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Men who still live at home... is it a deal-breaker?

Dickie10

ok just wondering what people would advise on this. most of this is probarbly alien to most not from a farming background. i live at home with parents who are 80 and 70 respectivly im 31. this year i took over full control of the farm from my father who was delighted to retire.

so now i have my own bank account for the farm, aand pay any bills that were in my fathers Direct Debit Account. so basically im keeping a house going. this surely is not like the ordinary 31 year old living at home. the roles are reversed i work to keep my parents warm and well fed etc with the same amenities i had, ESB, SKY TV. this was all a bit of a shock to be honest. my parents kept whatever money was in their farm bank account when my father retired and i started on my own . i also already have the house signed over to me with the clause that i look after my parents until their day etc, which im at.

anyway renting with mates in a townis prob of no use as i need to be on site during spring with night calls to be done on sheep and cows. i dont want to bother building a house because il have the hassle of renting it in years to come as i move into the family home. i also dont have the cash at the minute, but to be honest id rather not have the millstone of huge debt for something i dont need, id rather expand the farm with debt! so whats the options? i seen some very handy log cabin structures on the net. small but no smaller than an apartment in dublin. i need something cheap and chearful. perhaps be a good granny flat if i get a woman and get married?

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Jogathon

One easy enough solution would be to build a granny flat. Perfect for you now, perfect for your mum or dad in later years.

Dickie10

yes i thinking strongly on those lines.

libelula

If you do hope to meet a girl and settle down, I'd be wary of doing anything 'permanent' incase it's not a runner for her.
As in, you have your arrangement with your parents which you'll keep of course, but what if she lives 10 miles away in a similar circumstance or has a kid in school or something. Or she hates the sight of your parents place! If I was you, I'd keep it flexible for now.
Build the granny flat as suggested, that's no huge noose around your neck either way and it'll get used.

[Deleted User]

If you get a woman

In the woman shop

NewCorkLad

bluewolf wrote: »

If you get a woman

In the woman shop

You dont need to go into shops now, they have catalogue's.

libelula

bluewolf wrote: »

If you get a woman

In the woman shop

It's just a country saying, no harm meant I'm sure

Captain Chaos

bluewolf wrote: »

If you get a woman

In the woman shop

That's the way all my mates talk. They make it sound to me like it's just a matter or walking done to the local shop and picking on off a shelf.

Typical comment thrown at me every weekend, " would you ever get out there and find yourself a woman this weekend for a change". Starts to p1ss me off after a while.

Not easy to do when I've had to move home recently and I'm saving everything I have to buy my own place. Half of them live at home and are out every weekend with their girlfriends spending the majority of their wages on drink.

endacl

bluewolf wrote: »

If you get a woman

In the woman shop

libelula wrote: »

It's just a country saying, no harm meant I'm sure

Yeah Bluewolf. :mad:

Where would ye be goin' with yer high falutin' woman shops?!?

We get ours at the woman mart.

catallus

libelula wrote: »

If you do hope to meet a girl and settle down, I'd be wary of doing anything 'permanent' incase it's not a runner for her.
.

This is the precise opposite of what I would do.

You shouldn't be shaping your life for a woman, you should seek a woman who fits your life.

Surely if it's "not a runner for her" then she's not for you

smash

NewCorkLad wrote: »

You dont need to go into shops now, they have catalogue's.

But then you can't try them out first...

endacl

smash wrote: »

But then you can't try them out first...

You can return them. You only pay the postage.

smash

endacl wrote: »

You can return them. You only pay the postage.

Do you have to mark them as fragile? Or is that only if they're particularly emotional?

newport2

endacl wrote: »

Yeah Bluewolf. :mad:

Where would ye be goin' with yer high falutin' woman shops?!?

We get ours at the woman mart.

I found the Quicky Mart great in my single days

beyondbelief67

I know a lot of people are living back at home to save money etc
But a guy I met who had gone back to live at home made it clear early on he wanted to come and live with me.
So I broke up with him as I couldn't decide if it was me he wanted or simply somewhere else to live.

libelula

catallus wrote: »

This is the precise opposite of what I would do.

You shouldn't be shaping your life for a woman, you should seek a woman who fits your life.

Surely if it's "not a runner for her" then she's not for you

Yeah, but there has to be compromise in a relationship, no?

catallus

libelula wrote: »

Yeah, but there has to be compromise in a relationship, no?

Yeah, the compromise is that you're letting her in the front door in the first place!

Putting your life on pause because "she mightn't like the look of the place" isn't a compromise, it's a capitulation.

[Deleted User]

OP I've moved your post to a thread of its own to continue on the discussion.

jimgoose

bluewolf wrote: »

If you get a woman

In the woman shop

I'm goan ta Town daddy, for ta get mesel' a Woman! And a burger, wit sauce an' all!!

J Mysterio

SMJSF wrote: »

I would find it a deal breaker, but I'm 21, female, living independently since 18, and I find men who have never moved out of home don't want to know me! I don't know what it is, or what they don't like about it.
Is it something to do with a more capable sex/gender view?

I personally would rather a guy who can stand on his own two feet than moving in with a man and expecting me to spoon feed him, or can't even use the washing machine or cook a proper meal for himself or change a lightbulb!

Did you read his post?

He's running an entire farm ffs. Bit more complicated than turning on a washing machine.

He is standing on his own two foot and he's supporting he's holding up his parents while he's at it.

jimgoose

SMJSF wrote: »

I would find it a deal breaker, but I'm 21, female, living independently since 18, and I find men who have never moved out of home don't want to know me! I don't know what it is, or what they don't like about it.
Is it something to do with a more capable sex/gender view?

I personally would rather a guy who can stand on his own two feet than moving in with a man and expecting me to spoon feed him, or can't even use the washing machine or cook a proper meal for himself or change a lightbulb!

Yeah. I remember poor bastids - only sons now, mind you - living in giant rambling farmhouses on a couple hundred acres in the Golden Vale, elderly parents, running the whole lot, Grampy's old Mercedes 300D estate, the usual - grown weary trying to compete for the affections of chungwans with hep young chaps in short pants and fashionable beards ankle-deep in three-week-old pizza in third-floor grotfests in Limerick city. NOT!! :pac:

jimgoose

J Mysterio wrote: »

Did you read his post?

He's running an entire farm ffs. Bit more complicated than turning on a washing machine.

He is standing on his own two foot and he's supporting he's holding up his parents while he's at it.

This. There's living at home, and then there's Living at Home.

recylingbin

It's a deal breaker for me.
The men bit anyway.

OneOfThem

SMJSF wrote: »

I would find it a deal breaker, but I'm 21, female, living independently since 18, and I find men who have never moved out of home don't want to know me! I don't know what it is, or what they don't like about it.
Is it something to do with a more capable sex/gender view?

I'm sure you're a ride. But is it any kind of a remote possibility that the guys you mention just didn't find you all that fvckable?

Bubbaclaus

IMO you should only be living at home if you are either:
a) still in education
b) have a disability of some sort that requires care
c) looking after an elderly parent

Anything outside this you are only making excuses and really just love being mothered.

The Diabolical Monocle

Not a deal breaker. Once she sees that you hold the equity in the farm it'll be all good.

edit: shortly thereafter she will try to liberate you of the financial responsibility.

LadyFenghuang

Nah...I live at home...or ahem...I live in a secret place.....my ...home...

[Deleted User]

Jogathon wrote: »

One easy enough solution would be to build a granny flat. Perfect for you now, perfect for your mum or dad in later years.

Best solution for the OPs living arrangements I think. A bit of separation and useful for his folks when the time comes.

Greenmachine

SMJSF wrote: »

I would find it a deal breaker, but I'm 21, female, living independently since 18, and I find men who have never moved out of home don't want to know me! I don't know what it is, or what they don't like about it.
Is it something to do with a more capable sex/gender view?

I personally would rather a guy who can stand on his own two feet than moving in with a man and expecting me to spoon feed him, or can't even use the washing machine or cook a proper meal for himself or change a lightbulb!

Maybe they are terrified your not chaste, on account of living away from parents. Their loss in any case. They have saved themselves on account of not being allowed to bring a girl home for the nights. Why couldn't you have stayed with mammy and daddy till you met them.

RayM

I lived with my mother until I was 30 - she died a couple of weeks after my 30th birthday. I'm 33 now, and if she was still around, I'd probably still be living with her. Not because I love being 'mothered' (if I had expected that kind of thing, I'm sure she would have told me to fuck off), but because she was really easy to live with.

If someone thought that was a 'deal-breaker'... well, she probably wouldn't be my type anyway.

[Deleted User]

Dickie10 wrote: »

anyway renting with mates in a townis prob of no use as i need to be on site during spring with night calls to be done on sheep and cows. i dont want to bother building a house because il have the hassle of renting it in years to come as i move into the family home. i also dont have the cash at the minute, but to be honest id rather not have the millstone of huge debt for something i dont need, id rather expand the farm with debt! so whats the options? i seen some very handy log cabin structures on the net. small but no smaller than an apartment in dublin. i need something cheap and chearful. perhaps be a good granny flat if i get a woman and get married?

I have two brothers at home. Both tried, but neither stuck it out on the homeplace. Too much seclusion from women (nightlife) was definitely one issue. Risk of drink driving was another. Another was that women can be agitated about the influence of mothers-in-law, and I'm afraid it's pretty mutual.

If I were you I'd rent a place in the next village. I'm sure there's something half-decent for 300-odd quid a month, depending on where you are, if you have contacts? Even if it means not sleeping there during the height of the calving season, it will be worthwhile for the rest of the year.