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TTC after misacrriage

Penny Dreadful

I'm currently going through a miscarriage. Thought I was at 12 weeks but with some very light spotting and just a feeling that something wasn't quite right, I took myself off to the Coombe on Tuesday morning and was given the awful news that our lovely little baby had stopped growing at 9 weeks.
The doctor said to leave things a week as I was spotting a bit and to go back in a week and she would re examine me and a D&C would be organised for the following day if needs be.
My question (bananas and all as it may seem right now) is now to go about ttc next time around. We are very lucky to be parents to a lovely 9 month old baby girl (which helps a whole lot right now).
To anyone that this as happened to did you leave things a few cycles before ttc again, did you have any issues post miscarriage, etc etc.
Any help or past experience would be most welcome.

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73trix

Oh Penny I am so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself and I sincerely hope everything works out for you again soon.

Typer Monkey

Hi Penny. Sorry for your loss, hope you're coping ok. I had a MMC in March of this year. I had an early scan at 9 weeks and the baby was only measuring 6 weeks with no heartbeat. I had to wait a week and go into the Coombe for a repeat scan. I started to spot a few days after the first scan so I knew it wouldn't be good news. The scan at the Coombe showed no growth so I was given the options of miscarrying myself, medical management or an ERPC (a D&C).

I wanted things over ASAP so I booked the ERPC for two days later. I started to bleed very heavily with clots the night before the ERPC but had no bleeding afterwards and felt fine pretty quickly afterwards with no pain or ill effects.

You are advised to wait for your period to return so that a future pregnancy is easier to date. My period returned 5 weeks to the day from the ERPC. I had one further cycle and conceived in May using digital ovulation tests and am 9 weeks pregnant again now.

If you have any questions feel free to ask me or PM me if you prefer

Hannibal Smith

Hi Penny

Im so sorry for your loss. Its a terribly sad time. My experience was similar to yours, thought everything was fine, bit of spotting, so mentioned it in passing at the 12 week appointment. The doc did a quick check...no heartbeat. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks.

That was november 2010 and i was pregnant again by Jan 2011. I went for an early scan on that pregnancy and the doc said not to get my hopes up, that apparently I was supposed to wait for 3 cycles and the positive test could be related to the miscarried one. I didnt know i was supposed to wait, tbey very well may have told me the last time i was there, but i heard nothing after they said there was no hope.

Be good to yourself...its such a sad time xxx

Penny Dreadful

Thanks for the replies guys. Selfishly It helps to know that this horrible thing has happened to so many other people I.e. It's not just us and so many people have gone on to have healthy pregnancies afterward.
When I found out that it was over on Tuesday I wanted to insist on the D&C there and then just to have it over and done with.
I kept quiet and decided to wait the week, we're back in on Tuesday and if things aren't resolved (I doubt they will be) then it will be the D&C the following day. At least then it will be done and dusted.

I'm wondering how difficult it was for any of you getting past the same stage on your subsequent pregnancies? We spent a year TTC for our lovely little baby girl and I was so convinced that that was the hard part done. My pregnancy then was text book perfect. Hubris is a bitch as I felt there would be no issues this time around either. Shows what I knew.

[Deleted User]

So sorry for your loss. In my case, after 5 years trying, I lost a baby on June 9th 1994 (at 9 weeks) and gave birth to a healthy boy on June 5th 1995. My first pregnancy was straight forward. He was 2 when we started trying for another. When you do get pregnant again, be prepared for feeling anxious, but always share what you are feeling with family and health professionals. You must allow yourselves time to grieve your loss. Good Luck.

Hannibal Smith

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys. Selfishly I helps to know that this horrible thing has happened to so many other people I.e. It's not just us and so many people have gone on to have healthy pregnancies afterward.
When I found out that it was over on Tuesday I wanted to insist on the D&C there and then just to have it over and done with.
I kept quiet and decided to wait the week, we're back in on Tuesday and if things aren't resolved (I doubt they will be) then it will be the D&C the following day. At least then it will be done and dusted.

I'm wondering how difficult it was for any of you getting past the same stage on your subsequent pregnancies? We spent a year TTC for our lovely little baby girl and I was so convinced that that was the hard part done. My pregnancy then was text book perfect. Hubris is a bitch as I felt there would be no issues this time around either. Shows what I knew.

Thats exactly how i felt too. Because it was my second pregnancy I took it as a given all would be ok. Which I suppose added to the shock.

This part is really hard. Waiting for scans and stuff. I didnt have a d and c. They gave me tablets and sent me home to take them to get things moving along. It was quite possibly the worst thing ive ever had to do. You still always hope theres hope and by taking the tablets i was dashing any possibility of that.

I was fairly nervous on the next pregnancy. I made sure I got an early scan. There was no way I was going through 12 weeks thinking everything was grand again. Everything was fine with the early scan. But at about week 11 there was a bit of spotting and i freaked out. Had to drive myself in to Holles St on a Sunday morning which seemed to be the longest drive. But everything was fine, baby was growing and kicking and now hes a 3 year old tear away.

If youre finding it really tough over the next few days, or want to say something you dont want to say out loud, post away in here.

[Deleted User]

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

If youre finding it really tough over the next few days, or want to say something you dont want to say out loud, post away in here.

That is very good advice. So many of us have been there. Lean on us! I, for one am only too glad to offer you a Boards.ie shoulder to lean on. x x

contrary_mary

Penny I'm so sorry for your loss. I have had 2 MCs, one with ERPC, one natural. I think I was told to wait until my period came back each time. I wanted to anyway as I liked the idea of having a "fresher" lining, especially after the ERPC which was a bit further on. Also, I think I needed a couple of months to get my head together.

It took me 2.5 years to conceive my first pregnancy on fertility treatment but after being pregnant once I definitely found it easier - I was pregnant I think 3 cycles later, unfortunately another mc and then another 3 cycles later I fell pregnant again with my DS. Only 2 of those cycles we would have been trying though as the first was post-mc.

I won't lie I was extremely anxious on my pregnancy with DS and didn't really believe it would work out until he was handed to me. The time passes though and somehow you get through it.

Typer Monkey

I wouldn't say that I've been anxious with this pregnancy but I would say the innocence and optimism of previous pregnancies is gone. Even though I knew miscarraige is common, it just never dawned on me that it could happen to us. I find this time around that I don't let my mind wander past 12 weeks. If I start to think about later in the pregnancy, giving birth or actually having the baby home, my mind just snaps me out of it and I hear myself saying 'don't count your chickens!'

I think having a daughter makes dealing with the miscarriage easier as I know that I can carry a pregnancy to term so that alleviates some of the worry.

I have a private scan booked for this Tuesday. I'll be 9 weeks and it was at that stage in March that I found out I'd miscarried. If all goes well on Tuesday then I think I'll relax a bit but, as I said above, the innocence is gone. I think I'll be waiting for and expecting something to go wrong until I have this baby out safely

Penny Dreadful

Typer Monkey wrote: »

I wouldn't say that I've been anxious with this pregnancy but I would say the innocence and optimism of previous pregnancies is gone. Even though I knew miscarraige is common, it just never dawned on me that it could happen to us. I find this time around that I don't let my mind wander past 12 weeks. If I start to think about later in the pregnancy, giving birth or actually having the baby, my mind just snaps me out of it and I hear myself saying 'don't count your chickens!'

I think having a daughter makes dealing with the miscarriage easier as I know that I can carry a pregnancy to term so that alleviates some of the worry.

I have a private scan booked for this Tuesday. I'll be 9 weeks and it was at that stage in March that I found out I'd miscarried. If all goes well on Tuesday then I think I'll relax a bit but, as I said above, the innocence is gone. I think I'll be waiting for and expecting something to go wrong until I have this baby out safely

You've hit the nail right on the head there- I think back to how I was on my pregnancy with my daughter and everything was so normal and healthy that I just breezed through it all. I don't think I will be so blasé again.
Nature can be a right old bitch when it does something like this.

I'd had a scan at what I though was 9 weeks, on the day it turned out to be 8+3 and everything looked fine, there was a very strong healthy heart beat and that was it. My next scheduled appointment was for this coming Tuesday anyway for the 12 week scan. It was somewhere in the few days afterwards that it just stopped beating.
In some ways knowing that there is no heartbeat and the baby didn't grow much at all after the first scan is a good thing - it removes the chance of false hope. It's the limbo land now that's hardest bit.

Thank you all for sharing your stories. It really does help. I found this site brilliant while ttc last time before falling pregnant with our daughter and truly fantastic while pregnant especially before we told people the happy news.
Now it's come into it's own again by learning of your stories and the successful pregnancies you all have had after going throgh your own miscarriages.

kkcatlou

Hi Penny Dreadful,

I feel your pain. I had a MC at 10 weeks just before Christmas (I would be due this week), so I feel your pain, and it gets a lot harder before it gets easier, so be prepared!

I'm loving reading all the positive stories above, and hoping to join them sometime soon. We've been TTC for about 5 months since the MC, but no luck so far. I would get back trying straight away. We waited 2 months as I found it all quite tough.

With the MC, i opted to wait for it to happen naturally and luckily it did within a couple of days. it was extremely traumatic and painful, and the Coombe definitely didn't warm me of what a physical experience it would be at 10 weeks, but in the long run, I'm really glad I did it that way, as it made it feel very real and was easier to accept, plus we got our own little bundle to bury, that nobody could touch or take from us. Good luck with whatever you decide. And good luck with the future too!

Penny Dreadful

I think we will probably start ttc against pretty soon. Maybe I'm wrong but I think it will feel "right" to be pregnant again. Hopefully I'm not jinxing things when I say that.
We were so happy to be expecting another little baby again even though it was going to mean having two very close in age and it would have been a lot of work. Even before I fell pregnant I missed having a newborn.

I'm having some spotting and very little bleeding so I will be very surprised if a decision isn't made to do the D&C when I'm back in tomorrow.

Hannibal Smith

Hi Penny

Been thinking of you the last few days.

Hope you and your partner are getting through it all ok x.

Penny Dreadful

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

Hi Penny

Been thinking of you the last few days.

Hope you and your partner are getting through it all ok x.

Thank you :-)
We're doing ok considering. I'm in tomorrow morning at 07:00 for the ERPC to finalise things. It will be good to get that out of the way and allow us to move on.
Family and friends have been great and very supportive as have all of you guys here. I really do appreciate it.

dreamstar

Aw Penny, I have been following your posts for a while and I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. I went through the same thing a year ago and I know how hard it is. You will get through it though.

As regards the TTC afterwards, I waited about 4 months before we started trying again - and I'm sorry I did. I have other issues going on though - I suffer with ovarian cysts. So we were trying about 8 months with no success and when I went for a check up my cyst had grown considerably. They say that you are very fertile just after a miscarriage and I'm just sorry I didn't start trying straight away.

Any doctor / nurse I spoke to said it's ok to start straight away. Some say wait until your first period but a lot of people get pregnant before that even and have healthy pregnancies.

So don't get too disheartened. Try again when you feel ready.

Take care of yourself!

Hannibal Smith

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Thank you :-)
We're doing ok considering. I'm in tomorrow morning at 07:00 for the ERPC to finalise things. It will be good to get that out of the way and allow us to move on.
Family and friends have been great and very supportive as have all of you guys here. I really do appreciate it.

Ah. Massive hugs for today. Make sure you use that support as much as you need x

dreamstar

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Thank you :-)
We're doing ok considering. I'm in tomorrow morning at 07:00 for the ERPC to finalise things.

Best of luck today Penny.
Take care of yourself afterwards. I was surprised how quick I recovered after ERCP so don't worry. You'll be back on your feet before you know it.

Penny Dreadful

Thank you all again. I'm back home again and am doing ok. I'm just glad that today is out of the way, now it feels like we can turn the page and carry on.
The consultant was as lovely as ever and the staff in the Coombe were very very kind. It's lovely that they are aware of the sad cases too and are kind and thoughtful to both the Mams and Dads.
Hopefully we'll be back here soon sharing nice positive stories.
Off to bed for a nap now.

dreamstar

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Thank you all again. I'm back home again and am doing ok. I'm just glad that today is out of the way, now it feels like we can turn the page and carry on.
The consultant was as lovely as ever and the staff in the Coombe were very very kind. It's lovely that they are aware of the sad cases too and are kind and thoughtful to both the Mams and Dads.
Hopefully we'll be back here soon sharing nice positive stories.
Off to bed for a nap now.

Aw Penny, so glad it's all over for you. Glad the staff were all so nice to you. I had my ERPC in the Coombe too and found everyone lovely.

Take care of yourself now and use the time to pamper yourself. You definitely deserve it. :P
You will be back to normal in a few days. I found some days were ok and some were hard. So just take each day as it comes and the tough days will gradually fade away. Keep in touch and let us know how you are!

Penny Dreadful

Arrggghhh today is one of those hard days.
I'm not sure if I'm still bleeding post ERPC or if I've got my first period after it or not.
The bleeding had been quite light and then yesterday it got heavier again and is today too. It could be a period? Also my mood has taken a bit of a dip too which could also tie in with it being my period.

It's also odd how much I miss being pregnant too. It will pass I know but it's tough these past two days.

[Deleted User]

Penny Dreadful wrote: »

Arrggghhh today is one of those hard days.
I'm not sure if I'm still bleeding post ERPC or if I've got my first period after it or not.
The bleeding had been quite light and then yesterday it got heavier again and is today too. It could be a period? Also my mood has taken a bit of a dip too which could also tie in with it being my period.

It's also odd how much I miss being pregnant too. It will pass I know but it's tough these past two days.

Thinking of you. Those tough days will pass and you'll be the stronger for them. x x

dreamstar

Hope you're OK penny. It can take a while to get back to normal. I did get my period exactly 4 weeks after I had ERPC. But your body has gone through a lot the last few months so it's understandable that things might be off.
Have been thinking of you.

73trix

Guess I should have posted here.
I'm curious about people's experiences after chemical pregnancy. What was your cycle like after? I'm counting the 1st day of the bleed as CD1 but my GP said that it isn't really CD1 as it wasn't a period as such. I have had 2 very heavy days 1-2, nothing at all on day 3 and today and yest only a very light bleed so I think I'm nearly done. GP said just dtd every other day this cycle as I can't date it but I will also use my OPKs aswell. Any advice? Thanks.

Penny Dreadful

73trix wrote: »

Guess I should have posted here.
I'm curious about people's experiences after chemical pregnancy. What was your cycle like after? I'm counting the 1st day of the bleed as CD1 but my GP said that it isn't really CD1 as it wasn't a period as such. I have had 2 very heavy days 1-2, nothing at all on day 3 and today and yest only a very light bleed so I think I'm nearly done. GP said just dtd every other day this cycle as I can't date it but I will also use my OPKs aswell. Any advice? Thanks.

While our experiences were different they were similar in many ways too. I find that I'm trying to rediscover my cycle again as it's been through a lot- pregnancy, post natal, pregnant again, miscarriage, ERPC, period again I think...... I just dont know.

I'm using my OPKs to guide me. I splashed out (partly by accident) on a clearblue advanced digital monitor and it's been handy. Apparently I'm entering my high fertility window soon. I think I'll let it guide me for this one cycle.
Unless of course we get lucky again!

73trix

I'm "CD10" now altho I'm told the dates don't count on the first cycle post miss.

Started OPKing today and got a faint +. Is it possible to ovulate early? My cycles were already a bit askew after breastfeeding and I have ov'd on day 18, then day15, then day 18/19. Or is it possible that it is still HcG in my system? it's very early yet on looking back over my charts, it's almost within the usual 4weeksapprox between ovulation dates - leaving the miscarriage out of it.

Dtd just in case. And am temping. Just bringing the Bding window forward.

Penny Dreadful

73trix wrote: »

I'm "CD10" now altho I'm told the dates don't count on the first cycle post miss.

Started OPKing today and got a faint +. Is it possible to ovulate early? My cycles were already a bit askew after breastfeeding and I have ov'd on day 18, then day15, then day 18/19. Or is it possible that it is still HcG in my system? it's very early yet on looking back over my charts, it's almost within the usual 4weeksapprox between ovulation dates - leaving the miscarriage out of it.

Dtd just in case. And am temping. Just bringing the Bding window forward.

It's hard to get a handle on things again all right. As I mentioned earlier I've been using the (stupidly expensive but purchased in a fit of hormonal pique) clearblue digital monitor and it's been interesting to see what it throws up.

My obstetrician thinks the miscarriage took place in or around June 14. I didn't notice anything amiss until June 29/30 when the spotting started. The bad news was confirmed on June 30th and after waiting a week I had the ERPC on July 9th.
I bled for a few days then it stopped and started again (or so I thought) on July 15. In hindsight that was most likely CD1 for me.
I was very skeptical about that but used the OPKs anyway and sure enough they are telling me that I am entering the fertile phase of my cycle and should ovulate on Saturday.
It all seems to have happened very quickly.

73trix

What i don't understand is why would first day of the bleed NOT be CD1 as GP said? Sure it was to all intents and purposes a period as the lining was breaking down again etc, no? Would you not need the same amount of time to get geared up to ovulate again?

But then when I look at my charts, leaving the chemical out of it, I would be due to ovulate again this week. I bled on CD37 after ovulating on CD18/19. That is now 4weeks ago (last ovualtion date).

Anyway, don't really know why I ask as I'm going to be dtd from now on til I get temp shift as I have started getting a +OPk so not taking any chances.

best of luck to you Penny.

Penny Dreadful

73trix wrote: »

What i don't understand is why would first day of the bleed NOT be CD1 as GP said? Sure it was to all intents and purposes a period as the lining was breaking down again etc, no? Would you not need the same amount of time to get geared up to ovulate again?

But then when I look at my charts, leaving the chemical out of it, I would be due to ovulate again this week. I bled on CD37 after ovulating on CD18/19. That is now 4weeks ago (last ovualtion date).

Anyway, don't really know why I ask as I'm going to be dtd from now on til I get temp shift as I have started getting a +OPk so not taking any chances.

best of luck to you Penny.

I don't know, it's (imho at least) hard to get a handle on things again.
For some ridiculous reason, I couldn't tell you why, when I got home from the hospital on June 30th I took a fertility test and it was positive.
I shook my head at the time and just thougt how crazy with hormones my body must be and didn't think about it any more.

Looking back on this now if I was in fact ovulating (bearing in mind that my poor little baby's heartbeat had stopped about two weeks before hand) then it is highly likely that I did in fact have my period on July 15th and so have CD 1 even though this was close in time to the ERPC.

Why did your GP tell you that your CD 1 wasn't in fact CD1? I'm a bit confused about that.

73trix

It's all mad Penny. Who knows? GP just said not to count it as CD1 exactly as it was "not a period". She said not to track as usual but to dtd every other day. Now I as going to wait til CD12 as usual but given a positive OPK yest eve, have started since. Dunno....

73trix

How are you getting on Penny? I'm CD17 now and have all the signs of ovulating today or tomorrow. Bang on my average so don't see any change to my cycle. Will be glad to hop into the 2WW as it's been hard getting into the mood this cycle but we are getting stuck in and determined to do our best to conceive again asap.