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Work Problems. Help?

GreatWhiteWay

I work for a small charity. 23 employees who all work from home except those in our office. They all come and go to the office for meetings etc. all the time but 9-5 Monday to Friday there are 5 of us permanently there. I’m IT/Admin, then there’s the PA to the CEO (she’s also the basically the office manager) and then rest are training and development, one of which is a Jobridge intern.

The intern is the problem. He’s completely disrespectful to me. He’s male and in his early 30’s and I’m female and 23 and I think that might be the crux of it. I’ve been with the organisation as a full time, permanent employee since June 2014 and he was hired in May 2015. His negative behaviour towards me is subtle but no less valid. It’s beginning to really affect my self-esteem and ability to feel comfortable and safe in my workplace.

The problem is he doesn’t do any tasks I ask him to do or doesn’t see them as necessary or urgent. He sees them as busy work. He doesn’t take on or listen to my opinions. He will ask the office manager about issues that she isn’t even involved in instead of asking me. He’ll always look to the office manager for a second opinion and she’ll say the exact same thing I just said and then he’ll go “Yeah, that’s a good idea!”. The office manager is in her early 50’s.

He’s also an idiot. You spend so long explaining how to do the task you want him to do that you might as well do it yourself. And things like he still doesn’t know all our staff members names and their catchment areas and things like he’s still dropping calls when he’s transferring them.

It so bad that I’m now really self-conscious about what I say. I feel like I’m sitting on my hands all the time. I’m self-conscious because he’ll ask a colleague about something out of their expertise and particularly if it’s my concern like an IT issue and unknown to myself I’ll butt into the conversation because I know how to solve the problem. Then I feel like I’m rubbing my colleague that he asked up the wrong way and I’m afraid of frustrating them.

He also makes jokes or comments that just make me uncomfortable. Not about me but about the likes of working class people or immigrants for example. I also don’t really want to be left in a room with him which does happen as there is only five of us and people go on leave or have meetings or whatever.

I also worry that it’s just I have a set against him and since he started bothering me everything he does bothers me. Like he’s always chewing gum and I don’t like that lol
Seriously though I’m at my wits end. I’m not as happy at my job as I should be or used to be. My job is permanent but I plan to leave to progress my career eventually but right now I’m committed to implementing a database system for them and that’s fantastic and very enjoyable and that’ll take at least another year or two. So the intern will come and go but Christmas is still a long way away. As of yet I don’t think they want to hire him permanently. It’d be different if they were going to hire him. I would really be compelled to write to my manager then or something.

I don’t really know what I should do or how to deal with this and I don’t feel like there are grounds to talk to my manger about him and his behaviour and I really don’t want to cause trouble. It’d be different if there was an actual concrete incident as supposed to his subtle behaviour. I’d be afraid they would translate me doing something as: I just don’t like him for no reason and my ego is getting in the way since I think I’m better then him cause I’ve been here longer and he’s just an intern. And I should just be patient and empower him to learn in the positive space we have created.

I guess I’ll probably just have to grin and bear it until the ageist, sexist leaves.

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5rtytry56

Have you spoken to the charity CEO concerning this intern? Ask the CEO for a 1 to 1 with you asap. Good Luck.

GreatWhiteWay

5rtytry56 wrote: »

Have you spoken to the head of the charity concerning this intern? Ask the head for a 1 to 1 with you asap.

I really don't know if its what I should do. Its actually making it "a thing" you know.

I'd be afraid it wouldn't go down well and it'll make thinks worse.

My friend suggested that I should write down from now on things he's actually done to me so I'll have something concrete as supposed to saying he's a bit of a jerk sometimes.

LegacyUser

Sorry poster but you sound like you are being a bit over the top and somewhat dramatic. Nobody likes everyone they work with. So he chews gum? Some people have to due to bad breath etc.
Having to explain things to him several times is called training and reflects badly on your training method rather than him.
If you have that big of an issue with him you have two options.
1. Talk to management
2. Suck it up and get on with your job and ignore him

jopax

Hi op,

I think your friends idea about writing everything down is a really good idea.
Its hard to say whether its worth it to approach your boss on this if he is finishing at Xmas.
You are very young & he obviously resents you being above him. To be honest he sounds like a bully but obviously doing it in a passive aggressive way.
What I would say to you is to try to work on your self esteem & focus on your achievements and try not to let that smug git know that he is bothering you.
If it is getting very bad and you feel the need to report him than don't feel bad about that as it is his behaviour that is out of order.
The longer you are in the workplace the more experience you will have with dealing with prats like him and it will get easier.
I wish you good luck whatever you do op.

dori_dormer

I think writing down every time he doesn't do a task you ask, would be helpful as this shows he's not doing his job.

I'd stop for want of a better word, butting into others conversations. He's only getting the rise he wants out of you.

I'd limit any contact with him to the bare minimum, and try and make sure you have written proof by email or witnesses what you ask of him and when you expect it to be done.

Try and focus on your job and completing your deadlines as in the end of the day that's what really matters. Hopefully he'll be gone by xmas, but if you hear talk of hiring him you can show your boss the notebook.

Do you not think the office manager is a competent manager, that they wouldn't listen to your concerns now?

freshpopcorn

Not being rude but by any chance does he see you as a bossy girl and feels he's answerable to the manger and not you. Are you meant to be telling him what to do?
I'd suggest writing everything down and addressing it with the manger.

Lux23

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Not being rude but by any chance does he see you as a bossy girl and feels he's answerable to the manger and not you. Are you meant to be telling him what to do?
I'd suggest writing everything down and addressing it with the manger.

Who is his line manager? It sounds like you don't have a set structure and this guy is taking the mickey as a result. He is being rather foolish as he may need a job reference from you one day.

GreatWhiteWay

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Not being rude but by any chance does he see you as a bossy girl and feels he's answerable to the manger and not you. Are you meant to be telling him what to do?
I'd suggest writing everything down and addressing it with the manger.

I've actually been instructed by my own superiors to give him work or show him how to do things etc. To make it clear the conversations I'm butting into aren't private conversations. Its usually everyone sitting at there desks speaking across the room to each other. His internship is to be the office assistant.

dori_dormer

Oh I know you aren't butting in, I just couldn't think of a different word. It might be just best if you didn't converse with him unless you have to.

Plus if you've been told to give him tasks and he doesn't complete them you most definitly should go to the boss about it.

Any internships I've done there's always been weekly/ monthly reports. With the intern themselves and also the boss would chat to anybody in charge of the intern too. Does he not have this?

road_high

Who's his line manager? If it's not yourself then he probably feels like why should he taking orders from this person?

Diziet

Well, he is the intern, and you have the permanent job at a younger age. It's not you, it's him. Stop helping him.

And 'bossy girl' is a terribly sexist term. Do your job for your employer - that's your priority. If he refuses to do something or defers to someone else call him out on it.

freshpopcorn

When I used Bossy GIrl in my original post I'd have used man if the op was talking about a man.
I've often heard of people working with people and them being bossed around by people who think their in charge.
I just wanted to clarify with the op that it was her job to tell him what to do.

[Deleted User]

From the point of view from a past intern - If i were him i would take the instruction on the chin, grin and bear it - i'd be looking at the bigger picture, beyond my internship, which i did and landed a satisfying permanent role.

It sounds like this guy is bitter about being in an internship in the first place and wishes to undermine you because you are quite young and have a permanent position (and fair play to you!)

By double checking with the older colleague it sounds like he is deliberately undermining your authority and wants to let you know this. You need to bring this to your line manager - this is an actual grievance as you have been instructed to give him tasks and he wont carry them out accordingly.

As for his jokes/comments about working class people and immigrants - this needs to be reported in my opinion - you say you work for a charity - this could be bad for their image to have someone who speaks about people like that.

you don't have to worry and deal with all this on your own - he needs to be taken to task, as an intern he is being very very foolish.

Shelga

Hi OP,

He doesn't sound like the most pleasant person, but you do sound like you are over-reacting a little bit, IMO. I say that as someone who used to get so wound up by certain people in work, they would really upset me to the point where I would be in tears. (Maybe 2-3 people in the 4 years I've been with my current company, didn't happen constantly! :P)

Like another poster said, you're never going to like everyone you work with so you do have to learn to just block him out to an extent. There's nothing you've listed so far that he's done that justifies getting so wound up you feel bad about going in to work, dread seeing him, don't want to be left in the office alone with him, etc. And it doesn't sound like sexism if he's happy to listen to the female office manager, more being bitter that you have a permanent job at your age and he doesn't.

I'd follow your friend's advice in compiling these incidents gradually, but focus on your relaxation/stress coping techniques in the meantime. If it's still really bugging you in, say, 2 months, maybe go to HR then with the list.

Also, I did one of these unpaid internships when I finished college, before it was even Jobbridge, so I didn't even get the €50 extra a week. It was the most soul-destroying, depressive period of my whole life. I really felt like a slave, going in to work next to people who were being properly compensated for the same work. I tried to take the positives out of it in terms of getting my foot on the career ladder, but it was so difficult. Try and have a little empathy for the guy. Me saying that does not mean I don't also think he sounds like hard work. You say they also have no plans to keep him on- it's not going to do much for his state of mind either if he's picked up on that, is it?

Also, about the crass jokes- I work in a completely male-dominated factory environment and hear racist, sexist, vulgar jokes all day long. Sounds like you're not used to it, and you shouldn't really have to be, but I'd pick your battles when it comes to stuff like that. Most people will secretly think he's a prat anyway, especially if it's not the norm there.

You can't get offended over everything he does though.

cml387

He doesn't report to you.
If he doesn't do something you ask him to do, and he doesn't do it, not your problem.
If your boss asks why he didn't do it, just say you asked him to do it, but he didn't.
He sounds like a pita but unfortunately it happens that these are the people you have to work with. Just ignore it and carry on with your work.

Wompa1

Some advice from somebody that's been the youngest person at many companies (not saying you are but just saying that because I have felt a little like you..not getting as much respect due to age and perception)

Forget about it. This is a learning experience. This is Office politics. Everywhere you go, you'll find someone trying to take potshots at you and play the game. Putting you down to build themselves up. He's going to the more senior people to show his worth and make sure they know he's working and he's there.

Forget about him. That's not being d1ckish but my advice is really, really work on getting over it and forget about him. Developing a thick skin in IT will get you far. It's one of the key traits to succeed. There's constantly going to be people who think they are smarter than you and want to show you up. Being able to handle that and let it roll off your back is actually a valuable trait as an employee.

Tigger99

Develop a thick skin? Try not to be so bossy?

Heres some actual practical advise. Take his behaviour as an opportunity to learn how to assert yourself and create boundaries. The passive action of waiting til he leaves is a short term one. What happens the next time you encounter someone like that.

The next time he asks someone a question that is out of his/their expertise don't input. If you are concerned about the consequences of his behaviour you need to talk to his line manager with examples of poor behaviour and potential consequences for the company. Keep it professional. Don't let on that you dislike him. After all your concerns are for the company. And stress that. You are an invaluable employee designing a useful database for the charity. You need to start valuing your time and your experience more. His behaviour is not acceptable.

And tackle his disrespect to you head on. The next time you are asked to show him a task make it clear that you have no problem doing so but that he has been uncooperative and rude to you when you have tried to show him previously. Put the problem back where it actually lies, on his shoulders.

He might actually start to respect you for standing up for yourself. But so what if he doesn't. He sounds very insecure about doing a more junior position to you. And that's his problem, not yours.

Wompa1

Tigger99 wrote: »

Develop a thick skin? Try not to be so bossy?

Heres some actual practical advise. Take his behaviour as an opportunity to learn how to assert yourself and create boundaries. The passive action of waiting til he leaves is a short term one. What happens the next time you encounter someone like that.

The next time he asks someone a question that is out of his/their expertise don't input. If you are concerned about the consequences of his behaviour you need to talk to his line manager with examples of poor behaviour and potential consequences for the company. Keep it professional. Don't let on that you dislike him. After all your concerns are for the company. And stress that. You are an invaluable employee designing a useful database for the charity. You need to start valuing your time and your experience more. His behaviour is not acceptable.

And tackle his disrespect to you head on. The next time you are asked to show him a task make it clear that you have no problem doing so but that he has been uncooperative and rude to you when you have tried to show him previously. Put the problem back where it actually lies, on his shoulders.

He might actually start to respect you for standing up for yourself. But so what if he doesn't. He sounds very insecure about doing a more junior position to you. And that's his problem, not yours.

She's not senior. She's not in a position in which she needs to assert herself. If you give someone enough rope, they'll hang themselves. Let this guy off to twist around in the wind and it will catch up to him.

Complaining makes you seem like your playing the same game that he is. Confronting him, tells him that he's getting to you. He's playing the game. He thinks he can show he's more valuable. People like that are common. I've work with people who ask people they identify as senior or with influence dumb questions in relation to the work they are doing just so that person knows how much work they do.

The OP does not see this is a place where she'll be for long. No need to invite drama or negativity to yourself. Head down, ignore him and keep going. If the OP is young, one of the most important things right now is experience and CV. Learn all you can, leave with a good reference. IT is very competitive, you need that.

An advantage for me to this point of my career has been the fact that I never gave into this kind of crap. I'm now working as a CTO. Let the quality of your work be the only thing you're judged by, OP!

Tigger99

I don't really see what her level of seniority has to do with it. Asserting yourself, in a calm strategic way is a useful skill to learn.

I don't suggest that she confronts him. I agree that it would be very counter productive. My suggestion was that if she is asked (by her seniors) to show him how to do something then raise the issue with them at that point.

I do also think if she gives him enough rope he will show himself up, but as her post mentioned consequences of his actions to the company, if they are that serious, raise them. But not with him.

Well done on being cto but I am bemused by your suggestion that you didn't give into this kind of crap. As a manager I want to know when staff have a work issue or when someone is being disruptive so that I can deal with it effectively and minimise the effect on my organisation and other staff. This is particularly pertinent in a small organisation the OP describes.

Rubberchikken

keep an account of the things that are a genuine issue work-wise and learn to ignore the smaller things i.e gum chewing.

no one has the right to speak to someone else in a disrespectful way, so if you're feeling uncomfortable you'll have to report it to your superior officially.
comments he makes about immigrants etc can be dealt with by you saying you don't want him speaking like that in your company.

it's not the easiest thing to do, but standing up for yourself calmly and politely is a lot better than letting this guy's behaviour upset and bother you.