Blitzkrieger wrote: » Probably tame by the standards of this thread, but I once... arrived unexpectedly in a girl's mouth. In my defence she could only expect one outcome after blowing me for so long and I gave her two warnings - one at T -90 and another at T -30. Three if you count the "Oh ****!" at T - 0.5. She wasn't happy.... TBH I've never been good at the 'What do you want to do with the jizz' conversation.
eeguy wrote: » On our 6th year night out we all went to a club. I hooked up with this rather older rather heavy girl and I brought her back to a house party. We headed upstairs to one of the bedrooms and hopped into bed (my first time in a bed with a girl BTW). About 2 minutes later and before anything could happen my friend pushed open the door and started hitting the girl with a brush handle saying, in his best Miley from Glenroe accent "Hup hup, come on now ya heifer, out of that bed". Girl hopped out of bed and out of the house and I got nothing but laughed at for the whole night.
serenity_now wrote: » So I was at a party in college and met a cute girl, one thing lead to another and I got a bj in the kitchen during which in the throes of passion I nearly took my eye out on a press door and ended up in casualty. No permanent damage thankfully, just a black eye. Fast fwd 6 months and I'm happily going out with another girl and on a night out we meet up with one of her cousins. Needless to say we had already been acquainted. I eventually told the new girlfriend the story and we are married now and together 16 years.
Tompatrick wrote: » One of the lads brought a lass back to his gaff. They were both fairly jarred. She had her sexy buttons pierced and was wearing large rings. Large enough for yer man to slip his knob through for a kinky BJ. Cue ensuing disaster when he slipped and his hard knob ripped off a sexy button. ! Oucheeeeeee
emeldc wrote: » Wha?
The_Minister wrote: » FFS, they come with buttons ‽‽ Now I know my mistake.
smash wrote: » Too many stories about snapped banjo-strings. It's lost the shock factor now.
J Mysterio wrote: » No, no it hasnt. If you have a penis, even the thought will always be shocking.
Right Turn Clyde wrote: » Here's one from when I was 17. It was the first girl I was ever with, although not my first time in the saddle with her. Anyway, we were going at it in the garden of a funeral home (which should have warned me of the deathly nature of what was to come). She stopped midway through and then reached down, checked herself and then showed me a bloody hand. She told me she wasn't due her period, so, like any self-respecting teenager, I immediately suspected she simply couldn't handle the sheer force of my flesh. However, she took another look and then said "I think your willy's bleeding!". I looked down, and using the screen of a Nokia 3210 (reliable phone, great reception) I illuminated my little precious. What looked back at me still disturbs me to this very day. My banjo-string was severed, with what looked like the innards of a recently-hatched pigeon hanging out if it. I turned the colour of posh pasta and made a not-so-speedy getaway, hobbling back to my dad's house. I was too embarrassed to tell anyone so I lay in bed, expecting to die, hoping I would do, and yet still not rid of the need to bust a nut.
eisenberg1 wrote: » Did you ever the saying "she broke more banjo strings than an epileptic hillbilly":D
eeguy wrote: » ...and I got nothing but laughed at for the whole night.
J Mysterio wrote: » I will have to stop following this thread if we can't get away from the banjo strings. Dear lord! Pukety puke puke
Crooked Jack wrote: » I've already put up my most embarrassing sexual moments so this is just a wee memory that popped into my head reading the thread. Met up with this beure one night in uni and managed to get back to hers, but she seemed a bit reticent about it, like she was arguing with herself over it. I found out why when we got back to her dorm. Turns out she was a member of the Christian Union. She tossed and turned the whole night between just wanting me to sleep there, to wanting to shift to stopping herself when things were getting hot and heavy. Eventually she worked it out with her God that a topless handjob wouldnt condemn her eternal soul. So she's straddlin me, leanin forward to kiss and yankin on my yogurt cannon at the same time. Dunno if she'd ever seen a dick before. Anyway,despite the dryness, roughness, lack of rhythm and outright weirdness of the whole situation I was eventually primed to fire. I felt the unmistakable pulse of a few gooey strands of rope being let loose and enjoyed the momentary pleasure while i waited to be brought crashing back to reality with a warm smack on my chest and the usual bother of trying to work it out of my chest hair.........but it never came. I ran my hand own my belly to check and looked up at her all confused. She didnt even know why i looked so confused and asked was everything alright. It was then she noticed that our lord and saviour, hanging from a chain round her neck and swinging low as she leaned forward to kiss me, had caught the full force of my ejaculate. She freaked out and took it as some sort of sign and insisted I had to leave immediately. three in the mornin, half cut and about 5 or 6 miles from where I lived with no phone. I ended up having to break into a lecture hall and sleeping on the floor of the projection booth until the buses started again
razorblunt wrote: » Should have told her Jesus died for sins not quims.
Crooked Jack wrote: » Or told her that I will come again
anvilfour wrote: » The Holy Spirit Came upon you both! :-D
