Greentopia wrote: » He doesn't "hawk details around" about anyone. He's actually a very private man and it took a good while before he opened up to me about his marriage. His own family thinks his marriage is fine as he doesn't talk to them about it-and he has a good relationship with them, especially his brothers.
Greentopia wrote: » Nope, never said I have no problem with any level of cheating. I just don't regard sexual infidelity as cheating in my relationships. For me what's important is emotional fidelity. It's not that I don't like jealous wives, I just find irrationally jealous behaviour like she has displayed in the past a sign of instability and a bit scary! And I have a mind of my own thank's.
eternal wrote: » Look it's fair to see the whole thread is ganging up on someone and it's not really anyone's business what she does. We all know the guy sounds like a complete tosser but there's no point digging a funeral plot for the woman.
Deleted User wrote: » Um. It's not our business? She has posted again and again about it. It's not like anyone here has gone through her phone and read her texts or anything. Mind you, we wouldn't get anything out of his texts, as he deletes them.
Jenny Thalia wrote: » Ah yeah, sure it's always the loony wife's fault.
Jenny Thalia wrote: » It's obviously utterly impossible for him to tell her the marriage is over, she'd probably get more loony and stab him! Seriously, he's an adult. He can tell her it's over. You're as bad as each other and you're both participating in him cheating. Don't pretend it's not cheating. Wonder who his emotional intimacy will be with when you take his wife's place?
Greentopia wrote: » There's always two sides to the story when a marriage falls apart.
Greentopia wrote: » Yes I wonder. Any woman within close proximity that he will offer a shoulder to cry on I should expect.
ceadaoin. wrote: » Always irrationally jealous according to him. No form according to him.
ceadaoin. wrote: » You would probably learn a lot if you spoke to his wife. From your posts it sounds like he's wanted to leave for many years but his child is fairly young so it can't be that long? Of course, he's painted her as a crazy person now so you wouldn't believe her anyway if she contradicted his account.
ceadaoin. wrote: » The fact is he is conducting an affair with another woman behind his wife's back and has left it until he's been caught (because he wasn't sneaky enough that day and forgot to delete a message) to fess up.
eternal wrote: » This story I came across was a woman was in her early 40s, never had kids and was having an affair with a guy in work. She said he is leaving his wife, they don't sleep together anymore. Next thing his wife becomes pregnant and he is surprised, amazed at this revelation and now finds it even harder to leave her. Meanwhile the single woman loses out on any real chance of happiness and of ever having a family wasting three years on him while the pregnant wife lives in complete and utter oblivion of any kind of upset. It's a case of leading someone on and them having their cake and eating it.
Greentopia wrote: » Yes, it's called trusting someone based on smarts, instinct and experience. As I've already said-he's 4 years old, 5 this year. Yes I'm sure I would learn some things if I was to speak to her but as I have no intention of doing so it's hardly relevant. Yes yes, I'm a gullible fool. I've gone through this already in previous posts. Ok, thank's for that insight.
Deleted User wrote: » God love her, the time wasted, the possible loss of the chance to have children herself with someone with whom she could have a lasting relationship. But surely the whole world knows the risks when one gets involved with a married man. As I have said before,some of my married friends have had affairs. They even play the "my wife doesn't understand me, the marriage is dead" line. But I don't think any of them expect that is believed, the affair is based on sex, not really on the promise of a lasting relationship.
eviltwin wrote: » I don't think you have done anything wrong at all. I fell in love with a friend, someone I used to say I would never have any romantic feelings for but it happened, I was just lucky we were both single. It took me totally by surprise so I can see how easily it can happen. You don't have the relationship, everyone will say you should stay away regardless but its easy to say that. The person with the relationship is always the one who needs to set the boundries imo.
eviltwin wrote: » I know if you were my daughter or friend I would be telling you to step back, put a bit of distance between you and see what happens, give him the space to end things with his wife but I know its easier said than done. I don't think anyone puts themselves in the position you are in out of spite or to intentionally break up a family, its a tough place to be, it would be so much easier to find someone single but you have feelings for this man so you probably make allowances as we all do when we are in love.
eviltwin wrote: » I would just really hate to see this guy mess you around and I'm saying that very aware of the fact you have an insight that we on the thread don't, its easy for us to put it down to a typical married man who wants to have his cake and eat it. You do seem to be a lot more realistic and level headed than a lot of people in this situation, you have your line in the sand that you have set for him, don't move that line no matter what he says. If its meant to be and he feels that way he will do what he needs to to make it happen. I appreciate he has a kid and that is an extra complication but don't put yourself last, lots of people with kids move into new relationships and make it work, he can too. Good luck, if his marriage really is over I hope he can find it in himself to end it so everyone can move on and find happiness
eviltwin wrote: » I'm sorry but I just don't buy that. If you and your spouse are both of the opinion that your marriage is over I don't see why or how you would be having sex. Its different if one person is drifting away and the other is unaware of it, its easy to keep going just to have a quiet life.
eviltwin wrote: » How close of a friend is this guy? Do you know his wife? Do you know his other friends, her friends, are there other people who can confirm that they are on their last legs? Have you been in their company together to see how they are with each other? Again, you know better than anyone what he is saying and you are the best judge of how sincere he is, I'm not trying to imply you're being taken for a fool here or that you are stupid or anything so apologies if that is how it comes across.
beks101 wrote: » Oh Greentopia. I understand all too well how emotions can muddy the waters, but from a bystander's point of view this is so textbook it's just all a bit cringe. It's like watching two cars speeding towards each other... Every single Cheating Married Man in the history of all time has told his Other-Woman-to-be that his marriage was dead in the waters, his wife didn't understand him and he's only staying for the children. Every last one of them.
beks101 wrote: » To be perfectly honest, I'm as laidback as they come in my relationship, we complement each other perfectly in that respect, but if I suspected my OH had another woman on the side and was bare-faced lying to my face about it repeatedly, to the point where I was questioning my own sanity, I'd be pushed to the brink as well. Phones, iPads, PCs, emails, whatsapp messages, I'd be checking them all.
beks101 wrote: » If we were married? I'd be stalking the guy. Following him to work with binoculars. Marriage is hard work, it's an investment, it's her life. 20 years she's spent with this man. 20 years and a child. Who are you, who probably knows him a comparative five minutes, to say their relationship is a farce, just because he told you so with his own disloyal intentions? I'd be needing some evidence. Divorce papers. A new place of residence and shared custody documents. Anything less than that and you're just another cliche I'm afraid.
beks101 wrote: » I nearly LOLd at this. Most people would stop here. Channing Tatum and I would be perfect for each other, only he's a movie star. I know we're not living in a black-and-white world and relationships start and end with so much overlap in the real world, but if Married Man isn't enough of a red traffic light, I think you need to take a good, hard look at yourself.
Greentopia wrote: » I repeat-she had no reason whatsoever to be suspicious or jealous of him prior to the day she found those texts and mail. He did nothing to raise any suspicions and was extremely careful to avoid that, until that one slip up.
Deleted User wrote: » So he lies to his wife and family, but he tells you, the other woman, the truth!
Deleted User wrote: » Is this a parody by any chance? Are you taking the mick out of women who mess with married men and showing them up as being obtuse, ignoring all the neon flashing signs, gullible? It has to be.
Greentopia wrote: » He's never said his wife doesn't understand him and he hasn't told me he is staying for his child. He's just understandably afraid of losing access to the most important person in the world to him. She has spoken before of her desire to move back to where her family are (in another county) taking their son with him, so it's not a baseless fear. He hasn't lied about anything, except lying by omission in telling the truth of his contact with me I suppose. When she found his texts to me and Linkedin mails he told her he was in contact with 'someone' he was attracted to. He admitted to her he had feelings for me. Not telling her who I am, he just said it was a former work colleague. That was a few weeks ago and I haven't been in contact much to let the dust settle and give him some space to deal with the situation. I repeat-she had no reason whatsoever to be suspicious or jealous of him prior to the day she found those texts and mail. He did nothing to raise any suspicions and was extremely careful to avoid that, until that one slip up. Why won't people bloody read what I've already written?? Stalking the guy with no reason. Glad I'm not married to you! Divorce... shared custody... etc. Yes, why don't I just click my fingers and make it so eh? I've known him only nearly a year and we've made our feelings known to each other in December last. Divorce takes 4 years at least in this country, even if he got a separation agreement sorted in the morning. I have no intention of waiting 4 years at least to find out how serious he is about me, I can promise you that. The next few months will reveal by his actions what he really wants and I'll take it from there. How well do you know Channing Tatum then? yeah of course, you're totally right, I only know my guy as well as a Hollywood actor I've never met so the two cases are totally comparable. Stop talking nonsense. Married Man is a very good red light yes...if he was happily married. He's not.
Deleted User wrote: » And he is emotionally intimate with you. You have already said that. And you are not married to him. So you are saying he is emotionally unfaithful. So by your definition, he's a...cheater?
Greentopia wrote: » And I wonder why if some of the judgemental responses here are anything to go by?.
Greentopia wrote: » Therefore quite frankly your opinion is irrelevant to me.
Greentopia wrote: » I said for me-as in my relationships-what is important is emotional fidelity.
eternal wrote: » She has been deluded by the man's lies. I'm not saying she is innocent either. I've seen this countless times. Men saying they will leave the wife only for the child blah blah. Nobody should get involved with anyone till they have actually left their partner.
Greentopia wrote: » Oh ok, so I should just ignore people when they post about me? I shouldn't defend myself at all? :rolleyes:
Deleted User wrote: » And that's true. His version. And his wife's version. So what is her side? Could it be anything like "my husband is emotionally unfaithful, wants to leave me, tells other women about our marital problems, tells them to wait"?
Deleted User wrote: » I'm married. I am friends with women. Who offer shoulders to cry on. But I would never ever suggest they wait for a relationship or bad mouth my wife. It's so far beyond the line, it's appalling.
![Photo of [Deleted User]](https://w5.vanillicon.com/v2/5c1c06444977305a5e99f4ce35119320.svg)
