car in a normal spot, but he left like 2 feet between his car and the car opposite him (bonnet to bonnet).

He was not technically causing a hindrance, but you could tell he just did not want to park his pretty merc to be too close to the other car. Your car is so precious isn't it, you bourgeois &%$£.

Danjamin1

custard gannet wrote:

People paying for a handful of groceries on the chip and pin cards are an even lower grade of degenerate filth. There should be a 200 euro minimum on card payments.

Ah now hold on, we all do that now and again! Why would I go to the atm to get cash to pay for stuff when I can just stick it on my card? You can class me as a grade A wanker on this one

c_man

Ol' Donie wrote: »

Wait till the pilot turns the f*ckin seatbelt light off before turning on your phone. You're not THAT important.

But it doesn't make any difference?

Ol' Donie

c_man wrote: »

But it doesn't make any difference?

No it doesn't. But you've just been asked by the crew to wait, so can't you just wait? For a minute, like?

c_man

Ol' Donie wrote: »

No it doesn't. But you've just been asked by the crew to wait, so can't you just wait? For a minute, like?

Well I wouldn't turn off the phone anyways. But yeah people blatantly ignoring the air stewards(esses) does piss me off, particularly the people who have to make a mad dash to get out of their seats and grab overhead luggage as soon as the plane lands.